|
Alphabetical List of Titles |
| | | First line |
|---|
| 2003 Dec 10 | "Enough!" Said Old McDonald | Inspiration isn't need - not when you're a pote |
| 2006 Apr 7 | "How Curious!", Quoth The Melancholy Shrike | Engrossed by the maudlin |
| 1997 Nov 22 | "Tomorrowismybirthday" cried Katharine's Wedding | Pile a hailstone on a hailstone |
| 2003 Aug 26 | "You Are Carbon", We Said | The waves are in turmoil, and strike at the rocks |
| 2000 Dec 1 | 'Destiny', Said Chastity, 'Doesn't Fulfil' | Your new line will go here |
| 2006 May 11 | 22 Catheters Soaked By Circumstance | Who could resist |
| 1997 Apr 10 | 23 Babies In Maritime Tryst | Two doggerels, whelped in one litter |
| 2004 Jan 29 | 440 Foursome | Three down redoubled, 1000 away |
| 2003 Sep 16 | 5-7-5 Harmony | Refuge I must seek |
| 2006 Jul 7 | 51 Flavours of Diffusion | So very far from welcome |
| 2002 Feb 7 | 69 Servants | The artichoke eyed the chili pepper with murderous contempt |
| 2000 Sep 3 | Gratia nobis fructus agimus benedicte nisi veniam purpuriens | Spry raindrops against a beercan tinkle |
| 2004 Jan 28 | Hamlet With Fish | My chronic youth would soon speed past |
 | 2000 Jan 18 | A Behavioural Thesis | You giants! You, who from this crag |
| 1999 Apr 16 | A Bergsonian Lullaby For Cats | Cowboy and Chabot are on the go! |
| 2003 Oct 1 | A Challenge To The Juvenile | How many times have you started a line |
| 2003 Sep 24 | A Civilised Child, Lost for Moments | Into the unblinking eyes of children |
| 2002 Nov 6 | A Contest for Castle Custard | The goat came down from the hill-tops |
| 2006 Apr 21 | A Cynical Attitude Toward Roadrunners | Out here in the wasteland |
| 1999 Apr 4 | A Dire Tenderness | Never deny that I warned you |
| 2003 Aug 22 | A Doberman You All Wanted To Know | There was an old maid from Duluth |
| 2003 Aug 15 | A Fine Line Between Endless Cats | On Friday the seventh of May |
| 2000 Jan 4 | A Formal Comeback For The New Millipede | From pyramid to penthouse |
| 2002 Nov 12 | A Fourth Shortcake Detector | Continuous as the sharks that dine |
| 2007 Jan 15 | A Futile Attempt on Parnassus | I meant it as an insult |
| 2003 Jul 24 | A Homerian Epic of Anglicans in Peru | There was an old man from Peru |
| 2003 Sep 4 | A Journey | A big bloke called Gojko the Serb |
| 2003 Oct 13 | A Lacklustre Paragon | Changed the channels 'til my fingers bled |
| 2003 Sep 17 | A Meadowlark Crumbling in Basalt | A costive agent knows too well |
| 2003 Sep 25 | A Melee Mightn't Make My Machinations Musical | To write a good poem several things are required |
| 2004 Mar 8 | A Mile Beyond The World May Be A Maiden | Congealing in a fusty box |
| 2002 Nov 12 | A New Golem School | Your lack of understanding |
| 1997 Nov 4 | A Particularly Contemporary Procedure | Particularly pleasing was the scent of new-mown hay |
| 2001 Sep 26 | A Pleonastic Admirer of Superfluous Nuns | The men in Berlin are terribly thin |
| 2004 Feb 2 | A Plurality Because Of Our Nausea | Let's not forget the little ones |
| 2003 Sep 4 | A Pointy Neck | Why do people stare at me? |
| 2001 Jan 9 | A Prawn Parading | An ant always admires actors |
| 2003 Jul 31 | A Prior Rainbow | Red was the color of my true love's knuckles. |
| 2001 Sep 6 | A Railway Canal | I cycled to the station with fury on my mind |
| 2003 Jun 26 | A Reasonable Religion for Village Greens | Silver and brown were the eaves of the town |
| 2003 Mar 18 | A Relativity Prayer Shawl Thrown Aside | I quaffed nine cups of joe this morn |
| 2003 Sep 2 | A Relief | An uncle, all carbon |
| 2003 Sep 10 | A Romatic Ending | Beth and Lee got hitched in Vegas |
| 2003 Aug 6 | A Round | Higgle-dee piggle-dee pudding and pie |
| 2003 Jul 18 | A Royal Disaster | Indeed the overweening queen |
| 2003 Sep 26 | A Simple Purveyor of Gaffes | Carpe diem, as they say |
| 1997 May 18 | A Snail Keeps Shop | A Case of Riotous Block |
| 2003 Jul 31 | A Story About Her Master's Mustache | It might've been his husky voice |
| 2003 Aug 1 | A Style of Dancing I Remember | Scarlett and Rhett decided to pet |
| 2003 Aug 7 | A Three-Life Exercise | Life is like a coconut |
| 1997 Sep 20 | A Toasted Budgie in my Laxative | This extra leg's a bother |
| 1997 Mar 13 | A Token for Parting | The filing cabinet, the filing cabinet |
| 2003 Jun 24 | A Vagabond Lacking Cunning | "Better", I told him, "you had left your seed unsown" |
| 2001 Jan 23 | A Vain Attempt in English to Accommodate Divers | The hour of innocence, of hopes and dreams |
| 2004 Jun 22 | A Very Lodestone | 'A Fiery Flying Roll', you claim |
| 2002 Nov 1 | A Virgin's Twelve Testicles | Such a vile winter! Warm in nooks |
| 2000 Jan 14 | A Whole Inuit Tooth | Orificial |
| 2004 Jan 7 | A Wishlist For Clambakes | I hear that sluts from Milwaukee |
| 2003 Jun 23 | Abandon Malfeasance, My Cobweb Doctor | You wouldn't want a cobweb |
| 2000 Jan 25 | Abandoned Frightfulness | Consumed by Lust, whose second course |
| 2000 May 1 | Abhorrent Paradises | A silver bird, set in a leaden sky |
| 2002 Jul 29 | Abigail | On Thames' Embankment, bright spring day |
| 2003 Sep 18 | About A Hedgehog | The problem with speaking in verse |
| 2003 Dec 22 | About Buck | What a strange little boy is Timmy John Jones |
| 2006 Feb 16 | Absent White | Rimbaud, Verlaine and absinthe |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Absorbent Syllables | Another year on, the question arises: |
| 2005 Dec 23 | Abundance Throughout Pompeii | In these forests, aroundabout, |
| 2003 Dec 10 | Abuse Of Frequent Positivism | While I was panhandling one bright sunny day |
| 2003 Jul 11 | Accessible Under Hegemony | To thy nobility am I obliged |
| 2003 Apr 18 | Accidents to Unwary Playmates | In the timeless forests of the north |
| 2003 Feb 20 | Acrimony for Unknown Pontiffs | Doctrine of the spiral stair |
| 2000 Jan 31 | Adam's Ballooning Error | Whatever happened to darling Denise? |
| 2004 Aug 30 | Addicts Of Various Dispositions | Wallowing hogs and leaping frogs |
| 2004 May 25 | Adjectives On Steroids | So sullen was he, in his melancholy wistfulness, |
| 2004 Sep 2 | Adrift Beyond Our Reckoning | Three hobbling blondes |
| 2002 Jun 11 | Adventurous Wednesday | Never mind the problem throat |
| 2000 Feb 1 | Advertising Plato | With cogent epigrams |
| 2004 May 27 | After Backward Cause | An adman amiably asserted |
| 2004 Mar 19 | After Lessons | How to explain this shocking situation |
| 2002 Jul 3 | After Misdemeanours | Fang by nature, |
| 2005 Feb 2 | After Reality, Interregnum | She plugged it in, she switched it on |
| 2002 Sep 29 | After the Empire, Nothing New | Cushions – when their time has passed |
| 2003 Jun 17 | Afterglow/Puzzle | The pallid young apprentice |
| 2004 Jun 2 | Afternoon Delight Until Midday | City slickers in the sunlight |
| 2001 Nov 22 | Afternoon Prayers, Being a Master-Class for Emissaries of Torpor | Let's be quick! Their backs are turned |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Again We Raise the Standards of Poetry Crimes Against Humanity | The slate is clean, the ink is fresh |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Against Spelling | Would you care to dance? |
| 2000 Aug 29 | Against Tintin: Yesterday And Today | When Friday rolls eventually around |
| 2002 Nov 12 | Against Wheat-craft | Here, in Glasgow, |
| 2004 Jun 17 | Ages Rush By, Unremarked By Anyone | What shall we do today, my dear, where would you like to go |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Agog at the Freaks | Whatever are you doing, Mr. Trimble? |
| 2003 Sep 29 | Agriculture Good And Bad | In the land where the brain-fart trees grow |
| 1999 Oct 14 | Ahab Still Got Those Almighty Moonshine Blues | All dressed up and nowhere to go |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Air Is Saleable To Those Who Don't Care | Billy Mays here, Folks, to tell you about an incredible new product: |
| 2001 Aug 20 | Airlock, Warlock | The Ministry of Frost |
| 2005 Oct 15 | Airworthy Kitchens | Dross of ages past is ours |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Alas My... | If not for that one "mistake" |
| 2004 Dec 22 | Albatross, Lie Still | How calmly did th olive branch |
| 1997 Mar 18 | Albert Questions The Benighted Cauliflower | What tremor racks my boneless foot? |
| 2002 Oct 3 | Aldershot's Unhappy History of Gardening Compromises | Mine is not a ranicd bun, served steaming on a plate, |
| 2004 Jan 20 | Alexander's Shadow Ring-pull | Take five, my little feathered friends |
| 2003 Jan 2 | Alexandrian Wish Warrior | Upon a star I wished one day |
| 1998 Apr 24 | Alice's Adventures in the Improbability Pie | Alice threw the looking-glass |
| 1997 Nov 25 | Alice's Peculiar Revenge | Alice frowned; all around, leaves were falling to the ground |
| 2003 Jul 30 | Alien Hissy Fit | Aliens squirted mustard in my face |
| 1998 Mar 2 | All Aboard, Airhead! | Wide eyed and innocent, she |
| 1999 Jan 7 | All But There | There's a THERE there all right |
| 2003 Aug 25 | All My Complaints | My battery is draining |
| 2004 Feb 25 | All My Cousins, Surely | Goatish hovels - for the poor? |
| 2004 Feb 3 | All That Blisters | Have more wine and honey, darling, |
| 2006 Mar 20 | All The Benighted Croutons | When choosing the proper wine |
| 2004 Nov 24 | All Things Can Be Overturned In Time | Join the dance, you naiads all, |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Allegory Of Scandinavian Nuptuals | Rubbing out the guide-book |
| 2004 Jan 10 | Allowing Rembrandt His Fish Supper | Between the pilot and the prow |
| 1997 Feb 12 | Almost After Forgotten | Sleepless wretched pacing, red-rivered eyes - glazed, gazing |
| 2000 May 11 | Alone With Another Fool | I'm afraid he is addicted to collaborative verse |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Alphabetically Defined | Anthony Brown caused doubts everywhere |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Alright? | Hey Randy? Are you still up? |
| 2004 Mar 10 | Alternative Will | Tell me Doc - I've got to know |
| 1997 Jan 30 | Although My Testament Lies Steaming | The price of penance is the soul, |
| 2000 Nov 23 | Always Blithering | When ducks and drakes meet late at night |
| 2005 Jun 29 | Always Downfallen | The mood, in Hitler's bunker |
| 2003 Jun 22 | Always One Vane | Foul, foul, foul, this weather's spent |
| 2003 Oct 27 | Always Vainglorious Hootenannies | I bought a little bandersnatch |
| 2003 Oct 31 | Amanda and Her Moose Therapy | I traced the lineage of the Spoon |
| 1998 Dec 11 | Ambush Every Closure | What an opportunity, what a sheer delight! |
| 2004 Jul 18 | America Next Thursday Or Thereabouts | Thou old, unruly turban |
| 2003 Sep 25 | America, Land Where Meiosis Reigns | I've heard that the folks in the U S of A |
| 2005 Feb 15 | Among Beanbags | So tell us, how many times have you |
| 2005 Nov 12 | Amsterdam Transfers | These canals are full of fish?! |
| 2004 Apr 19 | Amulets As Fishcakes | When I went to Inverness |
| 2001 Mar 9 | Amusing-Esoteric | Necromancy doesn't work, my uncle used to say |
| 2003 Oct 1 | An Elliptical Doppelganger | Me and my loneliness; we often talk |
| 1999 Mar 23 | An Entropic Encroachment | As we waited for the bus to mow the wicked postman down |
| 1998 Feb 4 | An Idyllic Situation Ruined By Reed-Buntings | The best man is a tidy one, |
| 2003 Sep 17 | Anarchy Pastilles | When Spoonbill went on the blink |
| 1999 Sep 23 | Anathema or Assonance | A Plutonian plutocracy, a demonized democracy, |
| 2004 Jan 15 | Anatomical Chaps | Vesalius, whose scalpel bright |
| 2007 Mar 29 | Ancestral Portraits: Girl Askance | Ethel had the sharpest wit, |
| 1998 Feb 24 | Ancestral vestiges of tambourine | Show me not your golden purse, |
| 2003 Aug 8 | And And And Whimpering | "It was so kind of you to come! |
| 2003 Jul 28 | And Now Hard Skirts | My love's inclined to wear a hat |
| 2003 Aug 25 | And Then the Next Animal | Ferdinand the Porcupine was quite a prickly fellow |
| 2000 Mar 20 | Angels, Whenever You Cough | Instruction none of us are free |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Animals (Oz) | If I ever had a platypus |
| 2002 Sep 20 | Anniversary Epithets (if any) | August the eighth, Oh August the eighth |
| 2005 Jul 22 | Another Bodleian Peroration Fails | If it hadn't been for the eighteenth green |
| 2003 Jun 17 | Another Darwin | An airworthy albatross alights atop an arch |
| 2002 Aug 24 | Another Hairless Igloo Objects | Replace mine injured planet |
| 2006 Jan 26 | Another Round Of Hand Puppets For Reelection | All is confirmed |
| 1999 May 17 | Anthem of Unfinished Toenails | It's best to smile |
| 2000 May 24 | Anti-Dandruff Cornflakes | A kangaroo I used to know |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Antiproverbial: Aphorisms Redefined | What if one swallow does make a summer? |
| 2002 Feb 22 | Any child can puke Beethoven's last minuet | The trouser-press is waiting for |
| 2003 Oct 17 | Any Compound of Phosphorus | Paradigm of porters' skill |
| 2005 Sep 27 | Any Extreme Prognostication Except | You - a loan - are the Most High! |
| 2003 Oct 17 | Any Old Moth-Eaten Universe | This plethora of pickles |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Anyone Who Whinges Can Go Elsewhere | MORE LIMERICKS! |
| 2003 Oct 24 | Aperitifs to Drink When Meeting Your Maker | The mustard in my lemonade |
| 1997 Feb 6 | Aphorisms for Unseen Swine | A kiss and a cuddle |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Apocalypse (Soon) | A sodium glow smolders in the sky |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Apocalyptic Rumor | I heard this rumor in class today..correct me if I'm wrong: |
| 1997 Apr 26 | Apocope-0Reticule | In my outhouse, far from Tunis |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Apologies To The Stovepipe Baby | You got a smile so sweet, you coulda been drip glucose |
| 2005 Aug 8 | Apparatus For Removing Apparatus | Algorithms for the blind |
| 2002 May 16 | Apparent Crimes | A packet of cheese defies the knife, |
| 2002 Dec 5 | Applause for Melodious Metal | A female, young, of ill repute, |
| 2002 Apr 29 | Apricot Britain | My ice-cream dribbled into the soft earth, as Rachel |
| 2002 Jan 8 | Apsley's Gannet! | When standing on my pantofles |
| 2000 Feb 29 | Apsley's Painful Direction | Arabella Spommit and her shapely cousins three |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Arbitrary Megalomaniacs | I've been lectured again by the stockman |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Arcade Dreams Of My Gamey Youth | Space Invaders often haunt my dreams |
| 2001 Jul 18 | Arctic Charlie | When singing to potatoes, the cowboy always stutters; |
| 2000 Apr 10 | Are Like | If you were an ape, what kind would you be? |
| 2003 Aug 31 | Are You Better? | More haiku you say? |
| 2001 Jun 19 | Are You the Last Paradigm? | In France, there is a little town |
| 2001 Nov 23 | Areas Of Devoid | Chief among the mammals |
| 2000 Nov 25 | Argentina Is Imaginary | Who predates this predator |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Argument Can't | Why should I even try to convince you |
| 2004 Jan 26 | Argument For Exceptions | A new bordello - civic, clean - is what Wisconsin needs |
| 2003 Nov 24 | Arise, False Dawns! | Goliath in the cutlery-drawer |
| 1997 Jan 18 | Arizona's Coptic Rime | Your fossil terrorised our clan |
| 2002 Feb 12 | Armadeep Looked Out | In the Sudan, there lived five men |
| 2003 Jul 1 | Armageddon Horses D'Oeuvres Changes Course | Plague and Pestilence sat down by the fire |
| 1998 Feb 8 | Armpit Discipline | Ice carved by cold hearts, |
| 1998 Mar 13 | Arnold, Waiting | Surely Godot should be here by now, |
| 2003 Aug 13 | Around The You You Tree | I think that I shall never find, a poem as lovely as your behind |
| 2002 Mar 4 | Arquebus (Chaucerian View) | Her basin full of porridge, her stockings eek of holes, |
| 2001 Feb 28 | Arresting the Compositor | Into the cauldron of possibility |
| 2002 Aug 30 | Artem and I | Accipiters offend her by slaying unborn lepus |
| 2004 Jan 22 | Arthur Sucking Cough Drops | Shall I start a new poem or will it get trashed? |
| 2007 Jan 27 | Artisans, Ninepence Or Less | In his ochre jodhpurs |
| 1997 Feb 17 | Artless | Art serves to remind us all, |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Arts Other Than Those I Cherish | A gerbil in a racing car |
| 2005 Mar 26 | As Luck Would Habit | Strange transmissions - from the sun - |
| 2003 Oct 18 | Asphalt Trumps My Ace | I like |
| 2004 May 27 | Aspirated Eyeball, Innit? | It started with a glottal stop |
| 2005 Dec 12 | Aspire To Life | Big fish, tiny pond |
| 2005 Oct 5 | Associations Lend Their Chevrons | Criticism - from the ranks - |
| 2006 Jan 25 | At Equal Intervals | The other day (or was it night?) |
| 1998 Jul 20 | At First Simply Guessing | There was a young lady fron Dar-es-Salaam |
| 2002 Jun 27 | At the Leg-warming Market | Statistically speaking, the cow |
| 2004 Jan 13 | Athens Whose Ruins | What venom lies behind the name |
| 1999 Jun 29 | Atmos the Ferric | Tick Tock...Boing! |
| 2004 Jan 9 | Attempted Assassination During Evensong | Rather than conferring shame |
| 2006 Apr 26 | Attempts At Ironic Posturing | My bunny lies over the ocean |
| 2001 Dec 30 | Attempts To Separate Meniscus from Surface | Our lady of Sligo |
| 2004 Apr 1 | Attention: Recurring Decimal | Poor Jones got hanged - and yet I know 'twas |
| 2004 May 28 | Attraction Determined By Inquest | He took her down a leafy lane |
| 2003 Jan 29 | Autocratic Penitent | Sailing down the seventh stream |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Autumn, Aimless, Now Upon Us | Haiku with me please |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Avoid Big Pies | I once knew a Heywood Jablome |
| 2003 Oct 20 | Avoid Our Stranded Cactus | Dreaming of a potted snipe |
| 2004 Jan 3 | Avoid The Dossier | This page is discontinued |
| 2003 Nov 21 | Avoidance Of Outrageous Aphorisms | There was an old man, Mr. Tucker |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Await the Perilous | Remember, if you feel the urge to speak |
| 2003 Jun 21 | Awakening the Aluminum Jetsam | A paper, a line, a bubble, a tin |
| 2004 Mar 12 | Away Game Voyeurism | People are bloody ignorant apes! |
| 2000 May 17 | Awkwardnesses Committed Unknowingly By Archangels On Speed | My mind's eye, all in sepia |
| 2000 Jul 27 | B-Flat Tonsils | Down in New York City is a craze that's hit the streets |
| 2005 Jan 15 | Backstabbing So-called Chums | I'll never again, see my ex-pal Len |
| 2000 Apr 12 | Bacon Vortex | I woke to find the world undone |
| 2004 Jun 3 | Bailiff Only Because | Beyond the reach of kettle-leads |
| 2004 Mar 5 | Balderdash Brevity | Here's an ode to hogwash - to tripe and pure baloney |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Ballad of Vermillion Dances | Could I borrow just a minute of your time? |
| 2004 Jan 30 | Balletic Tropism | The crutch on which you make your way |
| 2001 Nov 5 | Balsamic Bus | From Russell Square to Holborn |
| 2004 Feb 10 | Baltic Bang | Do not go gently into that goodnight |
| 1999 Sep 28 | Banana Wapentakes | How hairy is my nose, do you suppose? |
| 2000 Jun 1 | Bangles in Temptation | As the bland computer whines |
| 2004 May 29 | Banished From Man's Ears | To cudgel, to cajole |
| 2000 Jan 14 | Barbecue Sores | Folded like a deck-chair |
| 2004 Jan 30 | Baroness Buttercup | Oh, innocents, listen in time |
| 2001 Oct 31 | Bartók's Drawing-Room | In a dream, I bit off my boss's leg |
| 2003 Dec 9 | Bashful Statements Of Statehood | The denizens of Alabama |
| 1997 Apr 15 | Bathroom Psychodrama | Pale in her Siamese twin-set |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Batman and Gawain (The Quest) | Now, hearken, I'll tell you the tale |
| 2004 Apr 26 | Bayonets Programmed To Twirl | Scarcely welcome though she was |
| 2003 Sep 21 | Beaming Constipation | You can choose to conform, you can choose to rebel |
| 2004 Apr 15 | Beard Recognitions | Friends reunited |
| 2004 Jan 24 | Beaten Fluffy | I took my bitch to get her shaved on Park Lane yesterday |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Beatles Stew | When I get to the bottom, I go back to the top |
| 2002 Sep 24 | Because Bane Barks | Outside the gates of Norwich |
| 2000 Mar 15 | Because Foam Canisters Iridesce | She cries, that's all she ever does |
| 2004 Mar 16 | Because I Am Seesawing | "Why do you carry hamsters in your pockets?" demanded Mrs. Pringle |
| 2002 Dec 24 | Because I've Died Peacefully Enough | A pint of Scruttock's in my hand |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Because the Orchestral Are Orchestral | Flutes are mainly known by their ability |
| 2002 Jan 16 | Beckettt's Crispy Pacific Noodles | 'The stratosphere is not so near,' |
| 1998 Jun 30 | Bedazzled by Our Daphne's Pebbledash | Flying at thirty-eight times the speed of sound |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Bedevil The Faithful | What's that in your pants? Is it something to eat? |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Beep List | List of Chores |
| 2004 Jul 19 | Beep Road | My dear, have you lost your panache? |
| 2003 Sep 7 | Beer Gods | Thou still unopen'd flask of liquor, |
| 2000 Nov 3 | Bees Hover Like Bees | Never, in the field behind the gasworks |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Bees' Buttocks | Whirring dials and blinking lights |
| 2004 Mar 22 | Before Cows Were Chic | They say you're no good |
