Worse Shame Than Coal-Shovelling Tendencies
Uncertain and yet, somehow, sure
I trip the light fantastic
I cartwheel gamely through the Ruhr
And bounce back on elastic
Lest on the Steppes I stumble down
And crack my pate completely
'Twould leave me with a steady frown
If sewn up less than neatly
The risks I take are always safe
And modelled on Houdini's
(Although the handcuffs often chafe)
I never wear bikinis
Lest in the chase the clasps give way
And cover me with blushes
As when a jet of Beaujolais
From Jereboam gushes
I watch my step but chance my arm
Like some great tennis player
I would not want to come to harm
So wear a padded layer
Lest in the ruck I wrench my neck
And dislocate my shoulder
Or leave my rib-cage all a-wreck
- I dare not be much bolder
I boldly stride with falt'ring step
Through acres of obstruction
The schoolboy at his inky prep
Underlining "suction"
The easy way is not for me
No challenge is too scary
My timid personality
Would scarce befit a fairy
I leap along with lofty air
My jété makes men whistle
My faux pas are exceeding rare
Thanks to my well-honed gristle
Yet, when I pulverise one shin
Or sprain my leftmost ankle
Or strip away a swathe of skin
I must say it does rankle
I dive from thirty thousand feet
A kamikaze swoop
And yet, the pleasure's incomplete
I can not loop the loop
Nor imitate the stratopshere
Without a change of clothing
The earth is coming all too near
And I am filled with loathing.
Contributors: | Binky Huckaback, Grayman, Roland, KT, TG, Elizabeth, P, Loaf, The Agent Apsley. |
Poem finished: | 24th December 1999. |