A man with a prong on his nose

The Spoonbill Generator

The Spoonbill Generator Archive

A Golden Treasury of Collaborative Verse, 1996–2007

Poems by Year: 1996 - 1997 - 1998 - 1999 - 2000 - 2001 - 2002 - 2003 - 2004 - 2005 - 2006 - 2007

*** Hall of Fame  — Index of First Lines  — Poems by Colour

Alphabetical List of Titles

TitleFirst line
Poems open in a new window
2003 Dec 10"Enough!" Said Old McDonaldInspiration isn't need - not when you're a pote
2006 Apr 7"How Curious!", Quoth The Melancholy ShrikeEngrossed by the maudlin
1997 Nov 22"Tomorrowismybirthday" cried Katharine's WeddingPile a hailstone on a hailstone
2003 Aug 26"You Are Carbon", We SaidThe waves are in turmoil, and strike at the rocks
2000 Dec 1'Destiny', Said Chastity, 'Doesn't Fulfil'Your new line will go here
2006 May 1122 Catheters Soaked By CircumstanceWho could resist
1997 Apr 1023 Babies In Maritime TrystTwo doggerels, whelped in one litter
2004 Jan 29440 FoursomeThree down redoubled, 1000 away
2003 Sep 165-7-5 HarmonyRefuge I must seek
2006 Jul 751 Flavours of DiffusionSo very far from welcome
2002 Feb 769 ServantsThe artichoke eyed the chili pepper with murderous contempt
2000 Sep 3Gratia nobis fructus agimus benedicte nisi veniam purpuriensSpry raindrops against a beercan tinkle
2004 Jan 28Hamlet With FishMy chronic youth would soon speed past
***2000 Jan 18A Behavioural ThesisYou giants! You, who from this crag
1999 Apr 16A Bergsonian Lullaby For CatsCowboy and Chabot are on the go!
2003 Oct 1A Challenge To The JuvenileHow many times have you started a line
2003 Sep 24A Civilised Child, Lost for MomentsInto the unblinking eyes of children
2002 Nov 6A Contest for Castle CustardThe goat came down from the hill-tops
2006 Apr 21A Cynical Attitude Toward RoadrunnersOut here in the wasteland
1999 Apr 4A Dire TendernessNever deny that I warned you
2003 Aug 22A Doberman You All Wanted To KnowThere was an old maid from Duluth
2003 Aug 15A Fine Line Between Endless CatsOn Friday the seventh of May
2000 Jan 4A Formal Comeback For The New MillipedeFrom pyramid to penthouse
2002 Nov 12A Fourth Shortcake DetectorContinuous as the sharks that dine
2007 Jan 15A Futile Attempt on ParnassusI meant it as an insult
2003 Jul 24A Homerian Epic of Anglicans in PeruThere was an old man from Peru
2003 Sep 4A JourneyA big bloke called Gojko the Serb
2003 Oct 13A Lacklustre ParagonChanged the channels 'til my fingers bled
2003 Sep 17A Meadowlark Crumbling in BasaltA costive agent knows too well
2003 Sep 25A Melee Mightn't Make My Machinations MusicalTo write a good poem several things are required
***2004 Mar 8A Mile Beyond The World May Be A MaidenCongealing in a fusty box
2002 Nov 12A New Golem SchoolYour lack of understanding
1997 Nov 4A Particularly Contemporary ProcedureParticularly pleasing was the scent of new-mown hay
2001 Sep 26A Pleonastic Admirer of Superfluous NunsThe men in Berlin are terribly thin
2004 Feb 2A Plurality Because Of Our NauseaLet's not forget the little ones
2003 Sep 4A Pointy NeckWhy do people stare at me?
2001 Jan 9A Prawn ParadingAn ant always admires actors
2003 Jul 31A Prior RainbowRed was the color of my true love's knuckles.
2001 Sep 6A Railway CanalI cycled to the station with fury on my mind
2003 Jun 26A Reasonable Religion for Village GreensSilver and brown were the eaves of the town
2003 Mar 18A Relativity Prayer Shawl Thrown AsideI quaffed nine cups of joe this morn
2003 Sep 2A ReliefAn uncle, all carbon
2003 Sep 10A Romatic EndingBeth and Lee got hitched in Vegas
2003 Aug 6A RoundHiggle-dee piggle-dee pudding and pie
2003 Jul 18A Royal DisasterIndeed the overweening queen
2003 Sep 26A Simple Purveyor of GaffesCarpe diem, as they say
1997 May 18A Snail Keeps ShopA Case of Riotous Block
2003 Jul 31A Story About Her Master's MustacheIt might've been his husky voice
2003 Aug 1A Style of Dancing I RememberScarlett and Rhett decided to pet
2003 Aug 7A Three-Life ExerciseLife is like a coconut
1997 Sep 20A Toasted Budgie in my LaxativeThis extra leg's a bother
1997 Mar 13A Token for PartingThe filing cabinet, the filing cabinet
2003 Jun 24A Vagabond Lacking Cunning"Better", I told him, "you had left your seed unsown"
2001 Jan 23A Vain Attempt in English to Accommodate DiversThe hour of innocence, of hopes and dreams
2004 Jun 22A Very Lodestone'A Fiery Flying Roll', you claim
2002 Nov 1A Virgin's Twelve TesticlesSuch a vile winter! Warm in nooks
2000 Jan 14A Whole Inuit ToothOrificial
2004 Jan 7A Wishlist For ClambakesI hear that sluts from Milwaukee
2003 Jun 23Abandon Malfeasance, My Cobweb DoctorYou wouldn't want a cobweb
2000 Jan 25Abandoned FrightfulnessConsumed by Lust, whose second course
2000 May 1Abhorrent ParadisesA silver bird, set in a leaden sky
2002 Jul 29AbigailOn Thames' Embankment, bright spring day
2003 Sep 18About A HedgehogThe problem with speaking in verse
2003 Dec 22About BuckWhat a strange little boy is Timmy John Jones
2006 Feb 16Absent WhiteRimbaud, Verlaine and absinthe
2003 Oct 2Absorbent SyllablesAnother year on, the question arises:
2005 Dec 23Abundance Throughout PompeiiIn these forests, aroundabout,
2003 Dec 10Abuse Of Frequent PositivismWhile I was panhandling one bright sunny day
2003 Jul 11Accessible Under HegemonyTo thy nobility am I obliged
2003 Apr 18Accidents to Unwary PlaymatesIn the timeless forests of the north
2003 Feb 20Acrimony for Unknown PontiffsDoctrine of the spiral stair
***2000 Jan 31Adam's Ballooning ErrorWhatever happened to darling Denise?
2004 Aug 30Addicts Of Various DispositionsWallowing hogs and leaping frogs
2004 May 25Adjectives On SteroidsSo sullen was he, in his melancholy wistfulness,
2004 Sep 2Adrift Beyond Our ReckoningThree hobbling blondes
2002 Jun 11Adventurous WednesdayNever mind the problem throat
2000 Feb 1Advertising PlatoWith cogent epigrams
2004 May 27After Backward CauseAn adman amiably asserted
2004 Mar 19After LessonsHow to explain this shocking situation
2002 Jul 3After MisdemeanoursFang by nature,
2005 Feb 2After Reality, InterregnumShe plugged it in, she switched it on
2002 Sep 29After the Empire, Nothing NewCushions – when their time has passed
2003 Jun 17Afterglow/PuzzleThe pallid young apprentice
2004 Jun 2Afternoon Delight Until MiddayCity slickers in the sunlight
2001 Nov 22Afternoon Prayers, Being a Master-Class for Emissaries of TorporLet's be quick! Their backs are turned
2003 Jul 18Again We Raise the Standards of Poetry Crimes Against HumanityThe slate is clean, the ink is fresh
2003 Aug 15Against SpellingWould you care to dance?
2000 Aug 29Against Tintin: Yesterday And TodayWhen Friday rolls eventually around
2002 Nov 12Against Wheat-craftHere, in Glasgow,
2004 Jun 17Ages Rush By, Unremarked By AnyoneWhat shall we do today, my dear, where would you like to go
2003 Jul 23Agog at the FreaksWhatever are you doing, Mr. Trimble?
2003 Sep 29Agriculture Good And BadIn the land where the brain-fart trees grow
1999 Oct 14Ahab Still Got Those Almighty Moonshine BluesAll dressed up and nowhere to go
2003 Sep 4Air Is Saleable To Those Who Don't CareBilly Mays here, Folks, to tell you about an incredible new product:
2001 Aug 20Airlock, WarlockThe Ministry of Frost
2005 Oct 15Airworthy KitchensDross of ages past is ours
2003 Jul 18Alas My...If not for that one "mistake"
2004 Dec 22Albatross, Lie StillHow calmly did th olive branch
1997 Mar 18Albert Questions The Benighted CauliflowerWhat tremor racks my boneless foot?
2002 Oct 3Aldershot's Unhappy History of Gardening CompromisesMine is not a ranicd bun, served steaming on a plate,
2004 Jan 20Alexander's Shadow Ring-pullTake five, my little feathered friends
2003 Jan 2Alexandrian Wish WarriorUpon a star I wished one day
1998 Apr 24Alice's Adventures in the Improbability PieAlice threw the looking-glass
***1997 Nov 25Alice's Peculiar RevengeAlice frowned; all around, leaves were falling to the ground
2003 Jul 30Alien Hissy FitAliens squirted mustard in my face
1998 Mar 2All Aboard, Airhead!Wide eyed and innocent, she
1999 Jan 7All But ThereThere's a THERE there all right
2003 Aug 25All My ComplaintsMy battery is draining
2004 Feb 25All My Cousins, SurelyGoatish hovels - for the poor?
2004 Feb 3All That BlistersHave more wine and honey, darling,
2006 Mar 20All The Benighted CroutonsWhen choosing the proper wine
2004 Nov 24All Things Can Be Overturned In TimeJoin the dance, you naiads all,
2003 Nov 28Allegory Of Scandinavian NuptualsRubbing out the guide-book
2004 Jan 10Allowing Rembrandt His Fish SupperBetween the pilot and the prow
1997 Feb 12Almost After ForgottenSleepless wretched pacing, red-rivered eyes - glazed, gazing
2000 May 11Alone With Another FoolI'm afraid he is addicted to collaborative verse
2003 Nov 20Alphabetically DefinedAnthony Brown caused doubts everywhere
2003 Oct 21Alright?Hey Randy? Are you still up?
2004 Mar 10Alternative WillTell me Doc - I've got to know
1997 Jan 30Although My Testament Lies SteamingThe price of penance is the soul,
2000 Nov 23Always BlitheringWhen ducks and drakes meet late at night
2005 Jun 29Always DownfallenThe mood, in Hitler's bunker
2003 Jun 22Always One VaneFoul, foul, foul, this weather's spent
2003 Oct 27Always Vainglorious HootenanniesI bought a little bandersnatch
2003 Oct 31Amanda and Her Moose TherapyI traced the lineage of the Spoon
1998 Dec 11Ambush Every ClosureWhat an opportunity, what a sheer delight!
2004 Jul 18America Next Thursday Or ThereaboutsThou old, unruly turban
2003 Sep 25America, Land Where Meiosis ReignsI've heard that the folks in the U S of A
2005 Feb 15Among BeanbagsSo tell us, how many times have you
2005 Nov 12Amsterdam TransfersThese canals are full of fish?!
2004 Apr 19Amulets As FishcakesWhen I went to Inverness
2001 Mar 9Amusing-EsotericNecromancy doesn't work, my uncle used to say
2003 Oct 1An Elliptical DoppelgangerMe and my loneliness; we often talk
1999 Mar 23An Entropic EncroachmentAs we waited for the bus to mow the wicked postman down
1998 Feb 4An Idyllic Situation Ruined By Reed-BuntingsThe best man is a tidy one,
2003 Sep 17Anarchy PastillesWhen Spoonbill went on the blink
1999 Sep 23Anathema or AssonanceA Plutonian plutocracy, a demonized democracy,
2004 Jan 15Anatomical ChapsVesalius, whose scalpel bright
2007 Mar 29Ancestral Portraits: Girl AskanceEthel had the sharpest wit,
1998 Feb 24Ancestral vestiges of tambourineShow me not your golden purse,
2003 Aug 8And And And Whimpering"It was so kind of you to come!
2003 Jul 28And Now Hard SkirtsMy love's inclined to wear a hat
2003 Aug 25And Then the Next AnimalFerdinand the Porcupine was quite a prickly fellow
2000 Mar 20Angels, Whenever You CoughInstruction none of us are free
2003 Jul 18Animals (Oz)If I ever had a platypus
2002 Sep 20Anniversary Epithets (if any)August the eighth, Oh August the eighth
2005 Jul 22Another Bodleian Peroration FailsIf it hadn't been for the eighteenth green
2003 Jun 17Another DarwinAn airworthy albatross alights atop an arch
2002 Aug 24Another Hairless Igloo ObjectsReplace mine injured planet
2006 Jan 26Another Round Of Hand Puppets For ReelectionAll is confirmed
1999 May 17Anthem of Unfinished ToenailsIt's best to smile
2000 May 24Anti-Dandruff CornflakesA kangaroo I used to know
2003 Aug 19Antiproverbial: Aphorisms RedefinedWhat if one swallow does make a summer?
2002 Feb 22Any child can puke Beethoven's last minuetThe trouser-press is waiting for
2003 Oct 17Any Compound of PhosphorusParadigm of porters' skill
2005 Sep 27Any Extreme Prognostication ExceptYou - a loan - are the Most High!
2003 Oct 17Any Old Moth-Eaten UniverseThis plethora of pickles
2003 Aug 6Anyone Who Whinges Can Go ElsewhereMORE LIMERICKS!
2003 Oct 24Aperitifs to Drink When Meeting Your MakerThe mustard in my lemonade
1997 Feb 6Aphorisms for Unseen SwineA kiss and a cuddle
2003 Aug 7Apocalypse (Soon)A sodium glow smolders in the sky
2003 Aug 15Apocalyptic RumorI heard this rumor in class today..correct me if I'm wrong:
1997 Apr 26Apocope-0ReticuleIn my outhouse, far from Tunis
2003 Sep 22Apologies To The Stovepipe BabyYou got a smile so sweet, you coulda been drip glucose
2005 Aug 8Apparatus For Removing ApparatusAlgorithms for the blind
2002 May 16Apparent CrimesA packet of cheese defies the knife,
2002 Dec 5Applause for Melodious MetalA female, young, of ill repute,
2002 Apr 29Apricot BritainMy ice-cream dribbled into the soft earth, as Rachel
2002 Jan 8Apsley's Gannet!When standing on my pantofles
2000 Feb 29Apsley's Painful DirectionArabella Spommit and her shapely cousins three
2003 Nov 27Arbitrary MegalomaniacsI've been lectured again by the stockman
2003 Aug 12Arcade Dreams Of My Gamey YouthSpace Invaders often haunt my dreams
2001 Jul 18Arctic CharlieWhen singing to potatoes, the cowboy always stutters;
2000 Apr 10Are LikeIf you were an ape, what kind would you be?
2003 Aug 31Are You Better?More haiku you say?
2001 Jun 19Are You the Last Paradigm?In France, there is a little town
2001 Nov 23Areas Of DevoidChief among the mammals
2000 Nov 25Argentina Is ImaginaryWho predates this predator
2003 Aug 5Argument Can'tWhy should I even try to convince you
2004 Jan 26Argument For ExceptionsA new bordello - civic, clean - is what Wisconsin needs
2003 Nov 24Arise, False Dawns!Goliath in the cutlery-drawer
1997 Jan 18Arizona's Coptic RimeYour fossil terrorised our clan
2002 Feb 12Armadeep Looked OutIn the Sudan, there lived five men
2003 Jul 1Armageddon Horses D'Oeuvres Changes CoursePlague and Pestilence sat down by the fire
1998 Feb 8Armpit DisciplineIce carved by cold hearts,
1998 Mar 13Arnold, WaitingSurely Godot should be here by now,
2003 Aug 13Around The You You TreeI think that I shall never find, a poem as lovely as your behind
2002 Mar 4Arquebus (Chaucerian View)Her basin full of porridge, her stockings eek of holes,
2001 Feb 28Arresting the CompositorInto the cauldron of possibility
2002 Aug 30Artem and IAccipiters offend her by slaying unborn lepus
2004 Jan 22Arthur Sucking Cough DropsShall I start a new poem or will it get trashed?
2007 Jan 27Artisans, Ninepence Or LessIn his ochre jodhpurs
1997 Feb 17ArtlessArt serves to remind us all,
2003 Oct 2Arts Other Than Those I CherishA gerbil in a racing car
2005 Mar 26As Luck Would HabitStrange transmissions - from the sun -
2003 Oct 18Asphalt Trumps My AceI like
2004 May 27Aspirated Eyeball, Innit?It started with a glottal stop
2005 Dec 12Aspire To LifeBig fish, tiny pond
2005 Oct 5Associations Lend Their ChevronsCriticism - from the ranks -
2006 Jan 25At Equal IntervalsThe other day (or was it night?)
***1998 Jul 20At First Simply GuessingThere was a young lady fron Dar-es-Salaam
2002 Jun 27At the Leg-warming MarketStatistically speaking, the cow
2004 Jan 13Athens Whose RuinsWhat venom lies behind the name
1999 Jun 29Atmos the FerricTick Tock...Boing!
2004 Jan 9Attempted Assassination During EvensongRather than conferring shame
2006 Apr 26Attempts At Ironic PosturingMy bunny lies over the ocean
2001 Dec 30Attempts To Separate Meniscus from SurfaceOur lady of Sligo
2004 Apr 1Attention: Recurring DecimalPoor Jones got hanged - and yet I know 'twas
2004 May 28Attraction Determined By InquestHe took her down a leafy lane
2003 Jan 29Autocratic PenitentSailing down the seventh stream
2003 Aug 11Autumn, Aimless, Now Upon UsHaiku with me please
2003 Sep 4Avoid Big PiesI once knew a Heywood Jablome
2003 Oct 20Avoid Our Stranded CactusDreaming of a potted snipe
2004 Jan 3Avoid The DossierThis page is discontinued
2003 Nov 21Avoidance Of Outrageous AphorismsThere was an old man, Mr. Tucker
2003 Aug 4Await the PerilousRemember, if you feel the urge to speak
2003 Jun 21Awakening the Aluminum JetsamA paper, a line, a bubble, a tin
2004 Mar 12Away Game VoyeurismPeople are bloody ignorant apes!
2000 May 17Awkwardnesses Committed Unknowingly By Archangels On SpeedMy mind's eye, all in sepia
2000 Jul 27B-Flat TonsilsDown in New York City is a craze that's hit the streets
2005 Jan 15Backstabbing So-called ChumsI'll never again, see my ex-pal Len
2000 Apr 12Bacon VortexI woke to find the world undone
2004 Jun 3Bailiff Only BecauseBeyond the reach of kettle-leads
2004 Mar 5Balderdash BrevityHere's an ode to hogwash - to tripe and pure baloney
2003 Aug 6Ballad of Vermillion DancesCould I borrow just a minute of your time?
2004 Jan 30Balletic TropismThe crutch on which you make your way
2001 Nov 5Balsamic BusFrom Russell Square to Holborn
2004 Feb 10Baltic BangDo not go gently into that goodnight
1999 Sep 28Banana WapentakesHow hairy is my nose, do you suppose?
2000 Jun 1Bangles in TemptationAs the bland computer whines
2004 May 29Banished From Man's EarsTo cudgel, to cajole
2000 Jan 14Barbecue SoresFolded like a deck-chair
2004 Jan 30Baroness ButtercupOh, innocents, listen in time
2001 Oct 31Bartók's Drawing-RoomIn a dream, I bit off my boss's leg
2003 Dec 9Bashful Statements Of StatehoodThe denizens of Alabama
1997 Apr 15Bathroom PsychodramaPale in her Siamese twin-set
2003 Aug 4Batman and Gawain (The Quest)Now, hearken, I'll tell you the tale
2004 Apr 26Bayonets Programmed To TwirlScarcely welcome though she was
2003 Sep 21Beaming ConstipationYou can choose to conform, you can choose to rebel
2004 Apr 15Beard RecognitionsFriends reunited
2004 Jan 24Beaten FluffyI took my bitch to get her shaved on Park Lane yesterday
2003 Sep 20Beatles StewWhen I get to the bottom, I go back to the top
2002 Sep 24Because Bane BarksOutside the gates of Norwich
2000 Mar 15Because Foam Canisters IridesceShe cries, that's all she ever does
2004 Mar 16Because I Am Seesawing"Why do you carry hamsters in your pockets?" demanded Mrs. Pringle
2002 Dec 24Because I've Died Peacefully EnoughA pint of Scruttock's in my hand
2003 Aug 12Because the Orchestral Are OrchestralFlutes are mainly known by their ability
2002 Jan 16Beckettt's Crispy Pacific Noodles'The stratosphere is not so near,'
1998 Jun 30Bedazzled by Our Daphne's PebbledashFlying at thirty-eight times the speed of sound
2003 Aug 20Bedevil The FaithfulWhat's that in your pants? Is it something to eat?
2003 Aug 25Beep ListList of Chores
2004 Jul 19Beep RoadMy dear, have you lost your panache?
2003 Sep 7Beer GodsThou still unopen'd flask of liquor,
2000 Nov 3Bees Hover Like BeesNever, in the field behind the gasworks
2003 Aug 7Bees' ButtocksWhirring dials and blinking lights
2004 Mar 22Before Cows Were ChicThey say you're no good
2007 Mar 1Before More Nuns Knew Lisaveta PilchardTirades against The Steady State
2005 Apr 28Before She Utteredhiiiiiiiii
2003 Aug 15Begging for WinkEvery letter I have sent you
2002 Apr 24Begone! Said The League of OstrichesWhen first I woke upon this day,
2002 Aug 6Behind Beelzebub's Backyard'Make mine mink,' said the Minotaur
2001 Dec 23Behind Bermondsey BridgeButterfingers Battersea
1998 Jul 21Behind Every Grimacing Badger...Kropotkin claimed that all he saw
2001 Dec 12Behold Our Anglican RemaindersChief among the mammals
2003 Aug 25Belief Now!For all of you that don't believe in unicorns
2004 Jul 9Believe What You Will But Doubt Nothing Excepting YourselfLittle boys with little toys
2003 Aug 11Bells, Time OfThe bells of contrariness
2003 Jul 18BemusedHow blithely do the crackerjacks
1999 Oct 23Beneath the Dismembering SkyWhen Ethelred beheld the axolotl
1998 May 9Benedict the Monstrous ToadstoolBehind each King or potentate
2004 Jan 24Benedictine Evening DressesPoetic mis'ry in a name?
2002 Jan 14Benign ImposturesThis egg, which sank in mercury,
2002 Dec 2Bereft Between WidowsMy love is like a red, red snapper
2005 Mar 28Bertrand Of Nimes In AnguishHalitosis hit me as he cut my hair
2002 Jul 18Beside the Derelict Hat-standWhen Granny comes for tea and cake
2003 Jun 16Bespoke Chutney for BigglesSmooth eucalyptus, resinous aura
2004 Jan 4Betokening BitternessLove, shmov--I'm jaded now
2004 May 13Better Lettuce ForthcomingAs the orders start to dry
1998 Aug 10Beyond Anatomical PossibilitiesIf, halfway down the basement stairs,
2000 Nov 12Beyond Any LogicIn autumn-time, a small spittoon
2003 Jan 25Beyond Bursting-PointI walk a mile each day before my tea
2004 Mar 12Beyond Her Final FineryMow the news is out
1998 Mar 31Beyond Homespun'It is with most intense regret
2006 Jun 25Beyond The Twelfth Night Service DeskThe faded lilies by the wall
2004 Aug 20Biblical Sheep-dip NonsenseNo more strumpets,
2003 Dec 11Biblical SoundbitesThe Tower of Babel, good sir
***2000 Jan 30Big CustardWarm in nutritious mulch, we germinate,
2000 Feb 12Big Man Devours Helicopter's EmptinessI made a little omelette with a single serpent's egg
2002 Dec 12Big Orchids In Dead MarriageMy dove, Suzette, she lays in wait
2002 May 1Big, Dangerous CamelA feather riding high upon a wave of breeze
2003 Aug 11Billboards, Numbers, and the Signs for HeavenThere once was a poet of note
1999 Nov 16Billericay notwithstanding ...Thus it remains, and the remainder thus
2001 Apr 24Billiards, or Might My Love Be Undying?Bianca grabbed me by the throat, and said I was a little stoat:
2003 Jul 20BingledWhile surfing on the web one day
2000 Feb 15Binyon County: The Defective KiteWho remembers me, Lieutenant Aubergine?
2001 Aug 13BiographyHelena was born in a pub
2003 Nov 9Bird Authors' Noble ClaimsThis poem was written by Walter Raleigh
2001 Feb 3Birds - So?Those onomatopoeic words
2000 Aug 14Birthdays Passed Without MintsAugust presence or August presents, what will be thy choice?
2003 Dec 10Biscuitry In Clean SheetsMine was only mortar
2005 Jul 27Bismuth Bill AgainIncursions 4, Evasions 5
2004 Sep 8Bite-sized Granules Of Compassionate CrunchinessI think she may be going mad
2004 Jun 27Blackbird Singing With BluebeardWith 'action' just another word
1999 Mar 8Blamirog's Prophetic LandfallBlamirog was wondering about the Blessed Isle
2003 Oct 14Blamobilog's Last ReturnA vessel most unfit for sea
2003 Aug 18Blasted Poets102 poems in just over a week - do none of you sleep? I'm ready to weep
2004 Jan 20Bleak HousingTen to a bed, the children slept
1999 Feb 11BlemishesI never saw a clean sweep
2004 Jul 29Bless This Horse With GreatnessThe Gryphon, on his rival page
2003 Sep 24Blessed are the CircularBlessed are the spoonbillers
1999 Oct 11Blessed, Blessed, this Momenteum of the MorningI told him that he shouldn't hoard the family's only Oiuja board