| 2007 Mar 1 | Before More Nuns Knew Lisaveta Pilchard | Tirades against The Steady State |
| 2005 Apr 28 | Before She Uttered | hiiiiiiiii |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Begging for Wink | Every letter I have sent you |
| 2002 Apr 24 | Begone! Said The League of Ostriches | When first I woke upon this day, |
| 2002 Aug 6 | Behind Beelzebub's Backyard | 'Make mine mink,' said the Minotaur |
| 2001 Dec 23 | Behind Bermondsey Bridge | Butterfingers Battersea |
| 1998 Jul 21 | Behind Every Grimacing Badger... | Kropotkin claimed that all he saw |
| 2001 Dec 12 | Behold Our Anglican Remainders | Chief among the mammals |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Belief Now! | For all of you that don't believe in unicorns |
| 2004 Jul 9 | Believe What You Will But Doubt Nothing Excepting Yourself | Little boys with little toys |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Bells, Time Of | The bells of contrariness |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Bemused | How blithely do the crackerjacks |
| 1999 Oct 23 | Beneath the Dismembering Sky | When Ethelred beheld the axolotl |
| 1998 May 9 | Benedict the Monstrous Toadstool | Behind each King or potentate |
| 2004 Jan 24 | Benedictine Evening Dresses | Poetic mis'ry in a name? |
| 2002 Jan 14 | Benign Impostures | This egg, which sank in mercury, |
| 2002 Dec 2 | Bereft Between Widows | My love is like a red, red snapper |
| 2005 Mar 28 | Bertrand Of Nimes In Anguish | Halitosis hit me as he cut my hair |
| 2002 Jul 18 | Beside the Derelict Hat-stand | When Granny comes for tea and cake |
| 2003 Jun 16 | Bespoke Chutney for Biggles | Smooth eucalyptus, resinous aura |
| 2004 Jan 4 | Betokening Bitterness | Love, shmov--I'm jaded now |
| 2004 May 13 | Better Lettuce Forthcoming | As the orders start to dry |
| 1998 Aug 10 | Beyond Anatomical Possibilities | If, halfway down the basement stairs, |
| 2000 Nov 12 | Beyond Any Logic | In autumn-time, a small spittoon |
| 2003 Jan 25 | Beyond Bursting-Point | I walk a mile each day before my tea |
| 2004 Mar 12 | Beyond Her Final Finery | Mow the news is out |
| 1998 Mar 31 | Beyond Homespun | 'It is with most intense regret |
| 2006 Jun 25 | Beyond The Twelfth Night Service Desk | The faded lilies by the wall |
| 2004 Aug 20 | Biblical Sheep-dip Nonsense | No more strumpets, |
| 2003 Dec 11 | Biblical Soundbites | The Tower of Babel, good sir |
| 2000 Jan 30 | Big Custard | Warm in nutritious mulch, we germinate, |
| 2000 Feb 12 | Big Man Devours Helicopter's Emptiness | I made a little omelette with a single serpent's egg |
| 2002 Dec 12 | Big Orchids In Dead Marriage | My dove, Suzette, she lays in wait |
| 2002 May 1 | Big, Dangerous Camel | A feather riding high upon a wave of breeze |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Billboards, Numbers, and the Signs for Heaven | There once was a poet of note |
| 1999 Nov 16 | Billericay notwithstanding ... | Thus it remains, and the remainder thus |
| 2001 Apr 24 | Billiards, or Might My Love Be Undying? | Bianca grabbed me by the throat, and said I was a little stoat: |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Bingled | While surfing on the web one day |
| 2000 Feb 15 | Binyon County: The Defective Kite | Who remembers me, Lieutenant Aubergine? |
| 2001 Aug 13 | Biography | Helena was born in a pub |
| 2003 Nov 9 | Bird Authors' Noble Claims | This poem was written by Walter Raleigh |
| 2001 Feb 3 | Birds - So? | Those onomatopoeic words |
| 2000 Aug 14 | Birthdays Passed Without Mints | August presence or August presents, what will be thy choice? |
| 2003 Dec 10 | Biscuitry In Clean Sheets | Mine was only mortar |
| 2005 Jul 27 | Bismuth Bill Again | Incursions 4, Evasions 5 |
| 2004 Sep 8 | Bite-sized Granules Of Compassionate Crunchiness | I think she may be going mad |
| 2004 Jun 27 | Blackbird Singing With Bluebeard | With 'action' just another word |
| 1999 Mar 8 | Blamirog's Prophetic Landfall | Blamirog was wondering about the Blessed Isle |
| 2003 Oct 14 | Blamobilog's Last Return | A vessel most unfit for sea |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Blasted Poets | 102 poems in just over a week - do none of you sleep? I'm ready to weep |
| 2004 Jan 20 | Bleak Housing | Ten to a bed, the children slept |
| 1999 Feb 11 | Blemishes | I never saw a clean sweep |
| 2004 Jul 29 | Bless This Horse With Greatness | The Gryphon, on his rival page |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Blessed are the Circular | Blessed are the spoonbillers |
| 1999 Oct 11 | Blessed, Blessed, this Momenteum of the Morning | I told him that he shouldn't hoard the family's only Oiuja board |
| 2003 Nov 24 | Blessings Aplenty For Apsley | God speed to you, fair travellers all |
| 2005 May 3 | Blimey, Guv | Dear, pour me out a single cup of tea, |
| 1998 Sep 29 | Bliss on Cusp | He met her in a French cafe... |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Bloodthirsty Tales And Unseen Lemons | I feel I must indulge in certain vices |
| 2004 Sep 4 | Blossom On Most Wintry Afternoons | How blistering your prose, how Jovian your style |
| 1996 Nov 12 | Blow-torch Conquests | Neither of the archetypes was very much in vogue |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Bluebells for Another Day | Behold the poet, in her shack! |
| 2003 Nov 23 | Boating Pleasures | We went to sea in a gravy boat one gray autumnal day |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Bodies | Her nipples were quite octagonal |
| 2003 Dec 5 | Bondage Followed Swiftly By Kickings | One misty, moisty morning, when cloudy was the weather |
| 2003 Dec 5 | Boohoo Hoodoo | How sad that ode was ended--and why I want to know? |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Boot Cramp Without Due Cause | Be loyal to your captain, soldier: he was once a man like you |
| 2004 Jan 23 | Bootblack Hatrack Knickknack | There are so many words that rhyme with "whack": |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Boots of Silly Leather | Silly Sally from the valley liked to dilly dally |
| 2006 Feb 10 | Boots Were Made Before Souls | A basement, and a base intrigue |
| 2004 Feb 4 | Borders For Uncle Monk | 'Quite a clump,' he summarised |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Bored Magnolia | What kind of tree would you most like to be? |
| 2005 Jan 16 | Boredom City | Sherbert, not Opopanax |
| 1998 Feb 17 | Borrowing Twilight | Come, Luggage! There's a curious world I'm longing to explore |
| 2000 Mar 16 | Bosworth: An Ode | When cuttlefishes congregate |
| 1999 Dec 16 | Bothering Without Etiquette | Give me back my luncheon-meat! |
| 1999 Nov 26 | Bottle Up | Spoons are the one thing God forgot |
| 2000 Feb 8 | Bottomless Yachting | A plethora of penguins is rarely to be found |
| 2003 Dec 13 | Boutiques Full Of Festive Knick-knacks | Greensleeves and wassail, angels galore |
| 2003 Oct 1 | Bowling Nearby Stones | Stepping through a wall of mirrors |
| 2000 Jun 14 | Bragging About Semi-colons | If only |
| 1999 Jan 7 | Brain Pump Outlet | Louder than a hill of cheese |
| 2006 Mar 30 | Bread-van Impasse | Reptilinear |
| 1997 Dec 9 | Breakfasting Traditionally | An arbitrary asp might say, |
| 2003 Nov 26 | Breaking The Law Of Thermodynamics | I know the Spoonbill secret |
| 2003 Sep 7 | Brian is There | There was a young maiden from Nome |
| 2003 Jul 30 | Brian's Life of Impostion | Hierarchs with open mouths |
| 2000 Nov 6 | Bribes Inspire Returning MPs to Define Themselves as Caterpillars | Costorphine was a Cuttlefish |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Brie Tabula | The page is blank |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Brief Glimpses of Aqua Nova | While cycling through the clouds one day |
| 2004 Apr 14 | Brief Lives Last Sunday | People from Purley like getting up early |
| 2004 Apr 24 | Brigade Of Billabongs | In conclusion, Speckled Jim |
| 2002 Nov 21 | Britney's in Purdah | When poets strive against the muse |
| 2003 Mar 20 | Broken SmARTISTS | It be not hard to speaketh like the Bard |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Brooding Night | The night is a ladyOf no uncertain temperament |
| 2001 Jan 8 | Brothers in Canberra | The kangaroos are at the aquarium? |
| 2001 Sep 6 | Browsing Police | When to the summons I brought my fist |
| 2001 Dec 19 | Brute Pesto Lollipop (Intolerance) | The gate is torn asunder there |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Bubblegum and Scrabble | Lollipops and bubblegum, jujubes and dots |
| 1998 Mar 23 | Buns | Andante, my love, for we've hours a-plenty |
| 2004 Aug 9 | Buns Beyond Sunset | Breathlessly, you claim to be |
| 1999 Nov 18 | Bunuel, Masterly Engineer | I skipped among the parsley beds |
| 2004 Apr 2 | Bureaucracy Marks The Pedestrians | If filling in forms engenders dismay, tick box 'A' |
| 2003 Nov 21 | Burns With Mayflowers Downstream | My love is like a red, red nose |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Bus Baby Boop | I went down to the bus station to meet my baby |
| 2004 Apr 15 | Businessman In Loose Flannels | Watch out for my claim |
| 2000 May 7 | Businessmen Halting Overhead | Give me some glue in pot coloured blue |
| 2003 Aug 22 | But a Pizza Means the End of Thunderstorms | MORE GOOFY HAIKUS |
| 1997 Dec 12 | But Actually... | Although you're tall, and gifted |
| 2003 Aug 23 | But For a Novice | Matilda tolled the churchyard bell |
| 2003 Jul 24 | But for the Headaches | You may think that it's time for a rhyme |
| 2004 Sep 19 | But For Us And Them | Call me a quack |
| 2000 Jun 26 | Butcher's Lament On Nothing | What sort of dog is this? I hear you ask |
| 2003 Sep 9 | Butter Belly Fanclub | Neglecting the home repairs I couldn't do last winter |
| 2002 Sep 28 | By Any Drowned Pavilion | Guacamole, whose brindled haunch |
| 2002 Mar 25 | Cacophonic, Electric, Adamant | 'Craddock's Cat Biscuits are finer by far!', the radio blared |
| 2003 Jul 22 | Cactus Ants | Ants are smart, oh they're smart, oh they think they're so smart |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Cactus Mothering | The lawn was laid |
| 2002 Apr 11 | Caesar and the Suprise Chicken | When no Esquimau obtains |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Calculating Between | The calculator is calculating its own lifespan |
| 2001 Oct 23 | Calf-Length Flight-Bone Prospects | Gilded by an autumn sun |
| 2004 May 18 | Calling For A Funicular Tramway Service | While strutting through the quicksand |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Camelot - an Ongoing Investigation | Long, long ago, in Camelot |
| 2004 Aug 31 | Campaigns Begin Like Bladders | The politican declaimed and avowed |
| 2006 Sep 2 | Can Chewing | To sit with you at sunrise |
| 1997 Sep 8 | Can poignant rubbish be reliable? | This is the way the lady rides |
| 2004 Apr 2 | Canine Bearing | Despite this aberration, sir |
| 1999 Apr 20 | Canterbury Nemesis | Petulant pilgrims don't like to eat rope |
| 2001 Dec 18 | Cap in Handsworth | The Crossbow, famed in Chinese tales |
| 2003 Oct 4 | Captain Correction | The sky is blue and so are you |
| 2003 Nov 16 | Captain Of My Land | Happy ever after? Well, at least until that day |
| 2001 Feb 27 | Captain Scott's Implosion | At dawn we slew another pig |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Car with Contrast Fetish | When young and old, the old and new |
| 2005 Sep 21 | Caramel Christmas | In this wise, the King of Thebes |
| 1998 Mar 15 | Caramel Cribbage-Board | Keeping pace on cobbled lanes, |
| 2003 Jun 17 | Caramelised Jamboree Bags | Bedevilled by mosquitoes |
| 2004 May 7 | Carbohydrate Counts Against Each Mouthful | The problem of a bee city |
| 1997 Jun 9 | Carbon Pump City | The never-ending cycle of the wars 'twixt good and ill |
| 2003 Dec 9 | Carbuncle City From My Window | Erotic gherkin, looming in the dusk |
| 2004 Oct 12 | Cardigan Wildlife Artists | When chatty foils reappear |
| 2004 Mar 25 | Cardinal In Error | A pepperoni sandwich from the Pope |
| 2003 Apr 17 | Carefulness Begets Sincerity | A poem's frail corpse is like a tree |
| 1998 Oct 24 | Caroline Rembrandt Remembered Backwards | Buckets of mud and acres of slime are all that I need |
| 2002 Aug 7 | Carp of a Thousand Drums | Exactly how surreal do you fish? |
| 2004 Aug 26 | Carry No Weightlifters Aloft | When shopping for a pachyderm |
| 2001 Sep 24 | Cartwright's Innocence Unleashed | Along the mute canal |
| 2003 Sep 13 | Cash Elegy | Let us praise a country maestro: Johnny Cash |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Cash Me | How dear of you to send me cash |
| 2004 Feb 3 | Caspar Caged | A puma won't return the gaze of Rilke |
| 2002 Dec 31 | CaTacLySm | i SPEAK in CAPITALS quasi-random |
| 2004 May 29 | Cautionary Tales For Young Hotshots | How many times must I tell you? |
| 2000 May 30 | Cautiously Urging, Redundantly Purging | If my ardour flickers |
| 2003 Sep 21 | Ceaseless Efforts Conquer | I have not the courage to conquer life |
| 2002 Oct 29 | Cedric the Waitress | A notorious threnody pleases |
| 1999 Jun 5 | Celibate Coinage in Whitechapel Lane | Poem composition is a task the world adores |
| 2000 Jan 18 | Cement Listlessly Poured Upon An Impostor | When Thoth was King of Bermondsey |
| 1999 Mar 20 | Cessations in Cocktail-Waitressing | Catastrophe has happened on a scale that Pride forbids |
| 2006 Mar 6 | Chance Coupling Without The Responsibility | Massive friction, from her waist, |
| 2004 Aug 30 | Channel The Avuncular | My Uncle says, "The weasel never sings." |
| 2002 Oct 10 | Chaos Theory Disproved | Carp for breakfast, hake for tea: |
| 2005 Sep 19 | Charity Enough For Now | Action is as action does |
| 2004 Sep 10 | Cheery Thoughts About Society | Biting on a leaden shell, I contemplate my doom |
| 2002 Aug 2 | Cheese Isn't For Funny Ladies | Penumbral vision |
| 2004 Jan 25 | Cheese Pistons Of All Ages | What is this evil in our midst? |
| 1998 Jul 4 | Cheeseboard Dusk | The Books of Heaven opened, the pages to their destinations flying! |
| 2003 Oct 7 | Cheesecake Factory Tour | Cheer up, here's Mister Milk |
| 1999 Jan 5 | Cherubic Implant in My Succubus | Lazy day, bowl o' porridge before me |
| 2004 Apr 19 | Chesse-topped Minstrels | This diversion - to the moon! - |
| 2003 Sep 1 | Chipping Proverbs | A French kiss from the Blarney Stone |
| 2004 Jun 21 | Chirping By Other Means | Yeast admixed with poisoned brine |
| 2002 Dec 15 | Chocolate Elvis During Sessions | Oh! My sombrero is the finest, |
| 2003 Sep 6 | Christmas Eggs (Sorry) | The lesser spotted Spoonbill |
| 2003 Jul 9 | Chronic Sparrows of Pathology | Anthrax! Anthrax! cried Frau Schmetterling |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Chutney Feathers | Without my knife and apron, |
| 1997 Jan 3 | Chutney, the Ragtime Crab | I sighed for the feel of formica |
| 2004 May 24 | Circus Accountants | Dreary, dreary dogs |
| 2003 Jul 1 | Cities | In Seville, bitter oranges grow ripe in the sun |
| 2002 Nov 15 | Civic Pyjamas Akimbo | While editing the alphabet |
| 2004 Feb 22 | Clandestine Openings Like That | Meet me in the arboretum |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Classes Unusual In School Environs | 'Medićval frolics in the gym?', the porter queried, |
| 1999 Dec 16 | Claudius Jointless, Claudius Pointless | The other day I found a paper clip |
| 2003 Aug 3 | Cleaning the Little Weasels | Where have all the guppies gone? |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Clerihews Are More Fun Than Sex | Charles, the Prince of Wales |
| 2006 May 15 | Cliches But No Answer | If brevity's the soul of wit, |
| 2004 Jan 6 | Clichés Usually Reserved For Sensitive Souls | The winter sun broke through the trees, to shine upon the meadow |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Clique That Promises Exploitation | Candidates Promises |
| 2006 Jan 4 | Clockwork Catechism | You say 'tornado' |
| 2001 Nov 8 | Clothes Pegs | For a man of the cloth |
| 2000 Jan 13 | Cloudier Mystery | Gad-about Gertrude, there she gapes |
| 1999 Jan 5 | Clouds In Angelic Underclothing | Swing down sweet cherubs and lie with me |
| 2004 Oct 22 | Clucking Behind The Bicycle Sheds | Charlie the cheerful chicken |
| 2007 Feb 15 | Clumps and Wisps | Orthodontists wrecked my life |
| 1997 Nov 28 | Clustering (Algorithm Played on a Gumby) | Between the barns, half-buried |
| 2003 Nov 10 | Cluttered Nemesis | Clutch as clutch can |
| 1998 Nov 23 | Coat-Hanger Equity | Scorn these still-born architects |
| 2004 Jan 3 | Cocker Mouthwash | A pot of glue left me unstuck |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Cocksure | There's halfcock and moorcock |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Cocksure Wills | I dare the wind to blow contrary to my whim |
| 2003 Oct 7 | Coffee On My Yardstick | Coffee grounds in the sink, the drain webbed with hair |
| 2003 Dec 4 | Cogito Ergo Pogo | Ergonomic chairs and beds are presently on sale |
| 2003 Sep 17 | Cold Boff in Freedom | However shall the cold night envade, |
| 1999 Mar 1 | Colditz Rhythm | Hellespont and Hecuba were walking down the street |
| 2004 Mar 19 | Collaborating, Supposedly | To polevault, or to stay in bed? |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Collaboration Is Not Essential | The men and women came, from far across the land |
| 2003 Dec 1 | Collisions | Listen, my children, and you shall hear |
| 2002 May 15 | Colonels Crooning to Their Dowagers | To bridge the gap 'twixt man and machine |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Colours | Red, green, purple, brown |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Coma Compasses | A new indictment for the meek |
| 2003 Jul 22 | Comeuppance to Astroturf | I always knew that I'd be back |
| 2003 Jan 12 | Commentary Arising From My Previous Uncials | Another riposte |
| 2004 Oct 17 | Compensation By Degrees | Strange transmissions, Norah says, |
| 2006 Jun 14 | Complicated Whimper | When cloning pigs or kangaroos |
| 2004 Feb 17 | Composers In The Ground | Just say "Baroque" and choral hymns |
| 2002 Jun 30 | Compromises | I ponder what I dare not do, |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Compulsive Fondling By Men Of Gentility | She checked its lock a dozen times |
| 2004 Feb 5 | Concealed In Plain Leather | Of all the nights I've spent abroad |
| 2001 Apr 20 | Conception By Maidens (Anchovie's Verses) | How long will you be up there? |
| 2006 Jun 13 | Concerto For Nobody And Drum | When the new one comes out |
| 2002 Oct 1 | Conference for Solo Banjo | I sent a parcel trhough the post? |
| 2003 Jul 22 | Confessions, Truly | To dear Mrs Hoopledon, I hope you're feeling better |
| 1998 May 30 | Confusion Excuses This Apparently Plotless Fiasco | The night this narrative began |
| 1998 Jan 30 | Conical Catharsis | A parent who neglects the tasks |
| 2001 Mar 25 | Conquer the Bandits of Love! | Remembrance is a form of rhubarb |
| 2003 Sep 29 | Consciousness for Peptides | What will they think of next, those clever clever men |
| 2003 Nov 12 | Consequences | There once was a curious cat |
| 2003 Jun 23 | Considering Its Woodpigeons | Dial 'Clockwork' for disturbance |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Contactual Precautions and Unbecoming Curses | You must, when adding cream to recipes |
| 2003 Aug 28 | Contemplate the Stuff | Let the sun shine in! Or let it rain. |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Contempt For Moustaches | When nightfall arrives with a purplish glow |
| 1999 Jan 28 | Continental Head | Time and again I'm obliged to remark |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Contrary Mutant | So here begins a brand new tale |
| 2003 Feb 7 | Control of Our Feet in Darkness | Moonlight softened the angry lines |
| 2001 Oct 12 | Conversely | Today, when none was ever born |
| 2003 Oct 22 | Cooper's Atomic Dogmeal | Inside this barrel - don't you know? - |
| 1999 Nov 17 | Corking the Windswept Wolves | When I consider ............ no, I can't go on |
| 2000 Mar 3 | Corporeal Longings: The Carrot Stick Of Appearances | The sun sinks slowly into the sea, or so it seems. |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Cosmos Twirls | Your new line will go here |
| 1996 Nov 1 | Cost-effective Starlight | There is room for two legs in my trousers |
| 2003 Sep 18 | Courage, John! | Ray Harryhausen, in the days before attaining fame, |
| 2000 Jun 8 | Courtly Like The Dancing Cobra | My brides lined up in order |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Cow Ending | You do not moo, you do not moo |
| 2004 Aug 13 | Crabbily Dressed For Dancing Partners | To scuttle through the shallows with my claws stretched wide |
| 2006 Aug 3 | Craig Levy, Moorhen | Now if six turned out to be nine |
| 2003 Jun 5 | Creases Rectified by Art | Steeped in the grime of ages |
| 2004 Oct 5 | Credible Safe Kill Factor | Virus warfare for our times |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Cremated For Bystanders | Alan Aardvark ate apples |
| 1999 Feb 8 | Crepuscular Creation | I was excreted through a pore |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Crewcuts And Clangers | Gus Grissom ... wasn't he the one |
| 2006 Aug 31 | Cried The Idyll | Be not so blue, my dainty dove, |
| 2002 May 8 | Criminals in Poltics | The Captain rode to Hampton Court |
| 2004 Sep 28 | Criterion For Studiousness In Death | It was a very shambles |
| 2005 Jul 8 | Crop Circling Gear | To view this page as Scratch'n'Sniff |
