The Spoonbill Generator

Your Stupid Obsession With Unworldly People-Carriers

She whitewashed me into the corner       [Roland]

While I pled with her, "Darling, please don't!"       [F]

But my pleading and tears fell, alas, on deaf ears       [Beefy]

So I finally screamed at her, "Lorna,       [Roland]

Release me, I promise I won't       [Beefy]

Pour salt on Boris, your fav-o-rite slug       [Helen Owly]

Or nightly upchuck on your Aubusson rug       [F]

At least for a spell of five years       [Roland]

She blacklisted me at the Palace       [Beefy]

While I pled with her, "Darling, please don't!"       [Kansas Sam (from F)]

But my bleeding and spears fell, alas, on her beers       [simbosa]

So I finally mouthed at her, "Alice,       [Beefy]

Undo me, I pledge that I won't       [simbosa]

Badmouth your looks, lack of wit or panache       [F]

Or keep you at home dressed in only a sash       [Beefy]

While I vex you with dissolute lears       [Dassn't Say]

I bluetoothed her into the Spoonbill       [Kansas Sam]

While she pled with me, "Darling, please don't!"       [Beefy]

But her kneading and fears fell, alas, on no peers       [Kansas Sam]

So she finally promised me, "Soon, Bill,       [Beefy]

Uplink me, I swear I won't       [Helen Owly]

Have a go at your goat, nor your beaverskin coat       [Cimmerian Knight]

Prizewinning celebate wedding-gowned boar       [Helen Owly]

In case it should all end in tears       [Beefy]

I blackfaced her throughout my archive       [Helen Owly]

While she pled with me, "Darling, please don't!"       [F]

But her ceding and smears fell, alas, on my jeers       [Helen Owly]

So she finally cried, "Take my car, Clive,       [Beefy]

Unseat me, I vow that I won't       [F]

Call a policeman or squeal to the Press       [Beefy]

Or claim to sight monsters who live in Loch Ness       [F]

If you'll buy me a diamond at Sears       [Helen Owly]

Contributors: Roland, F, Beefy, Helen Owly, Kansas Sam (from F), simbosa, Dassn't Say, Cimmerian Knight, (trad).
Poem finished: 16th November 2004 by (trad).