The Spoonbill Generator

A Toasted Budgie in my Laxative

This extra leg's a bother [Roland]

When I play the clarinet [P]

The cornet and the washboard; [Roland]

I've been to see the vet [TG]

He's trained in amputation [Roland]

- A skill that I admire - [P]

Yet, though I bribe him hourly [Roland]

He claims my outlook's dire [TG]

'You one-man bandits! Tell me, [Roland]

Can one live without a limb? [P]

Can one plough one's lonely furrow [Roland]

If one's vitals lack for vim? [TG]

Can one sing without one's supper [Roland]

Can you fiddle for a dime? [Stacy]

Take my fifteen foolish footsteps [Roland]

For a dance in triple time [P]

We'll trip the light fantastic, [Stacy]

Turn cartwheels out the door [Roland]

Is your surgeon plastic? [Bop]

Lacks he tooth, or claw? [Roland]

Glennys is the best [Anon.]

The others can't compete [TG]

Glenny scobs a rusty knob under the sheet, [Stacy]

It makes me depressed [Loaf]

So all you three-legged Turkish, [Stacy]

Pipers of the globe [Roland]

Conjoin with us, your brothers [TG]

Beneath your garish robe [Roland]

Delight in this, you mothers, [Bop]

Of grand or other kind [P]

And, using wit or courage [Roland]

Scour the corners of my mind [TG]

And, should you find a reason [Roland]

To lose this extra limb [KD]

Try roasting it with garlic [Roland]

And toast it with a hymn [TG]

And, when they dub you crazy [Roland]

As, to be fair, they must [TG]

You'll quash them with a daisy [P]

And fill their beds with dust [Roland]

And, wakened by their sneezes, [P]

Resounding through the streets [Roland]

You'll yell: "Until Hell freezes [TG]

I'll sound no more retreats!" [Roland]

I'll cross the floor in triple time [TG]

I'll dance a brief quadrille [Roland]

I'll leap across the vast abyss [P]

Between myself and skill. [Roland]

Contributors: Roland, P, TG, Stacy, Bop, Anon., Loaf, KD.
Poem finished: 20th September 1997.