Await the Perilous
Remember, if you feel the urge to speak
That etiquette demands you raise your thumb
And stand on tiptoe in a bowler hat
And sneeze politely and wiggle your bum.
Your voice should show respect, you mustn't squeak
Or sing aloud when called upon to hum
It's better, to be honest, if you're fat
Than to insist you bear no semblance to a plum
Don't ever turn your back, nor tilt your cheek
- You don't want folk to think that you're a freak.
Remember, if you feel the need to belch
That Miss Manners dictates you cover your mouth
And flatulence you must certainly squelch
With any other smell that begins down south
When speaking to your father, Mr Welch
Behave yourself, don't be uncouth
And if you kvetch to him, don't kveltch
And make sure there's no spinach in your tooth.
Don't ever swear in rhyme, nor flip the bird
Don't even swear in mime, nor ship a turd
And lastly, when performing ablutions,
Never use the toilet bowl; use the basin
Do not use industrial solutions
Nor vomit in the towels, like some drunken mason
Don't open doors with clothes about your feet, son
Or go to church with bustier and lace on.
Do recall just how I like my meat done
Don't make this poem keep running on and on
Wipe off those icky boogers and be gone.
I mean it. Go away.
Contributors: | P, Beefy, Dassn't Say, Francine, archaeopteryx, Randy, Evan, N, Kansas Sam, baoloa, Karin. |
Poem finished: | 4th August 2003. |