A Relativity Prayer Shawl Thrown Aside
I quaffed nine cups of joe this morn
A record for this time of year
My bladder gives me naught but scorn
And rues the days that it was born
I wish that I had stuck to beer
I wolfed eight bowls of kraut this noon
Accompanied by sundry wurst
My bowels cry out a woeful tune
But someone's in the powder room
I think my small intestine's burst
I slayed six racks of lamb this eve
(A seventh I could not devour)
My stomach wears its heart on sleeve
My appetite you won't believe
If only I had time to shower
I've munched five plates of chips this night
A steak-and-kidney pie for each
My pancreas gives up the fight
My hearing and my second sight
Surrendered when they tried to teach
Me how to suck down four fried eggs
Each chased by stein of palest ale
So now I walk on beer crazed legs
Which ache from straddling four beer kegs
I wonder when my heart will fail?
I killed three steaks in hours wee
With beans and bacon on the side
My hem'roids try once more to flee
Towards the water on my knee
For they found out that I had lied
I gulped two watermelons then
To test the texture of my throat
They got stuck in my gullet when
My stomach made a monstrous din
I wish I had been born a goat
Still, I needed just one crumb
To fill my enormous tum-tum
My organs knew the pain to come
From a stomach stretched tight as a drum
It can't be long 'til I succumb
But before I go I'll just quaff this
One small black sip of steaming joe
And call it a day until suppertime
Contributors: | Kansas Sam, P, Beefy, rainbowz, Anon., keith c, fester. |
Poem finished: | 18th March 2003. |