The Chrysostom Cathedral
Chrysostom ... wasn't he the saint
Whose toe-jam is framed above?
And is that not the dandruff of the martyr, St. Bubba?
I believe you're thinking of St. Gomer, the Unkempt
Ah, yes. Within this sequined reliquary
Are contained the holy offscourings of twelve pious men and women
Who suffered everything from warts to scabies to mange
As well as halitosis, crotch rot and roundworm
Chrysostom ... wasn't he the saint
Who gave the pope his very first pointy hat?
And is that not the mousetrap of the Blessed McDermott
The patron saint of rumourmongers and cheap gin?
Ah, no. Despite your fulsome obloquy
The toenail cuttings of McDermott the Legless
Who never shirked from prayer, fast or sin
Are immaculately preserved in the chalice
Chrysostom ... wasn't he the saint
Who drove an unarmoured VW Microbus?
And is that not the lost tricep of Sister Penetralia
The virgin martyr who was drowned in a vat of donkey piss?
Ah, yes. Within this artful panoply
Are things chthonic. Kiss the shriveled leather foot
Of the Venerable Bob, the beloved of Abbot Tipplemuch
And the most holy acolyte, Theodoric, who died on the gibbet
Chrysostom ... no I don't think that was him
| Contributors: | Roland, Kansas Sam, F, Karin, Dassn't Say, (trad), loaf, dok, Grayman, Beefy, archaeopteryx, N. |
| Poem finished: | 9th September 2003. |