The Spoonbill Generator

Homily For Courtesans in Norwich cathedral

The cards were dealt, and in my hand [dkb]

(Which was calloused and deeply tanned) [fester]

The bourbon glass was full, though chipped [dkb]

I leaned back in my chair and quipped: [fester]

"Now who will lay the Queen of Hearts?" [dkb]

Which made those cowboys laugh so hard [fester]

And slap their sides, and other parts, [dkb]

Fall over, roll into the yard [Hamish]

Where scum & filth & fluff accrued [Apsley]

And evil mongrel dogs pursued [dkb]

And still they laughed, and rolled in mirth [fester]

Until they nearly split their girth; [Apsley]

By accident, their guns they fired [fester]

So, with all haste, I then retired [dkb]

Past broken chairs and bodies prone [fester]

And curs defending bits of bone, [dkb]

But then, those not killed cried "Encore! [Anon.]

What bright repartee! Give us more!" [dkb]

They pressed a drink into my hand [fester]

And made a signal to the band, [dkb]

And pushed me up onto the stage [fester]

Despite my being under age [dkb]

Insisting I should tell more jokes [fester]

Fit for a gang of loutish blokes [dkb]

And so, with ready wit, I said: [Hamish]

(The thought had come into my head [dkb]

Quite suddenly, and it was great) [Hamish]

"At seven, or perhaps at eight, [dkb]

Some 'poke will hold the Knave of Clubs - [Hamish]

That fellow and the card he dubs [Apsley]

..." - by now, the audience was bored, [dkb]

I saw them yawn who once had roared [Grayman]

Sleep stole upon them bit by bit [fester]

by bit by bit by bit by bit, [dkb]

Until, at last, all were asleep [Hamish]

And dreamt of hungry fluffy sheep. [Apsley]

They belched, they let off wind, they snored [Hamish]

What I did next got me outlawed [Madge]

For, whilst they slept, I stole their gold [fester]

- I may be only ten years old, [dkb]

But drinkin' whisky isn't cheap - [fester]

And with a single sprightly leap [dkb]

I vaulted into world beyond [Apsley]

But, sadly, failed to spot the pond [TG]

Or, sadder yet, the crocodile [Hamish]

-skin boots, whose wearer stood beside [dkb]

A herd of angry buffalo [fester]

Of aspect wild and odour vile, [dkb]

But the Lone Ranger and Tonto [fester]

Had arrived to read the metre, [dkb]

Which was just outside the theatre [fester]

Founded once by Uncle Peter. [Apsley]

Indeed, the pair was just in time [dkb]

To end this brilliant little rhyme [Hamish]

Contributors: dkb, fester, Hamish, Apsley, Anon., Grayman, Madge, TG.
Poem finished: 23rd May 2000.