The Spoonbill Generator

I told him that he shouldn't hoard the family's only Oiuja board [Teresa Incognita]

But he ignored my sage and prudent warning [TG]

It's true that we're all really fond of contacting the great beyond [Teresa Incognita]

But he only proffered his pain, lament, and mourning [Desert Heat]

With which no man could rightly bear upon a day with deep despair [The Agent Apsley]

At least, not without considerable fawning [TG]

I mentioned that he shouldn't try to patch his one remaining eye [Teresa Incognita]

But alas! He'd plugged his one remaining ear [Grayman]

His sight has never been the same since Auntie Ethelreda came [TG]

Clad in garments really rather sheer [Grayman]

The scream he gave was quite a beaut 'pon seeing Auntie's birthday suit. [Teresa Incognita]

From an angle three-quarters to the rear [Grayman]

I gave him orders thick and fast that he should keep awake [The Agent Apsley]

But he chose to doze and thereby hangs a tale [Teresa Incognita]

So I dragged him by the pony-tail and pushed him in the lake [Grayman]

Where many men had spied the spotted whale [The Agent Apsley]

Which monster failed to appear, its presence but a myth I fear [Grayman]

Put about by those who quoff a heady pint of ale [The Agent Apsley]

I stressed that he should at least try to keep his socks and undies dry [Teresa Incognita]

But he insists on sitting in a bog [TG]

I told him he should come along, but then I couldn't stand the pong [Grayman]

And sent him off to try and find a frog [TG]

That might make small the minuscule and elsewise magnify [The Agent Apsley]

The effort that must soon complete the slog [Grayman]

I tried and tried to make him see that no-one likes the smell of pee [TG]

A noxious stench, evoking potent dreams [Elizabeth]

Of elephants that rage in trees and eat bananas sent from Rheims [The Agent Apsley]

The while devising sundry dirty schemes [TG]

But no tirade of shouts and calls would badger him to change his smalls [Grayman]

For those of silk, the course the wiseman deems [The Agent Apsley]

I lost my patience with him then, and locked him in a cattle-pen [TG]

But lo! He started lowing like a cow [Grayman]

Estranged from all its bovine kin and harnessed to a rusty plough [The Agent Apsley]

The din assails my eardrums even now [TG]

But I suppose I shouldn't mutter; my wife & kids could use the butter [Grayman]

To bake a cake for tea - I wonder how? [Katie]

I then resolved to have it out lest lesser men should shave my snout [The Agent Apsley]

But he was on a planet all his own [TG]

No matter what I did or said he only sat and scratched his head [Katie]

And muttered to a small immobile 'phone [TG]

The size of Manchester without its hub, which made me see things red [The Agent Apsley]

"Oh, sod it!" quoth I; left him there alone [TG]