| 2003 Apr 30 | Cross-talk Knavery | By way of insulation |
| 2003 Sep 5 | Cruella Knew Every Hamster | I once knew a shipless Magellan |
| 2005 Sep 3 | Crustaceans In Error | To wait upon the late express |
| 1997 Jun 28 | Cry the Narcotic Laundry | I dreamed a quaint equation |
| 2004 Feb 19 | Crybaby Number Nine (1967) | The lonely hearts in Sgt. Pepper's Band |
| 2002 Jan 31 | Crying Again | Don't give me your usual whinge! |
| 1999 Feb 21 | Crystal All Along | Dying in Luxor with the Spoonbill chill |
| 2005 Nov 13 | Cufflinks Fascinate Nobody Except Rasputin | Gone from here, by twenty leagues, |
| 2004 Sep 7 | Culinary Experts Seldom Agree | Add some resin to the pulp, and deftly stir: |
| 2001 Oct 5 | Culling Ear-Trumpets by the Ganges | When Nylon paves the way for silk |
| 2000 Oct 30 | Cullington's Theorem | There, dancing on my cranium |
| 2003 Nov 10 | Cult Irregularities | The Underbelly Cult |
| 2005 Mar 31 | Cultural Divides | I watched a ritual of the Baluchistanis; |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Cummerbunds Will Fall (2004) | Predictions for the Coming Year |
| 2003 Aug 27 | Cupcakes For Jesus | So many Herberts with which to contend |
| 2003 Sep 10 | Curse Me, Fungus! | The Eskimo, my paramour |
| 2005 Feb 28 | Custard Pied Wagtail | Gurgling free |
| 2004 Mar 18 | Custom Paintwork Jobs | Good citizens, attend this moral tale |
| 2004 Jun 24 | Cutlery At Noon | Silent in the dinner-queue |
| 2001 Nov 5 | Cutlery Tissues | Is it a bug or a feature? |
| 2002 May 8 | Cuttlebone Sandwiches | Giants, in their tiny way, |
| 1999 Jan 11 | Cyber-Pogrom | Give me a goat and a piece of old rope and I walk right along to the fair |
| 2005 Jan 4 | Cycling Behind The Traces | Coded in the final hour |
| 2001 Sep 28 | Dagenham Cakeshop | Tie me to the lamp-post with a silken thread |
| 2007 Mar 16 | Daily Porkish | Pork, to sample - on a spoon |
| 2002 Oct 29 | Dali's Baby Next Time | The vandal! I dread |
| 2001 Jun 6 | Dali's Uncle's Duckpond of Filth | In an old ball of string |
| 2003 Oct 7 | Dancing JCB | Let's build a mountain |
| 2000 Feb 13 | Dancing Peculiar | My dear Professor, listen |
| 2003 Oct 9 | Dancing the Inevitable | Why must you dance the lambada? |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Dangerous Dancing Sensations | Who goes there? I hear your steps |
| 2004 Feb 13 | Dangerously We Fly | "What is your destination, child? |
| 2004 Jul 2 | Danish Polka | Bruno's head, a perfect sphere |
| 2002 Jul 26 | Dark of Wanton | Know how the filbert leaps |
| 2003 Oct 16 | Darling Little Orphans | When Uncle Roland came to stay |
| 2004 Jul 29 | Dating Twilight Gals | Pogonophores and Dubliners |
| 2001 Sep 22 | Daydream | Particularly pleasing was the scent of new-cropped straw |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Dead Sticks | Sticks and stones may break my bones |
| 2003 Mar 7 | Dead, Undone, Unmeasured | Naked, dripping, loins all soap and tension, I rise from the bath |
| 2004 Jun 24 | Deaf Though They Be Dubbed | Behold the spineless fossil |
| 2006 Jun 27 | Death Again | This mausoleum, filled with Zinc, |
| 2003 Oct 19 | Death is What the Cliché Will | Violets are blue |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Death, Shrug Off the Useless Punctuation | Cholera, my only friend |
| 1999 Aug 17 | Deathrow Welshmen Sometimes Tick | Has time stopped? |
| 2005 Jan 16 | Deatiny Shaped By Simpletons | State of action: quite inert |
| 2003 Nov 8 | Debauchery, Alcohol, And Nothing Left | There appears to be much merriment tonight |
| 2006 Feb 25 | Decorated With Hasty Stitches | Not another nugget |
| 2003 Oct 13 | Deep-Fried Nostalgia | Up your nose with a rubber hose |
| 2002 Nov 12 | Defeated by Professors of Usurpation | One escalator, one canoe: |
| 2004 Jul 1 | Defenestrating Our Noisome Entertainers | Beckham, Rooney, Owen and Scholes |
| 2002 Feb 5 | Defy the Hoariest Blanket | Savage is as savage does |
| 2001 Sep 3 | Delirium's Retchings | The rapid history becomes a page unturned |
| 2003 Oct 27 | Delusions are my Family | I love you because |
| 2006 Sep 20 | Demanding Chocolate Money Back | While others stand empty |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Denied Dreams | The long body-swept grass |
| 2001 Sep 12 | Dense, Dense, Dense, Dense | Celebrate good times? |
| 2004 Oct 25 | Departures In Disarray | Sophistry, for those who wait, |
| 2000 Dec 19 | Deserts East of Harwich | Living in a dream |
| 2007 Feb 18 | Desire It | Whatever we choose |
| 2004 May 28 | Desist, Whoreson Knave, Lest Great Cudgellings Befall Thee | To count the rings of Saturn |
| 2005 Apr 21 | Despatched Again | I have a little creature |
| 2005 Feb 11 | Desperate Kippers | Just a tingling kind of pain |
| 2004 Jan 20 | Despite Differences In Our Neckties | Judicious pruning - of a bush - |
| 2004 Jan 7 | Despite Themselves | Captain Mesmer brought me 'round |
| 2003 Dec 8 | Destiny In Pounds | Excuse me, darling, have you put on some weight? |
| 2004 Feb 4 | Destiny For My King Of Hastings | One day, while I was walking |
| 2002 Apr 18 | Detonated Milk-bottle | Disorder met confusion |
| 2005 Sep 1 | Detonating Error | A small explosion |
| 2004 Jan 8 | Devoured By Trousers | Shut tight as a clam, not to be pried by any mere woman |
| 1997 May 29 | Devout Epic On A Tiresome Champion | How ponderous, how ponderous |
| 2002 Jan 17 | Dewdrop Whack, Martini Later... | The blancmange spoke, in rhyming couplets, |
| 1997 Jan 31 | Diagnostic Encomium | Oh! How I hate his leaking bladder! |
| 2002 Jan 8 | Diaspora With Noodles | Now is the time for Algood men |
| 2004 Sep 2 | Dice In The Ovens Of Rheims | The early bird, that gets the lion's share |
| 2004 Dec 14 | Dickens Saith | "A pox upon thee, wretched cur!" |
| 2003 Nov 15 | Dictionary, You Mean | Poetry: in voice, a first! |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Diesel Pass | When you see me, pass me by |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Difficult Times | Versify where you are able |
| 2004 Mar 3 | Diffused By Brilliant Clouds | I wandered lonely as a nerd |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Dig it, Bonobos | Fried mice and ferret stew |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Digging Around The Graveyard | For once a poem with no drawn-out themes |
| 2003 Oct 20 | Dignity for Sixty Six Possible Consonants | 'Twas on the 8th of August that the taxman came to call |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Dimmer Switch Haikus | Compounded, as an alloy |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Disaster and Cheek | 'This watch you sold me for a pig - |
| 2003 Nov 3 | Disaster Contest | Archaic persons, flummoxed |
| 2004 Jul 19 | Disco Infernal | Annie Lennox drove my car |
| 2007 Mar 6 | Discovered in Ramsey | String in pieces, string combined, |
| 2000 Mar 20 | Discredited in Birmingham | Your bland mosaics, weak and pale |
| 2003 Oct 19 | Disease Me | When one would look into your eye |
| 2003 Nov 23 | Disembodied Stuff | Dispense with this vulgarity! |
| 2003 Sep 25 | Disoriented | And now I leave this lunchtime land |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Disregard | Oh how I loathe thee, let me count the ways |
| 2004 Aug 11 | Distant Fashion | The tram that passed the Opera |
| 2006 Jun 22 | Distressing | Basingstoke is mentioned in Henry 4 Part 2 |
| 2001 Oct 16 | Disused Mouse | Teal creeps |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Do Bubba Nano | Jazz, pizzazz, and razzmatazz |
| 2002 Dec 9 | Documentary Highlight | In the depths of Epping town |
| 2003 Nov 29 | Dodgy Flaps | Too gracious for a moonlight flit |
| 2003 Nov 12 | Does Anybody Else Think That We Aren't Seeing Much? | The paupers, intimiate with secrets of the court, |
| 2003 Jul 30 | Dog Life Dance | There once was a dog named Mollie |
| 2005 Feb 28 | Dog-biscuit Dunking | I paid for all this road myself |
| 2000 Mar 29 | Doglike Doings | I remember Folkestone in December |
| 2000 Jan 4 | Dome Settling Dimly | A thousand years and each one gone |
| 2004 Jul 2 | Domestic Meltdown | The problem is easy to see |
| 2003 Aug 30 | Don Prufrock, Life of Tedium | The internet crawled to a halt |
| 2003 Oct 23 | Don't Align Me! | Before enraptured earthworms find you |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Don't Do Never | Never tip a robot waiter |
| 2004 Feb 18 | Doom Dealt Deftly | The djinn that made me sneeze |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Door To Indisposable Sleep | The haiku returns |
| 2004 Dec 16 | Doubly Formal Zebras | To hoist a somewhat smaller flag |
| 2005 May 4 | Doughboy Graduates | Cookies and biscuits, crackers and buns |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Dour Poetry for Fools in Love | Roses are dead |
| 2004 Mar 18 | Doves, Couples, Quarks, Exigencies | Give me the pen and invisible ink, and I'll write my life story for you |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Down Hallways and Corridors | Keats and Sandburg, Dickinson, Yeats |
| 2006 Jun 16 | Dragon-tail Drunk | Going out again |
| 2004 Apr 15 | Dragonfly With Diamonds | We who were not bound to rhyme |
| 2004 Jan 16 | Drastic Therapy For Two | There hast never been a thing more shiny |
| 2000 Nov 10 | Drawing-Rooms, The Only Terminus | Now my charms are all o'erthrown |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Drawn | Irresistibly, I feel drawn |
| 2003 Dec 8 | Drawn By The Pencils Of Night | When all the world is still and quiet |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Dreaming | I fear I cannot hope to match |
| 1997 Feb 21 | Dreaming of a Swamp and the Holy River | As we starve in our secret Alaskas |
| 2003 Nov 12 | Dreaming Of Bagels And Java | When you met me in the restaurant |
| 2001 Dec 11 | Dreaming Our Favourite Cyclones | Wandering churchwardens, speaking in tongues |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Dreams | How oft in wet dreams do I walk |
| 2004 Jul 21 | Dreams Of Soup Kitchens | A mile or so beyond |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Dreamy | He was the man of her dreams - tall, dark and Estonian |
| 2006 Apr 5 | Dreary Days Compounded By Snowstorms | Have you seen the Nothing man, |
| 2004 Sep 9 | Drenched In Watery Ends | Your putative queen, dear sire, has fled, |
| 2003 Aug 29 | Dressed To Curl | Staring blankly through the glass |
| 2000 May 15 | Drinking Electricity (Sonnet) | One sonnet is too short to tell the charms |
| 2005 Feb 8 | Drive-By Morality | So how ya doin', Mrs. Knapp? |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Drooling Without Dementia | An empty page is |
| 2006 Jul 17 | Drum Dazed | The hideous spectre of her purse |
| 2002 Mar 22 | Dubious Factory | When, in the night, I start to doubt |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Dubious Peacenik | A walking shrub shall grace our shores |
| 2000 May 30 | Duck Soup Stories | When Duck and Gerbil went adventuring |
| 2004 Oct 17 | Dunciad Of Love-sick Hands | To fetishise her silhouette |
| 2004 Jun 2 | Dunciad Variorum | 'Twas Pope who wrote that angels fear |
| 2005 Jul 30 | Duodenal Backwater | Behold a scone that I have baked! |
| 2007 Mar 2 | Duplicitous Herrings in Identifiable Watercourses | Catechresis mumbles, in the final act, |
| 2002 Jul 10 | During Gordon's Last Gloaming | Apostles of the menopause |
| 2000 Nov 25 | Dustbins Spilt Diamonds | Brighter than the cabbages |
| 2003 Dec 2 | Dyslexia Is A Condition Much Like Nay Other | A narry stight, a brentle geeze |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Dystopia The Moose | In this city there are no angels |
| 2006 Apr 20 | Each Circle Will Shake | Judicious combination |
| 2004 Jun 25 | Each Dainty Ballerina And Her Imaginary Pilchard | This happy nest has made me cry |
| 2003 Jun 27 | Each Recusrive Reader | On a moonful night, strangely bright |
| 2004 Jan 26 | Each Syllable Concocted By Buddhists | The pulse that beats within a flea |
| 2004 Jul 14 | Each Weary Welcoming | To redefine our clique |
| 2003 Aug 24 | Eager Beef | A toast by any other name is but burnt bread |
| 2000 Dec 19 | Eagles Can Never Despair | Demons of the centrifuge |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Eardrums In The Dark Theatre | I never sensed a larger void |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Ears for Eyelids | Sleep is coming soon |
| 2003 Nov 19 | Ears Like Quinqueremes | Your ears are rather droopy |
| 1999 Jan 30 | Earth Telegram | A shrew without wings |
| 2002 Nov 18 | Earthenware Thinkers | Behold her single in the field |
| 2000 Sep 27 | Earthly Salutes | Perhaps it was just that the Fates took a hand |
| 1999 Apr 9 | Easter Greetings | Resurrection! |
| 2006 Feb 16 | Eating The Accountants Until Babbage Leaves | How we wonder, how we wonder |
| 1997 Sep 20 | Echoes Echoes, Without | By 'Custody' I do not mean |
| 2006 Apr 4 | Echoes Of Ashes | Mississipi, come to me! |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Effigy | Right among the maddened crows |
| 2004 Oct 26 | Effortless Abyss | Cold crustaceans, diving deep, |
| 2000 Jun 29 | Eggs And Artillery | The gambler folds his hand and sets his gaze |
| 2006 Aug 3 | Eight Parrots, Seven Rogues | Hengist had the brightest sword |
| 1997 Jan 19 | Eldred's glum, glum spleen | The dictionary was far from green |
| 2002 Oct 21 | Electon | 'Cobblers, plain bloody cobblers', the fireman roared, |
| 2003 Dec 1 | Electra Syndrome | Ralibut of Halibut pretended to be mad, |
| 2002 Mar 13 | Eliot's Daily Variations | The flat sky |
| 2006 May 12 | Elixirs Of Godknows What | I took a sip. I didn't know |
| 2006 Sep 1 | Elizabethan Lemonade | It is said that a codpiece, selected to cover |
| 2004 May 25 | Ellis Inland | Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light |
| 2000 May 16 | Embezzlement | When Ogden Nash ran out of cash |
| 2005 Jan 16 | Embonpoint Sandwiches | Globe and Jerusalem, we venerate |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Emergency Headlessness | Emergency! Emergency! |
| 2003 Aug 31 | Emilia And Her Tremendous Brainpower | In my cardboard cardigan |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Empty Promises among the Symbols of the North | Ampersand, I love thee |
| 2003 Aug 17 | End And End | Three score and ten years ago |
| 2004 Jan 18 | End-time Octave | What time does the apocalypse start? |
| 1999 Feb 2 | Endless Power, Our Sole Accomplishment | Inflamed with paranoia |
| 2000 May 8 | Endlessly Transitory | When my Doppelganger calls |
| 2006 Jan 11 | Enduring Without Succor | If fish could scream |
| 2003 Dec 1 | English Literature Code | Rhyming isn't everything, and scansion's overrated |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Enigma Who Will Someday Prove Secret | Why do you stare, do you think that I care? |
| 2005 Jul 4 | Enough Bagels Disavowed | In spite of all your after-shave |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Enough Is | Here, there and everywhere |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Enough Of Death | Sharp as a razor my misericordia |
| 2005 Jan 26 | Enough Said: The Undershirts Finally Arrived | Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, DAMN! |
| 2005 Apr 19 | Enough To Warrant Onions | In praise of whelks, I roam the moors: |
| 2001 Nov 15 | Entropy Without Harlots | Interlinear is the best |
| 2004 Nov 18 | Envious Neighbors | They say that those who live their lives |
| 2003 Jun 26 | Epic Gorgonzola Quest | In China, once, an Emperor |
| 2004 Sep 17 | Epic Oration Looms To Starboard | In time to come, rememb'rance of this hour |
| 2003 Aug 2 | Epistle upon the Ancient Streams | Sir: |
| 2002 Nov 12 | Epitaph for an Asymmetrical Arrrangement of Bears | Tie them to the bowsprit? With a scratched CD? |
| 1998 Sep 19 | Epitaph for the Ninth Night Shift | A snowman, weaned on Castor Oil |
| 2006 Aug 1 | Equator Blown Over | I never met my sister till I was twenty-three |
| 2000 Oct 11 | Equator Protest | Teach history slowly |
| 2003 Jun 30 | Erie Canal | The creek oozes down through the dimwitted wood |
| 2002 Oct 5 | Erupting Like Flamingoes | Gone, the subtle; |
| 2007 Feb 5 | Escapades That Truncate Themselves | As with gladness men of old |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Escape Attempts | There once was a Cornishman, Lee, |
| 2002 Sep 29 | Escstatic, Dogmatic | She declared herself democratic, |
| 2000 May 15 | Essay - Let's Not | It's a terrible start to a poem |
| 2004 Aug 24 | Estonian Homonyms | This encroachment, on my lawn, |
| 2006 Mar 29 | Ethereal Sequence | Ether, real |
| 2003 Dec 9 | Etiquette Toward Farm Animals | When addressing a horse, remember the rule: |
| 2003 Nov 9 | Etruscan! Tuscan! Bohemian! Persian! Theban? | Is it a source of insolent pride |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Euthansia without Gregariousness | How often have I pruned a tree |
| 2004 Feb 10 | Even Duplication Factors | Say hello to Chutney Spears |
| 2003 Nov 1 | Even Elves Entirely Excellent | Twixt D and F I'm found, but missing from this ballad |
| 2003 Sep 1 | Even Time Will Have to Tread the Path | A thousand opportunities |
| 2004 Jan 29 | Evening Along Its Transverse Axis | This caustic little ditty |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Evenings Much Like This | There is magic in the air tonight |
| 2002 Oct 3 | Evensong, worn thin through scraping | 'Nautilus shall be my theme', |
| 2005 Feb 16 | Ever Onward Through Muck | Before the gullet goes to ground |
| 2003 Jul 25 | Every Phrase Yodelled by Wagner | Parsifal was bleeding from the gramophone |
| 2004 Dec 14 | Every Third Word Recited Effortlessly (Canticle ) | "A pox upon thee, wretched cur!" |
| 2004 Aug 18 | Evidence From Pablum Mechanics | It isn't right, it isn't wrong |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Evident Hypocrisy | The stack's not much fun anymore |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Exceptional Disgrace | A mighty creature is the wife |
| 2000 Nov 22 | Exceptions That Shimmer | Mine is the cat that is eating your trout |
| 2004 Jan 28 | Excess Ease Coming | Who welds a poem huger than the grave? |
| 2003 Oct 31 | Exchange: Offer Me Something | I'll make you an offer you can't refuse |
| 2002 May 11 | Exculpatory Dancing | Giants, in their tedious way |
| 2007 Jan 24 | Exegetical Heresies | Behold the Lamb of God |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Exemptions for the Uneducated Lozenge | THREE WORDS PER LINE, UNRHYMED |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Exhausted Bus of Sand | I took a Greyhound bus to Timbuktu |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Existentially Imbued | (haiku) Why must you insist |
| 2000 Apr 3 | Explode, My Foot! | Give me a piece of hoary old leather! |
| 1999 Sep 13 | Explorers from Futility | The 'Big Adventure' all began on a day of trepidation |
| 2003 Oct 13 | Extended Gravity From The Spectral Register | Gosh! That cat's obscenely fat! |
| 2003 Dec 8 | Extraterrestial Wingnuts | Hooper wouldn't say his name |
| 2004 Mar 29 | Extraterrestrial, Improperly Aligned | The cookbook used by Dr Who |
| 2005 Mar 18 | Eye-Flavored Scrutiny | Prodigiously attractive |
| 2002 Aug 5 | Eyelash Radio | Necessity's the mother of invention |
| 2004 Aug 8 | Eyeliner How Ever Loosely Bent | Ridicule for penguins only makes them slide |
| 2004 Dec 17 | Facile Farewell | Taking umbrage, in the Nile, |
| 2004 Jul 14 | Fail By Then If Never | Calisthenic ribaldry shall not win you the prize! |
| 2000 Nov 8 | Failure Threaded By Screws | A wallaby, tried in a kangaroo court |
| 2003 Aug 28 | Faintly Wild, Like Justice and Love | Let me describe the love of my life |
| 2004 Apr 2 | Faithful Enough Before Lunch | At the age of thirty-seven |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Fallen | I've fallen and I can't get up |
| 1997 Feb 23 | False Memories of a Papal Failure | I blench to acknowledge my failure |
| 2001 May 21 | False Tales of My Calumny | Bring me an egg-whisk, and sand-blast my shoes! |
| 2003 Sep 2 | Fandango Lashing | I've told you once, I've told you twice, |
| 2000 Nov 27 | Fantastic Tabletop Of Suction | Rebuke, like gossip from the sun |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Farce Of | Types of Medical Coverage |
| 2004 Feb 5 | Farewell, Mutiny | Cease to sway |
| 2005 Aug 8 | Farewell, My Lively Oystercatcher Nymphs | Heading off to sunny climes |
| 2004 Dec 17 | Farfetched | I'll be home for Christmas (alas!) |
| 2005 Mar 30 | Fashion Misstated | There was an old man from Sioux Falls |
| 2001 Jan 7 | Fashionable, The Unseemly Lexicographer | There is, I've heard, an organist, who plays at half past three |
| 2006 Jun 15 | Fasting Myths | That loathsome letter taints the page |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Fasting with Predictable Terror | For many years, this story has remained untold |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Fate Knocks at Victorian Doors | There was a young plumber from Dorset |
| 2001 Mar 22 | Father, Forgive Our Carpentry | The practice of law is a terminal bore |
| 2003 Jan 23 | Fauré, Mendacious In Cairo, | Less than catarrh |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Favorite Wigs | Crewcuts, pompadours, bouffants, and mohawks |
| 2000 Nov 21 | Favourite Cheese-Mongers | Beefy, Loaf and Costorphine all went upon a jaunt, |
