Banana Wapentakes
How hairy is my nose, do you suppose?
Long as those protruding through my pantyhose?
Or are they longer than my shaggy clothes?
What I'm going to do with them God only knows
How dimply are my thighs, don't tell me lies!
And even worse, what if each dimple multiplies?
Or even grows gargantuan in size?
I really wish I did not eat all the pies
How knobby are my knees, be honest please?
Do they resemble hives of torpid bees?
At least they're shapely in my fantasies
Alhtough they're ghastly in my memories.
How frizzy is my hair, my great despair?
I should not have electricuted myself for a dare
Or put rancid mucus in my underwear
Now I have an air of Garfunkelesque laissez-faire
How baffled is my brain, am I quite sane?
Is it a bad sign that thinking causes pain?
Should I take drastic measures or refrain?
Oh, hang it all, I'm off to seek the sun in Spain
How stinky are my feet (although petite)?
Does anyone find their malodorous odor sweet
Or regard their de-shoeing as a treat?
What haunting notes do miss a beat!
How tortured is my soul, if that's your goal,
Does there exist a deeper, blacker hole?
From which to extract Dante's mole
Or play a yet more sinister role
How swollen is my liver? I'm all a-quiver
With aches that make The Blind Man shiver;
But they say that life is for the liver
So let's go now over the river
My body isn't quite my sole delight
Though it seems so in the dark of night
And with my slowly fading sight
I long only for death's sweet respite.
Contributors: | Canon Golightly, Teresa Incognita, Desert Heat, gingersnap, Grayman, El Tel, TG, D P D, The Agent Apsley, Del Playa Debaucher, Jonas Zimmermann, P, Elizabeth. |
Poem finished: | 28th September 1999. |