The Spoonbill Generator

Proved Once, Baked Twice

Unshockable, the bailiff's urge [loaf]

To cause the most distress [Beefy ]

Betokened, with a mighty surge [loaf]

Of suds, the lame laundress [Apsley]

Whose habit, I need scardely add [Beefy ]

Of charging by the pound [Kansas Sam]

Defrauded - so they said - my dad [Apsley]

Or else his bloody hound [loaf]

His gory slimy mongrel beast [Apsley]

That harboured in his shed [loaf]

A bowl he'd bought in deepest East [Beefy ]

the day he lost his head [loaf]

And cut a swathe throughout the town [Beefy ]

Toward the bailiff's booth [Roland]

Where country folk play Knock-me-Down [Apsley]

And traumatise the truth [Roland]

The laundress, then, with wrinkled hands [Beefy ]

In someone else's till [loaf]

Grins wide, as one who understands [Beefy ]

The frisson of a frill [loaf]

That should not be enjoyed [Apsley]

Through deference to Freud [Roland]

The bailiff's wife was best beheld [Apsley]

With periscope aloft [loaf]

When many merry peas were shelled [Apsley]

At which the bailiff scoffed [loaf]

His habit, I need scaredly add, [Apsley]

Was favoured by the few [loaf]

But drove the many nearly mad [Grayman]

From Kiev to Kathmandu [loaf]

And laid them out in pearly rest [Apsley]

Beyond illicit reach [loaf]

Of those who poison in the nest [Apsley]

The parsnip or the peach [loaf]

That man will eat in search of fruit [Apsley]

When Eden comes to mind [loaf]

And Adam comprehends the newt [Apsley]

Before his wife goes blind [loaf]

And stumbles east from that drear place [Apsley]

In search of Noah's quay [Roland]

And calls the number of the beast [TG]

As sixes by the three [Kansas Sam]

That will not be destroyed [Apsley]

Through deference to Freud [(trad)]

The bailiff's family, all unwashed, [Apsley]

Ascended, in a cloud, [loaf]

To find the saints whom God had coshed [Apsley]

For being over-proud [loaf]

Of solecistic repartee [asdf]

They were the bons viveurs [Apsley]

Until they drowned in Ring-bo-Ree [loaf]

(Good riddance to the curs!) [Beefy ]

And so we venerate their bones [Apsley]

As they once hounded ours [loaf]

And sing their praise in ringing tones [Beefy ]

In sunshine and in showers [(trad)]

We find in Heav'n a diverse bunch [Beefy ]

Of every shape and size [Grayman]

Who take their breakfast after lunch [Beefy ]

With fair few groans and sighs [Apsley]

The lilting of angelic choirs [Beefy ]

The lack of hellish shouting [Roland]

Th' harmonious hum of strumming lyres [Beefy ]

Completes their śry outing [loaf]

When variously employed [Grayman]

Through deference to Freud [Roland]


Contributors: loaf, Beefy, Apsley, Kansas Sam, Roland, Grayman, TG, (trad), asdf.
Poem finished: 18th March 2004 by Beefy.