| 2002 Jan 14 | Fawning Without Distinction | My regard for you does not acknowledge borders! |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Feathery Fiends | What is the matter, my fine-feathered friend? |
| 2003 Aug 3 | Feet Were Walking | When I was young did eagerly frequent |
| 2000 Apr 24 | Felicity Kendall's Lovely Armpits | When you said you were my friend |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Fellatio Limericks | There was an old geezer from Kent |
| 2003 Sep 29 | Fellow Unravellers | I'd like to raise a glass to my friends across the sea |
| 2000 Feb 8 | Fencing Our Glass Baby | For all your faults |
| 1999 Feb 2 | Ferdinand's Elm | A grey seal, with grace of an eel |
| 1999 Nov 12 | Fermenting the Woman from the Surgery | Achilles stole my hobby-horse |
| 2003 Jan 23 | Ferocious Nightgowns | In dread of the foe |
| 2005 Nov 23 | Fester's Last Words | It takes a man with real strength to deplore |
| 2006 May 11 | Fester, Farewell | Fester, farewell |
| 1997 Jul 13 | Fetch Away Fish! | Yellowing leaves frame a watery sky |
| 2005 Aug 10 | Fields Of Everywhere | His secretary's teeth were sown |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Fifteen Broken Things | One day my name will be up in lights |
| 1997 Jun 7 | Fifteen Oblique Whiskers | A table of kinship for all the world's cats |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Fight the Defiant Epithets for Sleeping Chickens | The customer is always right! |
| 2003 Sep 10 | Filling For That Apocalyptic Sandwich | Who ate my doughnuts? I could weep |
| 2003 Sep 25 | Filling the Proverbial Crannies | I try to Haiku |
| 1997 Oct 31 | Finally, the Revelation that Armpits aren't Necessary | The twenty-first of Autumn |
| 2000 May 15 | Fingering Second Every Town | While blotting my escutcheon |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Finis is | This is the first line |
| 2001 Jan 6 | Finnegan's Ascending Nostril | Alphabetic poetry often can |
| 2001 Feb 19 | Firestorm Fingers | Have you heard the story of the Chattlewhump, my son? |
| 2003 Feb 20 | First Downtime | Emollient, conciliatory, I ventured |
| 2003 Dec 29 | First Glimpse Of Summer This Autumn | A 21st Century Christmas Carol |
| 2003 Aug 16 | Fish Brocade | Who needs rhetorical questions? |
| 2003 Nov 22 | Fish Jam Voting | The elephants of Iceland were meeting for the talks |
| 2004 Aug 9 | Fish Remedies For Mischief | Not a feather, nor a leaf, |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Fishies Swimming Silently | My glitzy one, my little twerp |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Fishing for the Deal Makers | This time, Sam, we'll make a deal |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Fishy Outlaw Escapes | A handsome young mackeral, named Frank, |
| 2003 Oct 28 | Flame White Trash! | I went to bat for you so many times, and how have you repaid me? |
| 2006 Feb 11 | Flames Coated With Heavy Penalties | The flames were gone, but, yet, a tiny ember |
| 2001 May 14 | Flange Matrix - Paradise Of The Stars | Bubbles float up grassy-treed slopes |
| 2005 Mar 7 | Flaring Hairclips | In latter days of green and blue |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Flattery of a Goose | When starting on a masterpiece |
| 2004 Feb 20 | Flawed Inheritance | Agnes played the cymbals, three nights a week |
| 2000 Apr 11 | Fleeing Another Bloody Tuesday | Is this all |
| 2001 Mar 11 | Fleeing, The Sticky Eremite Scratches | Poetry and Poesy declined to fight a duel, |
| 2004 Feb 1 | Flight Recorder In Mink | Shocked by his failure to fly, |
| 2003 Sep 19 | Floating My Delicious | Indescribably delicious doodads |
| 2002 May 9 | Flood-plain Eembargoes | Once upon a greyhound dreary, |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Florizel Inclined | Hide me, my darling, in your tresses! |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Flowing The Fable | Once upon a time in a faraway land |
| 2007 Jan 16 | Fly Nightmares | A carthorse, baked in bread |
| 2003 Jul 31 | Fogey | Now here is a story, it's really quite gory and really quite sad to relate |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Folks Who Smoke Soap | Mendicant Sam was a broken man |
| 2000 Sep 17 | Fondling Benedict: The Groan Matrix | When Time has run its merry dance |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Food | In the pages of a dusty book |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Food For Sentimental Souls Like Us | Turkey, yams and pumpkin pie |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Food for the Twin | Kielbasa is a sausage quite sublime |
| 2003 Jun 20 | For an Unknown Frog | The semi thrummed o'er seams in the open road |
| 1999 Aug 6 | For My Bunny Rabbit | 'Give me back my arquebus!', cried Randolph Great the Third |
| 1998 Jan 23 | For Tadpole Perkins | 'Don't carry the coal to the amethyst pool, |
| 2005 Jul 22 | For The Draining-board That Survivors Clutch | Step this way, you man o' war, |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Foresight in F Minor (Haydn) | Where have our old-timers gone? |
| 2003 Dec 18 | Forever In Love With Marilyn | There was an old goatherd named Bill |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Forever Spinning | Spinning, falling, |
| 1999 Feb 15 | Forever Strontium | Plug me in a catheter if there are any left |
| 2004 Jan 22 | Forever The Syntax Omelette | The gas oven sings a sweet song to my leadened seratonin |
| 2004 Jul 6 | Forget About Broken Daisies | When you take a taxicab, don't forget to tip |
| 2001 Aug 18 | Forget Neptune | Trumpets are green |
| 2004 Feb 19 | Forgive, Offhandedly | While you were away |
| 2004 Jan 11 | Forgotten Blips Of The Ages Neolithic | All I crave is a little attention |
| 2001 Dec 12 | Forgotten Riposte V | Thematic spoonful, years of corn |
| 2003 Oct 1 | Forlorn Ode To Verse | On Helicon, the Muses gather round |
| 2004 Jun 18 | Forswear Courage | Hollie was a hostage |
| 2002 Aug 23 | Fortissimo Epilogue | Whenne that Julye, with its weather bloodie |
| 2005 Mar 31 | Four Times Four Is Tonic | So ... how to subvert the Age of Consent? |
| 1999 Jun 21 | Fracturating Kippers: This Homophonic Harmonium | Meet my typing-tutor |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Fractured Hearts Have Missed Innumerable Chances | How graven seem those fractured tarts |
| 2007 Feb 19 | Fragments Concluded | Union State gave way to blues - in a doleful way - |
| 2000 Apr 5 | Fraternal Greetings To Reverend Cuticle's Oppossum | Arabella Spommit had three cousins slim and tall |
| 2002 Aug 30 | Frau Jung Was My Mainstay | Donkey shot, the French would call it |
| 2004 Mar 12 | Frauds? Yes | Let us now praise famous men |
| 2003 Aug 2 | Free at Halloween | The house was haunted, so they said |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Frequency Of Dinner Jackets | I did not think a coddled egg |
| 2003 Sep 27 | Friday Goof-Off | Motivation now departed, though the day is not yet done |
| 2004 Aug 19 | Friday Night Aspirants | At least it isn't hailing |
| 1996 Nov 28 | Frisson | What I say is seldom what I mean, |
| 2001 Nov 20 | Frogmen Imminent | 'Tis time! 'Tis time! The deed is done |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Frogs and Stale | The frog comes in on little fat feet |
| 2001 Oct 8 | From Chocolate Time-Zones | Her eye is not my voice |
| 2003 Dec 8 | From Here, Hence And Further | Is there anything I can say |
| 2002 Nov 27 | From Prussia Without Stamps | Mercator's projection had one tiny flaw |
| 1998 Apr 19 | From Underneath Diana's Toast | Its stuns me, like it stuns us all |
| 1999 Feb 8 | From... | At the end of my tether I fastened a kite |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Fructose Frogs For Little Boys | A line of sawdust or cocaine |
| 2004 Jan 29 | Frugal Jars Of Mine Filled With Other Piglets | It's a glossary, they claim, |
| 1998 May 14 | Frugal the Frog | Behold the frugal cactus |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Fruit Is Like Life | My life is like a grapefruit |
| 2003 May 3 | Fruitful Duck Soup | My goldfish likes to do the monkey bars |
| 2002 Apr 4 | Fugitive and Funcle | Reading avidly, yet slowly, I devoured the novel. |
| 1999 Aug 23 | Full Confession for the Titans | Pay up! Pay up! It's not a game, you know |
| 2003 Mar 19 | Fun in the Unnerving Moonlight (Rembrandt's Schooldays) | I've always been taught to report what I thought |
| 2004 Feb 3 | Further Epsom Salts | How far can we fall |
| 1999 May 18 | Further from the Beatiful Foot | The rate of completion increases |
| 2003 Sep 23 | Further The Pope's Unwitting Conversion | Down the gullet, soft and sweet |
| 2002 Jan 23 | Fustian Comfits | Portable women |
| 2005 Jan 27 | Futile | Ripe bananas, ten a pound! Grapes to fit a feast! |
| 2001 Jan 24 | Future Dereliction Of Duty | Somewhere in the evening, at a screen not far from you |
| 2005 Apr 20 | Future Species Will Not Tolerate Hotels | If the Sun was to die today |
| 2002 May 14 | Gabriel's Hiccoughs | Sledgehammer? I thought to use a shovel |
| 2005 Oct 11 | Gabriel, So Rotund | It's a wonderful life, to be sure |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Gadfly Pudding | Side by side sat F & N, with monitors opposed, |
| 2003 Nov 4 | Gambits Under Glass | This time, then another, then - perhaps - once more |
| 2003 Jul 21 | Gamesmanship (The Piglets) | Oink on, you crazy pigman |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Garbanzos | Falafel was not feeling well |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Garden Shoes of the Vaudeville Monsters | Monsters in the garden |
| 2003 Sep 9 | Gargled End | By the time you read this message |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Gargling Troubadours | Why must you gargle on the couch? |
| 2002 Aug 7 | Gartled Invertebrate Forum | 'Subtle', spelt with seven Ps |
| 2007 Feb 17 | Gates Shut By Accident | Stunned, stunned |
| 2004 Feb 12 | Gateways Home To Worthing | We set out, full of hope and ale, one grey December morn |
| 2004 Apr 2 | Gathering Clouds While Visigoths Circle | Let me be the first to say, it's nice to have you back |
| 2003 Oct 13 | Gaugin, You Villain | See, saw; go, gone; |
| 2003 Oct 23 | Gene Pylons | Andromaque: 'twixt bloodied sheets |
| 2004 Nov 23 | Generally Too Much Opulence | How lithely do these lilliputians leap |
| 2003 Sep 18 | Genesis is the Only Truth | O Universe, O sparkling void, teach me of thy ways |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Gentrification is a Giggle | Whene'er I see a falling star |
| 2001 Feb 8 | Geometry Crawls Nightwards | Their shop lay in a triangle |
| 2000 Dec 13 | Getting to Loathe You | Dinner jacket,, morning-suit |
| 2004 Apr 29 | Ghastly Appendages | Oh, it's all quite ghastly |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Ghazal to Asylum | I fear that one day they will carry me off |
| 2005 Oct 11 | Ghent Is Abandoned Now, So Gloucester Weeps | My salad days were mainly spent |
| 2003 Sep 14 | Ghosts for My Poster | Dorian hung on my parlour wall |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Giggling Idols | What of Phaeton, Hyperion, Icarus, the angel Lucifer? |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Gilbert, With Giants in Hand | Have you met my wee friend, Gilbert? |
| 2002 Mar 7 | Gingerbread Housing Corporation | Gretel's luxuriant hairy schnauzer was a bitch! |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Gingersnaps (Why Dress Up?) | Maxine's coming into town, but look at all this |
| 2003 Jul 21 | Giraffe Shoe Happenstances | Would you care to multiply? |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Girlish Lavender Hues | How feminine, this colour scheme! |
| 2000 Jun 14 | Give It Some Welly Now! | To think of bursting as a chore |
| 2004 Jul 13 | Glaswegians In Time-share Bodies | On a hilltop, left of Rheims, |
| 2003 Aug 24 | Glibness for Fakenham | Bills are overdue, your car has broken down |
| 2000 Nov 15 | Glistening Obbligatos | Oh ripely reeking Camembert! |
| 1997 Aug 15 | Gloucestershire My Undiscovered Child | His elbow never faltered |
| 2004 Jul 30 | Gloucestershire Throughout Devon | 'Tis the ebbing of the eyes |
| 2003 Jan 8 | Gloves of Careful Nutmeg | Like rising, having slept for years, |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Glow Experimental | Madame Curie created quite a glow |
| 2003 Nov 18 | Glyphs And Cryptographic Chance | Red rocks; blue skies; a snooze and air refreshed |
| 2003 Oct 28 | Go, Authors of My Lunch! | See how you like it, Mr. Black! |
| 2003 Oct 19 | Go-Faster Waistcoat | Faster than the human mind can ever comprehend |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Goals and Perils | We have searched the world for treasure |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Goatishness : A Change For The Better | Before I owned a goat-face mask |
| 2000 Jun 6 | Goats Cannae Knit | There was a young man from Kilbride |
| 2003 Nov 18 | God's Void Devoid | You stare impassively at the world |
| 2006 Mar 16 | Godliness In Three-four Time | He walked his widow home |
| 2001 Jan 9 | Going off the Boil | If love cannot foretell the past |
| 2006 May 4 | Good Bugs | We must perform a Quirkafleeg |
| 2005 Feb 7 | Good-luck To Endless Sorrow | Leastways, said the meter man, You'll always have some fish |
| 2005 Nov 13 | Goodfellow Moses | A secret door |
| 1999 Aug 27 | Googlehimmel (Pathetic Science) | Is it so? Have you not heard? |
| 2003 Sep 6 | Googlewhacking Report | Tragically, we must report this sad fact: |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Googly | lying in a ditch of binjo |
| 2002 Mar 20 | Goose Desk | The roots of criminal intent |
| 2003 Sep 5 | Goose Nuts | Be like the squirrel |
| 2005 Feb 23 | Gorgon Cookies | Just imagine thirteen cakes aglitter in the night: |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Gorgonzola Prevaricates | My gorgonzola often swells |
| 1998 Feb 26 | Gossamer Binary Cheesburger | Perhaps it was something I said, |
| 2002 Jan 16 | Grandiose Gestures, Futile Drivel | 'Leave me @peace.com', my nephew cried, |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Grandma Ain't Old Enough For Birthdays Any More | Grandma still sports a teased bouffant |
| 2002 Oct 2 | Grappling infrequently with the engine-driver's antibodies | These comedy moths |
| 2006 Jun 22 | Grave Mayhem | An awful example of verse |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Gravel for My Poignant Cotillion | Flippant poignancy |
| 2003 Dec 19 | Greatly Exaggerated Half-truths | Tim sits alone at his desk in the dark |
| 2005 Jan 17 | Grey From Top To Towpath | Upon the next-to-shortest day |
| 2004 Jun 20 | Grid Of Life Expectant | The weight of expectation is pressing on my brain |
| 2003 Jan 28 | Groovy Chicks Abound Herein | Big stuff is going down, dude |
| 2003 Nov 25 | Growing Like Bacteria | Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Grudges Over The Family Fishing Rights | Anthony Blair |
| 2000 Jul 24 | Guildford, Epping, Tooting | When you proposed this concert |
| 2005 Nov 16 | Guile In Any May | Awestruck in the horse-truck, |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Guilelessly, No | Gus Grissom ... wasn't he the dude |
| 2004 Jan 7 | Gums And Tongues | Out, fry of lechery? |
| 2003 Nov 14 | Gumshoe In Divers Forests | I've never been the sort of man |
| 2004 Feb 17 | Habits Of Old Liberals Foregone | "devolve prolific coconut" advised the sophic spam |
| 2004 Jun 22 | Haddock Framing | I berate you for infecting |
| 2005 Jan 25 | Haddock Versus Anchovies: Discuss | My tension's most unmenstrual, |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Hades Doesn't Matter | Persephone will not emerge; I've heard it from the highest source |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Haiku With Problems | The jester donned his liripipe |
| 1999 Dec 23 | Hail Noddy! | Something whispers in my ear |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Hair | He urged me to go get a perm |
| 2003 Oct 26 | Hairless of Sins | Her body glistened, hairless quite, |
| 2003 Nov 6 | Hairpiece | When you trim the hair away |
| 2004 Jan 1 | Hake Sprouts | My sister, Sue, has several suitors |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Halcyon | See how all the daffodils |
| 2005 Oct 25 | Half Baked Wholly | Stalk the streets of Serenissima |
| 2006 Mar 2 | Half The Time Left To Us | Have you met my little friend, Bip? |
| 1998 Jan 5 | Half-wits in Paradise | I've heard it said that Hell is other people |
| 2002 Nov 15 | Halibut Without | I ate my salad in a huff: |
| 2003 Oct 6 | Hammering On The Eyeliner | Kick down the door of the lipstick factory |
| 2004 Mar 31 | Hammerklavier, Dissonantly | The late sonatas on a lute? |
| 1999 Apr 26 | Handel's Balletic Hymen | Virginal scrapings are like unto gold |
| 2006 Jan 29 | Handy Men Poised With Unguents | If beating fleas was my habit |
| 1997 Feb 2 | Hanging (Tidal) | Key of diamonds, tempest |
| 2004 May 28 | Hanging Trout Fancying Grandmothers | I dropped it down the wishing well |
| 2002 Apr 4 | Hannibal's Eggcup | Faint amalgam, fashioned quite |
| 2003 Nov 18 | Happiness, The Noose Of Love | Poetry I never knew found love on your demise |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Happy Ode to Love Unbounded | Come with me, My Love, and see good Nature's fairest flow'r |
| 2000 Dec 14 | Happy Those Who Bother Not To Wash Emus | Now is the time for joyful feasts |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Harrumph Parumph Gallumph | How silly, you're suddenly snooty |
| 1997 Apr 26 | Harry In The Blue Toast-Rack | Hail! Hale-Bopp and roll upon your starry roundelay |
| 2004 Feb 13 | Harvest Me Gently Yet | There's many pheasant pluckers farm life's field |
| 2004 Feb 22 | Harvested From Unsavoury Pulpits | Only a man. |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Haunted Colours | Lacerated insights pour into my head |
| 2003 Oct 8 | Have Pickles, Everyone! | Pencilled eyebrows, shaven legs |
| 2003 Sep 30 | Have the Patience of the Broken | I'm building castles in the sky |
| 2003 Oct 10 | Have You Enough Putty? | Wetching in the tersome rain |
| 2002 Dec 14 | Having Stacy In Song | Why don't we rename Christmas? |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Havoc with Spring-Loaded Crutches | The worm has made our cities black |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Hayseed, Huh? | Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Hazardous Waist | Forty-seven atheists have gathered round my grave |
| 2003 Oct 1 | He Knew I Was a Frog | Miss Piggy was making a fuss |
| 2003 Sep 9 | He Knew Lake Geneva | Taupe plateaus, a turquoise skyThe bleached bones of oxen |
| 2006 Dec 17 | He See Nothing With Relish | The price of dodging RSI |
| 2003 Aug 14 | He-she me? | A limerick often is dirty |
| 2003 Aug 27 | Headless Parrots | When Granma discovered my dungeon |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Heart Shines | The moon will nevermore |
| 2002 May 28 | Hearts, Like Crystals, Dissolve into Nothingness | Finesse the Queen! Finesse the Queen! |
| 2005 Aug 1 | Heathen Lent | Ingest this canapé of grime? |
| 2000 Apr 5 | Heather Eliot's Bottom Line | April is the cruellest month |
| 2005 Jul 18 | Heave Aside Our Plundering Pharoah | At seven Gs |
| 2002 Jan 22 | Heavier Than Hymnodists | BNW, dreaded term, infects my thought |
| 1996 Dec 16 | Hectoring tripe | Enough of your brutal evasions! |
| 2004 Nov 8 | Heliotrope Spores | If waking life had time for dreams |
| 1999 Jan 3 | Hell Fruit | If you think that I'm the reject, then I'll thrash you till you're blue |
| 2005 Aug 23 | Help! Aunt Potter Stole My Neckerchief | Trust me with your pudding store |
| 2004 Mar 30 | Hen Pectoral Commemorated | Suffolk Asian – who would choose |
| 2000 Jul 11 | Henderson's Decline | 'Why have you tied up Granny?' the little girl was asked |
| 2000 May 23 | Hengist's coming to get you, Horsa | In Persia's lands, there is a wisp that terrifies the priests. |
| 2004 Oct 9 | Hens Pretend To Bend Spoons | Infestation's not a problem, but the cure! |
| 1999 Jan 31 | Her Daymare | On the far side of the beach: abyss |
| 2000 Jan 29 | Her nerveless dressing-table, regarding which | Although her skull is squat and flat |
| 2001 Jan 9 | Her Northampton Boudoir | Bengeo is just the place to start a bitter feud |
| 2000 Jul 18 | Her Promiscuity Made Good | Shall I compare thee to a coach and four? |
| 2002 Apr 29 | Her Prophylactic Wednesdays (Compensatory Voucher) | In days before the Diceman |
| 2005 Nov 7 | Here Is Owl | Glimpsed through barbed wire |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Here Moon, There Another | We sailed on the third of July |
| 2006 Jun 8 | Hereinafter Hake | To view the ocean from a cliff |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Heresy Of Cosmic Sanity | The moon is made of cheese, and so |
| 2002 Nov 29 | Heroic and Auspicious | In Hastings, once, there should an elm, |
| 2002 Feb 7 | Heroic, We Know Nothing | Boil my leg before you go - |
| 2003 Feb 5 | Herring Orphans of All Totnes | How horrid is the elephant |
| 2002 Nov 28 | Hertfordshire Joke | I add some lard to every bath-time mix |
| 2001 Oct 3 | Hidden Are Our Own Inept Performances | Blended with the hint of curling smoke came release |
| 2003 Mar 18 | Hidden By Hygiene Fairies | If only these kids knew what I |
| 2006 Dec 15 | Hidden Works | Just a hint of twilight |