2003 Nov 24Blessings Aplenty For ApsleyGod speed to you, fair travellers all
2005 May 3Blimey, GuvDear, pour me out a single cup of tea,
1998 Sep 29Bliss on CuspHe met her in a French cafe...
2003 Nov 25Bloodthirsty Tales And Unseen LemonsI feel I must indulge in certain vices
2004 Sep 4Blossom On Most Wintry AfternoonsHow blistering your prose, how Jovian your style
1996 Nov 12Blow-torch ConquestsNeither of the archetypes was very much in vogue
2002 Nov 27Bluebells for Another DayBehold the poet, in her shack!
2003 Nov 23Boating PleasuresWe went to sea in a gravy boat one gray autumnal day
2003 Jul 18BodiesHer nipples were quite octagonal
2003 Dec 5Bondage Followed Swiftly By KickingsOne misty, moisty morning, when cloudy was the weather
2003 Dec 5Boohoo HoodooHow sad that ode was ended--and why I want to know?
2004 Aug 27Boot Cramp Without Due CauseBe loyal to your captain, soldier: he was once a man like you
2004 Jan 23Bootblack Hatrack KnickknackThere are so many words that rhyme with "whack":
2003 Jul 24Boots of Silly LeatherSilly Sally from the valley liked to dilly dally
2006 Feb 10Boots Were Made Before SoulsA basement, and a base intrigue
2004 Feb 4Borders For Uncle Monk'Quite a clump,' he summarised
2003 Sep 26Bored MagnoliaWhat kind of tree would you most like to be?
2005 Jan 16Boredom CitySherbert, not Opopanax
1998 Feb 17Borrowing TwilightCome, Luggage! There's a curious world I'm longing to explore
2000 Mar 16Bosworth: An OdeWhen cuttlefishes congregate
1999 Dec 16Bothering Without EtiquetteGive me back my luncheon-meat!
1999 Nov 26Bottle UpSpoons are the one thing God forgot
2000 Feb 8Bottomless YachtingA plethora of penguins is rarely to be found
2003 Dec 13Boutiques Full Of Festive Knick-knacksGreensleeves and wassail, angels galore
2003 Oct 1Bowling Nearby StonesStepping through a wall of mirrors
2000 Jun 14Bragging About Semi-colonsIf only
1999 Jan 7Brain Pump OutletLouder than a hill of cheese
2006 Mar 30Bread-van ImpasseReptilinear
1997 Dec 9Breakfasting TraditionallyAn arbitrary asp might say,
2003 Nov 26Breaking The Law Of ThermodynamicsI know the Spoonbill secret
2003 Sep 7Brian is ThereThere was a young maiden from Nome
2003 Jul 30Brian's Life of ImpostionHierarchs with open mouths
2000 Nov 6Bribes Inspire Returning MPs to Define Themselves as CaterpillarsCostorphine was a Cuttlefish
2003 Jul 24Brie TabulaThe page is blank
2003 Jul 18Brief Glimpses of Aqua NovaWhile cycling through the clouds one day
2004 Apr 14Brief Lives Last SundayPeople from Purley like getting up early
2004 Apr 24Brigade Of BillabongsIn conclusion, Speckled Jim
2002 Nov 21Britney's in PurdahWhen poets strive against the muse
2003 Mar 20Broken SmARTISTSIt be not hard to speaketh like the Bard
2003 Aug 25Brooding NightThe night is a ladyOf no uncertain temperament
2001 Jan 8Brothers in CanberraThe kangaroos are at the aquarium?
2001 Sep 6Browsing PoliceWhen to the summons I brought my fist
2001 Dec 19Brute Pesto Lollipop (Intolerance)The gate is torn asunder there
2003 Sep 20Bubblegum and ScrabbleLollipops and bubblegum, jujubes and dots
1998 Mar 23BunsAndante, my love, for we've hours a-plenty
2004 Aug 9Buns Beyond SunsetBreathlessly, you claim to be
1999 Nov 18Bunuel, Masterly EngineerI skipped among the parsley beds
2004 Apr 2Bureaucracy Marks The PedestriansIf filling in forms engenders dismay, tick box 'A'
2003 Nov 21Burns With Mayflowers DownstreamMy love is like a red, red nose
2003 Aug 20Bus Baby BoopI went down to the bus station to meet my baby
2004 Apr 15Businessman In Loose FlannelsWatch out for my claim
2000 May 7Businessmen Halting OverheadGive me some glue in pot coloured blue
2003 Aug 22But a Pizza Means the End of ThunderstormsMORE GOOFY HAIKUS
1997 Dec 12But Actually...Although you're tall, and gifted
2003 Aug 23But For a NoviceMatilda tolled the churchyard bell
2003 Jul 24But for the HeadachesYou may think that it's time for a rhyme
2004 Sep 19But For Us And ThemCall me a quack
2000 Jun 26Butcher's Lament On NothingWhat sort of dog is this? I hear you ask
2003 Sep 9Butter Belly FanclubNeglecting the home repairs I couldn't do last winter
2002 Sep 28By Any Drowned PavilionGuacamole, whose brindled haunch
2002 Mar 25Cacophonic, Electric, Adamant'Craddock's Cat Biscuits are finer by far!', the radio blared
2003 Jul 22Cactus AntsAnts are smart, oh they're smart, oh they think they're so smart
2002 Nov 27Cactus MotheringThe lawn was laid
2002 Apr 11Caesar and the Suprise ChickenWhen no Esquimau obtains
2003 Aug 18Calculating BetweenThe calculator is calculating its own lifespan
2001 Oct 23Calf-Length Flight-Bone ProspectsGilded by an autumn sun
***2004 May 18Calling For A Funicular Tramway ServiceWhile strutting through the quicksand
2003 Sep 26Camelot - an Ongoing InvestigationLong, long ago, in Camelot
2004 Aug 31Campaigns Begin Like BladdersThe politican declaimed and avowed
2006 Sep 2Can ChewingTo sit with you at sunrise
1997 Sep 8Can poignant rubbish be reliable?This is the way the lady rides
2004 Apr 2Canine BearingDespite this aberration, sir
1999 Apr 20Canterbury NemesisPetulant pilgrims don't like to eat rope
2001 Dec 18Cap in HandsworthThe Crossbow, famed in Chinese tales
2003 Oct 4Captain CorrectionThe sky is blue and so are you
2003 Nov 16Captain Of My LandHappy ever after? Well, at least until that day
2001 Feb 27Captain Scott's ImplosionAt dawn we slew another pig
2003 Jun 24Car with Contrast FetishWhen young and old, the old and new
2005 Sep 21Caramel ChristmasIn this wise, the King of Thebes
1998 Mar 15Caramel Cribbage-BoardKeeping pace on cobbled lanes,
2003 Jun 17Caramelised Jamboree BagsBedevilled by mosquitoes
2004 May 7Carbohydrate Counts Against Each MouthfulThe problem of a bee city
1997 Jun 9Carbon Pump CityThe never-ending cycle of the wars 'twixt good and ill
2003 Dec 9Carbuncle City From My WindowErotic gherkin, looming in the dusk
2004 Oct 12Cardigan Wildlife ArtistsWhen chatty foils reappear
2004 Mar 25Cardinal In ErrorA pepperoni sandwich from the Pope
2003 Apr 17Carefulness Begets SincerityA poem's frail corpse is like a tree
1998 Oct 24Caroline Rembrandt Remembered BackwardsBuckets of mud and acres of slime are all that I need
2002 Aug 7Carp of a Thousand DrumsExactly how surreal do you fish?
2004 Aug 26Carry No Weightlifters AloftWhen shopping for a pachyderm
2001 Sep 24Cartwright's Innocence UnleashedAlong the mute canal
2003 Sep 13Cash ElegyLet us praise a country maestro: Johnny Cash
2003 Aug 15Cash MeHow dear of you to send me cash
2004 Feb 3Caspar CagedA puma won't return the gaze of Rilke
2002 Dec 31CaTacLySmi SPEAK in CAPITALS quasi-random
2004 May 29Cautionary Tales For Young HotshotsHow many times must I tell you?
2000 May 30Cautiously Urging, Redundantly PurgingIf my ardour flickers
2003 Sep 21Ceaseless Efforts ConquerI have not the courage to conquer life
2002 Oct 29Cedric the WaitressA notorious threnody pleases
1999 Jun 5Celibate Coinage in Whitechapel LanePoem composition is a task the world adores
2000 Jan 18Cement Listlessly Poured Upon An ImpostorWhen Thoth was King of Bermondsey
1999 Mar 20Cessations in Cocktail-WaitressingCatastrophe has happened on a scale that Pride forbids
2006 Mar 6Chance Coupling Without The ResponsibilityMassive friction, from her waist,
2004 Aug 30Channel The AvuncularMy Uncle says, "The weasel never sings."
2002 Oct 10Chaos Theory DisprovedCarp for breakfast, hake for tea:
2005 Sep 19Charity Enough For NowAction is as action does
2004 Sep 10Cheery Thoughts About SocietyBiting on a leaden shell, I contemplate my doom
2002 Aug 2Cheese Isn't For Funny LadiesPenumbral vision
2004 Jan 25Cheese Pistons Of All AgesWhat is this evil in our midst?
1998 Jul 4Cheeseboard DuskThe Books of Heaven opened, the pages to their destinations flying!
2003 Oct 7Cheesecake Factory TourCheer up, here's Mister Milk
1999 Jan 5Cherubic Implant in My SuccubusLazy day, bowl o' porridge before me
2004 Apr 19Chesse-topped MinstrelsThis diversion - to the moon! -
2003 Sep 1Chipping ProverbsA French kiss from the Blarney Stone
2004 Jun 21Chirping By Other MeansYeast admixed with poisoned brine
2002 Dec 15Chocolate Elvis During SessionsOh! My sombrero is the finest,
2003 Sep 6Christmas Eggs (Sorry)The lesser spotted Spoonbill
2003 Jul 9Chronic Sparrows of PathologyAnthrax! Anthrax! cried Frau Schmetterling
2002 Nov 27Chutney FeathersWithout my knife and apron,
1997 Jan 3Chutney, the Ragtime CrabI sighed for the feel of formica
2004 May 24Circus AccountantsDreary, dreary dogs
2003 Jul 1CitiesIn Seville, bitter oranges grow ripe in the sun
***2002 Nov 15Civic Pyjamas AkimboWhile editing the alphabet
2004 Feb 22Clandestine Openings Like ThatMeet me in the arboretum
2003 Nov 25Classes Unusual In School Environs'Mediæval frolics in the gym?', the porter queried,
1999 Dec 16Claudius Jointless, Claudius PointlessThe other day I found a paper clip
2003 Aug 3Cleaning the Little WeaselsWhere have all the guppies gone?
2003 Nov 28Clerihews Are More Fun Than SexCharles, the Prince of Wales
2006 May 15Cliches But No AnswerIf brevity's the soul of wit,
2004 Jan 6Clichés Usually Reserved For Sensitive SoulsThe winter sun broke through the trees, to shine upon the meadow
2003 Aug 14Clique That Promises ExploitationCandidates Promises
2006 Jan 4Clockwork CatechismYou say 'tornado'
2001 Nov 8Clothes PegsFor a man of the cloth
2000 Jan 13Cloudier MysteryGad-about Gertrude, there she gapes
1999 Jan 5Clouds In Angelic UnderclothingSwing down sweet cherubs and lie with me
2004 Oct 22Clucking Behind The Bicycle ShedsCharlie the cheerful chicken
2007 Feb 15Clumps and WispsOrthodontists wrecked my life
1997 Nov 28Clustering (Algorithm Played on a Gumby)Between the barns, half-buried
2003 Nov 10Cluttered NemesisClutch as clutch can
1998 Nov 23Coat-Hanger EquityScorn these still-born architects
2004 Jan 3Cocker MouthwashA pot of glue left me unstuck
2003 Aug 7CocksureThere's halfcock and moorcock
2003 Aug 15Cocksure WillsI dare the wind to blow contrary to my whim
2003 Oct 7Coffee On My YardstickCoffee grounds in the sink, the drain webbed with hair
2003 Dec 4Cogito Ergo PogoErgonomic chairs and beds are presently on sale
2003 Sep 17Cold Boff in FreedomHowever shall the cold night envade,
1999 Mar 1Colditz RhythmHellespont and Hecuba were walking down the street
2004 Mar 19Collaborating, SupposedlyTo polevault, or to stay in bed?
2003 Jul 19Collaboration Is Not EssentialThe men and women came, from far across the land
2003 Dec 1CollisionsListen, my children, and you shall hear
2002 May 15Colonels Crooning to Their DowagersTo bridge the gap 'twixt man and machine
2003 Jul 18ColoursRed, green, purple, brown
2003 Nov 11Coma CompassesA new indictment for the meek
2003 Jul 22Comeuppance to AstroturfI always knew that I'd be back
2003 Jan 12Commentary Arising From My Previous UncialsAnother riposte
2004 Oct 17Compensation By DegreesStrange transmissions, Norah says,
2006 Jun 14Complicated WhimperWhen cloning pigs or kangaroos
2004 Feb 17Composers In The GroundJust say "Baroque" and choral hymns
2002 Jun 30CompromisesI ponder what I dare not do,
2004 Aug 27Compulsive Fondling By Men Of GentilityShe checked its lock a dozen times
2004 Feb 5Concealed In Plain LeatherOf all the nights I've spent abroad
2001 Apr 20Conception By Maidens (Anchovie's Verses)How long will you be up there?
2006 Jun 13Concerto For Nobody And DrumWhen the new one comes out
2002 Oct 1Conference for Solo BanjoI sent a parcel trhough the post?
2003 Jul 22Confessions, TrulyTo dear Mrs Hoopledon, I hope you're feeling better
***1998 May 30Confusion Excuses This Apparently Plotless FiascoThe night this narrative began
1998 Jan 30Conical CatharsisA parent who neglects the tasks
2001 Mar 25Conquer the Bandits of Love!Remembrance is a form of rhubarb
2003 Sep 29Consciousness for PeptidesWhat will they think of next, those clever clever men
2003 Nov 12ConsequencesThere once was a curious cat
2003 Jun 23Considering Its WoodpigeonsDial 'Clockwork' for disturbance
2003 Sep 30Contactual Precautions and Unbecoming CursesYou must, when adding cream to recipes
2003 Aug 28Contemplate the StuffLet the sun shine in! Or let it rain.
2004 Jan 14Contempt For MoustachesWhen nightfall arrives with a purplish glow
1999 Jan 28Continental HeadTime and again I'm obliged to remark
2003 Jul 17Contrary MutantSo here begins a brand new tale
2003 Feb 7Control of Our Feet in DarknessMoonlight softened the angry lines
2001 Oct 12ConverselyToday, when none was ever born
2003 Oct 22Cooper's Atomic DogmealInside this barrel - don't you know? -
1999 Nov 17Corking the Windswept WolvesWhen I consider ............ no, I can't go on
2000 Mar 3Corporeal Longings: The Carrot Stick Of AppearancesThe sun sinks slowly into the sea, or so it seems.
2003 Jul 17Cosmos TwirlsYour new line will go here
1996 Nov 1Cost-effective StarlightThere is room for two legs in my trousers
2003 Sep 18Courage, John!Ray Harryhausen, in the days before attaining fame,
2000 Jun 8Courtly Like The Dancing CobraMy brides lined up in order
2003 Aug 14Cow EndingYou do not moo, you do not moo
2004 Aug 13Crabbily Dressed For Dancing PartnersTo scuttle through the shallows with my claws stretched wide
2006 Aug 3Craig Levy, MoorhenNow if six turned out to be nine
2003 Jun 5Creases Rectified by ArtSteeped in the grime of ages
2004 Oct 5Credible Safe Kill FactorVirus warfare for our times
2003 Aug 12Cremated For BystandersAlan Aardvark ate apples
1999 Feb 8Crepuscular CreationI was excreted through a pore
2003 Sep 4Crewcuts And ClangersGus Grissom ... wasn't he the one
2006 Aug 31Cried The IdyllBe not so blue, my dainty dove,
2002 May 8Criminals in PolticsThe Captain rode to Hampton Court
2004 Sep 28Criterion For Studiousness In DeathIt was a very shambles
2005 Jul 8Crop Circling GearTo view this page as Scratch'n'Sniff
2003 Apr 30Cross-talk KnaveryBy way of insulation
2003 Sep 5Cruella Knew Every HamsterI once knew a shipless Magellan
2005 Sep 3Crustaceans In ErrorTo wait upon the late express
1997 Jun 28Cry the Narcotic LaundryI dreamed a quaint equation
2004 Feb 19Crybaby Number Nine (1967)The lonely hearts in Sgt. Pepper's Band
2002 Jan 31Crying AgainDon't give me your usual whinge!
1999 Feb 21Crystal All AlongDying in Luxor with the Spoonbill chill
2005 Nov 13Cufflinks Fascinate Nobody Except RasputinGone from here, by twenty leagues,
2004 Sep 7Culinary Experts Seldom AgreeAdd some resin to the pulp, and deftly stir:
2001 Oct 5Culling Ear-Trumpets by the GangesWhen Nylon paves the way for silk
2000 Oct 30Cullington's TheoremThere, dancing on my cranium
2003 Nov 10Cult IrregularitiesThe Underbelly Cult
2005 Mar 31Cultural DividesI watched a ritual of the Baluchistanis;
2003 Sep 3Cummerbunds Will Fall (2004)Predictions for the Coming Year
2003 Aug 27Cupcakes For JesusSo many Herberts with which to contend
2003 Sep 10Curse Me, Fungus!The Eskimo, my paramour
2005 Feb 28Custard Pied WagtailGurgling free
2004 Mar 18Custom Paintwork JobsGood citizens, attend this moral tale
2004 Jun 24Cutlery At NoonSilent in the dinner-queue
2001 Nov 5Cutlery TissuesIs it a bug or a feature?
2002 May 8Cuttlebone SandwichesGiants, in their tiny way,
1999 Jan 11Cyber-PogromGive me a goat and a piece of old rope and I walk right along to the fair
2005 Jan 4Cycling Behind The TracesCoded in the final hour
2001 Sep 28Dagenham CakeshopTie me to the lamp-post with a silken thread
2007 Mar 16Daily PorkishPork, to sample - on a spoon
2002 Oct 29Dali's Baby Next TimeThe vandal! I dread
2001 Jun 6Dali's Uncle's Duckpond of FilthIn an old ball of string
2003 Oct 7Dancing JCBLet's build a mountain
2000 Feb 13Dancing PeculiarMy dear Professor, listen
2003 Oct 9Dancing the InevitableWhy must you dance the lambada?
2003 Jul 20Dangerous Dancing SensationsWho goes there? I hear your steps
2004 Feb 13Dangerously We Fly"What is your destination, child?
2004 Jul 2Danish PolkaBruno's head, a perfect sphere
2002 Jul 26Dark of WantonKnow how the filbert leaps
2003 Oct 16Darling Little OrphansWhen Uncle Roland came to stay
2004 Jul 29Dating Twilight GalsPogonophores and Dubliners
2001 Sep 22DaydreamParticularly pleasing was the scent of new-cropped straw
2003 Aug 14Dead SticksSticks and stones may break my bones
2003 Mar 7Dead, Undone, UnmeasuredNaked, dripping, loins all soap and tension, I rise from the bath
2004 Jun 24Deaf Though They Be DubbedBehold the spineless fossil
2006 Jun 27Death AgainThis mausoleum, filled with Zinc,
2003 Oct 19Death is What the Cliché WillViolets are blue
