The Spoonbill Generator

She Performed Badly

Young Margaret was a silly girl [fester]

(Her wanton hair would never curl) [Apsley]

She never kept her p's and q's [TG]

Just m's and n's - no bloody use! [Apsley]

And any serifs that she squoze [Yoxi]

Were no more use than phantom toes [Beefy]

Upon a gremlin's warty face [fester]

She painted pictures of disgrace [Apsley]

This pleased the gremlin not a jot [fester]

(But misery's a gremlin's lot) [Beefy]

She also played (and badly too) [fester]

Sonatas to her kangaroo [dkb]

Sonatas written by the dead [Apsley]

Discovered in a garden shed [dkb]

By Britney Spears, the papers say, [fester]

Who has a kind of ghostly way [Apsley]

Of fading out of human sight [dkb]

And singing songs bereft of light [Apsley]

Renowned for curling wanton hair [dkb]

Whilst clad in skimpy underwear [fester]

And seven layers of anoraks [dkb]

Bought from on-line almanacs [fester]

Meg's kangaroo (remember that?) [dkb]

Grew quite gigantically fat [fester]

And luckily, quite deaf as well [dkb]

(I'll not comment upon the smell) [fester]

One must admit, she had her flaws - [dkb]

But packed a wallop in her paws [fester]

Then packed a lunch into her pouch [dkb]

(Which caused a list or else a slouch) [Apsley]

Then left the shed with cheerful bounds [dkb]

And at a speed that quite astounds [fester]

Set off to hunt the q's and p's [dkb]

(Those evil spreaders of disease) [Apsley]

Armed with a hunter's lexicon [fester]

And seven light meals - Mexican, [dkb]

She bounded forth upon her quest [fester]

For Britney's noted skimpy vest [dkb]

Which Meg desired above all else [fester]

("Else" is a word that's hard to rhyme) [dkb]

That mankind buys or woman sells [Apsley]

And she would stoop to any crime [fester]

That pays the wages of the damned [Apsley]

(She is quite mad, you understand) [fester]

When all their farmsteads have been lambed [Apsley]

And all the gremlins made to stand [fester]

Their warty faces in a row [dkb]

By where the p's and q's will grow [fester]

(Once m's and n's have been plucked out) [dkb]

And with a leap, a bound, a shout [fester]

She plucks the scissors from the floor [Apsley]

And serifs fly - one, two, three, four, [dkb]

And then she's off! With one great leap [fester]

She goes to bed and falls asleep. [dkb]

Contributors: fester, Apsley, TG, Yoxi, Beefy, dkb.
Poem finished: 9th August 2001.