The Spoonbill Generator

Wresting Joy From Daily Pickles

A pickle I wanted, and yet that darn lid [Kansas Sam]

Laughingly mocked me, refusing to budge [Karin]

And so I cried "Help!" to that muscleman, Sid [F]

But he wrested the thing not a nudge [Kansas Sam]

Sid told me to fetch the gun we kept hid [Karin]

(And whate'er he commanded I usually did!) [F]

I approached the jar with said gun in my hand [Karin]

And it noticed - but flinched not a whit [Kansas Sam]

With rage I now glared and took up my stand [Karin]

On the label I saw it was writ: [F]

"To open, unscrew in reverse on demand" [archaeopteryx]

"O Pickles," I muttered, "Your wish, my command..." [Kansas Sam]

I threw all my strength into one mighty twist [Karin]

I yanked in reverse, as required [Kansas Sam]

But the only result was a badly sprained wrist [Karin]

Now in pain and despair was I mired [F]

I had been by a pickle jar dissed! [Karin]

Could my finger the trigger resist? [Kansas Sam]

'Twas then the pickle jar shouted "No, wait!" [Karin]

My finger stopped dead in its tracks [Kansas Sam]

I was knocked for a loop by this odd twist of fate [Karin]

(Bluntly speaking, I soiled my slacks) [F]

But then as my shock did abate [Karin]

I was rocked! - it said "Turn it now, Mate." [Kansas Sam]

With a firm grip I wrestled and I twisted [archaeopteryx]

I felt the lid start to give way [Karin]

Poco a poco ... it scarcely resisted! [Kansas Sam]

And I cried out, "Huzzah!" and "Hurray!" [F]

But to take the first bite Sid insisted [Karin]

Fat chance, Sid - the pickles had misted! [Kansas Sam]

"What magical gherkins, indeed!" we exclaimed [F]

"You sure took us for a ride!" [Karin]

We were so ecstatic to see they'd been tamed [F]

That we missed the small genie beside [Kansas Sam]

The small poltergeist (who shall be unnamed) [F]

On whom the entire debacle was blamed [Karin]

"One wish!" boomed the imp, and we spied it at last [Kansas Sam]

His sourpuss. Sid and I mused [F]

A pickle I wanted - and wanted it fast! [Kansas Sam]

Just one wish? I now felt abused [F]

And Sid, just like me, felt harassed [Kansas Sam]

(Our overawed mood had soon passed) [F]

"A pickle I wish for!" - I blurted it out [Kansas Sam]

And at once I regretted my words [Karin]

For that Sourpuss imp started hopping about [F]

"NOT PICKLES! - I grant whey and kurds!" [Kansas Sam]

Our wishes it seemed he would flout [F]

So Sid grabbed him, and chomped on the sprout! [Kansas Sam]

Sid wrestled the genie with all of his might [Karin]

Famished, I gaped as they tussled [Kansas Sam]

Should I or shouldn't I join in the fight? [F]

If I did, would we both be out-muscled? [Kansas Sam]

'Twas then I grabbed hold of that wee impish wight [F]

And I bit off his head! Yuck, he tasted ... just right! [Kansas Sam]


Contributors: Kansas Sam, Karin, F, archaeopteryx, Anon..
Poem finished: 5th February 2004 by Karin.