The Spoonbill Generator

The Lost Macduff Reforms In Ely

His cranium, by some accounts       [loaf ]

Was made of Gouda cheese       [Arnold the Sly Ape ]

And in his scullery, they say,       [loaf ]

He'd ripen by degrees       [Arnold the Sly Ape ]

'Til, gasping for some sweeter air       [loaf ]

He'd pound the door they'd locked       [Arnold the Sly Ape ]

Yet, since his chums were seldom there       [loaf ]

His head grew hard and pocked       [Kansas Sam ]

One two, one two, and through and through       [Lewis ]

What's the point of knowing who is who?       [P ]

We suffered from his bellowings       [loaf ]

But less than from his musk       [Kansas Sam ]

Which, seeping through the keyhole dim       [loaf ]

And seeking out a tusk       [Apsley ]

Upset the balance of the house       [loaf ]

And set the cats amok       [Apsley ]

The capercaillie and the grouse       [loaf ]

(Or Sybil Fawlty in her frock)       [Apsley ]

Three four, three four, and more and more       [loaf ]

What's good for the goose is food for the whore!       [Apsley ]

His cranium, or what remained       [loaf ]

When haddock fled the Seas,       [Apsley ]

Was hollowed out in divers wise       [loaf ]

And gi'en to sundry bees,       [Apsley ]

Whose song, in diapson glib       [loaf ]

And measured by the drum,       [Apsley ]

Is etched athwart the gourmet's bib       [loaf ]

And renders him quite dumb -       [Apsley ]

Five six, five six, our former tricks       [loaf ]

Make her a proud executrix       [Apsley ]

But then, with fresh asparagus       [loaf ]

As harvested that June,       [Apsley ]

We wrought a vile, depressing pie       [loaf ]

That met its match too soon       [Apsley ]

For Gouda cheese, before it rots       [loaf ]

And seeps into the Seas,       [Apsley ]

Is greatly to the taste of Scots       [Chevalier ]

Though shunned by sundry bees       [Arnold the Sly Ape ]

Eight, seven, ten, nine       [loaf ]

I can't think how to end this line       [Chevalier ]

Contributors: loaf, Arnold the Sly Ape, Kansas Sam, Lewis, P, Apsley, Chevalier.
Poem finished: 16th November 2005 by Arnold the Sly Ape.