| 2001 Oct 9 | Hideous Indeed | Jarrow is my noble home |
| 2004 Jul 9 | Hideum Cat | Banalities, encountered twice, |
| 1997 Jun 17 | Hiding Like A Hun (Portia's Lament) | Here comes the knight, mail clad, through the border |
| 2005 Jul 19 | High Teeth | Juicy plums for me to bite! |
| 1997 Sep 10 | Highgate Hopeful | As we crested the brow of the ultimate hill |
| 2003 Nov 18 | Highly Prized Hydrocarbon | Titrate this acid, if you please, against this salt, |
| 2005 Jul 11 | Highways, Byways, Afterthoughts | Kaleidoscopes in bronze and zinc |
| 2003 May 30 | Hilariously Pregnant | I guffaw but twice per night, |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Hills Speak of Chlorine | The old mountain holds a secret |
| 2003 Sep 28 | Hindsight Blindness | If I had known that this would be |
| 2004 Oct 20 | His Lady Grammarian | Babbling as the brook in spate, |
| 2006 Jun 18 | His Lucky Skull Has Perished | In his ochre jodhpurs |
| 2004 Jan 11 | His Own Lewd Vespers | My penchant's mathematical |
| 2005 Jul 25 | His Trusty League | Never measured, never loved, |
| 2003 Jul 22 | History Repeats Itself Itself Frequently Despite Appearances To The Contrary | Ten thousand men have lost their lives |
| 2004 Nov 14 | Hittite Words Of Unforgiving | A gentleman of oriental character |
| 2002 Dec 10 | Ho, Whoreson Pimp! | The alphabet should be curtailed: |
| 1997 Jan 3 | Hoisting Eyeball Three | We were always in her debt |
| 2000 Apr 27 | Holding Nigella Lawson's Python | Whenas April with his sweet showers |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Holographic Implant | Tales of magic and mystery |
| 2004 Oct 11 | Holy Things Always Worry Women | Who will search |
| 2005 Jan 18 | Home Schooling And No Bidets | Twice in one day! A rare delight |
| 2004 May 26 | Home Time Before Cock-crow | Why do I sit here, why do I strive |
| 1999 Apr 4 | Homer Retranslated | Conversations are a winding down of time for most, |
| 1998 Mar 18 | Homer, Art Thou Heat and Lightness? | Before the dawn, the darkest hour |
| 2006 Mar 15 | Homeward Boundary | We flee the sun, and head back to the gray |
| 2000 May 23 | Homily For Courtesans in Norwich cathedral | The cards were dealt, and in my hand |
| 2003 Oct 9 | Honestly, If Anyone Dares Mention Earwax Again... | Among the elbows, as a rogue |
| 2001 Apr 13 | Hook Performance | In the deepest part of the pool |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Hope Squeals 'Wahoo!" | Dispel those neverending qualms |
| 2001 Dec 6 | Hopping Around the Fringes | Up, the new down |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Horace is What We Like | Would you like to waltz or samba? |
| 2003 Oct 7 | Horizons Known Only to the Certain | Over the listing, under the stamp |
| 2001 Dec 17 | Horse-Box Politics | The Devil's in the detail |
| 1997 Apr 15 | Horse-Face Shrike In Lonely Dialogue | By leaving no margin for error |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Horseback Spirits of the Ghost Town | On a dusty road in an outback town |
| 2005 Jan 27 | Horses Most Definitely | Spanish onions, in the dark, |
| 2004 Jul 22 | Horticultural Adages Designed By Sadistic Schoolmarms | Artichokes stop chasing, when the sunset glows, |
| 2005 Dec 15 | Hosiery On Half-forgotten Nuns | Corset strung as tight as tight, |
| 2005 Jan 4 | Houndstooth Canal | It seemed as though I'd never been away |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Housemaids Singing on Sunday | Is this what we've come to? |
| 2004 Feb 20 | How Can It Be Moss If It Grows Faster? | O sober reflection |
| 1999 Feb 28 | How Death Became Moonshine | My tribal ways |
| 2006 Jun 3 | How It Was Before | Astride an ice-cold anvil |
| 2000 Jul 6 | How Large Is Tina's Dinosaur? | I once asked Uncle Herbert |
| 2006 Jun 15 | How Many Such Openings Have We Squandered? | Astride a red-hot anvil |
| 1997 May 31 | How Met By Legion | You call yourself a Yeti |
| 2003 Jul 17 | How Often Tattooed? | How seldom do I see a frump |
| 2006 Jan 11 | How Silently, How Clumsily | Behold, the Fifth Amendment |
| 2003 Sep 25 | How To Cook Vegetables | I may have to boil a turnip |
| 2007 Feb 14 | Howsomever, Queyntely | When I fell in love with you |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Huddersfield Pie | Don't let that horse eat that violin |
| 2001 Sep 30 | Hugh's Underpants Defy Dogma | Staggering across the heath |
| 1999 Sep 6 | Hugo Onerous (Episode1) | Where, oh where is the Phantom Menace |
| 2002 Nov 29 | Hugo's Goats | Hideous smells |
| 2003 Dec 1 | Hungry For Keys | Rowan is a wood that I can't eat |
| 2003 Jul 25 | Hunt Within | The ancient hunter stood proudly |
| 2003 Nov 21 | Hunting The Innocent | Just before the doorbell rang, my lids had fallen shut |
| 2000 Jan 21 | Hurrah! A Pointless Stereo Pencil | The lines of life upon her face |
| 2003 Nov 3 | Hypochondria Isn't The Harlot's Proof | I think I have a broken leg |
| 2003 Sep 29 | Hypothermic Ennui for Old Times | The leaves are turning brown again. I wonder how they know |
| 2004 Nov 29 | Hypothesis Epsilon | Come, let us dance, just you and I |
| 2003 Dec 3 | I Admire The Willingness | As we know, there are known knowns |
| 2003 Aug 28 | I Am Not The Obsessive Weirdo You Are | I like to spoonbill |
| 2003 Nov 20 | I Am Transformed | I came upon a startling sight |
| 2003 Sep 19 | I Fear Bonnie Lies Under the Ocean Freeway | I've oft wondered what Karin looks like |
| 2003 Aug 26 | I Hear Sousaphones Marching | Trombones are sounding in my sleep |
| 2003 Aug 25 | I Shall Cope | My, my! All my underpants are gone! |
| 2000 Dec 15 | I Stagger Under Fourfold Fardels | Time and again, with weary tread |
| 2005 Jan 6 | I Surface Behind The Lamps | A pelvis drowned in custard |
| 2004 Feb 13 | I Won't Be Flying Anywhere Near Basildon | There's time enough for changing sides |
| 2005 Mar 18 | I Would Rather Not Serve Rice | I might not swallow more than once |
| 2003 Oct 2 | I'll never ηπ again | I once was told that A is πr |
| 2003 Jan 9 | I'll Surely Trample Your Tractor, My Love | I had a little tractor |
| 2000 May 9 | I'm Pitifully Happy Wherever There Are Spoonbills | My life is like an open road (yes, people walk on me) |
| 2001 Jun 28 | I'm Washing Pyjamas for Lunatics | Drunken badgers and their TVs |
| 2001 Jan 17 | I, Diamond Jim | Thumb screws , finger nails |
| 1999 Dec 29 | I, Everest | I hear the tread of thirty thousand men |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Iambic Portrait of Montalban | Ricardo's toupee hasn't aged but a day |
| 2006 Jun 6 | Ibstokon, Who Prefers All Comers | The prunes were laid out, row on row, |
| 2001 Jan 9 | Iced Mohicans, Anyone? | Zoroaster sunnily bestows his |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Iceman | No man is an igloo |
| 2004 Apr 23 | Iconoclasts Rarely Gain Entry To Disneyland | Breaking down barriers and opening doors |
| 2000 Aug 4 | Icy Privy | The green in a bluebottle's eye |
| 2003 Nov 25 | If Bentley | George Dubbya Bush |
| 2003 Jun 20 | If Cocoa Couldn't (Allegory) | "Chocolate! Give me chocolate!", the woman screamed |
| 2003 Dec 9 | If I Illuminate Life Only Slightly, I Shall | I was born a prisoner in your dungeon of fish |
| 2004 Jun 30 | If If Why When How Who | Big Brother watches the housemates perform |
| 2004 Oct 8 | If Kipling Required Satisfaction | If all the buyers faced this way |
| 2003 Oct 1 | If Not Insouciance | Feeling rather awkward, newly clad in neon eyewear |
| 2003 Aug 28 | If Oblivion Had Foes | If everything that you had ever known |
| 2003 Sep 17 | If Only God Lived 9 Lives | The first thing I learned in my life as a cat |
| 2003 Jul 17 | If Only People Smelled Like Flowers | I often wonder how to start |
| 2005 Feb 23 | If Perchance | Bold insurgence swept from coast to coast |
| 2003 Aug 14 | If Rapture Exists | If ever there was a time when wishes and dreams could come true |
| 1998 Feb 26 | If Shadows Could Jest | Why is it so dark in the middle of this life? |
| 2000 Dec 5 | If Sluices Matter | Incas ... dreadful drinkers, |
| 2004 Jan 27 | If The Janitor, When Juggling... | Gorris! |
| 2003 Nov 6 | If They Reversed The Creosote | It didn't have to end this way |
| 2003 Oct 4 | If Wishes Were Forces | Fix what is broken |
| 2003 Dec 10 | If Wishes Were Geese, Nobody Would Honk | I knew a sinister minister |
| 2003 Jun 23 | If You Could Falter | The glamour of a teaspoon |
| 2003 Sep 2 | If You Were Unveiling | Things I would do if I were a cowboy: |
| 2003 Dec 29 | Ignoring Problems | Behold mankind, how fragile it's life |
| 2005 Nov 17 | Ignoring The Peach And Nectarine | If ever I would write a dirge |
| 2003 Dec 21 | Ill-fated Flyover On Insect Wings | See the tiny aerodrome |
| 2002 Sep 10 | Ill-qualified for Hoping | Dodging through the rainbows |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Imagination, Fortitude, Cholesterol | Imagine there's no flugle |
| 2003 Oct 27 | Imagine This Weirdness | Imagine a World without... |
| 2004 Jan 12 | Imbibe This Page | I don't drinke vodka, only ginne - |
| 2005 Dec 8 | Immaculate Threnodies by Augustan Bachelors | On Boscombe Down, where Keats was born |
| 2003 Feb 20 | Immediately Nobody | The cobbler, blind for seven years |
| 2002 Jul 12 | Immediately to the North of Dorking | A friendly leaf once gave me quite a fright: |
| 2001 Oct 8 | Immer mit Einheit | When Apsley dreams of Arabella Spommit, |
| 2004 Jul 30 | Imminent Destruction Of Everything In Port | Passion, closeness and great sex |
| 2004 Jan 20 | Impasto Throughout Australasia | My wife is nibbling at my neck |
| 2003 Jun 28 | Imperfection | Oh, to be Home now summer is here.... |
| 2002 Oct 3 | Impersonating Nelson for Fun! | As fine a feast as man has known |
| 2001 Jul 27 | Impertinent Desires | The Scandinavian roll-mop |
| 2004 Jan 25 | Implacable Northerly Padrés | Competition in other places |
| 1999 Nov 3 | Implausible Emptiness in Andromeda Parkway | Without denying anything much |
| 2006 Apr 18 | Implications | Take a pinch of mustard-seed |
| 2002 Nov 8 | Impressions of the National Arthritic Gallery | My fourteenth friend cannot be seen from here |
| 2001 Dec 7 | In Abandoned Transit-Vans | Harold was a potter |
| 2000 May 14 | In Africa, Hoplessly Lost | We don't regret the cakes that glisten in the sand |
| 2003 Aug 3 | In Awe of Dangerous Lives | Far beyond the red-black morning sky |
| 2002 Jul 5 | In Contempt of a Buried Steamship | This poem concerns Hades. |
| 2007 Jan 5 | In Dreams of Counterfeited Harmony | They met at Domus Felix |
| 2003 Jan 9 | In Lemons | Why, tell me why, is the future so green? |
| 2003 Aug 28 | In My Dreams of Paint | I hear you are sailing to Lesbos |
| 2004 Nov 3 | In My Long-lost Wellingtons | Magnetic fields, an iron horse |
| 2003 Oct 23 | In Nougat | (haiku) Seven plumquats sit |
| 2004 Jun 16 | In Our Wintry Organ | To prime one's seventh armpit |
| 2005 Sep 11 | In Past Emporia | One for sorrow, two for fish |
| 2003 Sep 27 | In Piles of Half-Burned Pizza | What evil you planning today? |
| 2004 Jun 10 | In The Seventh Parcel Are Several Businessmen | When pass-the-parcel palls |
| 2003 Jun 21 | In Time (Full Icebox) | Without you |
| 2003 Oct 21 | In Vicious Family Circles | Oh papa, look! A jolly bruin |
| 2003 May 31 | Inaudible When Down-wind | I promise, tomorrow I'll be a good boy |
| 2006 May 30 | Inbred Heirloom | To generate hysteria, the Queen declared the area |
| 2005 Mar 23 | Incoherence Everywhere Discovered Anew | The horror-shows of ancient Gaul |
| 2003 Oct 17 | Incompetence, Incompetence | Whilst painting the ceiling, the artist remarked: |
| 2003 Dec 3 | Increasingly Preposterous Homilies | The champagne glass lies shattered |
| 2003 May 10 | Industrial-Strength Wrigley's | My Spiderman was killed by Zach |
| 1998 May 2 | Inexpensive Shakespearian Blancmange | For Macbeth it were done quickly, |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Infatuation: The Amusing Conundrum | What do you want to do with this? |
| 2002 Aug 28 | Infested by Dali Specialists | When nuns collide, then is the time |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Inhaling Woolf's Ouevre | Don't revile me, don't come near! |
| 2006 Mar 2 | Injunctions To The Barricades | Bring me the bones of a man who is broken |
| 2001 May 17 | Innocuously Or Venomously | I always caught the quarter-past; it never ran on time |
| 2003 Sep 21 | Input Commandments | Another call from Abraham |
| 1997 Feb 24 | Insensible Blandishments | Ask anyone about my woes, |
| 2003 Nov 21 | Insufficiently Stylish Behaviour | Verily, I think I'll slump |
| 2003 Jul 30 | Insults for Schoolmarms | Slug bug! |
| 2003 Sep 8 | Insupportable Toothbrushes | The dream went to sleep, |
| 2000 Oct 24 | Integumental Teletubbies (Seventeen Hours Ago) | Mine is the eggcup, yours is the hake, |
| 2004 Jun 2 | Intensify The Passion For Ophthalmology | Bigfoot saw the racehorse |
| 2003 Aug 29 | Inter-Planetary Tomfoolery | I once took a spaceship to Mars |
| 2007 Feb 26 | Interface Not Found - Contact the Librarian | As to orientation I've begun a new élite |
| 2000 Jan 23 | Intergalactic Journey of a Broken Cruet | The Zimmer by the garage door |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Into The Black Of The Tentacle | There was a young maiden named Sue |
| 2006 May 23 | Into The Vegetable | A carrot lay upon the bank |
| 2004 Jan 9 | Invaders From Rabbit-holes, Snout First | Mars is being explored--and wow, are we excited! |
| 1997 Feb 19 | Invisible Sandwiches - The Tiresome Beginnings | She found the smoothest stone, |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Invitation to Rather Unlikely Personnel | Should I invite you to my soiree? |
| 2001 Dec 10 | Inwardly, Yet Outwardly | This helicopter, whose neglect |
| 2005 Nov 11 | iPods Crafted From Rusting Spanners Or Similar | You think of these as scones |
| 2003 Nov 1 | Irresistible Types | My Love was born on Halloween |
| 2003 Nov 8 | Is Confused By | Never did I dream that she would call a spade a spade |
| 2000 May 24 | Is My Navel Growing? | What is that great black bird I see? |
| 2005 Jan 7 | Is Nothing Valueless | Once quite temperamental |
| 1999 Jan 18 | Is of Night | The smiles I get when I dance around the bar |
| 2002 Jan 9 | Is Santa Powerless? | No man is an isthmus |
| 2003 Sep 23 | Isn't Doubt Corrosive? | Doubt is so corrosive |
| 2004 Sep 13 | It Cannot Be The Teapots | She is in love with the beautiful formlessness of the sea (Sylvia Plath) |
| 1997 Apr 26 | It Isn't Often Oatmeal | In his book, 'The Uranium Fanfare', |
| 2004 Aug 17 | It Might Not Be That Scrap | When coupled with that |
| 1999 Mar 2 | It never happened really except once maybe yesterday | The night was dark, and dire foreboding crackled in the air |
| 2004 Sep 1 | It Never Raineth On The Holy Fool | Back at the beginning |
| 2006 Jan 19 | It Seems Pointless To Polka | Handel's Croatian |
| 1997 Dec 16 | It's Entirely God's Business | Eleven, six or eight |
| 2000 Jul 31 | It's Meadowlark Lemmon | In the dead of night, lit by pale moonlight |
| 2003 Aug 14 | It's the Spuds' Malevolence | With sinister speed, they come and go |
| 2004 Mar 4 | It's Unoffically Denied Until Proven | Now the news is out, |
| 2003 Jul 21 | Ivor the Besotten | Unbeknown to Ivor Pooter |
| 2006 May 22 | Jabberwocky, The Lyrics | Be wary of the snigglewats |
| 1996 Nov 1 | Jail-mouth Slime | At the risk of sounding spiteful, I shall tell you what I think |
| 2000 Jun 6 | Jeeves Arranged My Spangled Smoking Jackets Elegantly | I like to eat cheese in the High Pyrenees |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Jello Fellow | While bouncing on a sea of jello |
| 2004 Feb 3 | Jelly-Babies Prefer Jelly-Parents | Dr Who once gave me candy-floss to eat |
| 2003 Nov 19 | Jerry-built Riffs | There once was lady from Knox |
| 1998 Mar 2 | Jesus pondering a delightful catachresis | Beneath the tea tree sits the gnome, |
| 2000 Jun 1 | Jesus With Underdone Omelette | In this unspeakable foreboding year, our doom |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Jilted By Cheapskates | "I've saved you so much money, dear" |
| 2003 Jan 9 | Jolly Thirsty Pirates | Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Jonah On War | There was once a man in a tale |
| 2002 Nov 28 | Judith, A Polynomial | In my glass kimono |
| 2004 Sep 14 | Juicy John Chest Unit | Yield unto me, maiden fresh, |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Just A Hog | There once was a pervert named Mick |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Just As Jurassic | Upon the plain the stegosaurus |
| 2002 May 31 | Just Icing the Mind | I love the sound of ice cubes when |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Kamasutra for Happy Knives and Spoons | There was a fine seller of pearls |
| 2003 Aug 9 | Kangaroo Den | She prayed that she might never see the day |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Karma Rodents | Dreaming gerbils in the sawdust dream of you and me |
| 1998 May 2 | Kate's Gruttock Impaler | In times of stress I like to scratch my foot |
| 2000 Nov 1 | Keats Knew His Mind | Oh, what can ail thee, Knave of Hearts, |
| 2005 Jan 24 | Keatsian Devices | Grecian urns do not inspire these words |
| 2004 May 27 | Keeping Her Through Ignorance | Let's not expect the moon |
| 2000 Feb 13 | Kenneth: My Monster Pilot | Cover me with asphalt as they do in Donegal! |
| 2003 Jul 10 | Ketchup Alchemy | A red hen, convinced that her eggs were sublime, |
| 2006 May 12 | Kiki On Speed | The glittering lights of Montmatre in her eyes |
| 2006 Aug 9 | Kill None But The Brave Lover | No mistress is so passing fair |
| 2006 Jun 23 | Kill The Penny | Perfection in a postage-stamp |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Kindly Mind My Zoo | Kruschev and me |
| 2003 Nov 2 | Kissable Landlords In Jeopardy | Kiss me quick and go |
| 2003 Jun 27 | Knight of the Noxious Lie | If only I could sing like William Shatner |
| 2004 Aug 16 | Knighthood For Those In Direst Destitution | I chanced upon a shouting match |
| 2002 Oct 10 | Knitting Vol-au-vents | Wars are documentaries now... |
| 2002 Dec 5 | Knowing About Astromancy | My new Gemini space-craft leaks |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Knowledge Couth Forsooth | There are many things you do not know |
| 2001 Nov 7 | Kurosawa Crawled Heavenward | There's nothing to accomplish in the dust |
| 2001 Sep 4 | Kylie, Dark Illusion | I unfolded my favourite handkerchief slowly |
| 2002 Oct 14 | Laconic as Pestilence | Marge sees not her hem's afire, |
| 2003 Dec 5 | Lament For The Unseen Cake | Who will come with me, who will come play? |
| 2003 Dec 29 | Lament Not The Passing Of Haliborange | Twenty past midnight, I want to go home |
| 2005 Nov 29 | Lament: Austere Nightly Beatings | Retribution, hard as stolen milk, |
| 2004 Sep 16 | Lamentations Upon The Morrow | I stare into myself, hoping for redress |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Landscapes Fail | Just before the avalanche |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Large Enough To Store Time | What better place than here? |
| 2006 Jun 7 | Lark Ovaries | Have you ever thought of trimming your moustache? |
| 2005 Aug 22 | Lasers In Latin | To grasp these prawns will take some skill |
| 2004 May 1 | Late Comers To Rollerblades | Which came first, the liver or the wurst? |
| 2002 Jan 2 | Lately Confused Shirts | As he jumped from the peak of the mountain of Slibb |
| 2003 May 18 | Laughing Down by the Maelstrom | Behind the nipple's cruel intent |
| 2004 Jan 17 | Laundanum Language | 'Ulalume, ulalume,' said Edgar Allan Poe |
| 2002 Oct 10 | Laundresses, Basements, and Pythons | Gullible wretches, so polished and pure |
| 2003 Nov 3 | Lawfully Invalidated Fishing Permit | A pound of osmium breaks all banks |
| 2003 Oct 27 | Lawrence's Spaniard Fool | How hideous is the Spaniard |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Lay for a Lonely Farmer | She was lovely as the night |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Leadership Fails Turtles | He used to be, so rumor has, the Dean of Men at Alcatraz |
| 2003 Sep 25 | Learned Sea | When halfway through swimming the channel |
| 2001 Nov 17 | Leave Meetings Behind | A slice of bread, varinshed with wax, |
| 2001 Nov 20 | Lechery's Appraisal | I loved her hazel eyes so much |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Lechery's Not a Primary Foodstuff | Some alphabetty spaghetti |
| 2004 Sep 7 | Left Handed And Concealed In Murky Allusions | Is it such a sin to lust |
| 2003 Sep 18 | Legacy of Homey Charms | I would hardly complain that loudly to be compared with Frost |
| 2000 Jun 12 | Lemmings Explode When Roped To Dynamite | Please help me grease my hamster said the Queen |
| 2003 Oct 27 | Lemon Feet | Your limpet grasp gives me no rest |
| 1997 Mar 23 | Lemur Song Unsung | From leprechaun to Lancer |
| 2002 Nov 23 | Lent Spent in Clapton | Canons to the right of me, and deacons to the left |
| 2002 Jul 17 | Lent Without Sister Amelia | A slice of cake, soaked in madeira, |
| 2001 Nov 17 | Lenten Orgy | A pint of gin to steel the nerves |
| 2005 Sep 4 | Leonine Mellinger Pronounces Herself Destitute | This Plasticene®'s Jurassic, don't you know? |
| 2006 Feb 22 | Lesbian Cookbook Virtues | Call your mother now and then |
| 2001 Dec 18 | Lesbians of Yesteryear | The Crossbill, famed in Nordic lore |
