The Spoonbill Generator

Washed and Dried in Time

'A ton of prunes, a pickled egg, two muskets and a globe?' [Apsley]

That was his final offer when he asked me to disrobe [fester]

What's good enough for grandmama is good enough for me [dkb]

So I took off all my clothing and asked him in to tea [fester]

He then proceeded, with a grin, to auction off my clothes [Apsley]

Holding up my knickers he said "What am I bid for those?" [fester]

"They're good enough for grandmama - let's hear your offers please!" [dkb]

"Six pounds? They're sold! Now for the tights! Who wants to bid for these?" [fester]

I got quite cold, just sitting there with nothing on at all [fester]

Hallucinating penguins in the shadows on the wall [Apsley]

They looked like my dear grandmama, who dressed in white and black, [dkb]

"Five hundred for the penguins!" cried a voice from out the back [fester]

"I cannot sell those penguins, even though there may be lots," [dkb]

So muttered he in sylvan tones, electrodes all in knots, [Apsley]

As down the hall rushed grandmama, beside herself with rage [dkb]

At electrocuting madmen promenading on the stage [Apsley]

"Put on some clothes, you silly girl, before you catch a chill!" [fester]

She uttered in adversity, receiving quite a thrill: [Apsley]

She may be old, but grandmama admires a shapely form [dkb]

And has a large collection of erotica and porn [fester]

With strange alacrity she seized the muskets and the egg [dkb]

Then tied up all the serving-girls no matter how they begged [fester]

I rather think that grandmama is getting out of hand [dkb]

To compensate the serving-girls cost us eleven grand! [fester]

Thank goodness, I made up the cash by selling all the prunes [dkb]

And calling them the product from casting o'er the runes [Apsley]

I've had enough of grandmama; she's locked up in a cell [dkb]

And now if I'm asked to undress, I just say "Go to Hell!" [fester]

Contributors: Apsley, fester, dkb.
Poem finished: 7th August 2001.