The Spoonbill Generator

Bashful Statements Of Statehood

The denizens of Alabama [Beefy ]

Deaf to their neighbours' clamour [Roland]

Will open a case of Pommery [Beefy ]

And toast to ol' Montgomery [N]

The huskies of Alaska [F]

Take their holidays in Nebraska [Roland]

It helps improve their fur [N]

An' Juneau that's important to a cur. [Anon.]

The cacti of Arizona [N]

Resemble a giant Corona [F]

If beer is all you ever drink [N]

You'll never sing like SteePhoenix, I think [loaf]

Bill Clinton hailed from Arkansas [Karin]

Hence his rather squarish jaw [N]

Some gals who live in Little Rock [F]

Think he's just a total jock [N]

California--golden gate [F]

The place we love to hate [N]

Each citizen's full of silicone [Karin]

Sacramento-ans can't live without a cellphone [F]

The snowy peaks of Colorado [N]

Not as impressive as the Prado [F]

But home to beetles unsurpassed [Big Andy]

The Denver Broncos do kick ass [F]

The maidens of Connecticut [Roland]

Are well-versed in etiquette [F]

With fashion sense most well defined [Big Andy]

Their Hartfor' daddy is nonetheless consigned [loaf]

We should first state that Delaware [Beefy ]

Has a naval history of which we are well aware [Roland]

But what is not generally known the world over [Beefy ]

Is the complexion of the cliff-face at Dover [Roland]

You might think, when visiting Florida [Beefy ]

That nowhere on earth is horrider [Roland]

Blue hairs out for a Sunday drive [Karin]

To see the Tallahassee lassie jive [Beefy ]

When rhymin' mah state, please use "Georgah" [W]

Especially if Ah'm walkin' toward ya [F]

For mah coke, Ah'll be sippin' that Fanta [W]

Ah'm Ted Turner and live in Atlanta [F]

The African tribes of Hawaii [Roland]

Though rare, are regarded most highly [F]

But you would be lucky to spot a Zulu [Anon.]

On the sun-drenched streets of Honolulu [F]

The silent sisters of Idaho [Roland]

Reap when they should only sow [F]

Then, boy, do they get noisy [asdf]

On Saturday nights in Boise [F]

They're a jumpy lot in old Illinois [Roland]

For often both a girl and boy [F]

Will hide behind their windshield [N]

When making love in Springfield [F]

The hoosiers of Indiana [N]

Will seldom say, manana [F]

They think that life is fabulous [N]

In dreary old Indianapolis [Karin]

The farmhands of Iowa [Padfoot]

Like a girl who is a bit of a goer [loaf]

And likes to dance groin-to-groin [Beefy ]

In the dancehalls of Des Moines [Padfoot]

The private eyes of Kansas [Roland]

Oft peruse these stanzas [Grayman]

Was Sam Spade hired to seek a [asdf]

Private poet from Topeka? [Padfoot]

The carnivores of Kentucky [Roland]

Consider themselves lucky [Beefy ]

Eating hamburgers in port [Padfoot]

In the cafés of Frankfort [Beefy ]

The Cajuns of Louisiana [Karin]

Tend to wear a striped bandana [Beefy ]

When slurpin' gumbo on a bobsled (that an' luge) [asdf]

Right down the broadways of sunny Baton Rouge [Karin]

Now way up there in Maine [F]

Winter brings six months of pain [Karin]

The question, though, is: Must a [F]

Golfer master winter in a warmer state's Agusta? [Kansas Sam]

The fruitbats of Maryland [Roland]

(For flyers) are hairy and [Kansas Sam]

Have flown in from Minneapolis [Karin]

To visit family in Annapolis [F]

The Mormon Hordes of Utah [Ventnor]

Have many wives who'll mute a [F]

Polygamist who asks for pity [Karin]

In the environs of Salt Lake City [F]

The Brahmins of Massachusetts [Karin]

At Cheers, enjoy their brew; it's [F]

What makes them get to the drunk tank tossed in [Karin]

Each Friday night in Boston [F]

A googly stockman from Michigan [Karin]

Who bears a resemblance to Gilligan [F]

Around the true issues is dancing [Karin]

"Lancing" is banned but not "Lansing." [F]

The timberwolves of Minnesota [Karin]

Speak Latin: fugit hora [F]

When preparing for a fancy dress ball [Karin]

They'll first say a prayer to St. Paul [F]

The Mississippians of Mississippi [Padfoot]

Care not for rouge or lippy [N]

But always sound the Klaxon [Grayman]

In cotton-pickin' Jackson [Padfoot]

Show me a man from Missouri [Beefy ]

Who has never yet sat on a jury [Grayman]

Whose heart is indifferent to pity [loaf]

He'll long for "correction" at Jefferson City [Kansas Sam]

Underneath the big sky in Montana [Beefy ]

