McBoreal's Adventure
Hamish McBoreal? The spaniel from the Glens?
That's his memorial, for saving Scotland's hens
From being boiled in aspic, with a piece of dill,
By oily Hell's Angel chefs,chefs, seeking a cheap thrill
- McBoreal did smite them, with his mighty staff,
When he saw them worshipping the wicked fatted calf
That Angus dim had fashioned from a dowager's old hat
Some haggis skins and dachshunds, a cow and a gold rat:
The staff, alas, did shatter on the warty horny hide
But still released the dachsunds who were trapped inside
The starving hounds leapt on the chefs and bit them all to death
And McBoreal was knighted by Queen Elizabeth
Sir McBoreal was regal, lofty and obscure
More oriole than eagle, his shadowed dovecote pure
He fluttered on the up-draft, descended on the down-
Ward spiral of too much whisky, porage and Miss Brown
Whom he would herald royally, with biscuits and a fife
Until she turned all lawyerly, and banged him up for life
His prison-cell was airy, with turrets and a spire
The laboratory on gimbals, spiral staircase on the gyre
He penned a thousand ballads, each one direr than the last
Until his "Ode to Apsley's Tonsils" proved him master of his craft
At that, Miss Brown relented, McBoreal was freed
And now teaches penguins English at a College in Leeds
Contributors: | Apsley, Fatty, P, Grayman, fester, Yoxi, TG, Beefy. |
Poem finished: | 1st August 2001. |