2003 Jul 18Death, Shrug Off the Useless PunctuationCholera, my only friend
***1999 Aug 17Deathrow Welshmen Sometimes TickHas time stopped?
2005 Jan 16Deatiny Shaped By SimpletonsState of action: quite inert
2003 Nov 8Debauchery, Alcohol, And Nothing LeftThere appears to be much merriment tonight
2006 Feb 25Decorated With Hasty StitchesNot another nugget
2003 Oct 13Deep-Fried NostalgiaUp your nose with a rubber hose
2002 Nov 12Defeated by Professors of UsurpationOne escalator, one canoe:
2004 Jul 1Defenestrating Our Noisome EntertainersBeckham, Rooney, Owen and Scholes
2002 Feb 5Defy the Hoariest BlanketSavage is as savage does
2001 Sep 3Delirium's RetchingsThe rapid history becomes a page unturned
2003 Oct 27Delusions are my FamilyI love you because
2006 Sep 20Demanding Chocolate Money BackWhile others stand empty
2003 Aug 5Denied DreamsThe long body-swept grass
2001 Sep 12Dense, Dense, Dense, DenseCelebrate good times?
2004 Oct 25Departures In DisarraySophistry, for those who wait,
2000 Dec 19Deserts East of HarwichLiving in a dream
2007 Feb 18Desire ItWhatever we choose
2004 May 28Desist, Whoreson Knave, Lest Great Cudgellings Befall TheeTo count the rings of Saturn
2005 Apr 21Despatched AgainI have a little creature
2005 Feb 11Desperate KippersJust a tingling kind of pain
2004 Jan 20Despite Differences In Our NecktiesJudicious pruning - of a bush -
2004 Jan 7Despite ThemselvesCaptain Mesmer brought me 'round
2003 Dec 8Destiny In PoundsExcuse me, darling, have you put on some weight?
2004 Feb 4Destiny For My King Of HastingsOne day, while I was walking
2002 Apr 18Detonated Milk-bottleDisorder met confusion
2005 Sep 1Detonating ErrorA small explosion
2004 Jan 8Devoured By TrousersShut tight as a clam, not to be pried by any mere woman
1997 May 29Devout Epic On A Tiresome ChampionHow ponderous, how ponderous
2002 Jan 17Dewdrop Whack, Martini Later...The blancmange spoke, in rhyming couplets,
1997 Jan 31Diagnostic EncomiumOh! How I hate his leaking bladder!
2002 Jan 8Diaspora With NoodlesNow is the time for Algood men
2004 Sep 2Dice In The Ovens Of RheimsThe early bird, that gets the lion's share
2004 Dec 14Dickens Saith"A pox upon thee, wretched cur!"
2003 Nov 15Dictionary, You MeanPoetry: in voice, a first!
2003 Aug 5Diesel PassWhen you see me, pass me by
2003 Sep 26Difficult TimesVersify where you are able
2004 Mar 3Diffused By Brilliant CloudsI wandered lonely as a nerd
2003 Jul 23Dig it, BonobosFried mice and ferret stew
2002 Nov 27Digging Around The GraveyardFor once a poem with no drawn-out themes
***2003 Oct 20Dignity for Sixty Six Possible Consonants'Twas on the 8th of August that the taxman came to call
2003 Aug 26Dimmer Switch HaikusCompounded, as an alloy
2003 Oct 15Disaster and Cheek'This watch you sold me for a pig -
2003 Nov 3Disaster ContestArchaic persons, flummoxed
2004 Jul 19Disco InfernalAnnie Lennox drove my car
2007 Mar 6Discovered in RamseyString in pieces, string combined,
***2000 Mar 20Discredited in BirminghamYour bland mosaics, weak and pale
2003 Oct 19Disease MeWhen one would look into your eye
2003 Nov 23Disembodied StuffDispense with this vulgarity!
2003 Sep 25DisorientedAnd now I leave this lunchtime land
2003 Aug 19DisregardOh how I loathe thee, let me count the ways
2004 Aug 11Distant FashionThe tram that passed the Opera
2006 Jun 22DistressingBasingstoke is mentioned in Henry 4 Part 2
2001 Oct 16Disused MouseTeal creeps
2003 Aug 11Do Bubba NanoJazz, pizzazz, and razzmatazz
2002 Dec 9Documentary HighlightIn the depths of Epping town
2003 Nov 29Dodgy FlapsToo gracious for a moonlight flit
2003 Nov 12Does Anybody Else Think That We Aren't Seeing Much?The paupers, intimiate with secrets of the court,
2003 Jul 30Dog Life DanceThere once was a dog named Mollie
2005 Feb 28Dog-biscuit DunkingI paid for all this road myself
2000 Mar 29Doglike DoingsI remember Folkestone in December
2000 Jan 4Dome Settling DimlyA thousand years and each one gone
***2004 Jul 2Domestic MeltdownThe problem is easy to see
2003 Aug 30Don Prufrock, Life of TediumThe internet crawled to a halt
2003 Oct 23Don't Align Me!Before enraptured earthworms find you
2003 Jul 23Don't Do NeverNever tip a robot waiter
2004 Feb 18Doom Dealt DeftlyThe djinn that made me sneeze
2003 Aug 26Door To Indisposable SleepThe haiku returns
2004 Dec 16Doubly Formal ZebrasTo hoist a somewhat smaller flag
2005 May 4Doughboy GraduatesCookies and biscuits, crackers and buns
2003 Aug 4Dour Poetry for Fools in LoveRoses are dead
2004 Mar 18Doves, Couples, Quarks, ExigenciesGive me the pen and invisible ink, and I'll write my life story for you
2003 Aug 20Down Hallways and CorridorsKeats and Sandburg, Dickinson, Yeats
2006 Jun 16Dragon-tail DrunkGoing out again
2004 Apr 15Dragonfly With DiamondsWe who were not bound to rhyme
2004 Jan 16Drastic Therapy For TwoThere hast never been a thing more shiny
2000 Nov 10Drawing-Rooms, The Only TerminusNow my charms are all o'erthrown
2003 Jul 18DrawnIrresistibly, I feel drawn
2003 Dec 8Drawn By The Pencils Of NightWhen all the world is still and quiet
2003 Jul 17DreamingI fear I cannot hope to match
***1997 Feb 21Dreaming of a Swamp and the Holy RiverAs we starve in our secret Alaskas
2003 Nov 12Dreaming Of Bagels And JavaWhen you met me in the restaurant
2001 Dec 11Dreaming Our Favourite CyclonesWandering churchwardens, speaking in tongues
2003 Jul 18DreamsHow oft in wet dreams do I walk
2004 Jul 21Dreams Of Soup KitchensA mile or so beyond
2003 Aug 4DreamyHe was the man of her dreams - tall, dark and Estonian
2006 Apr 5Dreary Days Compounded By SnowstormsHave you seen the Nothing man,
2004 Sep 9Drenched In Watery EndsYour putative queen, dear sire, has fled,
2003 Aug 29Dressed To CurlStaring blankly through the glass
2000 May 15Drinking Electricity (Sonnet)One sonnet is too short to tell the charms
2005 Feb 8Drive-By MoralitySo how ya doin', Mrs. Knapp?
2003 Sep 20Drooling Without DementiaAn empty page is
2006 Jul 17Drum DazedThe hideous spectre of her purse
2002 Mar 22Dubious FactoryWhen, in the night, I start to doubt
2003 Nov 25Dubious PeacenikA walking shrub shall grace our shores
2000 May 30Duck Soup StoriesWhen Duck and Gerbil went adventuring
2004 Oct 17Dunciad Of Love-sick HandsTo fetishise her silhouette
2004 Jun 2Dunciad Variorum'Twas Pope who wrote that angels fear
2005 Jul 30Duodenal BackwaterBehold a scone that I have baked!
2007 Mar 2Duplicitous Herrings in Identifiable WatercoursesCatechresis mumbles, in the final act,
2002 Jul 10During Gordon's Last GloamingApostles of the menopause
2000 Nov 25Dustbins Spilt DiamondsBrighter than the cabbages
2003 Dec 2Dyslexia Is A Condition Much Like Nay OtherA narry stight, a brentle geeze
2003 Sep 22Dystopia The MooseIn this city there are no angels
2006 Apr 20Each Circle Will ShakeJudicious combination
2004 Jun 25Each Dainty Ballerina And Her Imaginary PilchardThis happy nest has made me cry
2003 Jun 27Each Recusrive ReaderOn a moonful night, strangely bright
2004 Jan 26Each Syllable Concocted By BuddhistsThe pulse that beats within a flea
2004 Jul 14Each Weary WelcomingTo redefine our clique
2003 Aug 24Eager BeefA toast by any other name is but burnt bread
2000 Dec 19Eagles Can Never DespairDemons of the centrifuge
2003 Nov 25Eardrums In The Dark TheatreI never sensed a larger void
2003 Sep 26Ears for EyelidsSleep is coming soon
2003 Nov 19Ears Like QuinqueremesYour ears are rather droopy
1999 Jan 30Earth TelegramA shrew without wings
2002 Nov 18Earthenware ThinkersBehold her single in the field
2000 Sep 27Earthly SalutesPerhaps it was just that the Fates took a hand
1999 Apr 9Easter GreetingsResurrection!
2006 Feb 16Eating The Accountants Until Babbage LeavesHow we wonder, how we wonder
1997 Sep 20Echoes Echoes, WithoutBy 'Custody' I do not mean
2006 Apr 4Echoes Of AshesMississipi, come to me!
2003 Aug 17EffigyRight among the maddened crows
2004 Oct 26Effortless AbyssCold crustaceans, diving deep,
2000 Jun 29Eggs And ArtilleryThe gambler folds his hand and sets his gaze
2006 Aug 3Eight Parrots, Seven RoguesHengist had the brightest sword
***1997 Jan 19Eldred's glum, glum spleenThe dictionary was far from green
2002 Oct 21Electon'Cobblers, plain bloody cobblers', the fireman roared,
2003 Dec 1Electra SyndromeRalibut of Halibut pretended to be mad,
2002 Mar 13Eliot's Daily VariationsThe flat sky
2006 May 12Elixirs Of Godknows WhatI took a sip. I didn't know
2006 Sep 1Elizabethan LemonadeIt is said that a codpiece, selected to cover
2004 May 25Ellis InlandOh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light
2000 May 16EmbezzlementWhen Ogden Nash ran out of cash
2005 Jan 16Embonpoint SandwichesGlobe and Jerusalem, we venerate
2003 Sep 22Emergency HeadlessnessEmergency! Emergency!
2003 Aug 31Emilia And Her Tremendous BrainpowerIn my cardboard cardigan
2003 Jul 18Empty Promises among the Symbols of the NorthAmpersand, I love thee
2003 Aug 17End And EndThree score and ten years ago
2004 Jan 18End-time OctaveWhat time does the apocalypse start?
1999 Feb 2Endless Power, Our Sole AccomplishmentInflamed with paranoia
2000 May 8Endlessly TransitoryWhen my Doppelganger calls
2006 Jan 11Enduring Without SuccorIf fish could scream
2003 Dec 1English Literature CodeRhyming isn't everything, and scansion's overrated
2003 Nov 20Enigma Who Will Someday Prove SecretWhy do you stare, do you think that I care?
2005 Jul 4Enough Bagels DisavowedIn spite of all your after-shave
2003 Jul 17Enough IsHere, there and everywhere
2003 Oct 21Enough Of DeathSharp as a razor my misericordia
2005 Jan 26Enough Said: The Undershirts Finally ArrivedDamn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, DAMN!
2005 Apr 19Enough To Warrant OnionsIn praise of whelks, I roam the moors:
2001 Nov 15Entropy Without HarlotsInterlinear is the best
2004 Nov 18Envious NeighborsThey say that those who live their lives
2003 Jun 26Epic Gorgonzola QuestIn China, once, an Emperor
2004 Sep 17Epic Oration Looms To StarboardIn time to come, rememb'rance of this hour
2003 Aug 2Epistle upon the Ancient StreamsSir:
2002 Nov 12Epitaph for an Asymmetrical Arrrangement of BearsTie them to the bowsprit? With a scratched CD?
1998 Sep 19Epitaph for the Ninth Night ShiftA snowman, weaned on Castor Oil
2006 Aug 1Equator Blown OverI never met my sister till I was twenty-three
2000 Oct 11Equator ProtestTeach history slowly
2003 Jun 30Erie CanalThe creek oozes down through the dimwitted wood
2002 Oct 5Erupting Like FlamingoesGone, the subtle;
2007 Feb 5Escapades That Truncate ThemselvesAs with gladness men of old
2003 Sep 4Escape AttemptsThere once was a Cornishman, Lee,
2002 Sep 29Escstatic, DogmaticShe declared herself democratic,
2000 May 15Essay - Let's NotIt's a terrible start to a poem
2004 Aug 24Estonian HomonymsThis encroachment, on my lawn,
2006 Mar 29Ethereal SequenceEther, real
2003 Dec 9Etiquette Toward Farm AnimalsWhen addressing a horse, remember the rule:
2003 Nov 9Etruscan! Tuscan! Bohemian! Persian! Theban?Is it a source of insolent pride
2003 Jul 17Euthansia without GregariousnessHow often have I pruned a tree
2004 Feb 10Even Duplication FactorsSay hello to Chutney Spears
2003 Nov 1Even Elves Entirely ExcellentTwixt D and F I'm found, but missing from this ballad
2003 Sep 1Even Time Will Have to Tread the PathA thousand opportunities
2004 Jan 29Evening Along Its Transverse AxisThis caustic little ditty
2003 Aug 1Evenings Much Like ThisThere is magic in the air tonight
2002 Oct 3Evensong, worn thin through scraping'Nautilus shall be my theme',
2005 Feb 16Ever Onward Through MuckBefore the gullet goes to ground
2003 Jul 25Every Phrase Yodelled by WagnerParsifal was bleeding from the gramophone
2004 Dec 14Every Third Word Recited Effortlessly (Canticle )"A pox upon thee, wretched cur!"
2004 Aug 18Evidence From Pablum MechanicsIt isn't right, it isn't wrong
2003 Nov 27Evident HypocrisyThe stack's not much fun anymore
2003 Nov 17Exceptional DisgraceA mighty creature is the wife
2000 Nov 22Exceptions That ShimmerMine is the cat that is eating your trout
2004 Jan 28Excess Ease ComingWho welds a poem huger than the grave?
2003 Oct 31Exchange: Offer Me SomethingI'll make you an offer you can't refuse
2002 May 11Exculpatory DancingGiants, in their tedious way
2007 Jan 24Exegetical HeresiesBehold the Lamb of God
2003 Aug 18Exemptions for the Uneducated LozengeTHREE WORDS PER LINE, UNRHYMED
2003 Aug 17Exhausted Bus of SandI took a Greyhound bus to Timbuktu
2003 Jul 20Existentially Imbued(haiku) Why must you insist
2000 Apr 3Explode, My Foot!Give me a piece of hoary old leather!
1999 Sep 13Explorers from FutilityThe 'Big Adventure' all began on a day of trepidation
2003 Oct 13Extended Gravity From The Spectral RegisterGosh! That cat's obscenely fat!
2003 Dec 8Extraterrestial WingnutsHooper wouldn't say his name
2004 Mar 29Extraterrestrial, Improperly AlignedThe cookbook used by Dr Who
2005 Mar 18Eye-Flavored ScrutinyProdigiously attractive
2002 Aug 5Eyelash RadioNecessity's the mother of invention
2004 Aug 8Eyeliner How Ever Loosely BentRidicule for penguins only makes them slide
2004 Dec 17Facile FarewellTaking umbrage, in the Nile,
2004 Jul 14Fail By Then If NeverCalisthenic ribaldry shall not win you the prize!
2000 Nov 8Failure Threaded By ScrewsA wallaby, tried in a kangaroo court
2003 Aug 28Faintly Wild, Like Justice and LoveLet me describe the love of my life
2004 Apr 2Faithful Enough Before LunchAt the age of thirty-seven
2003 Jul 17FallenI've fallen and I can't get up
1997 Feb 23False Memories of a Papal FailureI blench to acknowledge my failure
2001 May 21False Tales of My CalumnyBring me an egg-whisk, and sand-blast my shoes!
2003 Sep 2Fandango LashingI've told you once, I've told you twice,
2000 Nov 27Fantastic Tabletop Of SuctionRebuke, like gossip from the sun
2003 Aug 18Farce OfTypes of Medical Coverage
2004 Feb 5Farewell, MutinyCease to sway
2005 Aug 8Farewell, My Lively Oystercatcher NymphsHeading off to sunny climes
2004 Dec 17FarfetchedI'll be home for Christmas (alas!)
2005 Mar 30Fashion MisstatedThere was an old man from Sioux Falls
***2001 Jan 7Fashionable, The Unseemly LexicographerThere is, I've heard, an organist, who plays at half past three
2006 Jun 15Fasting MythsThat loathsome letter taints the page
2003 Sep 30Fasting with Predictable TerrorFor many years, this story has remained untold
2003 Aug 4Fate Knocks at Victorian DoorsThere was a young plumber from Dorset
***2001 Mar 22Father, Forgive Our CarpentryThe practice of law is a terminal bore
2003 Jan 23Fauré, Mendacious In Cairo,Less than catarrh
2003 Aug 17Favorite WigsCrewcuts, pompadours, bouffants, and mohawks
2000 Nov 21Favourite Cheese-MongersBeefy, Loaf and Costorphine all went upon a jaunt,
2002 Jan 14Fawning Without DistinctionMy regard for you does not acknowledge borders!
2003 Sep 26Feathery FiendsWhat is the matter, my fine-feathered friend?
2003 Aug 3Feet Were WalkingWhen I was young did eagerly frequent
2000 Apr 24Felicity Kendall's Lovely ArmpitsWhen you said you were my friend
2003 Jul 23Fellatio LimericksThere was an old geezer from Kent
2003 Sep 29Fellow UnravellersI'd like to raise a glass to my friends across the sea
2000 Feb 8Fencing Our Glass BabyFor all your faults
1999 Feb 2Ferdinand's ElmA grey seal, with grace of an eel
1999 Nov 12Fermenting the Woman from the SurgeryAchilles stole my hobby-horse
2003 Jan 23Ferocious NightgownsIn dread of the foe
2005 Nov 23Fester's Last WordsIt takes a man with real strength to deplore
2006 May 11Fester, FarewellFester, farewell
1997 Jul 13Fetch Away Fish!Yellowing leaves frame a watery sky
2005 Aug 10Fields Of EverywhereHis secretary's teeth were sown
2003 Nov 20Fifteen Broken ThingsOne day my name will be up in lights
1997 Jun 7Fifteen Oblique WhiskersA table of kinship for all the world's cats
2003 Aug 7Fight the Defiant Epithets for Sleeping ChickensThe customer is always right!
2003 Sep 10Filling For That Apocalyptic SandwichWho ate my doughnuts? I could weep
2003 Sep 25Filling the Proverbial CranniesI try to Haiku
1997 Oct 31Finally, the Revelation that Armpits aren't NecessaryThe twenty-first of Autumn
2000 May 15Fingering Second Every TownWhile blotting my escutcheon
2003 Sep 26Finis isThis is the first line
2001 Jan 6Finnegan's Ascending NostrilAlphabetic poetry often can
2001 Feb 19Firestorm FingersHave you heard the story of the Chattlewhump, my son?
2003 Feb 20First DowntimeEmollient, conciliatory, I ventured
2003 Dec 29First Glimpse Of Summer This AutumnA 21st Century Christmas Carol
2003 Aug 16Fish BrocadeWho needs rhetorical questions?
