The Spoonbill Generator

Fate Knocks at Victorian Doors


There was a young plumber from Dorset [N]

Who was wont to ride on a horse. It [F]

was the talk of the town
The time he did drown [N]

while struggling to unblock a toilet. [Anon.]

There was an accountant from Cambridge [F]

Who idolized Dorothy Dandridge. [Dassn't Say]

'Twas much to his credit [TG]

He cancelled her debit
And thus made his darling dame rich [Anon.]

A red-nosed pawnbroker in Sidcup [De Quincey]

Was once at the scene of a stick-up [N]

He flicked a pawned switchblade [Dassn't Say]

And offered to trade [N]

But was seized by a second-hand hiccup [F]

A bank teller's job is from hell [Dassn't Say]

They've nothing to market or sell [N]

Just count filthy lucre [F]

Hoping they'll snooker [N]

The innumerate and the unwell [F]

There once was crazy old chemist [N]

Who was a lugubrious pessimist [F]

He tasted his pills [baoloa]

(Daily, with meals) [N]

And thought, 'By god, am I pissed' [F]

Sir Ralph was a navy commander [N]

In his spare time, an avid philanderer [anon]

Until a shipwreck [F]

Did throw him off deck [N]

And unmanned his manly doodander [F]

There was young harlot from Cork [N]

Every creature on earth she did bork [F]

With her legs in the air [N]

And fag-ends in her hair [baoloa]

She'd do every dweeble and dork [F]

There was a quiet mouse from Whistler [baoloa]

Employed as a church mouse and chiseler [F]

When he was idle
He'd gnaw on the bible [N]

He found the new testament gristlier [Randy]

Contributors: Francine, N, F, Anon., Dassn't Say, TG, De Quincey, baoloa, anon, Randy.
Poem finished: 4th August 2003.