| 2004 Oct 13 | Lest We Forge Biscuits For Orphaned Presidents | Mildenhall; I choose to doubt |
| 2007 Mar 15 | Lest We Forge Unwitting Jubilation | These brinks on which we teeter |
| 2004 May 13 | Lest We Forgive Without Forgetting | For the gloom that follows fire |
| 2003 Sep 9 | Let The Litmus Decide | It's time we rearranged the border |
| 2003 Oct 10 | Let's | U LKE 2 HIKU? |
| 2002 Oct 4 | Let's Beat Up Apsley | A cardboard egg tastes just as good |
| 2001 Nov 22 | Let's Have Time to Fondle | Being a tomato-knife |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Let's Ride Away And Begin Again Without Shame | Should one great leader cross the sea |
| 2006 Jun 16 | Lettuce For Sodomy | A beach-ball and a pancreas |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Licensed to Kill Everything | Moneypenny's not a happy bunny |
| 2005 Jan 23 | Lichens | Just dethrone me, once per week, |
| 2007 Mar 6 | Lichfield Parkway Mumble | Hail, Nervosa Trollop |
| 2003 Aug 22 | Licks For Kicks | With the first light of dawn, the great armies gather |
| 2002 Jun 25 | Life Doesn't Fester | Responsibility for life on earth |
| 2002 Dec 3 | Life-Threatening Tuesday Mornings | Where is fester? What is he? |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Lifecycle: Forlorn Flapping | How blithely do we misuse this site and yet it does deserve it |
| 1997 Mar 30 | Lifeless Sheds | We were down to obsolete zero |
| 2002 Mar 10 | Lift-off! (Red Umbrellas) | The conical nose had been smeared with strawberry jam: |
| 2001 Aug 22 | Light Grey Sunshine | Groatweed grows by every verge |
| 2004 Jul 7 | Lighthouse Magic | It came upon the midnight clear |
| 2003 Sep 25 | Lightning Ignites My Secret Beard | Precipitous whiskers |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Like Butterflies Don't | So many little fluffy things |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Like the Inner Feathers of Earth | How frothy do these suds appear |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Lilliputians - My Play on Their Set | Lilliputians in my lap |
| 2004 Dec 24 | Limblessly Effortless | Up here we no longer have a need . . . for thumbs |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Limerick About a Trout | Let us now swim in Lake Erie |
| 2002 Aug 2 | Limerick Folly | The funny thing is, remarked Fred |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Limerick Whore | Limerick Funfest |
| 2000 Dec 4 | Limpopo Cocktail | Rivals, fourteen inches high, |
| 2002 Dec 24 | Lincoln's Curry Riders | The plenitude of earthly thoughts |
| 2006 Jul 1 | Lingerie Throughout | Now harken to a tale so vile |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Lips You can Kiss | I should've screwed old what's her name |
| 2004 May 7 | Liquid Never Flinches | So plaintively you ask if this |
| 2001 Nov 13 | Lithuania Accepts Barclaycard Again! | The cabbage roared to see the mouse |
| 2003 Nov 10 | Little Extremes Of Bedtime Cocoa | Shorter than the shortest book |
| 2004 Jan 25 | Little Holly Sat Upon Her | I'm the only gay in the village |
| 2005 Jul 1 | Liturgically Challenged Papists Vainly Seeking Pomp | Her velvet trousers, on the bed |
| 2002 Sep 14 | Loaf Mumbles Loaf | Punished for his extra ears |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Lobbyists In Spoonland | Reverend Spooner, twice a day, |
| 1997 Sep 14 | Lockjaw Imminent | Dead as any dodo |
| 2006 Feb 24 | Lodestar Of The Ballooning Nurse | We changed your appointment |
| 2003 Oct 13 | Loincloths of Hickory | Some folks like a formula |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Londoners In Vegas | Another buck; the symbols spin |
| 2003 Dec 15 | Loneliness Corrupted By Fishes | Homesick while at home--candles melt like promises |
| 2003 Aug 28 | Long Unbidden Melody | Wine and women, women and song |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Longing | Oh, my God, it never ends |
| 2006 Jul 18 | Longing For The Oligarch | Fun time for Natasha |
| 2004 Apr 24 | Longingly Depend | Whilst figuring out how to untie his shoes |
| 2002 Nov 4 | Longings for Celibacy | How hideous the passion! |
| 2003 Feb 7 | Longings Unknown to Science | Why should I ration |
| 2006 May 29 | Longshoremen Fit Only For Nightmares | We've gathered together today |
| 2003 Jul 31 | Look Askance | Little girl, look in the window. What do you, what do you see? |
| 2003 Oct 1 | Look, No Anatomy! | I looked at my feet and to my surprise |
| 2004 Jan 26 | Looking Good Backwards | Where are the songs of yesteryear? |
| 2004 Apr 26 | Looking Lively And Feeling Crap | Can this be it? Can Spring be here? |
| 2003 May 1 | Looters | Alas! The Golden Treasury has been looted |
| 2003 Jul 28 | Lost Lies Under | Under the covers, bodies move |
| 2001 Apr 29 | Lost Meanings of Turkestan | Show me a mirror and I'll |
| 2004 Jun 22 | Lotteries Bring Us Little Snowdrops | Divest yourself of all your wealth! |
| 2006 May 4 | Louse, Louise | Feasting on the gouts of blood |
| 2003 Jul 26 | Love Awkwardly | If I fell in love with you |
| 2006 May 10 | Love For A Piglet | Nobody comes, nobody goes |
| 2002 Jan 18 | Love Icily Visible | Bones and twigs and a perilous ascent |
| 2005 Jul 6 | Lucy In Torment | Pastry-forks were just the thing - |
| 2004 Nov 30 | Lunar Love-fest | We hear you're taking a trip to the moon |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Lunar Sunsets | That moon is not an aspirin |
| 2004 Dec 1 | Lurching Balloons | Please release me |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Lurking in The | Play it again, Kansas Sam |
| 2003 Dec 18 | Lyrics To Kill The Bliss Of Heart-throbs | Her tortured lip was dripping blood |
| 2004 Jun 26 | M 32 Road Movie | These old molluscs, bought for tea, inscribe |
| 2002 Sep 24 | Machine Coffee: Grounds for Divorce | Estimate the water's depth |
| 2002 Jan 3 | Mackenzie is Certainly Faster | All the lonely people |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Madness | When all the world is going mad |
| 2004 Jan 17 | Madwoman, Me? | She's come undone--her valium useless as mythical gods |
| 2004 Jun 30 | Maidens Irritated When Their Purity Runs Out | A thesaurus was stoned to death, a diction'ry was raped, |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Mail-Room Mystery | A weakness for detail |
| 1998 May 4 | Majestically Behavioral | The bilious fishwife was covered in stew, |
| 1999 May 8 | Major Karamazov's On Call | Cooler than the outer wall |
| 2001 Jan 15 | Making Nuns | Sheila was my first love, and she was just a hake |
| 2003 Sep 23 | Making the Tide Wet | I once had to wrestle a bear |
| 2006 Jul 31 | Malodorous Relatives By Night | A grave is not a flowerbed |
| 2003 May 17 | Management Facilitates, Managers Collide | Complacent as a senator |
| 2003 Aug 8 | Management Evoked | How do you feel about Life? |
| 2002 Oct 11 | Manifested | Perhaps I'm not so odd |
| 2003 Oct 30 | Manure Can | Ovegiously, he blarks the heen |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Many Small Wonders for Royalty | Poor Peter was three inches high |
| 1999 Oct 25 | Map of the Primitive Song | Sleep, curly savage, on the forest floor. |
| 1998 Jun 7 | Marching with Redemption Balloons | Like spoons they lie, a front to back, |
| 2001 Aug 10 | Marinade Your Partner Daily | His passion was a restless sort |
| 2006 Jul 28 | Market Anomalies Perpetrated By Emily Dickens | Because I could not stop for Lunch |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Markup Over Sense | Come |
| 2002 Feb 11 | Marmot Receipts Multiply | The terebinth was singing, but its words were quite obscure - |
| 2004 Apr 29 | Marmots Roam Willy-nilly Across Naked And Glistening Tundras | Make love to me as if you'd spent |
| 2004 Mar 24 | Marrows Away | This choice of relish was not of the best, |
| 1998 Nov 18 | Marrying Kine | In this ballet, cochineal |
| 2004 Feb 13 | Martyrs To The Biscuit Guardians | The bilemonger's bill |
| 2003 Oct 23 | Mary Marmalade And Very Tasty Puppies | I make them go fast |
| 2003 Oct 19 | Mary, Nary, Oh-So-Scary | "I never think when I can talk," |
| 2000 Mar 17 | Mask of the Herald | Her sharp mouth, again, |
| 2004 Oct 22 | Massacred By Melting Geology | My foot is stuck; I cannot move |
| 2005 Jul 22 | Mated By Happenstance | A fledgling wasp once took the time |
| 2001 Aug 9 | Matrimony is Hegemony, not Patrimony | She's all to me, and little more |
| 2002 Nov 26 | Matter, Not Marmite | Burnt his fez upon the pyre? |
| 2000 May 16 | Matters Heretical | In Spring |
| 2003 Aug 5 | May I Apply for this Job? | On the morning of the seventh day of May |
| 1997 Mar 5 | Maya's Misty Watercolor Blues | As Maya turned the page |
| 1998 Jan 21 | Maybe Mercury Speaks | Scared of every footfall |
| 2002 Apr 15 | Maybe Not the Frozen Finger-Print | Jemima was a nurse-maid |
| 2004 Jan 29 | Mayoral Heart-throbs | A burst of poignant doctrine |
| 2001 Aug 1 | McBoreal's Adventure | Hamish McBoreal? The spaniel from the Glens? |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Mean Words | When words cannot convey |
| 2000 Nov 22 | Meanwhile, Back Under the Duvet... | A kangaroo tried in a wallaby court |
| 2004 May 24 | Meaty Beaty Big And Bonsai | Sausage, when the time is right |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Melodies by Journeymen | Moving softly through the symphony |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Melons In December | I like bananas, because they have no bones |
| 2000 Jan 5 | Melt-Down Happens Nightly | 'Well, stap me vitals!' swore William Hague: |
| 2003 Oct 14 | Melted Rectories of Nyum-Nyum | On vacation, I saw a most Marvel-ous cave |
| 2002 Apr 14 | Melting Pot Ritual | A caramel pig once sat on the throne |
| 2001 Feb 17 | Membrane One (Laughing Hoop) | If Joan of Arc wasn't a zombie |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Memories Sleep With You | This is the strangest place |
| 2006 May 15 | Men Without Equations | Are you prepared to reveal |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Menthols for Dinosaurs | Do not go husky into that bad flight |
| 2002 Mar 13 | Menu, Unaware of Lurking | I can't abide a burnt-up pie |
| 2004 Aug 20 | Meringue-laden Exclamations | At this time, most every day, |
| 1999 Dec 31 | Merlin's Legendary Lost Oaths | My daughter! My daughter! the old wizard cried |
| 2005 Oct 20 | Mermaids Sighing Affidavits | Harold Pinter, author of Betrayal, |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Merry Googling | On the first day of Google, my search term was to be |
| 2004 Feb 27 | Messages For Sandwichmen | We scaled it down |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Metamorphosis: You Cave In | Your chakra throbs with crystal chi |
| 1997 Nov 6 | Michaelangelo's Lewd Little Brother | Frequently, my brother speaks |
| 2004 Mar 3 | Middle Victorian | The generals are born again |
| 1999 Jun 28 | Midsummer Fails Everyone | Mellow jazz oozes from the speakers |
| 2004 Mar 24 | Milk Manoeuvres | Free, with every Guernsey cow |
| 2003 Nov 4 | Milk Shouting Louder | This bottle of grease is empty! |
| 2003 Sep 21 | Milkround | Whoremongers, rumormongers, mongers galore |
| 2003 Aug 28 | Millipede Stain | When saturation takes its toll |
| 1997 Jul 23 | Mind My Forgotten Puddleduck | This overbearing convoy |
| 2004 Nov 18 | Mine Or Not To Be | Your clone is a much better lover |
| 2005 Jul 25 | Mine Shaft Mendicants, Their Oath | If I told you how I feel |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Minstrels Really Know | The Troubadour was travelling, his merry band in tow |
| 1996 Dec 26 | Misadventures Without Misconduct | The travails of my giroscope |
| 2001 Oct 2 | Misconduct With Whosoever Chooseth | Welcome to the conversation |
| 2003 Nov 19 | Misconstruing Hullabalooing | When shining shoes, you really must |
| 2003 Aug 22 | Misery Trains | Bill stood in Charing Cross looking at the departure board |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Misplaced Devotion | Follow the players all over the globe |
| 2001 Jul 20 | Misspelt Youth Syndrome | A saucer of sour milk for my companion! |
| 2003 Aug 9 | Mistakes Always | Oh me oh my |
| 2003 Dec 15 | Misuse Of That Darn Animal | Don't wear a cat for a hat |
| 2002 Jan 7 | Mitochondrial Ne'er-do-wells | Carved in frozen gasoline |
| 2003 Dec 1 | Mittens Disturb | Items that do not give offence |
| 2002 Sep 9 | Mix My Chickens | Torn off a strip |
| 2003 Sep 23 | Mix My Soul with Potions Metaphysical | Words enfold me, winged things |
| 2003 Aug 8 | Mizzen Manhood | On board the good ship Mary Jane |
| 2004 Jan 9 | Möbius Dancing | A cannon-ball into the pool |
| 1997 Feb 16 | Modish Qualms | I name this dead wasp 'Halitosis' |
| 2006 Jun 12 | Monday Present | Before you read the second line |
| 2005 Sep 4 | Monetarists | In flowerdome five |
| 2003 Nov 4 | Monster Showtime | Oh, the claws, they should not be |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Moooon | Moon bars, moonbeams, mooning honeymooners |
| 2004 Jan 27 | Mops Our Fevered Explorer Cannot Display | So... slate wiped clean, whereto from here? |
| 2003 Sep 29 | Morbid Obsessions With Broccoli | My imagination runs a little wild at times |
| 2004 May 1 | More Coal Please. Vicar | She's known as Nell, down in Camberwell |
| 1996 Dec 16 | More Heretical Bombast | At Hampton Wick |
| 1997 Feb 28 | More Paraffin for my PerpetualApprentice | The sun and moon kiss in the light of day |
| 2003 Sep 9 | More Sweepings | Maybe now, or maybe later |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Morning | Waking up at sparrow's fart |
| 2003 Jul 22 | Morning is Dead | Awake ye slumberers, and greet the day |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Mosquitos Hatched by Homework | Bill bought broken bric-a-brac |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Most Even-Handed Definition | impeccable: Can not be pecced |
| 2003 Aug 13 | Mother One | Mother Theresa sported a wart |
| 2003 Sep 25 | Mother-in-law with Oregano | My mother-in-law, my mother-in law |
| 2004 May 12 | Motherhood In The Pasture | Diapering tushies is really a bummer |
| 2003 Oct 28 | Mouldy Hiccough | It |
| 2002 Jul 23 | Mouldy, They Said | That artichoke they gave me |
| 2003 Mar 11 | Mountainous Piques | What God did on the seventh day |
| 1997 Sep 2 | Mozart once wrote the longest andleastenjoyable limerick ever to darken anthologiesof versification | Domestic bliss |
| 2002 May 13 | Mr Leather Roasted Little Squid | What dire offence from am'rous causes springs |
| 2000 Jul 22 | Mr Stilton Stalks The Underground | As I was going up the stair, I met a froglet tall and square. |
| 2002 Oct 22 | Mr. And Mrs Kruschev's Treasured Collection of Victorian Iron Pullovers | Benjamin Braddock got carried away |
| 1997 Jun 28 | Mudwoman, repent! | Life for a girl is a sensual map |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Mugged | Coffee mugs are breeding grounds |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Mugging For Pennies | "The proof is in the pudding," or so I've heard it said |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Mukluks Sometimes | My own dear love does seldom fart |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Mushroom | Galumphing through the daisy field |
| 1999 Jan 24 | Music Shadows Repetitively | An amphora of Egyptian darkness |
| 1998 Jan 30 | Music, Unless... | While I was walking my dog on the moon |
| 2004 Mar 3 | Musical Accomplishments Involving Instruments Of Zinc | It's fine to play the didgeridoo, but please not in the office loo |
| 2003 Aug 27 | Must Pups Melt Their Carpet? | The pups are gamboling again |
| 2001 Aug 7 | Mutable, Suitable, Inscrutable | Hidboult was a wanderer |
| 2006 May 24 | Mute Soup And Memory Faded | I met a man whose nose extended |
| 2000 May 8 | My Articulate Cucumber Says | Teasing and tempting is naughty Nanette |
| 2004 Mar 1 | My Aunt's Astonished Parakeet | Repetition twenty-fold is what I really crave |
| 1998 Dec 2 | My Bahnhof Godparent | Carve this thought upon the bark |
| 2003 Sep 18 | My Blotter | The ink was barely dry upon the page |
| 1999 Mar 23 | My Boatswain's Left Baboon | A third knee is a mighty boon |
| 2004 Jul 1 | My Cardboard Mother | Dressing as a helicopter |
| 2003 Sep 25 | My Confession | ‘Screech Screech’, screeched the cat |
| 2003 Oct 22 | My Corduroy Mariner, Correspondingly | With skin as pale as honesty |
| 2007 Mar 21 | My Desire Seldom Lights My Desire | Rainbow bright across the loch |
| 1999 Feb 4 | My Earliest Barnacle-Busting Memory | Count to ten, then start again |
| 1997 Jan 4 | My Favorite Plunderings | 'Twas a frothy foam upon the wake |
| 2002 Jan 30 | My Finite and Fastidious Friend | This time, I shall follow my leader |
| 2000 May 17 | My French Bananas Of Unbounded Magnificence | When teaching Granny to suck eggs |
| 1998 Jun 30 | My funicular cutlets, redeemed | The Green Joy made the Queen wet with dew |
| 1997 Mar 25 | My Gallic Endorsements | 'I wonder', mused the conqueror, 'why lemons seldom sing' |
| 2000 Nov 23 | My goodness... my gumboot | Apsley wrote a novel about a small baboon |
| 2003 Sep 2 | My Guts Reek | Good Morning, Mr. Soap! |
| 2003 Jun 21 | My Habitat of Unkempt Mincemeat | Coconuts are hard to peel |
| 2000 Feb 16 | My Hamster, Utterly Exhausted By Trepanning | I sing of beauty and a boy's endeavour |
| 2002 May 15 | My Helium Pancakes Notwithstanding | When I consider how my light is spent, |
| 1997 Jan 12 | My Ingot Balloon | Translations of ancient words, |
| 2003 Oct 8 | My Least Best Failing | The restrooms here are fairly clean |
| 2002 May 8 | My Lion-hearted Friend Edgar | The tiger hunting in the dusk |
| 2003 Jan 3 | My Liverpool Lament | Percival the scouse louse |
| 2001 Sep 5 | My Mendacious Honey | I lie to you always, as sugar to spice |
| 2003 Sep 22 | My Misadventures Began in Cleveland | Inaccurate, like any map |
| 2000 May 3 | My Nightly Righteous Ferment | I think that I shall never see |
| 2002 Nov 19 | My No Nonsense Dream | A Roland and an Oliver! |
| 2001 Jul 29 | My Oceanic History | A waterfall, in which the whale |
| 2003 Aug 4 | My Other Lifetime was a Thing Foregone | A mothball larger than the sun |
| 2003 Nov 10 | My Painful Bass | Come an' listen to a story 'bout a man named Jake |
| 2005 Jul 12 | My Priapic Milestone | Coddled mushrooms, all a-simmer, |
| 2003 Sep 29 | My Puckered Times | Uncork the bottle and light a cigar |
| 2000 Dec 23 | My Raving Virgin | A perfect wedding in the snow |
| 1999 Jul 18 | My Slapdash Endgame | A Cautionary Tale |
| 2004 Apr 25 | My Slide Transmission | Another Red poem commences |
| 2000 Mar 6 | My Smothered Haggis | Cut away, cut away |
| 2000 Oct 19 | My Song of Glass | Sleep darkly in your mellow haze my love, |
| 1998 Jan 31 | My Soothsayer's Impeachment | Emblems of the regal scorn |
| 2003 Nov 24 | My Special Nosebag | If falling stars had parachutes |
| 2005 Sep 1 | My Third Empire | In this haystack, L. P. Hartley |
| 2004 Jan 28 | My Toe Is Now Swollen Again | That fellow, Othello, could not be called mellow |
| 2000 Apr 27 | My Undoing | When I was young and fancy free |
| 2000 Apr 9 | My Warning Ignored | Arabella Spommit wrote her cup-size on a mouse |
| 2000 Oct 3 | My Zebra Toes | The stillness of the day, the ceaseless hum |
| 1999 Dec 7 | Mythical Piscator | I talk to herring in the dark when no one is around |
| 2003 Dec 16 | Mythical Quest | In days of yore, when dragons roamed the world |
| 1998 Mar 11 | Nabobs and Frumps | OH! FEY! Cried the winged eel fingerling, |
| 2003 Oct 6 | Nailing Lips To My Umbrella | The lipstick factory: kick down the door |
| 1999 Feb 20 | Naked Globe | Rosemary...comfrey... cammomile tea, |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Naked Halluciantions of Night | Madness and despair have haunted me |
| 2004 Oct 12 | Namedroppers' Tango | Several times you've baked a cake |
| 2000 Jun 9 | Nanette Newman's Naughty Knickers Say "Oh! Oh! Oh! | There was a young man from Kilbride |
| 2005 Feb 16 | Nantucket Disappointment | There was a young man from Nantucket |
| 1998 Jan 1 | Narrow Trousers in Pimlico | When the wallet of the wealthy with fivers stiff is stuffed |
| 2001 Jan 10 | Nasty, Nasty | The gremlins in my kitchen make |
| 2002 Feb 17 | National Gnu Stun Atrophy | It was on just a night such as this |
| 2000 Oct 15 | Naturally We're Coughing | Who comes to answer Pity's call? |
| 2004 Sep 21 | Nature And Delight Worn Out | We are the Corporation |
| 2003 Oct 18 | Naughtiness As Can | I once knew a good sick ducker |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Naughty Sonnet | Oh how I loathe thee let me count the ways |
| 2004 Aug 14 | Naughty Thoughts Are Always Parochial | How fetching you look, Miss Sipple |
| 2006 Mar 9 | NB: In Memoriam | The blackest of shields by the light of the moon |
| 2000 Nov 3 | Neapolitan Bore | Galisha ga-galoosha |
| 2004 Feb 25 | Near Creepy Cow Lane | The last time I polkaed with Ted |
| 2001 Aug 20 | Near the Symbolist Palace of Atrocities | We start our tale outside a German wood |
| 2003 Jun 16 | Necessary foreign horrors | I trimmed that lean bazooka |
| 2007 Jan 11 | Neck Up Fatty | Plates of goulash, on the deck, |
| 2002 Mar 5 | Negating | A waltz a day is not enough |
| 2000 Feb 2 | Negative Elbow | Champion of the photograph |
| 1997 Aug 15 | Negligee Vector | The man who vilifies my tent |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Negligent Daleks Give Us A Passable Flamenco | I'd offer you a crumpet, |
