The Spoonbill Generator

Await the Perilous

Remember, if you feel the urge to speak [P]

That etiquette demands you raise your thumb [Beefy]

And stand on tiptoe in a bowler hat [P]

And sneeze politely and wiggle your bum. [Dassn't Say]

Your voice should show respect, you mustn't squeak [Beefy]

Or sing aloud when called upon to hum [Francine]

It's better, to be honest, if you're fat [P]

Than to insist you bear no semblance to a plum [archaeopteryx]

Don't ever turn your back, nor tilt your cheek [Beefy]

- You don't want folk to think that you're a freak. [P]

Remember, if you feel the need to belch [Randy]

That Miss Manners dictates you cover your mouth [archaeopteryx]

And flatulence you must certainly squelch [Evan]

With any other smell that begins down south [Randy]

When speaking to your father, Mr Welch [N]

Behave yourself, don't be uncouth [Randy]

And if you kvetch to him, don't kveltch [Anon.]

And make sure there's no spinach in your tooth. [Dassn't Say]

Don't ever swear in rhyme, nor flip the bird [N]

Don't even swear in mime, nor ship a turd [Randy]

And lastly, when performing ablutions, [baoloa]

Never use the toilet bowl; use the basin [Francine]

Do not use industrial solutions [baoloa]

Nor vomit in the towels, like some drunken mason [F]

Don't open doors with clothes about your feet, son [baoloa]

Or go to church with bustier and lace on. [Dassn't Say]

Do recall just how I like my meat done [N]

Don't make this poem keep running on and on [Karin]

Wipe off those icky boogers and be gone. [Dassn't Say]

I mean it. Go away. [N]

Contributors: P, Beefy, Dassn't Say, Francine, archaeopteryx, Randy, Evan, N, Kansas Sam, baoloa, Karin.
Poem finished: 4th August 2003.