Jeeves Arranged My Spangled Smoking Jackets Elegantly
I like to eat cheese in the High Pyrenees
though it gives me the wheezes and sneezes
When I squeeze the knees of Denise and Louise
it teases, but eases the queazies.
I often eat meat when I'm knee deep in wheat
I like to nick sweeties from Beattie's
There's no better treat than a sweet-seller's feet
They taste meters nicer than Peters.
I sometimes eat bread as I stand on my head
And sometimes I header some cheddar
Or I sleep in the shed instead of my bed
Which helps me stay safe from the shredder!
I first ate sweetcorn on the day I was born
at about the time morning was dawning
But now I read porn at the dawn of the morn
While lying awake 'neath an awning
I can't seem to whistle while chewing a thistle
It's like chewing gristle with bristles
I find that a kiss'll help me to whistle
Whilst chewing on fat or biting on gristle
I hate to eat rice without ice and a slice
of cake - I find icing enticing
But, though icing's nice, I've the mainbrace to splice -
and a hold full of mice that need dicing.
I dream of eating bream and chocolate ice-cream
I know it may seem I'm a dreamer
But I always scream when I visit East Cheam
The Cheam lemur keeps biting my femur
In times long gone by I ate dinosaur pie
It set my spare tyre on fire
In my cave I'd lie and I'd pray that I'd die -
I'd retire to the byre and perspire
Contributors: | Hamish, ellie, Grayman, Anon., dkb, Apsley, fester, TG. |
Poem finished: | 6th June 2000. |