The Spoonbill Generator

The Etiquette of Hogwash Country

Once upon a golden morn [Grayman]

The day before my son was born [P]

I wandered to the sunsoaked lea [Grayman]

And Little Percy shot at me [The Agent Apsley]

I cursed him in my loudest tone [P]

My curses cut him to the bone [TG]

Or so it seemed, or was it guile [P]

It mattered not this bile [Karl Mamer]

He flinched, and shot a passing swan [TG]

Heavily it fell upon [Grayman]

A stranger on a piebald horse [P]

Who fell head-first into the gorse [Grayman]

This disturbed two mating stoats [P]

A-coupling in a field of oats [TG]

Rushing out upon the road [Grayman]

And ignorant of the Highway Code [P]

They caused a passing cart to veer [TG]

And spill its load of frothing beer [Grayman]

Which splished just like an oak veneer [The Agent Apsley]

Upon a passing Cavalier [Grayman]

And washed away his false moustache [P]

(There goes the poor man's fake panache) [Grayman]

Revealing him to be, no less, [P]

Than a complete and total mess [The Agent Apsley]

'Varlet!' cried the dripping fop [Grayman]

"I wore that at the betting shop" [TG]

My odds came up at 10 to 1 [Grayman]

But now I'm just a man to shun" [P]

And so the moral's plain to see [The Agent Apsley]

If you'd stride out in manner free [TG]

Keep your pate frome fleas quite clean [The Agent Apsley]

And one day you may meet the Queen [TG]

And if this lesson's not enough [P]

Young Percy can become quite rough [TG]

And dish upon your furrowed brow [Spawn of Rippy]

The remnants of a long-dead cow [TG]

So call your travel agent soon [Rips]

At any rate, before monsoon [TG]

But my passport is mislaid [El Tel]

My welcome has been overstayed [TG]

At dawns break, my quest begins [Spawn of Rippy]

Into the water, with my unnatural fins [El Tel]

Behind my back - as whose should not be! - [The Agent Apsley]

Sneaks Little Percy's Cavalry! [Spawn of Rippy]

Where is our saviour, our General Custer [El Tel]

I need to call my stock adjuster [Grayman]

With sound advice He may save me [El Tel]

Or board the train designed for gravy [Grayman]

But Hark! The whistle blows at last [TG]

Echoing through the mountains vast [Spawn of Rippy]

But ask ye not for loveless grace [Rip]

I must depart with much haste [El Tel]

Having only had a tiny taste [Spawn of Rippy]

Contributors: Grayman, P, The Agent Apsley, TG, Karl Mamer, Spawn of Rippy, Rips, El Tel, Rip.
Poem finished: 20th August 1999.