The Spoonbill Generator

Jeeves Arranged My Spangled Smoking Jackets Elegantly

I like to eat cheese in the High Pyrenees [Hamish]

though it gives me the wheezes and sneezes [ellie]

When I squeeze the knees of Denise and Louise [Hamish]

it teases, but eases the queazies. [ellie]

I often eat meat when I'm knee deep in wheat [Hamish]

I like to nick sweeties from Beattie's [Grayman]

There's no better treat than a sweet-seller's feet [Hamish]

They taste meters nicer than Peters. [Anon.]

I sometimes eat bread as I stand on my head [dkb]

And sometimes I header some cheddar [Grayman]

Or I sleep in the shed instead of my bed [Hamish]

Which helps me stay safe from the shredder! [Apsley]

I first ate sweetcorn on the day I was born [Hamish]

at about the time morning was dawning [ellie]

But now I read porn at the dawn of the morn [fester]

While lying awake 'neath an awning [Apsley]

I can't seem to whistle while chewing a thistle [TG]

It's like chewing gristle with bristles [Grayman]

I find that a kiss'll help me to whistle [Hamish]

Whilst chewing on fat or biting on gristle [Apsley]

I hate to eat rice without ice and a slice [TG]

of cake - I find icing enticing [ellie]

But, though icing's nice, I've the mainbrace to splice - [fester]

and a hold full of mice that need dicing. [ellie]

I dream of eating bream and chocolate ice-cream [fester]

I know it may seem I'm a dreamer [Grayman]

But I always scream when I visit East Cheam [fester]

The Cheam lemur keeps biting my femur [ellie]

In times long gone by I ate dinosaur pie [fester]

It set my spare tyre on fire [ellie]

In my cave I'd lie and I'd pray that I'd die - [fester]

I'd retire to the byre and perspire [dkb]

Contributors: Hamish, ellie, Grayman, Anon., dkb, Apsley, fester, TG.
Poem finished: 6th June 2000.