2003 Nov 22Fish Jam VotingThe elephants of Iceland were meeting for the talks
2004 Aug 9Fish Remedies For MischiefNot a feather, nor a leaf,
2003 Jul 19Fishies Swimming SilentlyMy glitzy one, my little twerp
2003 Aug 1Fishing for the Deal MakersThis time, Sam, we'll make a deal
2003 Nov 7Fishy Outlaw EscapesA handsome young mackeral, named Frank,
2003 Oct 28Flame White Trash!I went to bat for you so many times, and how have you repaid me?
2006 Feb 11Flames Coated With Heavy PenaltiesThe flames were gone, but, yet, a tiny ember
2001 May 14Flange Matrix - Paradise Of The StarsBubbles float up grassy-treed slopes
2005 Mar 7Flaring HairclipsIn latter days of green and blue
2003 Aug 18Flattery of a GooseWhen starting on a masterpiece
2004 Feb 20Flawed InheritanceAgnes played the cymbals, three nights a week
2000 Apr 11Fleeing Another Bloody TuesdayIs this all
2001 Mar 11Fleeing, The Sticky Eremite ScratchesPoetry and Poesy declined to fight a duel,
2004 Feb 1Flight Recorder In MinkShocked by his failure to fly,
2003 Sep 19Floating My DeliciousIndescribably delicious doodads
2002 May 9Flood-plain EembargoesOnce upon a greyhound dreary,
2004 Aug 27Florizel InclinedHide me, my darling, in your tresses!
2003 Sep 30Flowing The FableOnce upon a time in a faraway land
2007 Jan 16Fly NightmaresA carthorse, baked in bread
2003 Jul 31FogeyNow here is a story, it's really quite gory and really quite sad to relate
2003 Aug 5Folks Who Smoke SoapMendicant Sam was a broken man
2000 Sep 17Fondling Benedict: The Groan MatrixWhen Time has run its merry dance
2003 Aug 11FoodIn the pages of a dusty book
2003 Nov 28Food For Sentimental Souls Like UsTurkey, yams and pumpkin pie
2003 Sep 30Food for the TwinKielbasa is a sausage quite sublime
2003 Jun 20For an Unknown FrogThe semi thrummed o'er seams in the open road
1999 Aug 6For My Bunny Rabbit'Give me back my arquebus!', cried Randolph Great the Third
1998 Jan 23For Tadpole Perkins'Don't carry the coal to the amethyst pool,
2005 Jul 22For The Draining-board That Survivors ClutchStep this way, you man o' war,
2003 Jul 19Foresight in F Minor (Haydn)Where have our old-timers gone?
2003 Dec 18Forever In Love With MarilynThere was an old goatherd named Bill
2003 Jul 24Forever SpinningSpinning, falling,
1999 Feb 15Forever StrontiumPlug me in a catheter if there are any left
2004 Jan 22Forever The Syntax OmeletteThe gas oven sings a sweet song to my leadened seratonin
2004 Jul 6Forget About Broken DaisiesWhen you take a taxicab, don't forget to tip
2001 Aug 18Forget NeptuneTrumpets are green
2004 Feb 19Forgive, OffhandedlyWhile you were away
2004 Jan 11Forgotten Blips Of The Ages NeolithicAll I crave is a little attention
2001 Dec 12Forgotten Riposte VThematic spoonful, years of corn
2003 Oct 1Forlorn Ode To VerseOn Helicon, the Muses gather round
2004 Jun 18Forswear CourageHollie was a hostage
2002 Aug 23Fortissimo EpilogueWhenne that Julye, with its weather bloodie
2005 Mar 31Four Times Four Is TonicSo ... how to subvert the Age of Consent?
1999 Jun 21Fracturating Kippers: This Homophonic HarmoniumMeet my typing-tutor
2003 Jul 17Fractured Hearts Have Missed Innumerable ChancesHow graven seem those fractured tarts
2007 Feb 19Fragments ConcludedUnion State gave way to blues - in a doleful way -
2000 Apr 5Fraternal Greetings To Reverend Cuticle's OppossumArabella Spommit had three cousins slim and tall
2002 Aug 30Frau Jung Was My MainstayDonkey shot, the French would call it
2004 Mar 12Frauds? YesLet us now praise famous men
2003 Aug 2Free at HalloweenThe house was haunted, so they said
2004 Jan 14Frequency Of Dinner JacketsI did not think a coddled egg
2003 Sep 27Friday Goof-OffMotivation now departed, though the day is not yet done
2004 Aug 19Friday Night AspirantsAt least it isn't hailing
1996 Nov 28FrissonWhat I say is seldom what I mean,
2001 Nov 20Frogmen Imminent'Tis time! 'Tis time! The deed is done
2003 Aug 7Frogs and StaleThe frog comes in on little fat feet
2001 Oct 8From Chocolate Time-ZonesHer eye is not my voice
2003 Dec 8From Here, Hence And FurtherIs there anything I can say
2002 Nov 27From Prussia Without StampsMercator's projection had one tiny flaw
1998 Apr 19From Underneath Diana's ToastIts stuns me, like it stuns us all
1999 Feb 8From...At the end of my tether I fastened a kite
2003 Nov 13Fructose Frogs For Little BoysA line of sawdust or cocaine
2004 Jan 29Frugal Jars Of Mine Filled With Other PigletsIt's a glossary, they claim,
1998 May 14Frugal the FrogBehold the frugal cactus
2003 Aug 21Fruit Is Like LifeMy life is like a grapefruit
2003 May 3Fruitful Duck SoupMy goldfish likes to do the monkey bars
2002 Apr 4Fugitive and FuncleReading avidly, yet slowly, I devoured the novel.
1999 Aug 23Full Confession for the TitansPay up! Pay up! It's not a game, you know
2003 Mar 19Fun in the Unnerving Moonlight (Rembrandt's Schooldays)I've always been taught to report what I thought
2004 Feb 3Further Epsom SaltsHow far can we fall
1999 May 18Further from the Beatiful FootThe rate of completion increases
2003 Sep 23Further The Pope's Unwitting ConversionDown the gullet, soft and sweet
2002 Jan 23Fustian ComfitsPortable women
2005 Jan 27FutileRipe bananas, ten a pound! Grapes to fit a feast!
2001 Jan 24Future Dereliction Of DutySomewhere in the evening, at a screen not far from you
2005 Apr 20Future Species Will Not Tolerate HotelsIf the Sun was to die today
2002 May 14Gabriel's HiccoughsSledgehammer? I thought to use a shovel
2005 Oct 11Gabriel, So RotundIt's a wonderful life, to be sure
2003 Jul 19Gadfly PuddingSide by side sat F & N, with monitors opposed,
2003 Nov 4Gambits Under GlassThis time, then another, then - perhaps - once more
2003 Jul 21Gamesmanship (The Piglets)Oink on, you crazy pigman
2003 Jul 19GarbanzosFalafel was not feeling well
2003 Aug 6Garden Shoes of the Vaudeville MonstersMonsters in the garden
2003 Sep 9Gargled EndBy the time you read this message
2003 Jul 19Gargling TroubadoursWhy must you gargle on the couch?
2002 Aug 7Gartled Invertebrate Forum'Subtle', spelt with seven Ps
2007 Feb 17Gates Shut By AccidentStunned, stunned
2004 Feb 12Gateways Home To WorthingWe set out, full of hope and ale, one grey December morn
2004 Apr 2Gathering Clouds While Visigoths CircleLet me be the first to say, it's nice to have you back
2003 Oct 13Gaugin, You VillainSee, saw; go, gone;
2003 Oct 23Gene PylonsAndromaque: 'twixt bloodied sheets
2004 Nov 23Generally Too Much OpulenceHow lithely do these lilliputians leap
2003 Sep 18Genesis is the Only TruthO Universe, O sparkling void, teach me of thy ways
2003 Jul 17Gentrification is a GiggleWhene'er I see a falling star
2001 Feb 8Geometry Crawls NightwardsTheir shop lay in a triangle
2000 Dec 13Getting to Loathe YouDinner jacket,, morning-suit
2004 Apr 29Ghastly AppendagesOh, it's all quite ghastly
2003 Sep 26Ghazal to AsylumI fear that one day they will carry me off
2005 Oct 11Ghent Is Abandoned Now, So Gloucester WeepsMy salad days were mainly spent
2003 Sep 14Ghosts for My PosterDorian hung on my parlour wall
2003 Jul 20Giggling IdolsWhat of Phaeton, Hyperion, Icarus, the angel Lucifer?
2003 Jul 28Gilbert, With Giants in HandHave you met my wee friend, Gilbert?
2002 Mar 7Gingerbread Housing CorporationGretel's luxuriant hairy schnauzer was a bitch!
2003 Jul 28Gingersnaps (Why Dress Up?)Maxine's coming into town, but look at all this
2003 Jul 21Giraffe Shoe HappenstancesWould you care to multiply?
2003 Nov 27Girlish Lavender HuesHow feminine, this colour scheme!
2000 Jun 14Give It Some Welly Now!To think of bursting as a chore
2004 Jul 13Glaswegians In Time-share BodiesOn a hilltop, left of Rheims,
2003 Aug 24Glibness for FakenhamBills are overdue, your car has broken down
2000 Nov 15Glistening ObbligatosOh ripely reeking Camembert!
1997 Aug 15Gloucestershire My Undiscovered ChildHis elbow never faltered
2004 Jul 30Gloucestershire Throughout Devon'Tis the ebbing of the eyes
2003 Jan 8Gloves of Careful NutmegLike rising, having slept for years,
2003 Jun 24Glow ExperimentalMadame Curie created quite a glow
2003 Nov 18Glyphs And Cryptographic ChanceRed rocks; blue skies; a snooze and air refreshed
2003 Oct 28Go, Authors of My Lunch!See how you like it, Mr. Black!
2003 Oct 19Go-Faster WaistcoatFaster than the human mind can ever comprehend
2003 Aug 14Goals and PerilsWe have searched the world for treasure
2003 Aug 25Goatishness : A Change For The BetterBefore I owned a goat-face mask
2000 Jun 6Goats Cannae KnitThere was a young man from Kilbride
2003 Nov 18God's Void DevoidYou stare impassively at the world
2006 Mar 16Godliness In Three-four TimeHe walked his widow home
2001 Jan 9Going off the BoilIf love cannot foretell the past
2006 May 4Good BugsWe must perform a Quirkafleeg
2005 Feb 7Good-luck To Endless SorrowLeastways, said the meter man, You'll always have some fish
2005 Nov 13Goodfellow MosesA secret door
1999 Aug 27Googlehimmel (Pathetic Science)Is it so? Have you not heard?
2003 Sep 6Googlewhacking ReportTragically, we must report this sad fact:
2003 Jul 17Googlylying in a ditch of binjo
2002 Mar 20Goose DeskThe roots of criminal intent
2003 Sep 5Goose NutsBe like the squirrel
2005 Feb 23Gorgon CookiesJust imagine thirteen cakes aglitter in the night:
2003 Jul 17Gorgonzola PrevaricatesMy gorgonzola often swells
1998 Feb 26Gossamer Binary CheesburgerPerhaps it was something I said,
2002 Jan 16Grandiose Gestures, Futile Drivel'Leave me @peace.com', my nephew cried,
2003 Sep 24Grandma Ain't Old Enough For Birthdays Any MoreGrandma still sports a teased bouffant
2002 Oct 2Grappling infrequently with the engine-driver's antibodiesThese comedy moths
2006 Jun 22Grave MayhemAn awful example of verse
2003 Sep 30Gravel for My Poignant CotillionFlippant poignancy
2003 Dec 19Greatly Exaggerated Half-truthsTim sits alone at his desk in the dark
***2005 Jan 17Grey From Top To TowpathUpon the next-to-shortest day
2004 Jun 20Grid Of Life ExpectantThe weight of expectation is pressing on my brain
2003 Jan 28Groovy Chicks Abound HereinBig stuff is going down, dude
2003 Nov 25Growing Like BacteriaAnother turning point, a fork stuck in the road
2003 Nov 27Grudges Over The Family Fishing RightsAnthony Blair
2000 Jul 24Guildford, Epping, TootingWhen you proposed this concert
2005 Nov 16Guile In Any MayAwestruck in the horse-truck,
2003 Sep 3Guilelessly, NoGus Grissom ... wasn't he the dude
2004 Jan 7Gums And TonguesOut, fry of lechery?
2003 Nov 14Gumshoe In Divers ForestsI've never been the sort of man
2004 Feb 17Habits Of Old Liberals Foregone"devolve prolific coconut" advised the sophic spam
2004 Jun 22Haddock FramingI berate you for infecting
2005 Jan 25Haddock Versus Anchovies: DiscussMy tension's most unmenstrual,
2003 Nov 28Hades Doesn't MatterPersephone will not emerge; I've heard it from the highest source
2003 Nov 7Haiku With ProblemsThe jester donned his liripipe
1999 Dec 23Hail Noddy!Something whispers in my ear
2003 Jul 18HairHe urged me to go get a perm
2003 Oct 26Hairless of SinsHer body glistened, hairless quite,
2003 Nov 6HairpieceWhen you trim the hair away
2004 Jan 1Hake SproutsMy sister, Sue, has several suitors
2003 Jul 18HalcyonSee how all the daffodils
2005 Oct 25Half Baked WhollyStalk the streets of Serenissima
2006 Mar 2Half The Time Left To UsHave you met my little friend, Bip?
1998 Jan 5Half-wits in ParadiseI've heard it said that Hell is other people
2002 Nov 15Halibut WithoutI ate my salad in a huff:
2003 Oct 6Hammering On The EyelinerKick down the door of the lipstick factory
2004 Mar 31Hammerklavier, DissonantlyThe late sonatas on a lute?
1999 Apr 26Handel's Balletic HymenVirginal scrapings are like unto gold
2006 Jan 29Handy Men Poised With UnguentsIf beating fleas was my habit
1997 Feb 2Hanging (Tidal)Key of diamonds, tempest
2004 May 28Hanging Trout Fancying GrandmothersI dropped it down the wishing well
2002 Apr 4Hannibal's EggcupFaint amalgam, fashioned quite
2003 Nov 18Happiness, The Noose Of LovePoetry I never knew found love on your demise
2003 Sep 3Happy Ode to Love UnboundedCome with me, My Love, and see good Nature's fairest flow'r
2000 Dec 14Happy Those Who Bother Not To Wash EmusNow is the time for joyful feasts
2003 Nov 20Harrumph Parumph GallumphHow silly, you're suddenly snooty
1997 Apr 26Harry In The Blue Toast-RackHail! Hale-Bopp and roll upon your starry roundelay
2004 Feb 13Harvest Me Gently YetThere's many pheasant pluckers farm life's field
2004 Feb 22Harvested From Unsavoury PulpitsOnly a man.
2003 Oct 15Haunted ColoursLacerated insights pour into my head
2003 Oct 8Have Pickles, Everyone!Pencilled eyebrows, shaven legs
2003 Sep 30Have the Patience of the BrokenI'm building castles in the sky
2003 Oct 10Have You Enough Putty?Wetching in the tersome rain
2002 Dec 14Having Stacy In SongWhy don't we rename Christmas?
2003 Aug 15Havoc with Spring-Loaded CrutchesThe worm has made our cities black
2003 Aug 15Hayseed, Huh?Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer
2003 Nov 17Hazardous WaistForty-seven atheists have gathered round my grave
2003 Oct 1He Knew I Was a FrogMiss Piggy was making a fuss
2003 Sep 9He Knew Lake GenevaTaupe plateaus, a turquoise skyThe bleached bones of oxen
2006 Dec 17He See Nothing With RelishThe price of dodging RSI
2003 Aug 14He-she me?A limerick often is dirty
2003 Aug 27Headless ParrotsWhen Granma discovered my dungeon
2003 Aug 4Heart ShinesThe moon will nevermore
2002 May 28Hearts, Like Crystals, Dissolve into NothingnessFinesse the Queen! Finesse the Queen!
2005 Aug 1Heathen LentIngest this canapé of grime?
2000 Apr 5Heather Eliot's Bottom LineApril is the cruellest month
2005 Jul 18Heave Aside Our Plundering PharoahAt seven Gs
2002 Jan 22Heavier Than HymnodistsBNW, dreaded term, infects my thought
***1996 Dec 16Hectoring tripeEnough of your brutal evasions!
2004 Nov 8Heliotrope SporesIf waking life had time for dreams
1999 Jan 3Hell FruitIf you think that I'm the reject, then I'll thrash you till you're blue
2005 Aug 23Help! Aunt Potter Stole My NeckerchiefTrust me with your pudding store
2004 Mar 30Hen Pectoral CommemoratedSuffolk Asian – who would choose
2000 Jul 11Henderson's Decline'Why have you tied up Granny?' the little girl was asked
2000 May 23Hengist's coming to get you, HorsaIn Persia's lands, there is a wisp that terrifies the priests.
2004 Oct 9Hens Pretend To Bend SpoonsInfestation's not a problem, but the cure!
1999 Jan 31Her DaymareOn the far side of the beach: abyss
2000 Jan 29Her nerveless dressing-table, regarding whichAlthough her skull is squat and flat
2001 Jan 9Her Northampton BoudoirBengeo is just the place to start a bitter feud
2000 Jul 18Her Promiscuity Made GoodShall I compare thee to a coach and four?
2002 Apr 29Her Prophylactic Wednesdays (Compensatory Voucher)In days before the Diceman
2005 Nov 7Here Is OwlGlimpsed through barbed wire
2003 Aug 7Here Moon, There AnotherWe sailed on the third of July
2006 Jun 8Hereinafter HakeTo view the ocean from a cliff
2003 Nov 27Heresy Of Cosmic SanityThe moon is made of cheese, and so
2002 Nov 29Heroic and AuspiciousIn Hastings, once, there should an elm,
2002 Feb 7Heroic, We Know NothingBoil my leg before you go -
2003 Feb 5Herring Orphans of All TotnesHow horrid is the elephant
2002 Nov 28Hertfordshire JokeI add some lard to every bath-time mix
2001 Oct 3Hidden Are Our Own Inept PerformancesBlended with the hint of curling smoke came release
2003 Mar 18Hidden By Hygiene FairiesIf only these kids knew what I
2006 Dec 15Hidden WorksJust a hint of twilight
2001 Oct 9Hideous IndeedJarrow is my noble home
2004 Jul 9Hideum CatBanalities, encountered twice,
1997 Jun 17Hiding Like A Hun (Portia's Lament)Here comes the knight, mail clad, through the border
2005 Jul 19High TeethJuicy plums for me to bite!
1997 Sep 10Highgate HopefulAs we crested the brow of the ultimate hill
2003 Nov 18Highly Prized HydrocarbonTitrate this acid, if you please, against this salt,
2005 Jul 11Highways, Byways, AfterthoughtsKaleidoscopes in bronze and zinc
2003 May 30Hilariously PregnantI guffaw but twice per night,
2003 Jul 24Hills Speak of ChlorineThe old mountain holds a secret
2003 Sep 28Hindsight BlindnessIf I had known that this would be
2004 Oct 20His Lady GrammarianBabbling as the brook in spate,
2006 Jun 18His Lucky Skull Has PerishedIn his ochre jodhpurs
2004 Jan 11His Own Lewd VespersMy penchant's mathematical
2005 Jul 25His Trusty LeagueNever measured, never loved,
2003 Jul 22History Repeats Itself Itself Frequently Despite Appearances To The ContraryTen thousand men have lost their lives
