The Spoonbill Generator

Never, Scarcely Ever

Give me bowls of carrots in the sunrise that is grey [Apsley]

And I'll tell you tales to stand your hair on end [TG]

Vanquish me in violent games that only two can play [E Greejius]

And we'll see what vicious virus we can send [Apsley]

Give me rotting turnips in the middle of the night [Hamish]

And you'll never want to eat a pear again [dkb]

For decomposing vegetables help to make you bright [Hamish]

but fruit can make you turn into a hen. [ellie]

Give me beans and bannocks on a Sunday afternoon [Hamish]

- And you'd best not make me tell you this again - [dkb]

You'll break my concentration when I'm playing my bassoon [E Greejius]

Whilst outside what comes pouring down but rain. [Apsley]

Give me time and space enough and I will vault the sun [TG]

But I'll need a pole that's really rather long [Hamish]

For I am the kind of fellow who has every kind of fun [Apsley]

And, more than that, I'm stronger than King Kong [Hamish]

Give me all I've asked for and I'll know your love is true [dkb]

(I want ten penguins, a fishcake and six bats) [fester]

I'll even eat your cooking if you'll only tie my shoe [ellie]

- Have you noticed that I'm only wearing spats? [fester]

Give me nice new running shoes - I'll run right to the moon [ellie]

And past it straight on to the Milky Way [fester]

but even after running I ejaculate too soon [ellie]

And, worse still, I do it twenty times a day [fester] every continent, given the opportunity [ellie]

(You see - my motivation is quite strong) [fester]

Slightly more impressive is my STD immunity [ellie]

And the size of my pet luminous-nosed Dong [fester]

Give me all your promises and I'll give you my lies [ellie]

- I promise to stay faithful to the end - [fester]

If you can only tolerate my entourage of flies [ellie]

And violent assaults from all those I offend [fester]

Contributors: Apsley, TG, E Greejius, Hamish, dkb, ellie, fester.
Poem finished: 1st June 2000.