The Spoonbill Generator

Nevertheless, Nuke the French

Each time I use the word 'defer' [Roland]

I get just a little smaller [fester]

Whereas the word 'procrastinate' [Roland]

Only stops me growing taller [fester]

Where, oh where's the happy mean [Roland]

I'm getting shorter every day [fester]

Just to balance, in between [Roland]

I need another word to say [fester]

I pondered 'blank', I toyed with 'blench' [Roland]

I considered 'catalepsy' [fester]

I named three fizzy drinks, in French [Roland]

But they gave me epilepsy [fester]

That's why I don't drink Pepsi [loaf]

At twenty I was six feet tall [fester]

At thirty, two feet higher [Apsley]

But now, at three foot six, I'm small [fester]

As any might desire; [Roland]

I must defer the evil day [Grayman]

Oh, not again! I've shrunk an inch! [Hamish]

I fear that I shall waste away [Roland]

And so I'm eating lots of mince [Hamish]

Mixed up with mushrooms, coffee, spice, [Apsley]

And other things I cannot name [Hamish]

(carrots, ostriches and lice) [ellie]

But I despair if, once again, [fester]

'Procrastinate' should cross my brain [loaf]

Each time I hop upon the spot [fester]

My neck grows one inch longer [P]

Likewise doth grow my pelvic bone [Apsley]

Each time I dance the Conga [Roland]

And thus, my neck is eight feet long [Hamish]

My waistline doth bewilder [loaf]

The doctors (though their brains be strong [Hamish]

And burly as a builder) [Roland]

Yet, though I eat straight from the tree, [Hamish]

Procrastinating rarely [Roland]

My neck swings side-to-side too free [Hamish]

And my chest hair grows but sparely [Grayman]

And, yes, I'm still alive - but barely [Anon.]

At fifty, I was angstroms high [Roland]

At sixty, twenty-three miles wide [Hamish]

Much vaster than the largest pod [Apsley]

And larger still inside [TG]

I said "I must not speak at all" [Grayman]

Which phrase made me turn inside-out [Hamish]

"For I am stouter than a trout!", [Apsley]

I shouted, and grew ten feet tall [Hamish]

Much to the pleasure of Hugo John Ball [Apsley]

Inventor of the amazing [Hamish]

Self-replicating Dada stall [Grayman]

And of not-so-crazy-paving [Hamish]

( I think the bloke was raving) [Grayman]

Contributors: Roland, fester, loaf, Apsley, Grayman, Hamish, ellie, P, Anon., TG.
Poem finished: 20th June 2000.