Whenever Angels Return to Hampshire
Coming back from London Zoo
A hamster stole my haemorrhoids at Crewe
And sold them to a flautist bound for Hull
My piles are now on stage with Jethro Tull
Who treats them with a grim and pert disdain
Which they accept because they're hooked on fame
They know a thing or two!
Coming home from foreign parts
My sister threw a twelve at darts:
I threw my sister on the floor -
She should have made a higher score
Now she works from ten till eight
Teaching un-house-trained frogs to cogitate
And other useful arts
I hate my sister, when all's said and done
Her sneering lips, her hair piled in a bun
Her small pert breasts, her tautly muscled bum
On which she strums her well-developed thumb -
I hate her long, long, legs, her flawless skin
But most of all I quite detest her kin.
Coming back from god-knows-where
I found a maggot in my hair:
I knew straightway the rot had now set in
I think I'll go and numb my brain with gin
"Coming back (football's coming back)"
So bawled the retching artless anorak
Whose shaven head betokened shaven thought
With pasty face, beer belly, England shorts
He really cut a dash!
Contributors: | P, Fatty, Apsley, Anon., dkb, ApsleyJr, Beefy, Hamish. |
Poem finished: | 30th May 2001. |