The Spoonbill Generator

The Universe Eyed From The Back Row

Leonardo da Vinci       [Beefy ]

Detested Maeve Binchy       [Roland ]

But his mate Botticelli       [Padfoot ]

Had a thing about Mary Shelley       [Roland ]

Vincent van Gogh       [Padfoot ]

Had one ear sawn off       [P ]

He'd nurse it for hours       [Beefy ]

Then paint a few sunflowers       [Roland ]

The painter called Titian       [Beefy ]

Was an amateur magician       [Roland ]

With tricks in the darkness       [Apsley ]

Not for him was up-with-the-larkness       [Beefy ]

Hieronymus Bosch       [Roland ]

Was frightfully posh       [P ]

To hear him talk       [Roland ]

You'd think he'd a mouthful of chalk       [Beefy ]

Salvador Dali       [Roland ]

Painted like he was on Charlie       [Beefy ]

His works kept people spellbound       [Karin ]

Though they rated his person lower than a hell-hound       [Roland ]

René Magritte       [P ]

Was the scourge of his street       [Roland ]

But in the country he let his hair down       [choke ]

Although he never put an apple or pear down       [Beefy ]

Francis Bacon       [Roland ]

Was rather taken       [Grayman ]

With a young chap who posed for a particular étude       [Roland ]

Nude, but without being crude       [Beefy ]

Edward Burne-Jones       [Roland ]

Sold paintings to pay off his loans       [Beefy ]

(And, by way of a digression,       [Roland ]

To fund several practitioners of the oldest profession)       [Beefy ]

Lucian Freud       [Roland ]

Got rather annoyed       [Grayman ]

Every time he made a slip       [Roland ]

It was hailed as a triumph of craftsmanship       [Beefy ]

Gilbert and George       [Roland ]

Confer, then disgorge       [Beefy ]

A material that may look like paint       [Roland ]

But it ain't       [Grayman ]

Rembrandt van Rijn       [Beefy ]

Is no friend of mine       [Roland ]

His passion for self-depiction       [Beefy ]

Comes close to addiction       [Roland ]

Pierre-Auguste Renoir       [Karin ]

Crashed his van into the back of my car       [Roland ]

It made a great impression       [Beefy ]

I sold the car for millions, God bless him!       [Karin ]

Edward Hopper       [Roland ]

Had a thing for Karl Popper       [F ]

Though his paradigms were unreliable       [dkb ]

His syntheses were viable       [Beefy ]

Works of Jackson Pollock's       [Roland ]

Were painted by his bollocks       [fester ]

How strange to become an Artistic Totem       [Roland ]

Through bedaubing a scrotem       [dkb ]

The reputation of Stanley Spencer       [Roland ]

Grew as he made the paint denser       [Beefy ]

The only use he had for Turps       [Roland ]

Was distressing the colours with targeted burps       [Beefy ]

Bridget Riley       [Roland ]

Deserves to be rated highly       [P ]

Being an anagram of Liberty Dirge       [Roland ]

Her works are rather hard to purge       [F ]

Whereas Gavin Turk       [Roland ]

Has an interesting body of work       [Beefy ]

Some say its funeral is long overdue       [Roland ]

And I'd never heard of him - had you?       [Beefy ]

Meanwhile Damien Hirst       [Roland ]

Has his earnings disbursed       [dkb ]

By way of a laugh       [Beefy ]

His agent cuts them neatly in half       [Roland ]

It's queer that Vermeer       [fester ]

Is no longer here       [Roland ]

When so many others       [Beefy ]

Turned into our mothers       [Roland ]

Contributors: Beefy, Roland, Padfoot, P, Apsley, Karin, choke, Grayman, F, dkb, fester.
Poem finished: 2nd July 2004 by F.