The strains from distant ballrooms tease
My sister's husband's ears
The rhythm section fails to please
The bass man's fallen to his knees
The piano player pounds the keys
The jive trombonist starts to freeze
The slender waitress nears;

"Two mugs of ale my dimpled peach
Announce the final waltz!
I want a timebomb placed in reach
My friend here has a trick to teach
All children how to plough a beach
To find a happy crab for each
And wash it down with malts."

And as the charge rips through the hall
And bounces from the tiles
The callgirl makes her final call
An end is drawing to the ball
A happy end is found for all
My other wife puts on her shawl
And to her brother smiles.

My rival's standing at the door
A lobsterlike machinist
A crayfish with a tractor in his claw
And who's the nearest?