The Spoonbill Generator

Mr. And Mrs Kruschev's Treasured Collection of Victorian Iron Pullovers

Benjamin Braddock got carried away [Beefy]

Far from the haunts of his youth [Roland]

By gypsies, who stole him one sunny day [fester]

From a rather obscure cafe booth [Stacy Alexander]

They thought but to taunt him with berries and brine, [Apsley]

To bait him with candles and crust [loaf]

But his was a nature so sturdy and fine [Apsley]

His teeth you'd instinctively trust [dkb]

And so, when the Gyptians had carried him far [Roland]

To a gath'ring of all their tribe [fester]

They brought him some ale in a lavender jar [Roland]

Which he must ritually imbibe [fester]

But lo! With his molars, all knobble and gnash, [Roland]

Shining like a new pair of shoes, [fester]

He tore a great slit, a gargantuan gash [loaf]

In the hand 'was holding the booze [fester]

Out came corpuscles, all crimson and cream [Roland]

And the Romany King gave a terrible scream [P]

And the Queen of the May, in a compact divine [loaf]

Was picked up by the coppers and paid a small fine. [dkb]

"And what happened to Benjy?" I hear you say [fester]

(if you've been paying attention) [Roland]

"Just how was he killed? Or did he get away? [fester]

And live to sign up for his pension? [Roland]

Or was there a twist in the story that led [fester]

The Gyptians to seek reparation [Roland]

Or did he just visit a dentist called Ted [fester]

To suffer his last operation?" [Roland]

If you wait a minute, I'll tell you his fate [fester]

In syllables fraught with emotion [Roland]

You'll always remember this tale with great hate [fester]

Its telling will cause a commotion [loaf]

So, be careful to whom you choose to reveal [fester]

And use plenty of calamine lotion! [Stacy Alexander]

Please survey the room with the maximum zeal [fester]

Take into account all love potions [Stacy Alexander]

Call loudly for silence, and when you begin [fester]

Go straight to the heart of the Notion! [E Greejius]

Envoi [Roland]

When youth is suborned [Anon.]

Where Mrs Robinson and Benjy coalesce [E Greejius]

Beguiler, be warned! [Roland]

Does Jesus love you LESS than you will know? [E Greejius]

Contributors: Beefy, Roland, fester, Stacy Alexander, Apsley, loaf, dkb, P, E Greejius, Anon..
Poem finished: 22nd October 2002.