The Spoonbill Generator

But For a Novice

Matilda tolled the churchyard bell [Canon Golightly]

From mischeif plain and simple [snood]

She knew that she would go to hell [P]

Despite her winning dimple [snood]

She knew the pastor far too well [Beefy]

- He'd seen beneath her wimple [P]

And spied the curly hair below [Beefy]

She barely had her first pimple [archaeopteryx]

Across the town, the bell was heard [N]

Its peal was crisp and clear [Kansas Sam]

The mayor thought it quite absurd [N]

That far could sound so near [Kansas Sam]

To all his men, he sent out word [Anon.]

To find an engineer [Kansas Sam]

Who specialised in bell-repair [N]

But none of them could hear [F]

The clangour rose to Heaven's gate [Beefy]

Disturbing feath'ry angels [snood]

'Twas clear that young Matilda's fate [Beefy]

Would be as bad a Nigel's [snood]

St Peter looked up from his slate [N]

Nearly knockin' a stack of Bibles [sp]

He looked inside Matilda's soul [Beefy]

And found the claims weren't libels [snood]

So heed this lesson, children mine [Beefy]

If e'er you ponder ringing [snood]

Be sure your motives are divine [Canon Golightly]

And only virtue brining [snood]

For mischief is Old Nick's design [Canon Golightly]

He craves your evil clanging [snood]

The impish misanthrope ye be [Anon.]

Will win a long haranguing [Kansas Sam]

Contributors: Canon Golightly, snood, P, Beefy, archaeopteryx, N, Kansas Sam, F, sp.
Poem finished: 23rd August 2003.