2004 Nov 14Hittite Words Of UnforgivingA gentleman of oriental character
2002 Dec 10Ho, Whoreson Pimp!The alphabet should be curtailed:
1997 Jan 3Hoisting Eyeball ThreeWe were always in her debt
2000 Apr 27Holding Nigella Lawson's PythonWhenas April with his sweet showers
2003 Aug 26Holographic ImplantTales of magic and mystery
2004 Oct 11Holy Things Always Worry WomenWho will search
2005 Jan 18Home Schooling And No BidetsTwice in one day! A rare delight
2004 May 26Home Time Before Cock-crowWhy do I sit here, why do I strive
1999 Apr 4Homer RetranslatedConversations are a winding down of time for most,
1998 Mar 18Homer, Art Thou Heat and Lightness?Before the dawn, the darkest hour
2006 Mar 15Homeward BoundaryWe flee the sun, and head back to the gray
2000 May 23Homily For Courtesans in Norwich cathedralThe cards were dealt, and in my hand
2003 Oct 9Honestly, If Anyone Dares Mention Earwax Again...Among the elbows, as a rogue
2001 Apr 13Hook PerformanceIn the deepest part of the pool
2003 Jul 17Hope Squeals 'Wahoo!"Dispel those neverending qualms
2001 Dec 6Hopping Around the FringesUp, the new down
2003 Aug 21Horace is What We LikeWould you like to waltz or samba?
2003 Oct 7Horizons Known Only to the CertainOver the listing, under the stamp
2001 Dec 17Horse-Box PoliticsThe Devil's in the detail
1997 Apr 15Horse-Face Shrike In Lonely DialogueBy leaving no margin for error
2003 Jul 28Horseback Spirits of the Ghost TownOn a dusty road in an outback town
2005 Jan 27Horses Most DefinitelySpanish onions, in the dark,
2004 Jul 22Horticultural Adages Designed By Sadistic SchoolmarmsArtichokes stop chasing, when the sunset glows,
2005 Dec 15Hosiery On Half-forgotten NunsCorset strung as tight as tight,
2005 Jan 4Houndstooth CanalIt seemed as though I'd never been away
2003 Aug 5Housemaids Singing on SundayIs this what we've come to?
2004 Feb 20How Can It Be Moss If It Grows Faster?O sober reflection
1999 Feb 28How Death Became MoonshineMy tribal ways
2006 Jun 3How It Was BeforeAstride an ice-cold anvil
2000 Jul 6How Large Is Tina's Dinosaur?I once asked Uncle Herbert
2006 Jun 15How Many Such Openings Have We Squandered?Astride a red-hot anvil
1997 May 31How Met By LegionYou call yourself a Yeti
2003 Jul 17How Often Tattooed?How seldom do I see a frump
2006 Jan 11How Silently, How ClumsilyBehold, the Fifth Amendment
2003 Sep 25How To Cook VegetablesI may have to boil a turnip
2007 Feb 14Howsomever, QueyntelyWhen I fell in love with you
2003 Nov 7Huddersfield PieDon't let that horse eat that violin
2001 Sep 30Hugh's Underpants Defy DogmaStaggering across the heath
1999 Sep 6Hugo Onerous (Episode1)Where, oh where is the Phantom Menace
2002 Nov 29Hugo's GoatsHideous smells
2003 Dec 1Hungry For KeysRowan is a wood that I can't eat
2003 Jul 25Hunt WithinThe ancient hunter stood proudly
2003 Nov 21Hunting The InnocentJust before the doorbell rang, my lids had fallen shut
2000 Jan 21Hurrah! A Pointless Stereo PencilThe lines of life upon her face
2003 Nov 3Hypochondria Isn't The Harlot's ProofI think I have a broken leg
2003 Sep 29Hypothermic Ennui for Old TimesThe leaves are turning brown again. I wonder how they know
2004 Nov 29Hypothesis EpsilonCome, let us dance, just you and I
2003 Dec 3I Admire The WillingnessAs we know, there are known knowns
2003 Aug 28I Am Not The Obsessive Weirdo You AreI like to spoonbill
2003 Nov 20I Am TransformedI came upon a startling sight
2003 Sep 19I Fear Bonnie Lies Under the Ocean FreewayI've oft wondered what Karin looks like
2003 Aug 26I Hear Sousaphones MarchingTrombones are sounding in my sleep
2003 Aug 25I Shall CopeMy, my! All my underpants are gone!
2000 Dec 15I Stagger Under Fourfold FardelsTime and again, with weary tread
2005 Jan 6I Surface Behind The LampsA pelvis drowned in custard
2004 Feb 13I Won't Be Flying Anywhere Near BasildonThere's time enough for changing sides
2005 Mar 18I Would Rather Not Serve RiceI might not swallow more than once
2003 Oct 2I'll never ηπ againI once was told that A is πr
2003 Jan 9I'll Surely Trample Your Tractor, My LoveI had a little tractor
2000 May 9I'm Pitifully Happy Wherever There Are SpoonbillsMy life is like an open road (yes, people walk on me)
2001 Jun 28I'm Washing Pyjamas for LunaticsDrunken badgers and their TVs
2001 Jan 17I, Diamond JimThumb screws , finger nails
1999 Dec 29I, EverestI hear the tread of thirty thousand men
2003 Jun 24Iambic Portrait of MontalbanRicardo's toupee hasn't aged but a day
2006 Jun 6Ibstokon, Who Prefers All ComersThe prunes were laid out, row on row,
2001 Jan 9Iced Mohicans, Anyone?Zoroaster sunnily bestows his
2003 Jul 17IcemanNo man is an igloo
2004 Apr 23Iconoclasts Rarely Gain Entry To DisneylandBreaking down barriers and opening doors
2000 Aug 4Icy PrivyThe green in a bluebottle's eye
2003 Nov 25If BentleyGeorge Dubbya Bush
2003 Jun 20If Cocoa Couldn't (Allegory)"Chocolate! Give me chocolate!", the woman screamed
2003 Dec 9If I Illuminate Life Only Slightly, I ShallI was born a prisoner in your dungeon of fish
2004 Jun 30If If Why When How WhoBig Brother watches the housemates perform
2004 Oct 8If Kipling Required SatisfactionIf all the buyers faced this way
2003 Oct 1If Not InsoucianceFeeling rather awkward, newly clad in neon eyewear
2003 Aug 28If Oblivion Had FoesIf everything that you had ever known
2003 Sep 17If Only God Lived 9 LivesThe first thing I learned in my life as a cat
2003 Jul 17If Only People Smelled Like FlowersI often wonder how to start
2005 Feb 23If PerchanceBold insurgence swept from coast to coast
2003 Aug 14If Rapture ExistsIf ever there was a time when wishes and dreams could come true
1998 Feb 26If Shadows Could JestWhy is it so dark in the middle of this life?
2000 Dec 5If Sluices MatterIncas ... dreadful drinkers,
2004 Jan 27If The Janitor, When Juggling...Gorris!
2003 Nov 6If They Reversed The CreosoteIt didn't have to end this way
2003 Oct 4If Wishes Were ForcesFix what is broken
2003 Dec 10If Wishes Were Geese, Nobody Would HonkI knew a sinister minister
2003 Jun 23If You Could FalterThe glamour of a teaspoon
2003 Sep 2If You Were UnveilingThings I would do if I were a cowboy:
2003 Dec 29Ignoring ProblemsBehold mankind, how fragile it's life
2005 Nov 17Ignoring The Peach And NectarineIf ever I would write a dirge
2003 Dec 21Ill-fated Flyover On Insect WingsSee the tiny aerodrome
2002 Sep 10Ill-qualified for HopingDodging through the rainbows
2003 Jul 24Imagination, Fortitude, CholesterolImagine there's no flugle
2003 Oct 27Imagine This WeirdnessImagine a World without...
2004 Jan 12Imbibe This PageI don't drinke vodka, only ginne -
2005 Dec 8Immaculate Threnodies by Augustan BachelorsOn Boscombe Down, where Keats was born
2003 Feb 20Immediately NobodyThe cobbler, blind for seven years
2002 Jul 12Immediately to the North of DorkingA friendly leaf once gave me quite a fright:
2001 Oct 8Immer mit EinheitWhen Apsley dreams of Arabella Spommit,
2004 Jul 30Imminent Destruction Of Everything In PortPassion, closeness and great sex
2004 Jan 20Impasto Throughout AustralasiaMy wife is nibbling at my neck
2003 Jun 28ImperfectionOh, to be Home now summer is here....
2002 Oct 3Impersonating Nelson for Fun!As fine a feast as man has known
2001 Jul 27Impertinent DesiresThe Scandinavian roll-mop
2004 Jan 25Implacable Northerly PadrésCompetition in other places
1999 Nov 3Implausible Emptiness in Andromeda ParkwayWithout denying anything much
2006 Apr 18ImplicationsTake a pinch of mustard-seed
2002 Nov 8Impressions of the National Arthritic GalleryMy fourteenth friend cannot be seen from here
2001 Dec 7In Abandoned Transit-VansHarold was a potter
2000 May 14In Africa, Hoplessly LostWe don't regret the cakes that glisten in the sand
2003 Aug 3In Awe of Dangerous LivesFar beyond the red-black morning sky
2002 Jul 5In Contempt of a Buried SteamshipThis poem concerns Hades.
2007 Jan 5In Dreams of Counterfeited HarmonyThey met at Domus Felix
2003 Jan 9In LemonsWhy, tell me why, is the future so green?
2003 Aug 28In My Dreams of PaintI hear you are sailing to Lesbos
2004 Nov 3In My Long-lost WellingtonsMagnetic fields, an iron horse
2003 Oct 23In Nougat(haiku) Seven plumquats sit
2004 Jun 16In Our Wintry OrganTo prime one's seventh armpit
2005 Sep 11In Past EmporiaOne for sorrow, two for fish
2003 Sep 27In Piles of Half-Burned PizzaWhat evil you planning today?
2004 Jun 10In The Seventh Parcel Are Several BusinessmenWhen pass-the-parcel palls
2003 Jun 21In Time (Full Icebox)Without you
2003 Oct 21In Vicious Family CirclesOh papa, look! A jolly bruin
2003 May 31Inaudible When Down-windI promise, tomorrow I'll be a good boy
2006 May 30Inbred HeirloomTo generate hysteria, the Queen declared the area
2005 Mar 23Incoherence Everywhere Discovered AnewThe horror-shows of ancient Gaul
2003 Oct 17Incompetence, IncompetenceWhilst painting the ceiling, the artist remarked:
2003 Dec 3Increasingly Preposterous HomiliesThe champagne glass lies shattered
2003 May 10Industrial-Strength Wrigley'sMy Spiderman was killed by Zach
1998 May 2Inexpensive Shakespearian BlancmangeFor Macbeth it were done quickly,
2003 Sep 22Infatuation: The Amusing ConundrumWhat do you want to do with this?
2002 Aug 28Infested by Dali SpecialistsWhen nuns collide, then is the time
2003 Nov 13Inhaling Woolf's OuevreDon't revile me, don't come near!
2006 Mar 2Injunctions To The BarricadesBring me the bones of a man who is broken
2001 May 17Innocuously Or VenomouslyI always caught the quarter-past; it never ran on time
2003 Sep 21Input CommandmentsAnother call from Abraham
1997 Feb 24Insensible BlandishmentsAsk anyone about my woes,
2003 Nov 21Insufficiently Stylish BehaviourVerily, I think I'll slump
2003 Jul 30Insults for SchoolmarmsSlug bug!
2003 Sep 8Insupportable ToothbrushesThe dream went to sleep,
2000 Oct 24Integumental Teletubbies (Seventeen Hours Ago)Mine is the eggcup, yours is the hake,
2004 Jun 2Intensify The Passion For OphthalmologyBigfoot saw the racehorse
2003 Aug 29Inter-Planetary TomfooleryI once took a spaceship to Mars
2007 Feb 26Interface Not Found - Contact the LibrarianAs to orientation I've begun a new élite
2000 Jan 23Intergalactic Journey of a Broken CruetThe Zimmer by the garage door
2003 Nov 11Into The Black Of The TentacleThere was a young maiden named Sue
2006 May 23Into The VegetableA carrot lay upon the bank
2004 Jan 9Invaders From Rabbit-holes, Snout FirstMars is being explored--and wow, are we excited!
***1997 Feb 19Invisible Sandwiches - The Tiresome BeginningsShe found the smoothest stone,
2003 Aug 5Invitation to Rather Unlikely PersonnelShould I invite you to my soiree?
2001 Dec 10Inwardly, Yet OutwardlyThis helicopter, whose neglect
2005 Nov 11iPods Crafted From Rusting Spanners Or SimilarYou think of these as scones
2003 Nov 1Irresistible TypesMy Love was born on Halloween
2003 Nov 8Is Confused ByNever did I dream that she would call a spade a spade
2000 May 24Is My Navel Growing?What is that great black bird I see?
2005 Jan 7Is Nothing ValuelessOnce quite temperamental
1999 Jan 18Is of NightThe smiles I get when I dance around the bar
2002 Jan 9Is Santa Powerless?No man is an isthmus
2003 Sep 23Isn't Doubt Corrosive?Doubt is so corrosive
2004 Sep 13It Cannot Be The TeapotsShe is in love with the beautiful formlessness of the sea (Sylvia Plath)
1997 Apr 26It Isn't Often OatmealIn his book, 'The Uranium Fanfare',
2004 Aug 17It Might Not Be That ScrapWhen coupled with that
1999 Mar 2It never happened really except once maybe yesterdayThe night was dark, and dire foreboding crackled in the air
