The Spoonbill Generator

Many Small Wonders for Royalty


Poor Peter was three inches high [N]

And liked to eat gooseberry pie [Francine]

But when he would eat
His favourite treat [Anon.]

His pecker schwinged into the sky [Dassn't Say]

Miss Pincer was wide as a house [N]

Indulging in headcheese and souse [F]

When out on a date
She'd pile up a plate [N]

And claim, "I eat less than a mouse" [F]

Lord Upple was known for his hair
For beneath he was totally bare [N]

He was a vain codger [Francine]

Somewhat of a dodger [N]

His toup was the pelt of a bear [F]

When Felix was seventy seven
He had visions of going to heaven [Anon.]

But then when he died [Francine]

In hell was he fried [N]

For robbing a seven eleven [Randy]

Ol' Cletus was truly white trash [Karin]

Who sported a frightening rash [N]

It was scabby and blistered [F]

Yet still he persisted [N]

In attending a semi-nude bash [Randy]

Miss Wilson was fond of her cheese [Karin]

She'd spread it all over her knees [N]

Then lick it with fervor [Francine]

Until it unnerved her [Karin]

And she forgot all her q's and her p's [Francine]

His Majesty, Richard the third
Had his eye on a pretty young bird [N]

But she gave him the finger [F]

Then delivered this zinger - [Karin]

"You're nought but right royal turd!" [N]

Diana, the Princess of Hearts [baoloa]

Would flower her teas with some farts [Randy]

Then she would sniff them [Francine]

Her guests, they would whiff them [Randy]

And grant her a Doctor of Arts [baoloa]

Reverend Smith was the rector of Leeds [Randy]

And liked to boink Persians and Medes [Francine]

Except during Lent [Randy]

When passion he'd vent [Francine]

On a rampage of buggering steeds [Randy]

Miss Lola was known as a whore [Francine]

For her thingy was constantly sore [Randy]

She bought some KY [baoloa]

Thought she'd give a try [Randy]

Then begged and begged for more [baoloa]

A funny old financier Fred [Randy]

Was know to appreciate head [F]

The ladies would frock [N]

For a chance at his cock [Randy]

But only when nude and in bed [F]

There was a young man from Coblentz [Randy]

Who paid all his hussies in pence [F]

So they went out on strike [Randy]

And hired a dyke [F]

And he never has got any hence [Anon.]

There was a young virgin from Lyme [F]

Who demanded her suiters could rhyme [Randy]

For better or worse
They'd utter a verse [Anon.]

Of the sleaziest poem of the time [Randy]

When smoking in bed I would muse [F]

If ever my Hubby would use [baoloa]

A condom or tickler [F]

But he's such a stickler [Randy]

Despite my strong views, he'd refuse [Beefy]

Mr. B. hired Sally. What luck! [Dassn't Say]

He knew she was short of a buck [Beefy]

So he offered to pay her [td]

To peek at her crotch fur [archaeopteryx]

And then ran completely amok [Beefy]

Maureen had an urge for a pickle [archaeopteryx]

But her tastes were terribly fickle [N]

Too short, or too long
And some were just wrong [Anon.]

And one caused a trembly French tickle [Dassn't Say]

This poem is due for an ending
On its way shall I soon it be sending [N]

Our syntax is ragged [F]

The rhythm is staggered [N]

Afraid there is no amending [F]

Contributors: Francine, N, Dassn't Say, Nym, Randy, Karin, F, baoloa, Anon., Beefy, td, archaeopteryx.
Poem finished: 6th August 2003.