The Spoonbill Generator

Spin-doctors Confused

There's too little gristle and not enough fat [loaf]

For this steak to be made into some sort of hat [P]

So let us determine its destiny now [Roland]

And justify fully the death of a cow [P]

By lobbing it into the glass chandelier [Roland]

And raise, if we can, just a moderate cheer [P]

For the slaughtermen bold, with their stun-guns and knives [Roland]

Sharpened each night by intemperate wives [P]

In bonnets of liver, in trilbies of veal [Roland]

Kept on their heads by the Slaughterman's Seal [P]

And only removed when the lights have gone down [loaf]

For it's certainly true that in some parts of town [P]

Where gilt candelabra, with offal bedecked [Roland]

Are taken asunder and ritually wrecked [P]

A cranium covered, while darkness prevails [Roland]

Is a sordid rebuke to the Princess of Wales [P]

The Slaughterman's patron, the most sacred cow [loaf]

To whom all the slaughtermen's wives take a vow [P]

Of bare-faced obedience, broken by none [Roland]

But the clan who invented the hamburger bun [P]

To sop up the worst of the slaughterhouse waste [Roland]

From the worst of the wurst where the waste gets misplaced [Kansas Sam]

To the primest of ribs and the choicest of cuts [Beefy (appositely enough)]

The spleen and the pancreas, eyeballs and guts [loaf]

Never dreamt that their bun would embrace such a feast [Kansas Sam]

And their innermost secrets would then be released [loaf]

Of a slaughterhouse mopped by the stuff it shipped out [Kansas Sam]

Of the shouting and swearing, the blood in a gout [Beefy]

Of slaughtermen dancing in line like Rockettes [Kansas Sam]

With their wives on the sidelines all placing their bets [Beefy]

On which Rockette man the next gout-squeezer hits [Kansas Sam]

Distracting the dancers by flashing their tits [Beefy]

But slaughtermen dancing, bedecked in their hats [Kansas Sam]

Ignore the distractions, the blood in the vats [Beefy]

Arises to venge each poor haberdashed cow [Kansas Sam]

The band slows the dancers with "Who's sorry now?" [Beefy]

The slaughtermen, weeping, don't see the ghoul coming [Kansas Sam]

Nor the wives, for the hats all their senses are numbing [Beefy]

The rats, though, see all; soon their verminly giggles [Kansas Sam]

Resound through the hall as the dancing line wriggles [Beefy]

"Rats!!!", the wives scream, giving Specter of Slaughter [Kansas Sam]

To Ronald McDonald - who sure didn't oughter [E Greejius]

Be present when talk is of beef - and why's that? ... [Beefy]

But no matter - [E Greejius]

Contributors: loaf, P, Roland, Kansas Sam, Beefy(appositely enough), Beefy, E Greejius.
Poem finished: 5th June 2003.