Lived a plucky cowgirl, name of Hannah [Padfoot]

One day she swallowed the biggest wiener [loaf]

"Going to Helena handbasket", said all who had seen her. [Herb]

The cornhuskers who toil in Nebraska [Karin]

Know little of envious Casca [Beefy ]

Of Caesar, they seldom are thinkin'-- [Herb]

(His palace is in Vegas, not in Lincoln) [N]

The gamblers who flock to Nevada [Karin]

Cry, "Oh, if only we had a [F]

Place in this state that was pretty. . . " [Herb]

And no, it's not Carson City [F]

Candidates must win New Hampshire [Karin]

(The fact of which we are all damn sure!) [willh]

And those who have been conquered [F]

Make a concession speech in Concord [Karin]

People joke about New Jersey [F]

From the Mississippi to the Mersey [Roland]

Their meals are hardly Lenten [F]

Fine cuisine is absent from Trenton [Karin]

Stranded in New Mexico [N]

I filled my tank at Texaco [F]

I saw Anasazi pueblos that day [Karin]

On my way to Santa Fe [F]

The Biggest of Apples - New York [Karin]

Receives most of the government "pork" [F]

And the mayor (now that's what I'd call money) [Beefy ]

Is scraping the barrel in Albany [Grayman]

If you're hungry in North Carolina [Beefy ]

Get down to the Francis Drake diner [loaf]

And only an artist like Dali [Beefy ]

Can paint the town red down in Raleigh [Grayman]

I discovered, when in North Dakota [Beefy ]

That North Dakotans speak like Yoda! [Herb]

But the man who above all made his mark [Beefy ]

Is the one for whom they named Bismarck [Karin]

Oh me, oh my, oh my oh! [Herb]

I think I've discovered Ohio [Beefy ]

I'm sure you'll want to make a big fuss [Karin]

While visiting us here in Columbus [smrtypnts]

I sing of Oklahoma [Roland]

"And the wavin' wheat..." And the aroma [F]

Some folks think Laurey is the most pretty [Karin]

Sight to be seen in Oklahoma City [F]

The postal service in Oregon [Roland]

Has a carrier who resembles a gorgon [F]

So if you've got friends in those parts and you want to mail 'em [Roland]

You'd be better off sending them beaver mail to Salem [Big Andy]

Karin and Francine live in Pennsylvania [F]

A region noted for rampant megalomania [loaf]

They acquired a mutant strain of a Paris lurge [Gussie]

Or so they told every single citizen in Harrisburg [Roland]

The smallest of all is Rhode Island [N]

Which bears no resemblance to Thailand [F]

The natives seem far-off and tense-- [Herb]

So wont to thanking Providence [F]

Way down there in South Carolina [N]

Hilton Head golfing couldn't be finah [Karin]

And they dance the rumba, yah! [F]

All night long in downtown Columbia [Karin]

The farmers in South Dakota [F]

Have been assigned a quota: [will]

Grow enough hops to brew a million kegs of beer [Karin]

To fill all the stomachs in dry Pierre [F]

The trainspotters of Tennessee [Roland]

Are not embarrassed when we see [Herb]

Old steam locomotives in service still [Big Andy]

So let's take the last train to Chattanooga, via Nashville [loaf]

We all know who comes from Texas [N]

And how often he can vex us [F]

We wish he'd just get lost in [N]

The basement of Republican Headquarters in Austin [Karin]

In a sewage works in deepest Vermont [Anon.]

Police located the remains of ol' Ed Norton's aunt [Karin]

They were pretty upset, I can tell yer [Beefy ]

When she turned up in the Red Clover of Montpelier [Big Andy]

For lovers of 'baccy, Virginia [Anon.]

Is the best place to get nicotine in ya [Karin]

The politicos all know from which fund [Beefy ]

To solicit donations in Richmond [Karin]

The athletes of Washington [Roland]

Think steroid tests are quashing fun [Kansas Sam]

The teens are rather pimply. A [F]

Dermatologist has been dispatched to Olympia [Karin]

In the hills of West Virginia [F]

Dwells a hillbilly named Lavinia [Karin]

Who claims her boyfriend, Carl's, fun [F]

"He throws the best raves in Charleston!" [Karin]

The cheese that they make in Wisconsin [F]

Was a favorite of Charles Bronson [Karin]

Who stayed at the Hotel Radisson [F]

Whenever he visited Madison [Karin]

The cowboys who live in Wyoming [F]

Spend long days on the range roaming [Karin]

And season their beef with cayenne [F]

To spice up a dull night in Cheyenne [Karin]

Contributors: Beefy, Roland, N, F, loaf, Karin, Big Andy, W, asdf, Padfoot, Grayman, Kansas Sam, Ventnor, Herb, willh, smrtypnts, Gussie, will.
Poem finished: 9th December 2003 by Anon..