2004 Sep 1It Never Raineth On The Holy FoolBack at the beginning
2006 Jan 19It Seems Pointless To PolkaHandel's Croatian
1997 Dec 16It's Entirely God's BusinessEleven, six or eight
2000 Jul 31It's Meadowlark LemmonIn the dead of night, lit by pale moonlight
2003 Aug 14It's the Spuds' MalevolenceWith sinister speed, they come and go
2004 Mar 4It's Unoffically Denied Until ProvenNow the news is out,
2003 Jul 21Ivor the BesottenUnbeknown to Ivor Pooter
2006 May 22Jabberwocky, The LyricsBe wary of the snigglewats
1996 Nov 1Jail-mouth SlimeAt the risk of sounding spiteful, I shall tell you what I think
2000 Jun 6Jeeves Arranged My Spangled Smoking Jackets ElegantlyI like to eat cheese in the High Pyrenees
2003 Jul 19Jello FellowWhile bouncing on a sea of jello
2004 Feb 3Jelly-Babies Prefer Jelly-ParentsDr Who once gave me candy-floss to eat
2003 Nov 19Jerry-built RiffsThere once was lady from Knox
1998 Mar 2Jesus pondering a delightful catachresisBeneath the tea tree sits the gnome,
2000 Jun 1Jesus With Underdone OmeletteIn this unspeakable foreboding year, our doom
2003 Nov 13Jilted By Cheapskates"I've saved you so much money, dear"
2003 Jan 9Jolly Thirsty PiratesFifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest
2003 Aug 12Jonah On WarThere was once a man in a tale
2002 Nov 28Judith, A PolynomialIn my glass kimono
2004 Sep 14Juicy John Chest UnitYield unto me, maiden fresh,
2003 Oct 21Just A HogThere once was a pervert named Mick
2003 Jul 18Just As JurassicUpon the plain the stegosaurus
2002 May 31Just Icing the MindI love the sound of ice cubes when
2003 Aug 17Kamasutra for Happy Knives and SpoonsThere was a fine seller of pearls
2003 Aug 9Kangaroo DenShe prayed that she might never see the day
2003 Sep 26Karma RodentsDreaming gerbils in the sawdust dream of you and me
1998 May 2Kate's Gruttock ImpalerIn times of stress I like to scratch my foot
2000 Nov 1Keats Knew His MindOh, what can ail thee, Knave of Hearts,
2005 Jan 24Keatsian DevicesGrecian urns do not inspire these words
2004 May 27Keeping Her Through IgnoranceLet's not expect the moon
2000 Feb 13Kenneth: My Monster PilotCover me with asphalt as they do in Donegal!
2003 Jul 10Ketchup AlchemyA red hen, convinced that her eggs were sublime,
2006 May 12Kiki On SpeedThe glittering lights of Montmatre in her eyes
2006 Aug 9Kill None But The Brave LoverNo mistress is so passing fair
2006 Jun 23Kill The PennyPerfection in a postage-stamp
2003 Sep 20Kindly Mind My ZooKruschev and me
2003 Nov 2Kissable Landlords In JeopardyKiss me quick and go
2003 Jun 27Knight of the Noxious LieIf only I could sing like William Shatner
2004 Aug 16Knighthood For Those In Direst DestitutionI chanced upon a shouting match
2002 Oct 10Knitting Vol-au-ventsWars are documentaries now...
2002 Dec 5Knowing About AstromancyMy new Gemini space-craft leaks
2003 Jul 28Knowledge Couth ForsoothThere are many things you do not know
2001 Nov 7Kurosawa Crawled HeavenwardThere's nothing to accomplish in the dust
2001 Sep 4Kylie, Dark IllusionI unfolded my favourite handkerchief slowly
2002 Oct 14Laconic as PestilenceMarge sees not her hem's afire,
2003 Dec 5Lament For The Unseen CakeWho will come with me, who will come play?
2003 Dec 29Lament Not The Passing Of HaliborangeTwenty past midnight, I want to go home
2005 Nov 29Lament: Austere Nightly BeatingsRetribution, hard as stolen milk,
2004 Sep 16Lamentations Upon The MorrowI stare into myself, hoping for redress
2003 Nov 17Landscapes FailJust before the avalanche
2003 Oct 2Large Enough To Store TimeWhat better place than here?
2006 Jun 7Lark OvariesHave you ever thought of trimming your moustache?
2005 Aug 22Lasers In LatinTo grasp these prawns will take some skill
2004 May 1Late Comers To RollerbladesWhich came first, the liver or the wurst?
2002 Jan 2Lately Confused ShirtsAs he jumped from the peak of the mountain of Slibb
2003 May 18Laughing Down by the MaelstromBehind the nipple's cruel intent
2004 Jan 17Laundanum Language'Ulalume, ulalume,' said Edgar Allan Poe
2002 Oct 10Laundresses, Basements, and PythonsGullible wretches, so polished and pure
2003 Nov 3Lawfully Invalidated Fishing PermitA pound of osmium breaks all banks
2003 Oct 27Lawrence's Spaniard FoolHow hideous is the Spaniard
2003 Jul 17Lay for a Lonely FarmerShe was lovely as the night
2004 Jan 14Leadership Fails TurtlesHe used to be, so rumor has, the Dean of Men at Alcatraz
2003 Sep 25Learned SeaWhen halfway through swimming the channel
2001 Nov 17Leave Meetings BehindA slice of bread, varinshed with wax,
2001 Nov 20Lechery's AppraisalI loved her hazel eyes so much
2002 Nov 27Lechery's Not a Primary FoodstuffSome alphabetty spaghetti
2004 Sep 7Left Handed And Concealed In Murky AllusionsIs it such a sin to lust
2003 Sep 18Legacy of Homey CharmsI would hardly complain that loudly to be compared with Frost
2000 Jun 12Lemmings Explode When Roped To DynamitePlease help me grease my hamster said the Queen
2003 Oct 27Lemon FeetYour limpet grasp gives me no rest
1997 Mar 23Lemur Song UnsungFrom leprechaun to Lancer
2002 Nov 23Lent Spent in ClaptonCanons to the right of me, and deacons to the left
2002 Jul 17Lent Without Sister AmeliaA slice of cake, soaked in madeira,
2001 Nov 17Lenten OrgyA pint of gin to steel the nerves
2005 Sep 4Leonine Mellinger Pronounces Herself DestituteThis Plasticene®'s Jurassic, don't you know?
2006 Feb 22Lesbian Cookbook VirtuesCall your mother now and then
2001 Dec 18Lesbians of YesteryearThe Crossbill, famed in Nordic lore
2004 Oct 13Lest We Forge Biscuits For Orphaned PresidentsMildenhall; I choose to doubt
2007 Mar 15Lest We Forge Unwitting JubilationThese brinks on which we teeter
2004 May 13Lest We Forgive Without ForgettingFor the gloom that follows fire
2003 Sep 9Let The Litmus DecideIt's time we rearranged the border
2003 Oct 10Let'sU LKE 2 HIKU?
2002 Oct 4Let's Beat Up ApsleyA cardboard egg tastes just as good
2001 Nov 22Let's Have Time to FondleBeing a tomato-knife
2003 Nov 17Let's Ride Away And Begin Again Without ShameShould one great leader cross the sea
2006 Jun 16Lettuce For SodomyA beach-ball and a pancreas
2003 Sep 20Licensed to Kill EverythingMoneypenny's not a happy bunny
2005 Jan 23LichensJust dethrone me, once per week,
2007 Mar 6Lichfield Parkway MumbleHail, Nervosa Trollop
2003 Aug 22Licks For KicksWith the first light of dawn, the great armies gather
2002 Jun 25Life Doesn't FesterResponsibility for life on earth
2002 Dec 3Life-Threatening Tuesday MorningsWhere is fester? What is he?
2003 Jul 19Lifecycle: Forlorn FlappingHow blithely do we misuse this site and yet it does deserve it
1997 Mar 30Lifeless ShedsWe were down to obsolete zero
2002 Mar 10Lift-off! (Red Umbrellas)The conical nose had been smeared with strawberry jam:
2001 Aug 22Light Grey SunshineGroatweed grows by every verge
2004 Jul 7Lighthouse MagicIt came upon the midnight clear
2003 Sep 25Lightning Ignites My Secret BeardPrecipitous whiskers
2003 Nov 13Like Butterflies Don'tSo many little fluffy things
2003 Jul 17Like the Inner Feathers of EarthHow frothy do these suds appear
2003 Aug 25Lilliputians - My Play on Their SetLilliputians in my lap
2004 Dec 24Limblessly EffortlessUp here we no longer have a need . . . for thumbs
2003 Oct 21Limerick About a TroutLet us now swim in Lake Erie
2002 Aug 2Limerick FollyThe funny thing is, remarked Fred
2003 Aug 7Limerick WhoreLimerick Funfest
2000 Dec 4Limpopo CocktailRivals, fourteen inches high,
2002 Dec 24Lincoln's Curry RidersThe plenitude of earthly thoughts
2006 Jul 1Lingerie ThroughoutNow harken to a tale so vile
2003 Jul 28Lips You can KissI should've screwed old what's her name
2004 May 7Liquid Never FlinchesSo plaintively you ask if this
2001 Nov 13Lithuania Accepts Barclaycard Again!The cabbage roared to see the mouse
2007 Apr 12Little ClaimedCakes of soap, or cheese with cake,
2003 Nov 10Little Extremes Of Bedtime CocoaShorter than the shortest book
2004 Jan 25Little Holly Sat Upon HerI'm the only gay in the village
2005 Jul 1Liturgically Challenged Papists Vainly Seeking PompHer velvet trousers, on the bed
2002 Sep 14Loaf Mumbles LoafPunished for his extra ears
2003 Oct 15Lobbyists In SpoonlandReverend Spooner, twice a day,
1997 Sep 14Lockjaw ImminentDead as any dodo
2006 Feb 24Lodestar Of The Ballooning NurseWe changed your appointment
2003 Oct 13Loincloths of HickorySome folks like a formula
2003 Nov 11Londoners In VegasAnother buck; the symbols spin
2003 Dec 15Loneliness Corrupted By FishesHomesick while at home--candles melt like promises
2003 Aug 28Long Unbidden MelodyWine and women, women and song
2003 Jul 17LongingOh, my God, it never ends
2006 Jul 18Longing For The OligarchFun time for Natasha
2004 Apr 24Longingly DependWhilst figuring out how to untie his shoes
2002 Nov 4Longings for CelibacyHow hideous the passion!
2003 Feb 7Longings Unknown to ScienceWhy should I ration
2006 May 29Longshoremen Fit Only For NightmaresWe've gathered together today
2003 Jul 31Look AskanceLittle girl, look in the window. What do you, what do you see?
2003 Oct 1Look, No Anatomy!I looked at my feet and to my surprise
2004 Jan 26Looking Good BackwardsWhere are the songs of yesteryear?
2004 Apr 26Looking Lively And Feeling CrapCan this be it? Can Spring be here?
2003 May 1LootersAlas! The Golden Treasury has been looted
2003 Jul 28Lost Lies UnderUnder the covers, bodies move
2001 Apr 29Lost Meanings of TurkestanShow me a mirror and I'll
2004 Jun 22Lotteries Bring Us Little SnowdropsDivest yourself of all your wealth!
2006 May 4Louse, LouiseFeasting on the gouts of blood
2003 Jul 26Love AwkwardlyIf I fell in love with you
2006 May 10Love For A PigletNobody comes, nobody goes
2002 Jan 18Love Icily VisibleBones and twigs and a perilous ascent
2005 Jul 6Lucy In TormentPastry-forks were just the thing -
2004 Nov 30Lunar Love-festWe hear you're taking a trip to the moon
2003 Jul 19Lunar SunsetsThat moon is not an aspirin
2004 Dec 1Lurching BalloonsPlease release me
2003 Aug 20Lurking in ThePlay it again, Kansas Sam
2003 Dec 18Lyrics To Kill The Bliss Of Heart-throbsHer tortured lip was dripping blood
2004 Jun 26M 32 Road MovieThese old molluscs, bought for tea, inscribe
2002 Sep 24Machine Coffee: Grounds for DivorceEstimate the water's depth
2002 Jan 3Mackenzie is Certainly FasterAll the lonely people
2003 Jul 18MadnessWhen all the world is going mad
2004 Jan 17Madwoman, Me?She's come undone--her valium useless as mythical gods
2004 Jun 30Maidens Irritated When Their Purity Runs OutA thesaurus was stoned to death, a diction'ry was raped,
2003 Sep 26Mail-Room MysteryA weakness for detail
1998 May 4Majestically BehavioralThe bilious fishwife was covered in stew,
1999 May 8Major Karamazov's On CallCooler than the outer wall
2001 Jan 15Making NunsSheila was my first love, and she was just a hake
2003 Sep 23Making the Tide WetI once had to wrestle a bear
2006 Jul 31Malodorous Relatives By NightA grave is not a flowerbed
2003 May 17Management Facilitates, Managers CollideComplacent as a senator
2003 Aug 8Management EvokedHow do you feel about Life?
2002 Oct 11ManifestedPerhaps I'm not so odd
2003 Oct 30Manure CanOvegiously, he blarks the heen
2003 Aug 6Many Small Wonders for RoyaltyPoor Peter was three inches high
1999 Oct 25Map of the Primitive SongSleep, curly savage, on the forest floor.
1998 Jun 7Marching with Redemption BalloonsLike spoons they lie, a front to back,
2001 Aug 10Marinade Your Partner DailyHis passion was a restless sort
2006 Jul 28Market Anomalies Perpetrated By Emily DickensBecause I could not stop for Lunch
2003 Jul 24Markup Over SenseCome
2002 Feb 11Marmot Receipts MultiplyThe terebinth was singing, but its words were quite obscure -
2004 Apr 29Marmots Roam Willy-nilly Across Naked And Glistening TundrasMake love to me as if you'd spent
2004 Mar 24Marrows AwayThis choice of relish was not of the best,
1998 Nov 18Marrying KineIn this ballet, cochineal
2004 Feb 13Martyrs To The Biscuit GuardiansThe bilemonger's bill
2003 Oct 23Mary Marmalade And Very Tasty PuppiesI make them go fast
2003 Oct 19Mary, Nary, Oh-So-Scary"I never think when I can talk,"
2000 Mar 17Mask of the HeraldHer sharp mouth, again,
2004 Oct 22Massacred By Melting GeologyMy foot is stuck; I cannot move
2005 Jul 22Mated By HappenstanceA fledgling wasp once took the time
2001 Aug 9Matrimony is Hegemony, not PatrimonyShe's all to me, and little more
2002 Nov 26Matter, Not MarmiteBurnt his fez upon the pyre?
2000 May 16Matters HereticalIn Spring
2003 Aug 5May I Apply for this Job?On the morning of the seventh day of May
1997 Mar 5Maya's Misty Watercolor BluesAs Maya turned the page
1998 Jan 21Maybe Mercury SpeaksScared of every footfall
2002 Apr 15Maybe Not the Frozen Finger-PrintJemima was a nurse-maid
2004 Jan 29Mayoral Heart-throbsA burst of poignant doctrine
2001 Aug 1McBoreal's AdventureHamish McBoreal? The spaniel from the Glens?
2003 Aug 4Mean WordsWhen words cannot convey
2000 Nov 22Meanwhile, Back Under the Duvet...A kangaroo tried in a wallaby court
2004 May 24Meaty Beaty Big And BonsaiSausage, when the time is right
2003 Jul 19Melodies by JourneymenMoving softly through the symphony
2003 Aug 15Melons In DecemberI like bananas, because they have no bones
2000 Jan 5Melt-Down Happens Nightly'Well, stap me vitals!' swore William Hague:
2003 Oct 14Melted Rectories of Nyum-NyumOn vacation, I saw a most Marvel-ous cave
2002 Apr 14Melting Pot RitualA caramel pig once sat on the throne
2001 Feb 17Membrane One (Laughing Hoop)If Joan of Arc wasn't a zombie
2003 Aug 18Memories Sleep With YouThis is the strangest place
2006 May 15Men Without EquationsAre you prepared to reveal
2003 Aug 7Menthols for DinosaursDo not go husky into that bad flight
2002 Mar 13Menu, Unaware of LurkingI can't abide a burnt-up pie
2004 Aug 20Meringue-laden ExclamationsAt this time, most every day,
1999 Dec 31Merlin's Legendary Lost OathsMy daughter! My daughter! the old wizard cried
2005 Oct 20Mermaids Sighing AffidavitsHarold Pinter, author of Betrayal,
2003 Jul 17Merry GooglingOn the first day of Google, my search term was to be
2004 Feb 27Messages For SandwichmenWe scaled it down
2003 Oct 2Metamorphosis: You Cave InYour chakra throbs with crystal chi
1997 Nov 6Michaelangelo's Lewd Little BrotherFrequently, my brother speaks
2004 Mar 3Middle VictorianThe generals are born again
1999 Jun 28Midsummer Fails EveryoneMellow jazz oozes from the speakers
2004 Mar 24Milk ManoeuvresFree, with every Guernsey cow
2003 Nov 4Milk Shouting LouderThis bottle of grease is empty!
2003 Sep 21MilkroundWhoremongers, rumormongers, mongers galore
2003 Aug 28Millipede StainWhen saturation takes its toll
1997 Jul 23Mind My Forgotten PuddleduckThis overbearing convoy
2004 Nov 18Mine Or Not To BeYour clone is a much better lover
2005 Jul 25Mine Shaft Mendicants, Their OathIf I told you how I feel
2003 Sep 22Minstrels Really KnowThe Troubadour was travelling, his merry band in tow
***1996 Dec 26Misadventures Without MisconductThe travails of my giroscope
2001 Oct 2Misconduct With Whosoever ChoosethWelcome to the conversation
2003 Nov 19Misconstruing HullabalooingWhen shining shoes, you really must
2003 Aug 22Misery TrainsBill stood in Charing Cross looking at the departure board
***2003 Nov 27Misplaced DevotionFollow the players all over the globe
2001 Jul 20Misspelt Youth SyndromeA saucer of sour milk for my companion!
2003 Aug 9Mistakes AlwaysOh me oh my
2003 Dec 15Misuse Of That Darn AnimalDon't wear a cat for a hat
2002 Jan 7Mitochondrial Ne'er-do-wellsCarved in frozen gasoline
2003 Dec 1Mittens DisturbItems that do not give offence
2002 Sep 9Mix My ChickensTorn off a strip
2003 Sep 23Mix My Soul with Potions MetaphysicalWords enfold me, winged things
2003 Aug 8Mizzen ManhoodOn board the good ship Mary Jane
2004 Jan 9Möbius DancingA cannon-ball into the pool
1997 Feb 16Modish QualmsI name this dead wasp 'Halitosis'
2006 Jun 12Monday PresentBefore you read the second line
2005 Sep 4MonetaristsIn flowerdome five
2003 Nov 4Monster ShowtimeOh, the claws, they should not be
2003 Aug 20MoooonMoon bars, moonbeams, mooning honeymooners
2004 Jan 27Mops Our Fevered Explorer Cannot DisplaySo... slate wiped clean, whereto from here?
2003 Sep 29Morbid Obsessions With BroccoliMy imagination runs a little wild at times
2004 May 1More Coal Please. VicarShe's known as Nell, down in Camberwell
1996 Dec 16More Heretical BombastAt Hampton Wick
1997 Feb 28More Paraffin for my PerpetualApprenticeThe sun and moon kiss in the light of day
2003 Sep 9More SweepingsMaybe now, or maybe later
2003 Aug 4MorningWaking up at sparrow's fart
2003 Jul 22Morning is DeadAwake ye slumberers, and greet the day
2003 Jul 17Mosquitos Hatched by HomeworkBill bought broken bric-a-brac
2003 Oct 15Most Even-Handed Definitionimpeccable: Can not be pecced
2003 Aug 13Mother OneMother Theresa sported a wart
2003 Sep 25Mother-in-law with OreganoMy mother-in-law, my mother-in law
2004 May 12Motherhood In The PastureDiapering tushies is really a bummer
2003 Oct 28Mouldy HiccoughIt
2002 Jul 23Mouldy, They SaidThat artichoke they gave me
2003 Mar 11Mountainous PiquesWhat God did on the seventh day
1997 Sep 2Mozart once wrote the longest andleastenjoyable limerick ever to darken anthologiesof versificationDomestic bliss
2002 May 13Mr Leather Roasted Little SquidWhat dire offence from am'rous causes springs
2000 Jul 22Mr Stilton Stalks The UndergroundAs I was going up the stair, I met a froglet tall and square.
2002 Oct 22Mr. And Mrs Kruschev's Treasured Collection of Victorian Iron PulloversBenjamin Braddock got carried away
1997 Jun 28Mudwoman, repent!Life for a girl is a sensual map
2003 Sep 22MuggedCoffee mugs are breeding grounds
2003 Sep 4Mugging For Pennies"The proof is in the pudding," or so I've heard it said
2003 Jul 17Mukluks SometimesMy own dear love does seldom fart
2003 Jul 17MushroomGalumphing through the daisy field
1999 Jan 24Music Shadows RepetitivelyAn amphora of Egyptian darkness
1998 Jan 30Music, Unless...While I was walking my dog on the moon
2004 Mar 3Musical Accomplishments Involving Instruments Of ZincIt's fine to play the didgeridoo, but please not in the office loo
