The Spoonbill Generator

Mutable, Suitable, Inscrutable

Hidboult was a wanderer [loaf]

Who travelled in a gondola [fester]

Filled to the brink with cheese [Apsley]

Shadbolt was a torturer [TG]

Hailed Hidbout from the porch: "You're a [Yoxi]

-bout to fracture my knees [dkb]

Stilton was my osteopath [Yoxi]

Shadbolt cried: "I crossed your path [Beefy]

By swinging from the trees!" [dkb]

Cheddar was a ponderer [fester]

Who liked to live far yonder - here [Apsley]

In Stockton-upon-Tees [fester]

Fourfoot was a troubador [Beefy]

Who wished to visit Cuba more [fester]

With his pet Pekinese [dkb]

Blunder was a sad mistake [Apsley]

He should have been a paddock-gate [fester]

And rattled in the breeze [dkb]

Wanda was a stomach-ache [fester]

A vexsome cod, a loathsome hake [Apsley]

Who glibly spread disease [dkb]

Crackers tied me to a tree [Apsley]

Onto my nose there flew a bee [fester]

I couldn't help but sneeze [dkb]

Biscuits bound me securely [fester]

Against a bust of Pierre Curie [dkb]

And forced me to eat cheese [fester]

Cheese from Hidboult's gondola! [dkb]

For Biscuits was a conjuror [fester]

Whose tricks were sure to please [dkb]

Back on Shadbolt's porch you wait [fester]

Impertinent but obdurate [dkb]

To Ethics and to sleaze [Apsley]

While Stilton taps your vertebrae [dkb]

You know that it will hurt all day [fester]

But then the pain will ease. [dkb]

Blazing was a heavenly star [Apsley]

(That lit the path of Cheddar, far [dkb]

Into the China Seas) [Apsley]

Fourfoot's singing chimpanzee [fester]

Read an Iain Banks to me [Apsley]

Whilst picking at his fleas [dkb]

Now that Blunder's rattling [fester]

'Mid the breeze of early spring [dkb]

Do oil his hinges, please [fester]

Should the noissome Wanda pass, [dkb]

Who slithers like a blade of grass, [Apsley]

Don't eat her mushy peas! [dkb]

Now that Crackers has no rope [fester]

Soon I'll wriggle free, I hope [dkb]

And then tell the police [fester]

I'll be no more by Biscuits bound [dkb]

Even at the cricket-ground [fester]

At luncheons or at teas. [dkb]

Contributors: loaf, fester, Apsley, TG, Yoxi, dkb, Beefy.
Poem finished: 7th August 2001.