| 2005 Sep 6 | Neolithic Muesli | Grizzled, in a state of tears, |
| 1999 Apr 9 | Neoplastic Ha'penny | My parachute has broken and I don't know how to fall |
| 2004 Jun 1 | Nepalese Danceuse Observed Using Stun-guns | Behold the scold: |
| 2000 Mar 9 | Neptune's Missing Noonday Umbrellas Of Blossom | The photo showed the final phase |
| 2003 Dec 17 | Nesting Penguins Throughout Asia Minor | I can't believe I left the grass in my pocket |
| 1998 Jul 27 | Neugierig, oder? | der Reim lernt eine neue Sprache |
| 1999 Feb 22 | Never Knowingly Charmed | Unskilled workers toil wordlessly |
| 2003 Nov 23 | Never Knowingly Renounce Walk-on Parts | A small incision in the chest-wall |
| 2007 Mar 9 | Never Meant to Harm | A nasturtium, rambling fine and crunchy, |
| 1997 Aug 29 | Never Once Promising To Underestimate Buns | Over the choppy leather line |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Never Reaches Glory | My eyelashes are black |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Never Wake, But Often Dreams | A bleeding broken heart |
| 2000 Jun 1 | Never, Scarcely Ever | Give me bowls of carrots in the sunrise that is grey |
| 2006 Aug 10 | Never. Should We Windsurf | Don't forget to tie your shoes |
| 2000 Jun 20 | Nevertheless, Nuke the French | Each time I use the word 'defer' |
| 2003 Aug 6 | New Battles for Deceit | You stood trembling |
| 2000 Jan 14 | New, Tidier Pixies | The stately tread of centuries has just assailed our ears |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Night Before Time Immoderate | in the darkness of the night |
| 2006 Aug 23 | Night From Midnight | The Gates of Ivory and Horn |
| 2006 Jun 16 | Night Thoughts | When o'er the willows whipporwills |
| 1998 Jan 27 | Night's Temporary Wrists | Carefully, she folds the fish |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Nightlong Battles | Once upon a time a whore |
| 2004 Aug 4 | Nightly Coal Kimono | These cosy virtuosi |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Nightmares in a Mind Overtaken by Madness After Sleepless Days and Nights | If you had but one final chance |
| 2003 Jul 23 | Nighttime Paddling | The sky was dark, and rain was falling |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Nighttown | On a night in september, 1982 |
| 2003 Jun 22 | Nile Feather Death Trip | Her upper arms; mine eyes alighting |
| 1998 Jun 3 | Nine Beatles Glimpsing Salvation | There was, perhaps, a waving arm, |
| 2000 Nov 27 | Ninepenny Lithuanians - A Rhapsody | Cashier, change this love-note |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Nippising | There was a strange lad from Ontario |
| 2004 Jan 3 | Nipple Tussock | I did it for the sake of her |
| 2003 Sep 1 | Nirvana in Daylight | I think I'll tiptoe over there |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Nirvana of Cleopatra | I made my peace with destiny and fate |
| 2005 Oct 14 | No Carborundum | Moving twice |
| 2001 Jan 1 | No Cat's Trousers | Pelting down the motorway, with my wheels of fire, |
| 2003 Oct 30 | No Fry-up For Presidents | Jacques Chirac would eat no snack |
| 2003 Jul 29 | No More Edible Pope | (limerick) There was an old lady from Wales |
| 1998 Mar 9 | No Parsley for Matilda's Fruitcake | By chance, are you going my way? |
| 2006 Jun 12 | No Peppermint Drops | The clouds are filled with bicycles |
| 2005 Dec 8 | No Thanks, Kenneth | Are you going to Scarborough Fair? |
| 2000 Feb 7 | No Thinner Knot | Casually, through the wall |
| 2003 Oct 30 | No Way to the Afterlife | I wonder: is it worth the time? |
| 2003 Sep 2 | No Week Planner | Monday's light brought dreams of birth |
| 2004 Feb 23 | No, Angels Shouldn't | To cling, once more, to selfsame forms |
| 2001 Aug 12 | Noah often said that it was lucky to stick herrings to trees | The rain poured down; the waters rose, |
| 2006 Jan 10 | Nobody Shaves Oswald | In search of the perfect asparagus |
| 1998 Mar 17 | Nocturne by Insectlike Co-authors | Timely teal creeps |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Nocturne Oy | In adamantine underpants the slavish sleeper slept, |
| 2004 Aug 17 | Nomads Are Only Upright Hayseeds | Affectless nomads |
| 2004 Jan 15 | Non-invasive Skins | A poem without the same old format |
| 2006 May 23 | None Save The Meistersinger | First with the frost |
| 2002 Oct 15 | Nonsense Sharpens Your Refrain | Hearlding a century of filth and gore, |
| 2003 Sep 27 | Noodle Ingests Itself | Mumbles not heard on any Pink Floyd album: |
| 2001 Dec 23 | Noontide Passion | The drips from his ten-gallon hat |
| 2003 Oct 26 | Nope to Blog | Quasi blog |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Nor Eric Nor Unshaven Shirts | Give a man sufficient rope |
| 2004 Jul 9 | North-east Is Henceforth Banished | A globe for tea, crammed high with brine, |
| 2001 Dec 7 | North-South Pedestrian Crossings | These suicides, who strut the streets |
| 2001 Aug 9 | Nostalgia for Breakfast - And Blue Sky | I wish I were in Ngunnawal again |
| 2005 Aug 12 | Nostrils, Each | Despite a severe anaesthetic |
| 2006 Mar 9 | Not A Proper Postman | More of me, and less of you |
| 2004 Oct 8 | Not Allowed In Our Picnics | A tide of rash assumptions |
| 1997 Jan 24 | Not Enough Sodium | Transubstantiation |
| 2003 Jul 30 | Not For Edification | Of brooding springs, and hooting rocks |
| 2002 Oct 3 | Not Lovers | Ventriloquists with salmonella |
| 2007 Jan 21 | Not Nubile, Not Shadows | Curves aplenty, on the bed, |
| 2004 Sep 14 | Not Princeton, Nor Any Other Halls Of Improvement | As with gladness men of old |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Not Their Fault At All, Really | When down-and-outs start trading shins |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Not What It Seems | Back at the beginning |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Not Yet Nice Enough | Aussie rock lyric challenge |
| 2002 Apr 12 | Nothing Bought With Eurocheques, I Imagine | Why can't the wicked inherit the Earth? |
| 2004 Mar 9 | Nothing But Extra Famine | Whilst walking on the darkling path |
| 2006 Aug 1 | Nothing But Our Static Senses | The Witch-Queen wrought an awful curse: |
| 2004 Sep 16 | Nothing But The Very Onerous Consumption Of Desire | This rare dark beauty doth my heart inspire |
| 2005 Mar 29 | Nothing More Redundant Than Thought | Stagnation, degradation |
| 2004 Jun 16 | Nothing More Tangible For Hillmen | Reticence, the virtue of the fool |
| 2003 Nov 27 | Nothing Percolates Like Treacle | Have you ever thought of peppering your toes? |
| 2004 Jan 20 | Nothing Will Prevail After The Neutrino | I think to make a piece of toast |
| 2005 Feb 18 | Novelistic Leaflets | Russell Hoban, King of Thrace, |
| 2003 Jun 30 | Now Repercussions Don't Hibernate | You asked for a list of excuses, |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Nowhere in Particular (Man Talking) | On the Road to Nowhere |
| 2002 Mar 14 | Nowhere Quickly Pales | When the last train left the station |
| 1999 Mar 7 | Nubility One | The death's-head watched and waited, |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Numbers Irrational | One hundred and seventy four point six |
| 2003 Oct 10 | Numerous Wonderlands | Four-and-twenty blackbirds |
| 2004 Apr 29 | Nuns Betray Our Laxative Supplies | Incantations - dead of night - |
| 2004 Aug 23 | Nuptial Mishaps With Long Knives | A young anthropologist cried |
| 2004 Apr 18 | Nursery Rhymes for Lawyers, Juries and Judges | Arnold Berry, quite contrary, |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Oak-worm Veneer Heathcliff | Curtains for the front of house |
| 1997 Mar 24 | Obelisk: Confusion | That karaoke chaos |
| 2001 Aug 13 | Obsoletely and Ignominiously | When I was young, we had a cave |
| 2006 Jun 20 | Occasionally He Thinks | Oh! So now you're telling me |
| 2001 Sep 13 | Occasionally I Have Fallen Ill | When I was living with an elk |
| 2003 Jul 25 | Oddments From the Bookstores | The shelving groaned with weight tomes |
| 2003 Jun 27 | Oddments of the Blonde | The gypsy's skirts swirled like the leaves in the fall |
| 2001 Jan 15 | Ode Scribbled Rudely by Lennon | A is for the alligators alcoholically inclined, |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Ode to the Attic | Let us praise the humble ceiling fan. |
| 1998 Sep 27 | Ode to the Laughter of my Pancreas | Who can fathom the rat's cunning ways? |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Ode to the Televangelists | They |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Odin Understands | I am seriously whacked |
| 2007 Feb 18 | Of Not, Of Not | In the trysting parlour |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Of Paisley | My wardrobe is my pride and joy |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Of Rubrics | Persnickety wickets, aha! |
| 2004 Jan 28 | Of Sailors And Their Ways | I'll tell you the tale of ham-handed Hannah |
| 1997 Dec 14 | Of Struggling Poets and Pious Days | A ghastly mismeasure of woman, |
| 2006 Jan 26 | Off Kilter | All is confirmed |
| 2000 May 29 | Off Ovary Street | What baby spurns the cattle-grid |
| 2001 Jan 20 | Offhand Emblem | If the captain's metaphysic |
| 2003 Nov 30 | Often During Christmas | 'Twas Christmas in the workhouse |
| 2003 Jul 22 | Often Percolate | Whose clothes these are, I think I know, |
| 2004 Jun 2 | Oftentimes Manet Tried Somersaulting Over Renoir | Lanky Hank was the tallest of Sherpas |
| 2003 Nov 20 | Oh! Gosh They've Gone | Yup, they cleared the decks again |
| 2004 Nov 2 | OK, Naysayer | Have you ever rode a Trojan horse? |
| 2003 Nov 13 | Olympian Breakfasting | Venus came to Athens, thence from there to Rome, |
| 2004 Jan 22 | Omicron Froat | My usual muse has gone for good |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Omphalos | (haiku) Three rings on my nose |
| 2004 Jan 3 | On A String Covered Ottoman | Mistaken for a crayfish |
| 2001 Dec 5 | On Galvanizing Spartan Surfaces | The mouse crept closer to its goal |
| 1999 Dec 19 | On Heat For Months | Away! Here's neither inn nor manger |
| 1997 Jul 7 | On Knowing Little Tess | Her hair falls short of a pageboy's crop |
| 2002 Dec 12 | On My Guff | Please sir, stand downwind from me. |
| 2002 Oct 3 | On Pandora's Bonnet | Perhaps I should have told her, perhaps she should have seen |
| 2003 Sep 11 | On The Toes | Ive just seen my feet for the first time in years |
| 2002 Nov 25 | On Undies | Quality control for underwear, |
| 2000 Nov 26 | Once Is Never Too Rarely | Once, just once, could someone let me know |
| 2001 Nov 22 | Once Knighted, Twice Blighted, Thrice Sighted! | A wooden Gospel, baked as bone |
| 2004 Feb 16 | Once Lithuania, Once | In a cave, on a mountain so high |
| 2000 Jan 7 | Once Over Once Again | Three to one, three to one |
| 1998 May 2 | Once We Devoured Magma | At last I have the chance to spread my wings and versify |
| 2003 Sep 26 | Once You Forget My Name, A Strange Leathery Complexion Beckons | A man with a prong on his nose |
| 2004 Sep 12 | One Apostate Fieldmouse Alone In All Conjecture | Ignorance, in former times |
| 1999 Dec 1 | One Blonde Speaking After Silence | Like fish, attracted to a flame |
| 2003 Sep 2 | One Cat for Every Lear | How blithely do the flivvers fly |
| 1998 Jun 10 | One Daren't Expect More | The night we rode, the path we trod, we knew how it would end |
| 1997 Jul 9 | One Last Later | Betrayed! The voyeur's curtain |
| 1998 Feb 19 | One Last Lobster Seeking Re-election | Ride onwards, lads, a new-born day |
| 2003 Sep 11 | One Less Day to Remember | Journal Entries |
| 1997 Sep 15 | One moonbeam, undercooked | Three drops of cactus-water |
| 1998 Dec 13 | One More Landscape | To renovate the galaxy |
| 2002 Jul 29 | One Scourge Too Far From Home | Imagine that! My little cat |
| 1997 May 22 | One Smug Portillo, Timely Forgotten | These low and oily charmers |
| 2005 Sep 18 | One Will Between Friends | In opting for a greyer black |
| 1998 Sep 30 | One-note Symphony on the Sudden Revolution | From where will the words come? |
| 2003 Aug 28 | Onions Can't Cry | I've far too much hair on my head |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Only A Warthog Won't | Goofy Haikus |
| 2004 Jul 2 | Only Fools Rush | Only a rose |
| 2002 Oct 28 | Only if the Circle Turns | Such a cruel summer! On cool heaths |
| 1998 Mar 17 | Only Ingrid Soothes This Eyeball | Your cobwebs (your cosmetics) |
| 2003 Nov 21 | Only Known Criminals And Their Zebras | I think I saw an eagle fly across the Interstate |
| 2006 May 12 | Only Lagging | At altitudes like these |
| 2004 Mar 19 | Only Once Is More Than Twice Times Two | Give me the pen and invisible ink, and I'll write my life story for you |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Only Our Gambits Shall | 'Incontinence for all!' |
| 1999 Jan 21 | Only Transient Sheep | Hiatus and Hibiscus are the names of my two sheep |
| 2004 Mar 31 | Onwards, Henrietta Dawson | I carry Hank, my freeze-dried hake, |
| 2004 Jan 18 | Oompah Tuba | I hear you like to polka with clubfooted gals |
| 1999 Mar 6 | Opacity's 22 Miraculous Beings | Silent in the midnight silence |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Opinion Is Not A Occupation | If fish could scream |
| 1997 Mar 22 | Orderly Insects Are Forecast | Small birds |
| 2003 Jan 24 | Orfeo The Ineluctable | As lame as a fish |
| 1997 Sep 27 | Ornamental William Golding Glimmmers in Void | Pretty, pretty hermit |
| 2001 Dec 21 | Orphans Drinking Deftly | A glass of claret twice per day |
| 2001 Dec 14 | Other Presentiments of Scoutmasters from Bothnia | Remembering his empty purse |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Other Pubic Grindings | Ah, your onyx eyes and sequined purse |
| 1998 Jan 13 | Other Shark-Infested Pillows | Seven cubed plus fourteen squared |
| 2004 Mar 26 | Otherworldly Newsagent With Or Without Croutons | A surgeon addicted to soup |
| 2004 Jan 9 | Otherworldly Stuff By Bob | Quentin Tarantino |
| 2003 Aug 3 | Ounces of Hidden Obviousness | I got the "I Ain't Got Nuthin' to be Blue About" blues |
| 2003 Oct 16 | Our Bombastic Parlour Pig | Terence wrote, when not in Thrace, a clutch of tearful plays |
| 2003 Oct 4 | Our First Love We Denied | We fell into the ocean |
| 2003 Nov 24 | Our Knoll Stroll | Where was JFK, the evening I was shot? |
| 2005 Sep 7 | Our Leather-Bound Archipelago Swept Clean | Returning to my spawning-grounds |
| 2002 Sep 21 | Our Lissom Laureate | When you wish upon a stoat |
| 2000 Nov 7 | Our Mutinous Ukulele | Skiing down a snow-filled tunnel |
| 2001 Oct 1 | Our Northern Weeds Notwithstanding | Outside the gates of Swindon |
| 2000 May 2 | Our Nose, Once Bitten | The great thing about the verse compositions of Ogden Nash |
| 2001 Apr 25 | Our Only Strawberry | Why me? |
| 2006 Feb 24 | Our Road Is Hardly Justified | Put me through the paper shredder |
| 2006 Aug 24 | Our Score Was Enough For Zeke | I went to Zeke's to buy some paint |
| 2003 Sep 2 | Our Snotty Pim | I bought a cute puppet named Pim |
| 2005 Apr 26 | Our Socratic Brethren Will One Morning Save The Welsh Unaided | Plato's grin did shame the sun |
| 2003 May 12 | Our Sword Unsheathed by Metaphors | |
| 2005 Jul 29 | Our Technocrats Under Duress | Strontium nitrate |
| 2000 Jun 12 | Our Ugliest Newly-Weds Disgust Me | A feast of fumes, a feast of fumes |
| 2005 Mar 31 | Our Vectors Ineptly Computed | Chucked up, chucked out |
| 2004 Oct 6 | Outlawed Haiku | This secret haven |
| 1998 Dec 1 | Outlet-valve in preparation | If spring does not come |
| 2006 Jun 24 | Outwardly Nubile | Let us go then, you and I |
| 1997 Apr 30 | Ovaltine Cannot Age My Kitten | Cracked, but half asleep |
| 2005 Feb 4 | Over And Outhouse | Astride a blazing horse |
| 2005 Apr 12 | Over Blighty Dipping | Men who pause |
| 2006 Jan 3 | Over By The Time She Smells The Brie | Sunk by the Spanish Amanda |
| 1999 Nov 1 | Over-baked blossom | Now listen, please. I've brought you here |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Overcome Heart | My life is like a mouse-trap |
| 2004 May 17 | Oversight Of The Acrosticial | When any lowbrow tunesmith offers notes |
| 2003 Feb 11 | Overtures Misunderstood | Why are men so damn complex? |
| 2002 Jun 17 | Own Kempt Wonders | Once glutton, twice dry |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Ownership for Men | This is dedicated to the one I love |
| 2003 Sep 1 | Pablo The Optometrist's Friend | Picasso, in his early years, |
| 2003 Sep 11 | Package Surprise, Not Surprise Package | Oft had I heard of Lucy Gray |
| 2005 Sep 21 | Packed Without Any Discernible Entropy | The last was gone before its hour |
| 2004 Nov 9 | Packing-case Diagrams | When all seems lost, all hope forlorn |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Paid to End | When I find myself in times of trouble, |
| 2001 May 23 | Palace Challenge to the Party | It's a noble bird, is your gannet |
| 2004 Feb 2 | Pale Mutabilities Of Death In Wales | Forget them all, their necks, their eyes |
| 2001 Feb 16 | Palfreyman In Switzerland | Doubled up with laughter, trebled up with woe |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Palindromes, Madam? | Sex at one, Kate! Take no taxes |
| 2004 Jun 14 | Palomar Mentors | Got Venus in my Transit |
| 2003 Oct 21 | Pam Sandwiches, Pruriently Sliced | The millimetre: squat, unclean |
| 2001 Nov 16 | Pancreatic Recreations | Her bashfulness, though not innate |
| 1998 Nov 25 | Pandora's Boxing-glove | I never tire of asking |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Pantoum of Brevity | Looking down through the shadows |
| 2003 Dec 17 | Papal Disgust | If you lift a dog with a crane, will he count to infinity? |
| 2003 Aug 12 | Paper Grasshoppers | The moon's a baloon, you know |
| 2003 Jul 27 | Parental | "You smell bad, Father William," the young man said, |
| 2003 Jul 20 | Paris Blemished | The last time I saw Paris |
| 2004 Jan 28 | Parsec Progression Beyond | What are the odds |
| 2004 Dec 8 | Parts That Require Frequent Calibration | A man once played my didgeridoo |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Pastiche (Coconuts) | Palm trees are not known to thrive amid the snow |
| 2004 Jan 24 | Paternity Proves Nothing | Crayfish, lobster, crab |
| 2004 Dec 9 | Pathos During Moonsets | This wearisome drought |
| 2004 Aug 5 | Patience Is Never Compared To Hopscotch | Is solitaire a virtue? |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Paul never liked peace anyhow | Yes, haiku is back |
| 2003 Dec 29 | Pay Cash For Everything Except Unguents | Late Christmas Eve the lot was dark, and so I filched a tree |
| 2002 Feb 4 | Pay for Teddy-bears | By the black infernal Styx I sat |
| 2003 Jul 17 | PC #22 | Televised indignities, alas |
| 2003 Jan 30 | Peace Comes Drivelling | We were a million strong and growing |
| 2003 Dec 23 | Peaches En Famille | This mortal skull that looks on me |
| 2002 Nov 6 | Peeping Tomcat | To drill through the crust of The Hague |
| 2005 Oct 23 | Pending Further Guests | Does anybody come here any more? |
| 2002 Nov 15 | Pension Rites After Sex | My metaphor is drawn from ice |
| 2003 Jul 26 | People Ran for the Butter | "Relax", I say, but they never obey |
| 2004 Mar 23 | Peptic Ulster | Later than the final hour |
| 2004 Aug 13 | Perdition In Vitro | When I went to the bar as a very young man |
| 2005 Feb 9 | Perfect Pitchers | Monosyllables |
| 2003 Jun 16 | Perhaps | And I thought it might be morning |
| 2003 Oct 24 | Perhaps You Think I'll Hide | A walk in the park is all very nice |
| 2003 Aug 30 | Permanent Perdition | Have you ever felt vibrating oscillatons?Perhaps reverberating resonations? |
| 2004 Feb 17 | Perpetual Hermeneutic Of Girl-Guides | When the pressure on our thinking |
| 1997 Mar 10 | Perpetual Nestled Teacups | It's not my cup of tea |
| 2003 Sep 6 | Persistent Fading | Chatting can be difficult |
| 2003 Jul 17 | Persnickety Girls | I once saw a doctor in Dayton |
| 2003 Jan 27 | Person or Thing Unknown | The first time I went to Iraq |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Perspective Isn't All Unlikely | A tap on the spine |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Perwinkle Trout Wrack | His boots were made of manta ray, |
| 2003 Mar 9 | Pestilent Ploughshares, Deficient Turnips | These latter-day halfwits, invading the turf |
| 2003 Nov 15 | Pets Are Not What They Seem | If every dog and every cat |
| 2004 Oct 22 | Pharyngitis Spells Trouble | Unbridled is your sense of fear |
| 2002 Nov 28 | Phenomenology for Carrots | My philosophy is very clear |
| 2003 Nov 28 | Phew! Poodles! | Beans, beans, the musical fruit |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Phew, Too | (haiku) I've forgotten much |
| 2004 Oct 30 | Philately Tentacles | I'm off – be back by Thursday night |
| 2000 Mar 17 | Philosophers Lacking Reason | When Kierkegaard was down-at-heel |
| 2004 Jan 22 | Phoebe Married The Warmonger | Smell my squirty button-hole |
| 2006 May 30 | Phoenix, Bored | Is no-one here to waken me? |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Phones and Windows | The phone is mute, a black hook |
| 2000 Aug 15 | Phyllis, My Secret Squirrel | We met in Dublin, in disguise, |
| 2003 Aug 1 | Pick You What | Whatchamacallit and thingamajig |
| 2003 Jun 18 | Pickle My Creation | Welcome, fine folks, but please be more attentive! |
| 2003 Nov 15 | Pickpockets, Rejoice! | Shall I invite you to a game of darts? |
| 2000 Apr 24 | Picture This, My Chatelaine | Rembrandt, on his better days, |
