Three Dodgy Hamsters, Always Gardening!
Tie me to the undergrowth with a length of twine!
Bind me to the briars! Oh, that would be divine!
Stake me with the dahlias, in the sun and snow,
Fertilise me daily and watch me start to grow
In a manner quite obscure, befitting my degree,
This, my love, is just a taste of what you'll do for me
Cover me with compost and water me with care
Lest wire-worms and lychees should nestle in my hair;
Dish me up some compost with a side of manure tea,
Do this with celerity and then dance with a flea;
Let not slugs and greenfly take sustenance from me
For that is not part of society!
Cut me with your secateurs! Prune me with your knife!
Pull me in the undergrowth and call me your own wife!
Sheldrake and Shovelar have inured me to manure
But these are Names with which one is quite certain to insure
One's newts. But I digress: please tie me to the wall
Espaliered, my fruit takes autumn's transatlantic fall
Spray me with insecticide! Aereate my roots!
Rummage in my open space in your rubber boots!
Do not let those horrid birds nest amidst my leaves
But shower me with petals that were stolen by the thieves
Let sieve and sand and leafmold intertwine orgiastically
But, in your wildest moments, please do not act plastically
Contributors: | Apsley, fester, TG, Rippinski, Yoxi. |
Poem finished: | 10th May 2000. |