Implausible Emptiness in Andromeda Parkway
Without denying anything much
Save that you and I are Dutch
My gambit I'll commence
And banish fifty pence
In order to confirm
That fish do swiftly squirm
Whenas the Polders freeze
And Germans bite their knees
To circumvent tuition fees
And all the lies that men do tell
From here to Nether Hell
Will in time be ravelled up
And we will quaff the final cup
Before the Baltic boils
And spills anent all mortal toils
Of crouching peasants, towering royals
And men whose heads are large as leeks
Whose vital organs are antiques
Found in stately country homes
And indexed in the calf-bound tomes
That float on Caspian tides
Into Thracian bays where Marmaduke resides
We strive to stem the turning of the tides.
And, repeating rhymes lest men should fear,
And specious hake imbibe with cheer
The words that merry men do rant
Infest our minds with carping cant
When as the Grecians in their mirth
Pollute the well-springs of the earth
And, like the Thebans in their pride,
Ingest the tears that others cried
Into a cup of stoutest bronze
Bedecked with images of dons
In poses lifelike yet unreal
Their apathy be-tinged with zeal
And visages bedecked with spores
(A fashion from the Punic Wars)
And all the hake that Man can eat
While baying like a parakeet
And grunting fish-like in a cup
And drowning in the washing-up
And yet, at last, the sentence ends.
A gloom upon the pate descends.
The weight of words has done its worst:
And all one's mental pipes have burst
Unleashing lashings of thick goo
Engulfing coot and kinkajou
And starlings, thrushes and great grebes
The like of which still graces Thebes
Disgracing fruit and fish
And necromancing seeds
That poison every dish
Except the first, a great repast
As tooooxic as the last
But not the he with magic skills
Adopted by the daffodils
And other plants of subtle hue
The cormorant and kangaroo
Did nest and make their homes abune
The compound fractures of the moon
The twlight times that men endure
Between San Remo and the Ruhr
Bring to mind the gates of Troy
Where I was fostered as a boy
And was whipped from pillar to post
And hounded down from coast to coast
For thus it was I learnt my trade,
And thus compiled this serenade
Which into Latin will not go
Nor Hottentot, nor Esquimau
Or any language known to Man
Save Congolese and Catalan
(The which, indeed, they do not speak
Unless in metaphors oblique
Inclined to angles all obtuse
And twists tangential to a truce)
Yet, to be brief, one's best repose
Is abject silence, if not prose
That twists the very heart of man
Between Jamaica and Japan
And furthest parts of Kathmandu
That furnish my three-legged zoo
Of arthropods and carnivores
Of artichokes and hellebores
And all that crawls upon all fours
Whenas intruders are on board
The wisest halfwit shan't applaud
The stoutest hoat shall down a jar
Before we fathom where we are
The universe shall turn around
And wither in a trice
And then the camels will all bound
In packs across the ice
To imitate the leopard in his rather spotty coat
The action of the tiger and the torpor of the stoat
The cosmos dim shall do a dance
Beneath our cobwebbed cape
Whenas the penguin from Penzance
Shall couple with the ape
For in this fashion fauna sport and each to like imbues
His curlicues!
The galaxy shall caper nimbly
Up and down the out-house steps
And then sweep out a lesser chimney
(Deafened by the Bells of Rhymney)
While the surgeon fries his crêpes
And marinades his bootleg tapes
(The ones of gurgling outraged apes)
Thus the mildewed kine resound
When the ball is out of bounds
And browse their putrid kelp
In search of potent help;
While I ... I dare to falter ...
Whilst standing at the altar:
A-clutching on my psalter
My neck thrust through a halter
Contributors: | Surlaw, Apsley, Shipp, P, Sigg, surlaw, Anon., Roland, The Agent Apsley. |
Poem finished: | 3rd November 1999. |