| 2003 Sep 2 | Pie Trappings | Nymphs and satyrs, centaurs and dryads |
| 2005 Dec 8 | Piebald Cheques | 'The first day of the rest of your life', they sang, |
| 2002 Jul 29 | Piecemeal Premonitions | I saw Yehudi Menuhin |
| 2003 Dec 12 | Pies And Astrolabes | Body-rot, on crocodiles |
| 2003 Jun 22 | Pig Lint Hit | My blog is narcissistic, though its readers, voyeuristic, |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Piggy And The Penguin Bankers | My head is full of fish, I fear |
| 2003 Aug 6 | Piggy, Piggy, Here Comes Piggy | PIGGY WINGS |
| 2005 Feb 3 | Piglet In Weymouth | To catch the dreaded Heffalump |
| 2000 Mar 15 | Pigment Denial | Pigment |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Pinaforesque | When I was a lad, I served my time |
| 2004 Feb 23 | Pious Hens of Unknowing | What kind of men are these, with beards and balding pates? |
| 2004 Apr 24 | Piquant Hostesses | Bowls of mustard lined the hall |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Pirate Rhymes | There once was a pirate, Blackbeard |
| 2003 Nov 2 | Pirates And Self-Loathing | A pattern is emerging |
| 2004 Nov 1 | Plane Of Placenta | Tribulation, fear and woe |
| 2003 Jul 21 | Planets of Repeated Sincerity | (limerick) There was a young maiden from Venus |
| 2000 May 22 | Plangent Daily Wailing | Cadences so swift and deft that man could hardly follow |
| 2004 Sep 1 | Plans For Nobody | Andromeda, I cry to thee |
| 2005 Feb 24 | Plans For Vacillation | I think I might go out today |
| 2005 Sep 24 | Platonic Scooter Or Worse | Banish poets? To The Pole? |
| 2005 Jan 19 | Plausibly Roguish | A subpoena has been issued (you were asking for it) |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Playland Smack | Raggedy-Ann has a heroin habit |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Please Don't Try | I wish to call attention |
| 2004 Dec 9 | Please Let Us Pronounce Each Syllable Better | One for the money, two for joy |
| 2003 Jan 8 | Please Not Sideways, Arabella | Dreary as a paper towel |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Please Pass the Wrestler | It is an ancient wrestler |
| 2003 Nov 17 | Pleasingly Cyclical | In the evening came the cycles |
| 2005 Nov 18 | Pleasure for Godmothers | Buckets of slime |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Plunder of the Phigosia | I have dined with the Gods, and yet |
| 2007 Feb 15 | Plutarch, Amnesia Abroad | Grievances and Remonstrance are my middle names |
| 2003 Oct 8 | Plutarchs Anthill Blues | When flying on a jumbo jet |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Poem Against The Removal Of Divided Teeth | Remember, sir, when spooning with your bill |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Poetry Alloys | When composing a poem, one must |
| 2003 Jul 25 | Poetry and Excess | There was a man from Timbuktu |
| 2003 Dec 1 | Poetry Means Never Having To Wink | Puerile and dull is the Limerick form |
| 2003 Oct 2 | Poets - We're Belligerent To A Fault | Poets fight with words and not with swords |
| 2003 Dec 12 | Poets Into Beasts | I know what it's like to be a poet. |
| 2004 Dec 31 | Pointless Goodness | "The End is near!" the Bellman cried |
| 2001 Jun 20 | Pointless Noses | A pound of cheese is just the stuff |
| 2003 Oct 30 | Pointy Sticks With Hats | Shall I compare thee to an Autumn's day? |
| 2003 Aug 27 | Pole Bank Frippery | The long haul to Christmas has started today |
| 2000 May 18 | Polemic Polarity | Hamstrung by a woollen noose |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Pollyanna Has Mugged Me | Like a small child in a candy store |
| 2000 Jan 31 | Pontifex Caught Under Bridges | Though drowning in the vat, I can |
| 2003 Oct 24 | Poor Child Roland | How he dawdles! Watch the steps |
| 2005 Mar 17 | Poor Semblance Of Artistic Metaphors | Prodigiously attractive |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Poorly Bohemians After Supper | An escapee from sanity: that's me |
| 2007 Apr 11 | Pop Goes My Rotten Hamster | A dozen spindly orphans |
| 2003 Dec 3 | Popcorn Of The French | When tapdancing down the Champs Elysees |
| 2004 Jan 22 | Porcine Tales By Granddaddy | I've got a brand new bathroom |
| 2004 May 17 | Pork Beam Custard | Palpably encoded in the Turing mould |
| 2006 May 30 | Pork-pie Hatred In Stoke | I hefted bricks of twenty pounds |
| 1997 Oct 31 | Possible Idolaters in a Black Throat | In all my vast concerns |
| 2000 Nov 24 | Possibly Wasting My Days | Longshot: five apostles |
| 2006 Apr 4 | Powers That Remain Potent | A night of perfect chaos |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Practise The Birdy | At the crack of day when the baby birds do sing |
| 2003 Nov 5 | Pray For Dinner | Another web, another fly, another day has wrapped - yet I |
| 1998 Mar 22 | Prayer Wheel Poker | Carpenter's, my only hope, |
| 2004 Nov 29 | Predicated Upon Juvenile Ignorance | The bishop, in his water-wig |
| 2004 Jan 14 | Prefaces Are Lovely | Let us be pretentious, erudite, utilizing abstruse references, esoterica |
| 2004 Jan 1 | Prejudices Coming To Your Local Works Canteen | Said aged King Lear |
| 2005 Sep 27 | Prematurely Concluded | Envoi |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Prey Letters | I wandered lonely as a clod |
| 2002 Jul 18 | Professor Branestawm Finally Succumbs | This so-called portrait of the Bard |
| 2003 Oct 26 | Profit and the Usual Umbrage | Lest we profit from the slides |
| 2004 May 26 | Profit From Jaaaaazzzzzzzz | When any lowbrow tunesmith offers notes |
| 1997 Dec 14 | Promising A Macrocosmic Disaster | If Dusseldorf were Dusseldorf |
| 2004 Dec 9 | Prone To Tautologies | Of sacred cows and catered sows |
| 1998 Oct 22 | Propose The Impossible | Jemima: take this catapult |
| 1997 Mar 10 | Proposition (The Metaphysical Routine) | The end of the day is not the start of the night |
| 2004 Jul 7 | Prosperity Falters If Poverty Persists Beyond The Breadline | Meathook |
| 2000 Jan 3 | Protracted Metrical Hermeneutic Festivities | As Christmas nears I lift my pen |
| 1998 Jun 21 | Protracted, Dreamlike, Hermetic, Peculiar, Helpless | It may have been a Tuesday - the bus was late again |
| 2003 Oct 16 | Protruding Posterior | The real derivation of 'prat' |
| 2004 Mar 18 | Proved Once, Baked Twice | Unshockable, the bailiff's urge |
| 2001 May 17 | PSSB | He is bald and bespectacled |
| 2003 Sep 16 | Pub Coquettes | Desmond stays at home and does his pretty face |
| 2005 Jan 28 | Puberty Before Breakfast | Chastising priests becomes a sport |
| 1998 Dec 11 | Puberty with Cheeseburger | Of course |
| 2003 May 10 | Pugna Porcorum | I put lobsters in her sock drawer |
| 2004 Mar 5 | Punctuated Parsimony | There' s no use whining |
| 2003 Aug 25 | Pure Floundering | How little do we know ourselves |
| 2004 Jul 8 | Purse Maps | In the second shopping-trolley |
| 1998 May 17 | Putresco's Wondering | Cartwheels begone! From shattered climes |
| 2003 Sep 5 | Putting the Carthorse Before Zen | At times the truth may not appear the best approach to take |
| 2003 Sep 4 | Puzzled Monkey | There once was a Coventry Monkey |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Pyramids | When mummies in their sarcophagi |
| 1999 Feb 8 | Quantum Snork Sput Snooting | Well bless my soul and clean my boots! I've started a new stanza |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Quantum World | Photons green and neutrons pink |
| 2002 Nov 5 | Queen Adelaide's Shapely Bozos | Twas' once the perfect time for wrath, |
| 2004 Aug 27 | Queen Of The Feathers | Her innocence unquestioned, her purity renowned |
| 2004 Jun 3 | Quenching Their Papyrus Of Filth | Saratoga springs eternal |
| 2003 Sep 1 | Questionable Pantheons | Slumberers! Rome is burning all about you |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Questioning Before | Did you ever wonder why |
| 2004 Feb 6 | Questions, Not More | When You've made all Creation in just seven days |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Quiche Swim | If every boy and every girl |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Quicksand in My Tush | You're my special Dalek |
| 2001 Sep 5 | Quiet Teatime Moments | The carrot spoke too sweetly |
| 2004 Jan 12 | Quietude Is Surrender | All is quiet; my morning cup of tea is steaming in my hands |
| 1999 Aug 4 | Quite | Why, oh why, oh why, oh why? |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Quixotic Robot Quests | Teflon starships ply the inky depths |
| 2000 Apr 9 | Radishes Cloned My Goat! | Arabella Spommit had a cat made out of cheese |
| 2003 Oct 1 | Railing Against Sooty | I promise not to mention lice |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Rain is No Substitute | In shimmering skies the clouds were humming |
| 2004 Jun 1 | Raindrops Keep Dripping On The Photoshoot | Atop the hill the castle stood |
| 2000 May 14 | Ramsgate Station (1066) | When mice attack a quarter-back |
| 2002 Oct 31 | Raptures of Our Lady Bromide | Let her curl up and sleep on the railway |
| 2000 Feb 27 | Rash Wednesday On The Grim Reeperbahn | Give me a whirl on the trampoline dull |
| 2004 Aug 24 | Raskolnikov Spotless, Adrift Upon Oceans | Jesuitical was his way |
| 1998 Jun 1 | Raskolnikov's Fallen | If night should fall before the deed is done |
| 2003 Nov 6 | Rather A Pain For The Fairy | A piece of verse should pierce the soul |
| 2006 Jul 29 | Ravioli Ramblings | Though Cecil balked at Puffy's plan |
| 2004 Aug 25 | Reaper Without Envy | Kaolin |
| 2003 Oct 11 | Rearward Facing Gum Machines Realise Their Cosmic Purpose | An overpriced player called Rio |
| 1997 Oct 11 | Reasonable Crimes Of Tarpaulin | Tribal animosity |
| 2004 Feb 4 | Rebel Angels, Mountain Dance | Labouring dismally under a sky |
| 2001 Feb 8 | Recant Nothing, Martyrs | Full fathom five the aardvark lies |
| 2007 Jan 15 | Recipe For A Very Quiet Airplane | Add a fraction from the jar |
| 2003 Nov 2 | Recommendation To Decline Molloy's Meringues | A pound of grease is just the stuff |
| 2000 Oct 25 | Recriminations Against The Hideous Nymphet | In olden days, a glimpse of Hockney |
| 2003 Sep 24 | Recruitment Drive By The Bogus Snobbery Guardians | How to swell our number, how increase our ranks? |
| 2003 Nov 14 | Recycling Genesis | In the beginning Bob created the woman and the beer |
| 2003 Sep 19 | Redemption of the Radishes | Blossoms the color of bruises |
| 2004 Nov 18 | Rediscovered Unchanged | Choice apples, red or lilac, I now eat |
| 2003 Aug 17 | Redneck Designs | Southern Astrological Signs |
| 1998 Apr 3 | Reduplications over | This confirms |
| 2003 Nov 24 | Reeling From The Effects Of Beer | Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall |
| 2002 May 13 | Reflections Behind Closed Minds | The art of interactive verse |
| 2004 Mar 23 | Refusenik Attitudes Long Considered Passé | Is that your usual tone of voice? |
| 1997 Apr 6 | Regarding Mr Slick | Chiropracters, anarchists, and sheep |
| 2003 Sep 20 | Regardless of Their Appearance | The haiku beckons |
| 2003 Oct 22 | Regional Railway Sensibilities | Mostly air, my lost parade |
| 2003 Jan 9 | Regurgitate Afresh | I ring alarms with my Nan |
| 2003 Oct 17 | Reinstate War Fun | You've seen but a few of my numerous failings |
| 2003 Aug 5 | Relativity In Guise Of The Moving Moon | A small chunky moon drifts or perhaps |
| 2003 Oct 14 | Relentless Knishes | There was an old lady from Wales |
| 2004 Mar 16 | Relying On Our Native Discretion | |
| 2005 Jul 20 | Remedial By Association | Sufferers of synarthrodiae |
| 1999 Jun 17 | Remember My Helicopter? | Never in the history of this our Mother Earth |
| 2003 Jan 29 | Remembrance of Things Pasteurised | The year was but a few weeks old |
| 1999 Sep 7 | Renaissance Dental Imperfections Gallery | All right he said, I think I will |
| 2002 Jun 17 | Repeatedly Focal | Old Uncle Tom made a nuclear bomb |
| 2003 Aug 15 | Replacement Of My Jaundiced Petticoat | Anyone asking about apples |
| 1997 Nov 29 | Requisite Tragedy | Christopher Robin was captured by those |
| 2002 Oct 22 | Rescued From My Defects | There upon the ceiling, in a pattern rich and rare, |
| 2004 Sep 21 | Reunions That Plato Forgot | Selected for his miseries |
| 2003 Jun 24 | Reveal the Masonic Prudes | I heard him curse, I heard him groan |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Revelations Undergone | Shaman footfall |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Revenge | To those of you who through the years |
| 2002 Mar 20 | Revenge of the Defecating Cutlery | Cuttlebone, my next of kin |
| 2004 Jan 15 | Reversed In The Wash Of Fortune | Corporation. There we go |
| 2003 Sep 9 | Revisionist Shenanigans | In my cardboard cardigan |
| 2003 Aug 18 | Rhyme | Is the meaning of poetry lost in the ages? |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Rhyme in Perversity | Forgive me if I sound perverse |
| 2003 Aug 26 | Rich Tarts' Applause | When I was young, I was terribly poor |
| 2005 Sep 4 | Ridicule Enough For Cherubim | Strong dominion, over whelks, |
| 2003 Oct 10 | Right Nestled Securely Among Wrong | Our old friend, haiku |
| 2004 Mar 30 | Rites For Responsible Raisins | My cummerbund was missing |
| 2004 Aug 17 | Robbers Never Stopped Us Before Lunch | It started at quarter to one |
| 2003 Oct 23 | Robert Faked Tough Choices | There was an old coot from Zimbabwe |
| 2003 Jun 23 | Rock Husks | Vowels with a vengeance invigorate vows |
| 1999 Apr 24 | Romeo's Disagreeable Collapsible Peregrinations | 'Festival of shouting!', so barked the trusty swain |
| 1998 Sep 4 | Romeo's Last Reward (Exodus) | The note bore the crest of nobility, |
| 2003 Sep 3 | Roomy Life | He spent his life in deep despair and gloom |
| 2005 Nov 14 | Rorschach Fondling | With sorghum, millet, rice and oats |
| 2002 Jul 30 | Rotting Icebergs, Sketched by Proust | To tear the grimy Gospel |
| 2000 Apr 10 | Round/Arabesque | Do not cry, my darling, do not cry |
| 2004 May 25 | Rubbish-tip Top | The moving pencil writes and, having writ, it breaks |
| 2003 Jul 25 | Rubicund Mummeries | mummeries cast brightly upon lavender sidewalks |
| 2003 Dec 8 | Rude Feminism | Carol took my G.I. Joe and hitted him with a stick |
| 2003 Nov 15 | Ruined Dreamscapes | I had an eerie dream last week |
| 2004 Oct 4 | Ruinously Enough | An omission, in the dyke, |
| 2003 Jan 17 | Rumour Pills | Licensed to kill, my dear |
| 2004 Jan 25 | Rural Consternation | My sister's just ripped a tractor in two |
| 2004 Aug 11 | Rustic Tangent | The taxidermist's holiday |
| 2006 Jun 16 | Sacks Of Moonshine | Out here in the wasteland |
| 2003 Aug 11 | Sadly Going Between Seasons | The empty swing still made arcs |
| 1997 Jun 7 | Saffron, Saffron | I've seen the skull beneath the scone |
| 2004 Sep 3 | Sages Of Most Definite Hopefulness | Behold! |
| 2004 Jul 9 | Sailor Marinated In November | Pleiades in yonder sky |
| 1997 Mar 11 | Saint Nincompoop's Aplomb | I remember, I remember when verses used to scan |
| 2003 Aug 4 | Sam | Will Kansas Sam be upset with us when he gets back? |
| 2003 Jan 27 | Samantha's Sinister Hockey Tour | My hermitage, lodged safely on the crag |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Sanctum Inviolate | Damned hypocrisy! In truth I hate them all |
| 2004 Sep 16 | Satanists With No Desire For Pontifical Stripes | I bought a thing on ebay |
| 2005 Jun 13 | Saul Bellow Cloudringed By Nymphs | In his Jeans®, stood Jasper Johns |
| 2002 Mar 3 | Sausage Pouting Pictured | Echinacea, oil of rum, it's all the same to us! |
| 1998 Jun 8 | Sausages in Strangeness | A man in blackface wandered into the hall |
| 2004 Apr 29 | Sausages Stitched Lengthways | The rats climbed on the rising ship |
| 2004 Aug 19 | Save Our Dickensian Surrogates | Scuttling from clime to clime |
| 2001 Oct 10 | Saved By The Old Handbags Again | Architecture! Drifting slow |
| 2003 Dec 5 | Saying Much, While Keeping Silent | He sponsored a Gonk |
| 2003 Jul 9 | Scapegoat Ranchers | Why isn't tomorrow |
| 2002 Jul 26 | Scarcely | The glaciers of Egypt |
| 2002 Apr 2 | Schrödinger Blue | Gusts and mists are just the stuff of dreams... |
| 2003 Aug 16 | Scone Clichés | It's always darkest just before it gets lighter |
| 1998 Jun 23 | Scouting for Mice | Stupidity, my carapace |
| 2003 Jul 19 | Scrapple Lovin' | My headcheese does stink |
| 1999 Dec 14 | Screaming by Rote | A random collection of words |
| 2003 Oct 22 | Screaming for Revenge in the Afterlife | Something there is that doesn't love a fish |
| 2003 Aug 21 | Scurvy and Varlets | I challenge you now with my swordTo the death! (well I'm really quite bored) |
| 1999 Mar 10 | Seal Cobblers | Now, children, gather round, and I will tell you of Old Tom |
| 2001 Aug 10 | Seaside Hallucination (Felixstowe Docks) | The shores of sand stood up and waved |
| 2002 Nov 14 | Seasons Intemperate | If ever I should leave you, it might as well be now |
| 2003 Jun 23 | Secret Habitude with Men | She frolicks gaily, like a goat |
| 2003 Oct 29 | Secretly, in Aberdeen | A day in the life of... |
| 2004 Jan 16 | Sector Vector Ejector | In this one thing all others meet |
| 2004 Jul 7 | Sediment Flying In From The Airfield | Ten more miles and we'll be home |
| 2003 Jul 24 | Seduction Are Us | It is the faintest of sounds |
| 1999 Jan 26 | Seeds | The seeds of gourds shook,shook,shook! |
| 2004 Jun 21 | Seegarten Tour For Wits | If it's standing-room only |
| 2006 Mar 29 | Seeing As We Amuse Your Garden | Oh raucous bleating |
| 2003 Aug 7 | Seek the Shade, the Silence | In a garden of unrestful silence |
| 1997 Jan 22 | Seemly Onions | A beast with two backs |
| 2005 Oct 25 | Seldom So Frequently | Gone before its time |
| 2003 Aug 14 | Semantics Alone | At 4 o'clock on Sunday, with nothing much to do |
| 2004 May 21 | Semaphore Statements Issued In Urdu | Let's keep this one simple |
| 2003 Sep 18 | Semi Frenzy | The smell of camphor; dust motes in the sun; |
| 2004 Jan 29 | Semicolon Failings | The scarlet letter, none too soon |
| 2007 Jan 5 | Semolina and its Would-Be Dictionary | When my friend, Jarvis, called me 'queer' |
| 2005 Apr 12 | Send Major Wordsworth | Said I to Gus Grissom |
| 1999 Jan 25 | Sensible Noses | A small crimson telephone quivers |
| 2003 Jul 21 | Separation Athletic | My love is sailing to Toledo |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Septuagenarians | Much to my dismay, I turned seventy today |
| 2003 Sep 8 | Sequoia's Lawyers | The sycamore's riposte |
| 2004 May 21 | Seven Seasons In Red | Was it for this that I sold all my children? |
| 2004 Mar 22 | Several Chemistry Sets | Bromide in the afternoon |
| 2003 Oct 1 | Several Nirvana Years | This metropolis, this wasteland, these wand'ring souls |
| 2003 Nov 11 | Several Sporting Opportunities For Norwich | What makes a lively lunchtime |
| 2002 Nov 19 | Shake My Garnish | Let us go then, you and I, |
| 1998 Oct 3 | Shakespeare's apparent homily diverts the Thames ferry-men | Lay thee at my rump, thou contumelious sot |
| 1996 Dec 10 | Shakespearean Temptation | Fourteen tubes of toothpaste mark my grave |
| 2003 Oct 15 | Shaking Like Evaporating Milkmaids | Don't think me ungrateful, but |
| 2003 Nov 7 | Shaking Moon Teabag | There was a spoonbiller so svelte |
| 2003 Aug 19 | Shameless? Us? | The incredulous bunch, the lot of them all |
| 2002 Sep 23 | Sharing Lulu's Breakfast | Guile ... beyond its main intent, |
| 2001 Dec 13 | She boils | In its own bottle |
| 2004 Apr 20 | She Never Even Saw His Noble Bonfire | Without ever eating |
| 2003 Aug 4 | She Never Surrenders Without A... | She is a lady in her heart |
| 2001 Aug 9 | She Performed Badly | Young Margaret was a silly girl |
| 2000 May 24 | She Wasn't Waving But His Trousers Were | She was poor but she was honest |
| 2003 Jul 19 | She-devils Unruly | How are you doing, Mr. Slurb? |
| 2004 Sep 17 | She-men And Domestic Appliances | If silence is golden, why won't you be quiet? |
| 2003 Feb 5 | Sheepish Ambition | If the thought of hope is not enough |
| 2004 May 10 | Shelley: Drowning Was Enough | The weight of any bantam |
| 1998 Sep 30 | Shirley's Dancing Socks (or Ellen's) | Socks! My red socks, |
| 2002 Dec 11 | Shirley, My Wife for a Day | Some caged bird squawks |
| 2004 Jan 16 | Shivering With Sharks | When the mercury plunges to ungodly lows |
| 2006 Mar 8 | Shogun Marmalade | Sveldt in someone's turban |
| 2006 Jun 15 | Show Me How Verdi Murdered Houdini | his pendulum might make you sneeze |
| 2006 Sep 7 | Showmen, Their Regrettable Legend | Tonsils made of plastic |
| 2002 Nov 27 | Shriven | Most cats repent of all their sins |
| 2001 Jan 21 | Shutters Fold Tightly Again | 6 x 6 - from wall to wall |
| 2000 Mar 31 | Sickening Ogresses Devour Octameters | Twice, beneath a battered moon |
| 2004 Dec 15 | Sidcup Half-remembered | It's not the custom, nowadays |
| 2002 Sep 10 | Side-Salad Mechanisms | As the world wheels it way around the sky |
| 2003 Aug 20 | Sigh and Suicide | It's time for a limerick now |
| 2005 Feb 22 | Sigh No More, Ladies | The Dutch maintain that any eye |
| 2002 Nov 14 | Sign Rise | Toffee dipped in chocolate, by the wastrel's hand, |
| 2003 Sep 22 | Signs Of Sorrows | I am sowing hope |
| 2002 Feb 4 | Silently Fabulous | Glutinous grist is my dish of the day, |
| 2003 Jul 18 | Silicon Dreams | My computer's on the blink |
| 2003 Aug 29 | Silly Clothes | My boots they are not filigree'd |
| 2006 May 31 | Simulacra Of The Smaller Variety Found In Brighton | When they talk about Eau de Cologne |
| 2004 Oct 5 | |
