The Spoonbill Generator

The Minotaur's Preserved Tears

Frugal the frog [Roland]

Once owned a dog [TG]

Neither could swollow or sneeze [Roland]

They lived underground [TG]

In a burial mound [P]

Racked by a myst'ry disease [Roland]

Hargreave the hare [TG]

Collected hot air [Roland]

Piled in a circular bed [TG]

While, over the shop [Roland]

The Risible Cop [P]

Cried as the chimpanzees fled [TG]

Memphis the mole [P]

Once bartered his soul [TG]

Swapped for a metre of twine [Roland]

And then left his den [P]

With cry of 'Amen!' [Roland]

And lived all his life on the line [TG]

Turnpike the toad [P]

Loved to explode [Roland]

When dropped from a terrible height [P]

The passage of air [TG]

Set fire to his hair [Roland]

Which caused his left ear to ignite [TG]

Carstairs the clam [Roland]

Could not abide jam [TG]

When traces adhered to his trews [Roland]

He shrieked in alarm [P]

And decamped to a farm [TG]

And there, to this day, sings the blues. [Roland]

Sherlock the shrike [TG]

Trashed my new trike [Roland]

By methods I cannot surmise [P]

The Polaroids show [Roland]

An ominous glow [P]

Suffusing his odious eyes [Roland]

Hector the hake [P]

Though scarcely awake [Roland]

Was reciting the thirty-first psalm [P]

One glance at the clock [Roland]

And a twenty-ton block [P]

Quite filled his young head with alarm [Roland]

Albert the Ant [P]

Was forced to recant [Roland]

His claim to be Billy the Kid [P]

The veins in his thigh [Roland]

Revealed every lie [P]

That fuelled each deed that he did [Roland]

Graham the grouse [P]

Gave birth to a mouse [Roland]

By methods both occult and strange [P]

His diet of cheese [Roland]

His fluent Chinese [P]

Both simple enough to arrange [Roland]

Gnorman the Gnat [P]

In mottled cravat [Roland]

Was sued for a six-figure sum [TG]

His widow confessed [Roland]

He'd not looked his best [TG]

And the prospects were certainly glum [P]

Gerald the germ [Roland]

Once founded a firm [P]

That marketed bundles of mist [Roland]

To those with a yen [P]

To see the Great Wen [TG]

And then become utterly pissed [P]

Corpus the cod [Roland]

Was worshipped as God [P]

Despite all his devilish pranks [Roland]

For he raised all the dead [P]

By the hairs of their head [Roland]

And sent them to live with Tom Hanks [TG]

These beasts big and small [P]

These bugs short and tall [Roland]

Are the curse of the humnaoid race [P]

And yet ... are not we [Roland]

Not destined to be [TG]

The curse that has taken their place? [Roland]

Contributors: Roland, TG, P.
Poem finished: 13th February 2000.