The Spoonbill Generator

A Relativity Prayer Shawl Thrown Aside

I quaffed nine cups of joe this morn [Kansas Sam]

A record for this time of year [P]

My bladder gives me naught but scorn [Kansas Sam]

And rues the days that it was born [P]

I wish that I had stuck to beer [Beefy]

I wolfed eight bowls of kraut this noon [Kansas Sam]

Accompanied by sundry wurst [Beefy]

My bowels cry out a woeful tune [Kansas Sam]

But someone's in the powder room [rainbowz]

I think my small intestine's burst [Beefy]

I slayed six racks of lamb this eve [Kansas Sam]

(A seventh I could not devour) [Anon.]

My stomach wears its heart on sleeve [Kansas Sam]

My appetite you won't believe [Beefy]

If only I had time to shower [Kansas Sam]

I've munched five plates of chips this night [Beefy]

A steak-and-kidney pie for each [Kansas Sam]

My pancreas gives up the fight [Beefy]

My hearing and my second sight [P]

Surrendered when they tried to teach [keith c]

Me how to suck down four fried eggs [Beefy]

Each chased by stein of palest ale [Kansas Sam]

So now I walk on beer crazed legs [keith c]

Which ache from straddling four beer kegs [Kansas Sam]

I wonder when my heart will fail? [Beefy]

I killed three steaks in hours wee [Kansas Sam]

With beans and bacon on the side [Beefy]

My hem'roids try once more to flee [Kansas Sam]

Towards the water on my knee [Beefy]

For they found out that I had lied [P]

I gulped two watermelons then [Kansas Sam]

To test the texture of my throat [Beefy]

They got stuck in my gullet when [fester]

My stomach made a monstrous din [Kansas Sam]

I wish I had been born a goat [Beefy]

Still, I needed just one crumb [Kansas Sam]

To fill my enormous tum-tum [fester]

My organs knew the pain to come [Kansas Sam]

From a stomach stretched tight as a drum [keith c]

It can't be long 'til I succumb [Beefy]

But before I go I'll just quaff this [keith c]

One small black sip of steaming joe [Kansas Sam]

And call it a day until suppertime [Beefy]

Contributors: Kansas Sam, P, Beefy, rainbowz, Anon., keith c, fester.
Poem finished: 18th March 2003.