The Spoonbill Generator

No More Edible Pope

(limerick) There was an old lady from Wales [Francine]

Who was known to wear top hats and tails [Nym]

While a guest of the Pope [Francine]

Went in for a grope [Anon.]

But touched not his holiest of grails [Kansas Sam]

When Peter was visiting France [Nym]

He tried not to plie or prance [Francine]

But odorousness there [Kansas Sam]

Pervaded the air
Poor Peter had soiled his pants! [Nym]

There was an old gal from Nantucket [Francine]

She lived in a small wooden bucket [Nym]

No one could dislodge her [Francine]

So a wiley old codger [Nym]

cried, "I'm snake-bit. Please could you suck it?" [Francine]

There is an old tale of yore
Of a laddie who went off to war [Nym]

He boinked all the allies [Francine]

As well as the bad guys
And now he's a regular whore [Anon.]

I once met a fellow named Jeever [Francine]

Who sang with his golden retreiver [Kansas Sam]

They'd do a duet [Francine]

To pay the new vet [Kansas Sam]

That treated the doggy's sore beaver [Anon.]

I once met a biscuit named Scone [Kansas Sam]

Who went by the alias, Cornpone [F]

So tasty it looked [Nym]

I ate it uncooked [F]

And now I feel sad that it's gone [Nym]

There was an old strumpet named Lucy [F]

Her gossip would always be juicy [Nym]

She'd diss all the johns [F]

Ceramic or bronze [Anon.]

But would never converse about pussy [F]

I once drank a beer called Foster's [Karin]

You wouldn't believe what it cost us [Nym]

A new dollar bill [Francine]

And some big guy called Will [Karin]

Proceeded to swiftly accost us [F]

I once tried to dine on some tripe [Nym]

With a lovely companion who also seemed ripe [Karin]

But I choked on the salad [Francine]

My face become pallid [Nym]

So she whacked on my back with a pipe. [Karin]

Is it true you prefer teddy bears [F]

I've heard you collect them at fairs [N]

They're soft and so furry [archaeopteryx]

So never-in-hurry [Kansas Sam]

Jump on their bones in their lairs. [Dassn't Say]

Why are ants always so busy? [Kansas Sam]

They scurry about in a tizzy [F]

Yet what do they gain? [Kansas Sam]

Just picknickers' disdain [Karin]

Stomp! "Is 'e dead?" / "I'll say is 'e!" [Kansas Sam]

Contributors: Francine, Nym, Kansas Sam, F, Anon., Karin, N, archaeopteryx, Dassn't Say.
Poem finished: 29th July 2003.