The Spoonbill Generator

Protracted Metrical Hermeneutic Festivities

As Christmas nears I lift my pen [KT]

To liberate each sheep [Roland]

And as Garuda's angels sing [Canon Golightly]

I lay me down to sleep [KT]

Confident that when I wake [Elizabeth]

The heavens and the earth will shake [P]

But I won't hear a peep [Grayman]

But yet ... to hear it once again [Roland]

I'll use my hearing aid [KT]

Imparting an unearthly ring [Roland]

An eerie cavalcade [KT]

Loping through the frontal lobe [Roland]

To circumnavigate the globe [P]

In cranial parade [Grayman]

And yet, before the last Amen [Roland]

Resounds o'er hill and shore [KT]

For every single living thing [P]

I will admit it -- I'm a bore! [Elizabeth]

Perhaps to you this is no shock [P]

But now for me the ticking clock [KT]

Grows harder to ignore [TG]

As Christmas nears my mind grows dim [P]

With wassailing o'ercome [Canon Golightly]

I've filled the flagons to the brim [KT]

With turpentine and rum [Roland]

Dancing drunkwise down the street [Elizabeth]

Tripping over Santa's feet [TG]

And landing on my tum [KT]

Once in Welwyn Garden City [TG]

Stood a lonely petrol pump [Roland]

On a forecourt dark and gritty [P]

Near the disused oil sump [KT]

Glist'ning with benzolish sheen [TG]

Gleaming like a soup tureen [Elizabeth]

On the Council dump [Roland]

In this like place I bore my breast [The Agent Apsley]

My fervent hopes take wing [TG]

And like the cuckoo in the nest [KT]

I rouse myself to sing [Elizabeth]

Of those that should have had my place [Roland]

Who disappeared without a trace [KT]

Of Christmas, White, by Bing [TG]

Of reindeer with a crimson snout [Roland]

The less that's said, the better [Elizabeth]

Ditto, their owner, old and stout [Roland]

That wily elf-begetter [TG]

Who fills a stocking well, they say [Grayman]

(or else a fur-lined negligée) [Roland]

To make his dreams get wetter [TG]

And thus, for Twelve benighted days [Roland]

We'll gorge ourselves and vow [TG]

To live on frugal beans and maize [KT]

And stay quite sober - how? [P]

And sing, in hats of marzipan [Roland]

While gnawing at the pemmican [TG]

Of aeons far from now [Roland]

But hark, ye angels! Day Thirteen [Elizabeth]

Will dawn with leaden sky [Bop]

And trees that once were evergreen [Roland]

Will wither by and by [TG]

And God (coughing behind his hand) [Sir Garfield Lineker]

Will say "You'll never understand [KT]

No matter how I try." [Elizabeth]

Contributors: KT, Roland, Canon Golightly, Elizabeth, P, Grayman, TG, The Agent Apsley, Bop, Sir Garfield Lineker.
Poem finished: 3rd January 2000.