2003 Aug 27Must Pups Melt Their Carpet?The pups are gamboling again
2001 Aug 7Mutable, Suitable, InscrutableHidboult was a wanderer
2006 May 24Mute Soup And Memory FadedI met a man whose nose extended
2000 May 8My Articulate Cucumber SaysTeasing and tempting is naughty Nanette
2004 Mar 1My Aunt's Astonished ParakeetRepetition twenty-fold is what I really crave
1998 Dec 2My Bahnhof GodparentCarve this thought upon the bark
2003 Sep 18My BlotterThe ink was barely dry upon the page
1999 Mar 23My Boatswain's Left BaboonA third knee is a mighty boon
2004 Jul 1My Cardboard MotherDressing as a helicopter
2003 Sep 25My Confession‘Screech Screech’, screeched the cat
2003 Oct 22My Corduroy Mariner, CorrespondinglyWith skin as pale as honesty
2007 Mar 21My Desire Seldom Lights My DesireRainbow bright across the loch
1999 Feb 4My Earliest Barnacle-Busting MemoryCount to ten, then start again
1997 Jan 4My Favorite Plunderings'Twas a frothy foam upon the wake
2002 Jan 30My Finite and Fastidious FriendThis time, I shall follow my leader
2000 May 17My French Bananas Of Unbounded MagnificenceWhen teaching Granny to suck eggs
1998 Jun 30My funicular cutlets, redeemedThe Green Joy made the Queen wet with dew
1997 Mar 25My Gallic Endorsements'I wonder', mused the conqueror, 'why lemons seldom sing'
2000 Nov 23My goodness... my gumbootApsley wrote a novel about a small baboon
2003 Sep 2My Guts ReekGood Morning, Mr. Soap!
2003 Jun 21My Habitat of Unkempt MincemeatCoconuts are hard to peel
2000 Feb 16My Hamster, Utterly Exhausted By TrepanningI sing of beauty and a boy's endeavour
2002 May 15My Helium Pancakes NotwithstandingWhen I consider how my light is spent,
1997 Jan 12My Ingot BalloonTranslations of ancient words,
2003 Oct 8My Least Best FailingThe restrooms here are fairly clean
2002 May 8My Lion-hearted Friend EdgarThe tiger hunting in the dusk
2003 Jan 3My Liverpool LamentPercival the scouse louse
2001 Sep 5My Mendacious HoneyI lie to you always, as sugar to spice
2003 Sep 22My Misadventures Began in ClevelandInaccurate, like any map
2000 May 3My Nightly Righteous FermentI think that I shall never see
2002 Nov 19My No Nonsense DreamA Roland and an Oliver!
2001 Jul 29My Oceanic HistoryA waterfall, in which the whale
2003 Aug 4My Other Lifetime was a Thing ForegoneA mothball larger than the sun
2003 Nov 10My Painful BassCome an' listen to a story 'bout a man named Jake
2005 Jul 12My Priapic MilestoneCoddled mushrooms, all a-simmer,
2003 Sep 29My Puckered TimesUncork the bottle and light a cigar
2000 Dec 23My Raving VirginA perfect wedding in the snow
1999 Jul 18My Slapdash EndgameA Cautionary Tale
2004 Apr 25My Slide TransmissionAnother Red poem commences
2000 Mar 6My Smothered HaggisCut away, cut away
2000 Oct 19My Song of GlassSleep darkly in your mellow haze my love,
1998 Jan 31My Soothsayer's ImpeachmentEmblems of the regal scorn
2003 Nov 24My Special NosebagIf falling stars had parachutes
2005 Sep 1My Third EmpireIn this haystack, L. P. Hartley
2004 Jan 28My Toe Is Now Swollen AgainThat fellow, Othello, could not be called mellow
2000 Apr 27My UndoingWhen I was young and fancy free
2000 Apr 9My Warning IgnoredArabella Spommit wrote her cup-size on a mouse
2000 Oct 3My Zebra ToesThe stillness of the day, the ceaseless hum
1999 Dec 7Mythical PiscatorI talk to herring in the dark when no one is around
2003 Dec 16Mythical QuestIn days of yore, when dragons roamed the world
1998 Mar 11Nabobs and FrumpsOH! FEY! Cried the winged eel fingerling,
2003 Oct 6Nailing Lips To My UmbrellaThe lipstick factory: kick down the door
1999 Feb 20Naked GlobeRosemary...comfrey... cammomile tea,
2003 Aug 4Naked Halluciantions of NightMadness and despair have haunted me
2004 Oct 12Namedroppers' TangoSeveral times you've baked a cake
2000 Jun 9Nanette Newman's Naughty Knickers Say "Oh! Oh! Oh!There was a young man from Kilbride
2005 Feb 16Nantucket DisappointmentThere was a young man from Nantucket
1998 Jan 1Narrow Trousers in PimlicoWhen the wallet of the wealthy with fivers stiff is stuffed
2001 Jan 10Nasty, NastyThe gremlins in my kitchen make
2002 Feb 17National Gnu Stun AtrophyIt was on just a night such as this
2000 Oct 15Naturally We're CoughingWho comes to answer Pity's call?
2004 Sep 21Nature And Delight Worn OutWe are the Corporation
2003 Oct 18Naughtiness As CanI once knew a good sick ducker
2003 Aug 17Naughty SonnetOh how I loathe thee let me count the ways
2004 Aug 14Naughty Thoughts Are Always ParochialHow fetching you look, Miss Sipple
***2006 Mar 9NB: In MemoriamThe blackest of shields by the light of the moon
2000 Nov 3Neapolitan BoreGalisha ga-galoosha
2004 Feb 25Near Creepy Cow LaneThe last time I polkaed with Ted
2001 Aug 20Near the Symbolist Palace of AtrocitiesWe start our tale outside a German wood
2003 Jun 16Necessary foreign horrorsI trimmed that lean bazooka
2007 Jan 11Neck Up FattyPlates of goulash, on the deck,
2002 Mar 5NegatingA waltz a day is not enough
2000 Feb 2Negative ElbowChampion of the photograph
1997 Aug 15Negligee VectorThe man who vilifies my tent
2003 Aug 26Negligent Daleks Give Us A Passable FlamencoI'd offer you a crumpet,
2005 Sep 6Neolithic MuesliGrizzled, in a state of tears,
1999 Apr 9Neoplastic Ha'pennyMy parachute has broken and I don't know how to fall
2004 Jun 1Nepalese Danceuse Observed Using Stun-gunsBehold the scold:
2000 Mar 9Neptune's Missing Noonday Umbrellas Of BlossomThe photo showed the final phase
2003 Dec 17Nesting Penguins Throughout Asia MinorI can't believe I left the grass in my pocket
1998 Jul 27Neugierig, oder?der Reim lernt eine neue Sprache
1999 Feb 22Never Knowingly CharmedUnskilled workers toil wordlessly
2003 Nov 23Never Knowingly Renounce Walk-on PartsA small incision in the chest-wall
2007 Mar 9Never Meant to HarmA nasturtium, rambling fine and crunchy,
1997 Aug 29Never Once Promising To Underestimate BunsOver the choppy leather line
2003 Jul 19Never Reaches GloryMy eyelashes are black
2003 Aug 6Never Wake, But Often DreamsA bleeding broken heart
2000 Jun 1Never, Scarcely EverGive me bowls of carrots in the sunrise that is grey
2006 Aug 10Never. Should We WindsurfDon't forget to tie your shoes
2000 Jun 20Nevertheless, Nuke the FrenchEach time I use the word 'defer'
2003 Aug 6New Battles for DeceitYou stood trembling
2000 Jan 14New, Tidier PixiesThe stately tread of centuries has just assailed our ears
2003 Sep 24Night Before Time Immoderatein the darkness of the night
2006 Aug 23Night From MidnightThe Gates of Ivory and Horn
2006 Jun 16Night ThoughtsWhen o'er the willows whipporwills
1998 Jan 27Night's Temporary WristsCarefully, she folds the fish
2003 Jul 17Nightlong BattlesOnce upon a time a whore
2004 Aug 4Nightly Coal KimonoThese cosy virtuosi
2003 Aug 1Nightmares in a Mind Overtaken by Madness After Sleepless Days and NightsIf you had but one final chance
2003 Jul 23Nighttime PaddlingThe sky was dark, and rain was falling
2003 Jul 18NighttownOn a night in september, 1982
2003 Jun 22Nile Feather Death TripHer upper arms; mine eyes alighting
1998 Jun 3Nine Beatles Glimpsing SalvationThere was, perhaps, a waving arm,
2000 Nov 27Ninepenny Lithuanians - A RhapsodyCashier, change this love-note
2003 Jul 20NippisingThere was a strange lad from Ontario
2004 Jan 3Nipple TussockI did it for the sake of her
2003 Sep 1Nirvana in DaylightI think I'll tiptoe over there
2003 Sep 22Nirvana of CleopatraI made my peace with destiny and fate
2005 Oct 14No CarborundumMoving twice
2001 Jan 1No Cat's TrousersPelting down the motorway, with my wheels of fire,
2003 Oct 30No Fry-up For PresidentsJacques Chirac would eat no snack
2003 Jul 29No More Edible Pope(limerick) There was an old lady from Wales
1998 Mar 9No Parsley for Matilda's FruitcakeBy chance, are you going my way?
2006 Jun 12No Peppermint DropsThe clouds are filled with bicycles
2005 Dec 8No Thanks, KennethAre you going to Scarborough Fair?
2000 Feb 7No Thinner KnotCasually, through the wall
2003 Oct 30No Way to the AfterlifeI wonder: is it worth the time?
2003 Sep 2No Week PlannerMonday's light brought dreams of birth
2004 Feb 23No, Angels Shouldn'tTo cling, once more, to selfsame forms
***2001 Aug 12Noah often said that it was lucky to stick herrings to treesThe rain poured down; the waters rose,
2006 Jan 10Nobody Shaves OswaldIn search of the perfect asparagus
1998 Mar 17Nocturne by Insectlike Co-authorsTimely teal creeps
2003 Jul 19Nocturne OyIn adamantine underpants the slavish sleeper slept,
2004 Aug 17Nomads Are Only Upright HayseedsAffectless nomads
2004 Jan 15Non-invasive SkinsA poem without the same old format
2006 May 23None Save The MeistersingerFirst with the frost
2002 Oct 15Nonsense Sharpens Your RefrainHearlding a century of filth and gore,
2003 Sep 27Noodle Ingests ItselfMumbles not heard on any Pink Floyd album:
2001 Dec 23Noontide PassionThe drips from his ten-gallon hat
2003 Oct 26Nope to BlogQuasi blog
2003 Nov 17Nor Eric Nor Unshaven ShirtsGive a man sufficient rope
2004 Jul 9North-east Is Henceforth BanishedA globe for tea, crammed high with brine,
2001 Dec 7North-South Pedestrian CrossingsThese suicides, who strut the streets
2001 Aug 9Nostalgia for Breakfast - And Blue SkyI wish I were in Ngunnawal again
2005 Aug 12Nostrils, EachDespite a severe anaesthetic
2006 Mar 9Not A Proper PostmanMore of me, and less of you
2004 Oct 8Not Allowed In Our PicnicsA tide of rash assumptions
***1997 Jan 24Not Enough SodiumTransubstantiation
2003 Jul 30Not For EdificationOf brooding springs, and hooting rocks
2002 Oct 3Not LoversVentriloquists with salmonella
2007 Jan 21Not Nubile, Not ShadowsCurves aplenty, on the bed,
2004 Sep 14Not Princeton, Nor Any Other Halls Of ImprovementAs with gladness men of old
2003 Oct 2Not Their Fault At All, ReallyWhen down-and-outs start trading shins
2004 Aug 27Not What It SeemsBack at the beginning
2003 Aug 21Not Yet Nice EnoughAussie rock lyric challenge
2002 Apr 12Nothing Bought With Eurocheques, I ImagineWhy can't the wicked inherit the Earth?
2004 Mar 9Nothing But Extra FamineWhilst walking on the darkling path
2006 Aug 1Nothing But Our Static SensesThe Witch-Queen wrought an awful curse:
2004 Sep 16Nothing But The Very Onerous Consumption Of DesireThis rare dark beauty doth my heart inspire
2005 Mar 29Nothing More Redundant Than ThoughtStagnation, degradation
2004 Jun 16Nothing More Tangible For HillmenReticence, the virtue of the fool
2003 Nov 27Nothing Percolates Like TreacleHave you ever thought of peppering your toes?
2004 Jan 20Nothing Will Prevail After The NeutrinoI think to make a piece of toast
2005 Feb 18Novelistic LeafletsRussell Hoban, King of Thrace,
2003 Jun 30Now Repercussions Don't HibernateYou asked for a list of excuses,
2003 Aug 7Nowhere in Particular (Man Talking)On the Road to Nowhere
2002 Mar 14Nowhere Quickly PalesWhen the last train left the station
1999 Mar 7Nubility OneThe death's-head watched and waited,
2003 Jul 18Numbers IrrationalOne hundred and seventy four point six
2003 Oct 10Numerous WonderlandsFour-and-twenty blackbirds
2004 Apr 29Nuns Betray Our Laxative SuppliesIncantations - dead of night -
2004 Aug 23Nuptial Mishaps With Long KnivesA young anthropologist cried
2004 Apr 18Nursery Rhymes for Lawyers, Juries and JudgesArnold Berry, quite contrary,
2003 Nov 13Oak-worm Veneer HeathcliffCurtains for the front of house
1997 Mar 24Obelisk: ConfusionThat karaoke chaos
2001 Aug 13Obsoletely and IgnominiouslyWhen I was young, we had a cave
2006 Jun 20Occasionally He ThinksOh! So now you're telling me
2001 Sep 13Occasionally I Have Fallen IllWhen I was living with an elk
2003 Jul 25Oddments From the BookstoresThe shelving groaned with weight tomes
2003 Jun 27Oddments of the BlondeThe gypsy's skirts swirled like the leaves in the fall
2001 Jan 15Ode Scribbled Rudely by LennonA is for the alligators alcoholically inclined,
2003 Aug 6Ode to the AtticLet us praise the humble ceiling fan.
1998 Sep 27Ode to the Laughter of my PancreasWho can fathom the rat's cunning ways?
2003 Jul 17Ode to the TelevangelistsThey
2003 Jul 17Odin UnderstandsI am seriously whacked
2007 Feb 18Of Not, Of NotIn the trysting parlour
2003 Aug 4Of PaisleyMy wardrobe is my pride and joy
2003 Jul 17Of RubricsPersnickety wickets, aha!
2004 Jan 28Of Sailors And Their WaysI'll tell you the tale of ham-handed Hannah
1997 Dec 14Of Struggling Poets and Pious DaysA ghastly mismeasure of woman,
2006 Jan 26Off KilterAll is confirmed
2000 May 29Off Ovary StreetWhat baby spurns the cattle-grid
2001 Jan 20Offhand EmblemIf the captain's metaphysic
2003 Nov 30Often During Christmas'Twas Christmas in the workhouse
2003 Jul 22Often PercolateWhose clothes these are, I think I know,
2004 Jun 2Oftentimes Manet Tried Somersaulting Over RenoirLanky Hank was the tallest of Sherpas
2003 Nov 20Oh! Gosh They've GoneYup, they cleared the decks again
2004 Nov 2OK, NaysayerHave you ever rode a Trojan horse?
2003 Nov 13Olympian BreakfastingVenus came to Athens, thence from there to Rome,
2004 Jan 22Omicron FroatMy usual muse has gone for good
2003 Jul 19Omphalos(haiku) Three rings on my nose
2004 Jan 3On A String Covered OttomanMistaken for a crayfish
2001 Dec 5On Galvanizing Spartan SurfacesThe mouse crept closer to its goal
1999 Dec 19On Heat For MonthsAway! Here's neither inn nor manger
1997 Jul 7On Knowing Little TessHer hair falls short of a pageboy's crop
2002 Dec 12On My GuffPlease sir, stand downwind from me.
2002 Oct 3On Pandora's BonnetPerhaps I should have told her, perhaps she should have seen
2003 Sep 11On The ToesIve just seen my feet for the first time in years
2002 Nov 25On UndiesQuality control for underwear,
2000 Nov 26Once Is Never Too RarelyOnce, just once, could someone let me know
2001 Nov 22Once Knighted, Twice Blighted, Thrice Sighted!A wooden Gospel, baked as bone
2004 Feb 16Once Lithuania, OnceIn a cave, on a mountain so high
2000 Jan 7Once Over Once AgainThree to one, three to one
1998 May 2Once We Devoured MagmaAt last I have the chance to spread my wings and versify
2003 Sep 26Once You Forget My Name, A Strange Leathery Complexion BeckonsA man with a prong on his nose
2004 Sep 12One Apostate Fieldmouse Alone In All ConjectureIgnorance, in former times
1999 Dec 1One Blonde Speaking After SilenceLike fish, attracted to a flame
2003 Sep 2One Cat for Every LearHow blithely do the flivvers fly
1998 Jun 10One Daren't Expect MoreThe night we rode, the path we trod, we knew how it would end
1997 Jul 9One Last LaterBetrayed! The voyeur's curtain
1998 Feb 19One Last Lobster Seeking Re-electionRide onwards, lads, a new-born day
2003 Sep 11One Less Day to RememberJournal Entries
1997 Sep 15One moonbeam, undercookedThree drops of cactus-water
1998 Dec 13One More LandscapeTo renovate the galaxy
2002 Jul 29One Scourge Too Far From HomeImagine that! My little cat
***1997 May 22One Smug Portillo, Timely ForgottenThese low and oily charmers
2005 Sep 18One Will Between FriendsIn opting for a greyer black
1998 Sep 30One-note Symphony on the Sudden RevolutionFrom where will the words come?
2003 Aug 28Onions Can't CryI've far too much hair on my head
2003 Aug 20Only A Warthog Won'tGoofy Haikus
2004 Jul 2Only Fools RushOnly a rose
2002 Oct 28Only if the Circle TurnsSuch a cruel summer! On cool heaths
