The Spoonbill Generator

Whatsoever It Findeth North of Dunfermline

For the Law was given through Moses       [Apsley ]

And the Crimes through Mickey Mouse       [olaf ]

Who, though he but scented of roses,       [Apsley ]

Polluted the whole of the house       [olaf ]

In his time, he'd battled with Donald,       [Apsley ]

The presidential duck       [olaf ]

Who, though he resembled dear Ronald,       [Apsley ]

Came never so unstuck       [olaf ]

This Law took the form of a shotgun       [Apsley ]

The Crimes, of a three-line whip       [olaf ]

In a vessel we christened The Hot Bun       [Apsley ]

Quite lacking both body and lip       [olaf ]

In his time, as loading a cartridge,       [Apsley ]

He slipped from the past to the present       [olaf ]

And, drawing a bead on a partridge,       [Apsley ]

Was shot through the head by a pheasant       [olaf ]

So the Law was enacted precisely       [Apsley ]

From Pluto to furthest Penang       [olaf ]

(Where the natives say 'Carrot!' so nicely       [Apsley ]

While their pets are preparing to hang)       [olaf ]

It came into force with a whallop       [Apsley ]

It passed into legend that week       [olaf ]

It was broken at once by a trollop       [Apsley ]

Whose mouth was too busy to speak       [olaf ]

When she uttered, 'twas most arrant piffle       [Apsley ]

And caused all the card-sharps to quail       [olaf ]

In the fear that their line in old whiffle       [Apsley ]

Was certain to falter, or fail       [olaf ]

Who saw it but could not obey it       [Apsley ]

Was judged no less puissant than pale       [olaf ]

And, upon the injunction to 'weigh it',       [Apsley ]

Pronounced it was 'way off the scale'       [olaf ]

For the Law was a mass without measure,       [Apsley ]

And the Crimes were a gas without charge       [Surlaw ]

That was buried alone (without treasure),       [Apsley ]

To hasten the fall of the Raj       [olaf ]

And the Crimes were the Law in extremis       [Apsley ]

And the heroes the villains; and so       [olaf ]

Let us go to The Pole with Old Bemis,       [Apsley ]

With old B, to the P, let us go.       [olaf ]

Contributors: Apsley, olaf, Surlaw.
Poem finished: 8th February 2007 by Apsley.