The Spoonbill Generator

The Ballad of the Blocked Toilets

She wandered through the garden fence [Reid]

"Ouch!" she cried, "That hurts!" [Beefy]

And though she'd bought (at great expense) [loaf]

A cabbage full of common sense [Apsley]

A vegetable of brain immense [limits]

She was herself completely dense [fester]

And friend to anything that blurts [Apsley]

She drove over her neighbour's cat [fester]

And said in fury 'That is that!' [Apsley]

And coming home to an empty flat [loaf]

With a rancid, nubile acrobat [Apsley]

Proceeded to embalm a rat [Beefy]

With some soda from the larder [Apsley]

As she rubbed, he struggled harder... [fester]

She grew quite angry, and saliva [Apsley]

Dribbled onto Roland's hide, where [Glyn]

Hunted by a rabid diver, [Apsley]

And by Roland's pet louse, Ivor, [Glyn]

Suddenly, like Minnie Driver [TG]

In her finest underwear, [Apsley]

(New in store, only a fiver!) [Fatty]

The poem lurched from bad to worse [Apsley]

Like a male zombie in a dress [fester ]

Like a pauper behind the hearse [Apsley]

As if 'twere under the Mummy's curse [fester]

And hand in hand with Rudolf Hess [Apsley]

The Graf von Hindenburg confess'd [fester]

The virgins dim that he'd undressed [Apsley]

She dropped the kettle on her toe [fester]

(As readers wondered who 'she' was) [Apsley]

Anne Widdecombe perhaps? Say no! [fester]

If not she, then, some other foe [Apsley]

Descended from the polar floe [TG]

That gives the mind of man the buzz [Apsley]

Santa said, "Ho! Groovy! Ho!" [fester]

Contributors: Reid, Beefy, loaf, Apsley, limits, fester, Glyn, TG, Fatty.
Poem finished: 18th December 2000.