The Spoonbill Generator

Any child can puke Beethoven's last minuet

The trouser-press is waiting for [fester]

My mother's sister, who's my aunt, [Apsley]

To gently knock upon the door [fester]

And deal the death-blow to that plant. [Apsley]

That evil spider-plant which had [fester]

World dominion in its sights [Apsley]

But, though it was extremely bad, [fester]

It never would shoot out the lights. [Apsley]

Can Apsley's aunt destroy this pest? [fester]

That mother to the Roman twins, [Apsley]

Who have but lately quit the nest [fester]

And say for her they'd give two pins. [Apsley]

Or will the trouser-press's wait [fester]

In vain be for that woman dear? [Apsley]

It hopes that she will not be late [fester]

It plans to emigrate next year. [dkb]

Its dream--retirement in the sun [fester]

With vodka, and a pile of grapes [Apsley]

No trousers any more--just fun [fester]

Among the coelocanths and apes [Beefy]

Yes, deep sea diving with a chimp [fester]

While apt to make one's trousers limp [Beefy]

Beats pressing trousers any day [fester]

And leads to quite a sun-bright ray [Apsley]

But, finally, there comes a knock [fester]

A chilling sound, portending woe [Beefy]

For those who like to swig the Hock: [Apsley]

And dress in green from head to toe [TG]

The spider-plant awaits its doom [fester]

It knows its schemes have come to naught [Beefy]

When Apsley's aunt enters the room [fester]

and rips away all it's been taught [Melody]

"Please do not hurt me, auntie dear, [fester]

Though you won't let me rule the world [Glyn]

At least don't make me live in fear [Lucas]

Of... No! You're holding secateurs!" [fester]

the darkness, twas quite choking [melody]

In vegetable Hell [Beefy]

The fires were stoked and smoking [fester]

And there was a nasty smell [Glyn]

Contributors: fester, Apsley, dkb, Beefy, TG, Melody, Glyn, Lucas, melody.
Poem finished: 22nd February 2002.