Wetnurse Burdens
I was hired to breastfeed his pups
In a twist of fate most bizarre
Of course, the man was "in his cups"
The drunkest I'd seen him by far
He drunkenly said, "har-dee-har"
Then let loose a series of hiccups
Then he asked me to vacuum his porch
He said it would take but five minutes
Ha! I had to use a blow torch
To clear all the whatnots and widgets
(I was helped by a small crew of midgets)
Six toes I did blacken and scorch
I was paid with a carton of prunes
He said they'd be good for my health
Then he forced me to translate his runes
That he'd taken from Norway by stealth
(While absconding with King Olav's wealth)
With the help of some Viking buffoons
So I told him, "Don't call me again!"
But my warning he failed to heed
I submerged him knee-deep in the fen
Until his ears started to bleed
While he babbled the Nicene Creed
(My murders now add up to ten)
| Contributors: | F, Karin. |
| Poem finished: | 14th January 2004 by Anon.. |