1998 Mar 17Only Ingrid Soothes This EyeballYour cobwebs (your cosmetics)
2003 Nov 21Only Known Criminals And Their ZebrasI think I saw an eagle fly across the Interstate
2006 May 12Only LaggingAt altitudes like these
2004 Mar 19Only Once Is More Than Twice Times TwoGive me the pen and invisible ink, and I'll write my life story for you
2003 Nov 11Only Our Gambits Shall'Incontinence for all!'
***1999 Jan 21Only Transient SheepHiatus and Hibiscus are the names of my two sheep
2004 Mar 31Onwards, Henrietta DawsonI carry Hank, my freeze-dried hake,
2004 Jan 18Oompah TubaI hear you like to polka with clubfooted gals
1999 Mar 6Opacity's 22 Miraculous BeingsSilent in the midnight silence
2003 Oct 2Opinion Is Not A OccupationIf fish could scream
1997 Mar 22Orderly Insects Are ForecastSmall birds
2003 Jan 24Orfeo The IneluctableAs lame as a fish
1997 Sep 27Ornamental William Golding Glimmmers in VoidPretty, pretty hermit
2001 Dec 21Orphans Drinking DeftlyA glass of claret twice per day
2001 Dec 14Other Presentiments of Scoutmasters from BothniaRemembering his empty purse
2003 Oct 21Other Pubic GrindingsAh, your onyx eyes and sequined purse
1998 Jan 13Other Shark-Infested PillowsSeven cubed plus fourteen squared
2004 Mar 26Otherworldly Newsagent With Or Without CroutonsA surgeon addicted to soup
2004 Jan 9Otherworldly Stuff By BobQuentin Tarantino
2003 Aug 3Ounces of Hidden ObviousnessI got the "I Ain't Got Nuthin' to be Blue About" blues
2007 Apr 11Our Blessed Foolery AgainNeo® caught me unawares
2003 Oct 16Our Bombastic Parlour PigTerence wrote, when not in Thrace, a clutch of tearful plays
2003 Oct 4Our First Love We DeniedWe fell into the ocean
2003 Nov 24Our Knoll StrollWhere was JFK, the evening I was shot?
2005 Sep 7Our Leather-Bound Archipelago Swept CleanReturning to my spawning-grounds
2002 Sep 21Our Lissom LaureateWhen you wish upon a stoat
2000 Nov 7Our Mutinous UkuleleSkiing down a snow-filled tunnel
2001 Oct 1Our Northern Weeds NotwithstandingOutside the gates of Swindon
2000 May 2Our Nose, Once BittenThe great thing about the verse compositions of Ogden Nash
2001 Apr 25Our Only StrawberryWhy me?
2006 Feb 24Our Road Is Hardly JustifiedPut me through the paper shredder
2006 Aug 24Our Score Was Enough For ZekeI went to Zeke's to buy some paint
2003 Sep 2Our Snotty PimI bought a cute puppet named Pim
2005 Apr 26Our Socratic Brethren Will One Morning Save The Welsh UnaidedPlato's grin did shame the sun
2003 May 12Our Sword Unsheathed by MetaphorsRabid was the postman
2005 Jul 29Our Technocrats Under DuressStrontium nitrate
2000 Jun 12Our Ugliest Newly-Weds Disgust MeA feast of fumes, a feast of fumes
2005 Mar 31Our Vectors Ineptly ComputedChucked up, chucked out
2005 Apr 26Our Welsh Brethren ConfessRushing from the Laundromat®
2004 Oct 6Outlawed HaikuThis secret haven
1998 Dec 1Outlet-valve in preparationIf spring does not come
2006 Jun 24Outwardly NubileLet us go then, you and I
***1997 Apr 30Ovaltine Cannot Age My KittenCracked, but half asleep
2005 Feb 4Over And OuthouseAstride a blazing horse
2005 Apr 12Over Blighty DippingMen who pause
2006 Jan 3Over By The Time She Smells The BrieSunk by the Spanish Amanda
***1999 Nov 1Over-baked blossomNow listen, please. I've brought you here
2003 Aug 21Overcome HeartMy life is like a mouse-trap
2004 May 17Oversight Of The AcrosticialWhen any lowbrow tunesmith offers notes
2003 Feb 11Overtures MisunderstoodWhy are men so damn complex?
2002 Jun 17Own Kempt WondersOnce glutton, twice dry
2003 Jul 24Ownership for MenThis is dedicated to the one I love
2003 Sep 1Pablo The Optometrist's FriendPicasso, in his early years,
2003 Sep 11Package Surprise, Not Surprise PackageOft had I heard of Lucy Gray
2005 Sep 21Packed Without Any Discernible EntropyThe last was gone before its hour
2004 Nov 9Packing-case DiagramsWhen all seems lost, all hope forlorn
2003 Jul 18Paid to EndWhen I find myself in times of trouble,
2001 May 23Palace Challenge to the PartyIt's a noble bird, is your gannet
2004 Feb 2Pale Mutabilities Of Death In WalesForget them all, their necks, their eyes
2001 Feb 16Palfreyman In SwitzerlandDoubled up with laughter, trebled up with woe
2003 Nov 28Palindromes, Madam?Sex at one, Kate! Take no taxes
2004 Jun 14Palomar MentorsGot Venus in my Transit
2003 Oct 21Pam Sandwiches, Pruriently SlicedThe millimetre: squat, unclean
2001 Nov 16Pancreatic RecreationsHer bashfulness, though not innate
1998 Nov 25Pandora's Boxing-gloveI never tire of asking
2003 Aug 18Pantoum of BrevityLooking down through the shadows
2003 Dec 17Papal DisgustIf you lift a dog with a crane, will he count to infinity?
2003 Aug 12Paper GrasshoppersThe moon's a baloon, you know
2003 Jul 27Parental"You smell bad, Father William," the young man said,
2003 Jul 20Paris BlemishedThe last time I saw Paris
2004 Jan 28Parsec Progression BeyondWhat are the odds
2004 Dec 8Parts That Require Frequent CalibrationA man once played my didgeridoo
2003 Nov 7Pastiche (Coconuts)Palm trees are not known to thrive amid the snow
2004 Jan 24Paternity Proves NothingCrayfish, lobster, crab
2004 Dec 9Pathos During MoonsetsThis wearisome drought
2004 Aug 5Patience Is Never Compared To HopscotchIs solitaire a virtue?
2003 Sep 4Paul never liked peace anyhowYes, haiku is back
2003 Dec 29Pay Cash For Everything Except UnguentsLate Christmas Eve the lot was dark, and so I filched a tree
2002 Feb 4Pay for Teddy-bearsBy the black infernal Styx I sat
2003 Jul 17PC #22Televised indignities, alas
2003 Jan 30Peace Comes DrivellingWe were a million strong and growing
2003 Dec 23Peaches En FamilleThis mortal skull that looks on me
2002 Nov 6Peeping TomcatTo drill through the crust of The Hague
2005 Oct 23Pending Further GuestsDoes anybody come here any more?
2002 Nov 15Pension Rites After SexMy metaphor is drawn from ice
2003 Jul 26People Ran for the Butter"Relax", I say, but they never obey
2004 Mar 23Peptic UlsterLater than the final hour
2004 Aug 13Perdition In VitroWhen I went to the bar as a very young man
2005 Feb 9Perfect PitchersMonosyllables
2003 Jun 16PerhapsAnd I thought it might be morning
2003 Oct 24Perhaps You Think I'll HideA walk in the park is all very nice
2003 Aug 30Permanent PerditionHave you ever felt vibrating oscillatons?Perhaps reverberating resonations?
2004 Feb 17Perpetual Hermeneutic Of Girl-GuidesWhen the pressure on our thinking
1997 Mar 10Perpetual Nestled TeacupsIt's not my cup of tea
2003 Sep 6Persistent FadingChatting can be difficult
2003 Jul 17Persnickety GirlsI once saw a doctor in Dayton
2003 Jan 27Person or Thing UnknownThe first time I went to Iraq
2003 Oct 2Perspective Isn't All UnlikelyA tap on the spine
2003 Jun 24Perwinkle Trout WrackHis boots were made of manta ray,
2003 Mar 9Pestilent Ploughshares, Deficient TurnipsThese latter-day halfwits, invading the turf
2003 Nov 15Pets Are Not What They SeemIf every dog and every cat
2004 Oct 22Pharyngitis Spells TroubleUnbridled is your sense of fear
2002 Nov 28Phenomenology for CarrotsMy philosophy is very clear
2003 Nov 28Phew! Poodles!Beans, beans, the musical fruit
2003 Jul 19Phew, Too(haiku) I've forgotten much
2004 Oct 30Philately TentaclesI'm off – be back by Thursday night
2000 Mar 17Philosophers Lacking ReasonWhen Kierkegaard was down-at-heel
2004 Jan 22Phoebe Married The WarmongerSmell my squirty button-hole
***2006 May 30Phoenix, BoredIs no-one here to waken me?
2003 Aug 5Phones and WindowsThe phone is mute, a black hook
2000 Aug 15Phyllis, My Secret SquirrelWe met in Dublin, in disguise,
2003 Aug 1Pick You WhatWhatchamacallit and thingamajig
2003 Jun 18Pickle My CreationWelcome, fine folks, but please be more attentive!
2003 Nov 15Pickpockets, Rejoice!Shall I invite you to a game of darts?
2000 Apr 24Picture This, My ChatelaineRembrandt, on his better days,
2003 Sep 2Pie TrappingsNymphs and satyrs, centaurs and dryads
2005 Dec 8Piebald Cheques'The first day of the rest of your life', they sang,
2002 Jul 29Piecemeal PremonitionsI saw Yehudi Menuhin
2003 Dec 12Pies And AstrolabesBody-rot, on crocodiles
2003 Jun 22Pig Lint HitMy blog is narcissistic, though its readers, voyeuristic,
2003 Nov 7Piggy And The Penguin BankersMy head is full of fish, I fear
2003 Aug 6Piggy, Piggy, Here Comes PiggyPIGGY WINGS
2005 Feb 3Piglet In WeymouthTo catch the dreaded Heffalump
2000 Mar 15Pigment DenialPigment
2003 Aug 20PinaforesqueWhen I was a lad, I served my time
2004 Feb 23Pious Hens of UnknowingWhat kind of men are these, with beards and balding pates?
2004 Apr 24Piquant HostessesBowls of mustard lined the hall
2003 Sep 20Pirate RhymesThere once was a pirate, Blackbeard
2003 Nov 2Pirates And Self-LoathingA pattern is emerging
2004 Nov 1Plane Of PlacentaTribulation, fear and woe
2003 Jul 21Planets of Repeated Sincerity(limerick) There was a young maiden from Venus
2000 May 22Plangent Daily WailingCadences so swift and deft that man could hardly follow
2004 Sep 1Plans For NobodyAndromeda, I cry to thee
2005 Feb 24Plans For VacillationI think I might go out today
2005 Sep 24Platonic Scooter Or WorseBanish poets? To The Pole?
2005 Jan 19Plausibly RoguishA subpoena has been issued (you were asking for it)
2003 Jun 24Playland SmackRaggedy-Ann has a heroin habit
2003 Jul 18Please Don't TryI wish to call attention
2004 Dec 9Please Let Us Pronounce Each Syllable BetterOne for the money, two for joy
2003 Jan 8Please Not Sideways, ArabellaDreary as a paper towel
2003 Aug 14Please Pass the WrestlerIt is an ancient wrestler
2003 Nov 17Pleasingly CyclicalIn the evening came the cycles
2005 Nov 18Pleasure for GodmothersBuckets of slime
2003 Sep 22Plunder of the PhigosiaI have dined with the Gods, and yet
2007 Feb 15Plutarch, Amnesia AbroadGrievances and Remonstrance are my middle names
2003 Oct 8Plutarchs Anthill BluesWhen flying on a jumbo jet
2003 Nov 11Poem Against The Removal Of Divided TeethRemember, sir, when spooning with your bill
2003 Aug 5Poetry AlloysWhen composing a poem, one must
2003 Jul 25Poetry and ExcessThere was a man from Timbuktu
2003 Dec 1Poetry Means Never Having To WinkPuerile and dull is the Limerick form
2003 Oct 2Poets - We're Belligerent To A FaultPoets fight with words and not with swords
2003 Dec 12Poets Into BeastsI know what it's like to be a poet.
2004 Dec 31Pointless Goodness"The End is near!" the Bellman cried
2001 Jun 20Pointless NosesA pound of cheese is just the stuff
2003 Oct 30Pointy Sticks With HatsShall I compare thee to an Autumn's day?
2003 Aug 27Pole Bank FripperyThe long haul to Christmas has started today
2000 May 18Polemic PolarityHamstrung by a woollen noose
2003 Aug 14Pollyanna Has Mugged MeLike a small child in a candy store
2000 Jan 31Pontifex Caught Under BridgesThough drowning in the vat, I can
2003 Oct 24Poor Child RolandHow he dawdles! Watch the steps
2005 Mar 17Poor Semblance Of Artistic MetaphorsProdigiously attractive
2004 Aug 27Poorly Bohemians After SupperAn escapee from sanity: that's me
2007 Apr 11Pop Goes My Rotten HamsterA dozen spindly orphans
2003 Dec 3Popcorn Of The FrenchWhen tapdancing down the Champs Elysees
2004 Jan 22Porcine Tales By GranddaddyI've got a brand new bathroom
2004 May 17Pork Beam CustardPalpably encoded in the Turing mould
2006 May 30Pork-pie Hatred In StokeI hefted bricks of twenty pounds
1997 Oct 31Possible Idolaters in a Black ThroatIn all my vast concerns
2000 Nov 24Possibly Wasting My DaysLongshot: five apostles
2006 Apr 4Powers That Remain PotentA night of perfect chaos
2003 Sep 24Practise The BirdyAt the crack of day when the baby birds do sing
2003 Nov 5Pray For DinnerAnother web, another fly, another day has wrapped - yet I
1998 Mar 22Prayer Wheel PokerCarpenter's, my only hope,
2004 Nov 29Predicated Upon Juvenile IgnoranceThe bishop, in his water-wig
2004 Jan 14Prefaces Are LovelyLet us be pretentious, erudite, utilizing abstruse references, esoterica
2004 Jan 1Prejudices Coming To Your Local Works CanteenSaid aged King Lear
2005 Sep 27Prematurely ConcludedEnvoi
2003 Aug 4Prey LettersI wandered lonely as a clod
2002 Jul 18Professor Branestawm Finally SuccumbsThis so-called portrait of the Bard
2003 Oct 26Profit and the Usual UmbrageLest we profit from the slides
2004 May 26Profit From JaaaaazzzzzzzzWhen any lowbrow tunesmith offers notes
1997 Dec 14Promising A Macrocosmic DisasterIf Dusseldorf were Dusseldorf
2004 Dec 9Prone To TautologiesOf sacred cows and catered sows
***1998 Oct 22Propose The ImpossibleJemima: take this catapult
1997 Mar 10Proposition (The Metaphysical Routine)The end of the day is not the start of the night
2004 Jul 7Prosperity Falters If Poverty Persists Beyond The BreadlineMeathook
2000 Jan 3Protracted Metrical Hermeneutic FestivitiesAs Christmas nears I lift my pen
1998 Jun 21Protracted, Dreamlike, Hermetic, Peculiar, HelplessIt may have been a Tuesday - the bus was late again
2003 Oct 16Protruding PosteriorThe real derivation of 'prat'
2004 Mar 18Proved Once, Baked TwiceUnshockable, the bailiff's urge
2001 May 17PSSBHe is bald and bespectacled
2003 Sep 16Pub CoquettesDesmond stays at home and does his pretty face
2005 Jan 28Puberty Before BreakfastChastising priests becomes a sport
1998 Dec 11Puberty with CheeseburgerOf course
2003 May 10Pugna PorcorumI put lobsters in her sock drawer
2004 Mar 5Punctuated ParsimonyThere' s no use whining
2003 Aug 25Pure FlounderingHow little do we know ourselves
2004 Jul 8Purse MapsIn the second shopping-trolley
1998 May 17Putresco's WonderingCartwheels begone! From shattered climes
2003 Sep 5Putting the Carthorse Before ZenAt times the truth may not appear the best approach to take
2003 Sep 4Puzzled MonkeyThere once was a Coventry Monkey
2003 Jul 18PyramidsWhen mummies in their sarcophagi
2007 Apr 13Pythagoras or PinterTangents beckon from afar - with mystic hints of tangerine:
1999 Feb 8Quantum Snork Sput SnootingWell bless my soul and clean my boots! I've started a new stanza
2003 Jul 18Quantum WorldPhotons green and neutrons pink
2002 Nov 5Queen Adelaide's Shapely BozosTwas' once the perfect time for wrath,
2004 Aug 27Queen Of The FeathersHer innocence unquestioned, her purity renowned
2004 Jun 3Quenching Their Papyrus Of FilthSaratoga springs eternal
2003 Sep 1Questionable PantheonsSlumberers! Rome is burning all about you
2003 Jul 24Questioning BeforeDid you ever wonder why
2004 Feb 6Questions, Not MoreWhen You've made all Creation in just seven days
2003 Sep 22Quiche SwimIf every boy and every girl
2003 Sep 22Quicksand in My TushYou're my special Dalek
2001 Sep 5Quiet Teatime MomentsThe carrot spoke too sweetly
2004 Jan 12Quietude Is SurrenderAll is quiet; my morning cup of tea is steaming in my hands
***1999 Aug 4QuiteWhy, oh why, oh why, oh why?
2003 Aug 15Quixotic Robot QuestsTeflon starships ply the inky depths
2000 Apr 9Radishes Cloned My Goat!Arabella Spommit had a cat made out of cheese
2003 Oct 1Railing Against SootyI promise not to mention lice
2003 Jul 24Rain is No SubstituteIn shimmering skies the clouds were humming
2004 Jun 1Raindrops Keep Dripping On The PhotoshootAtop the hill the castle stood
2000 May 14Ramsgate Station (1066)When mice attack a quarter-back
2002 Oct 31Raptures of Our Lady BromideLet her curl up and sleep on the railway
***2000 Feb 27Rash Wednesday On The Grim ReeperbahnGive me a whirl on the trampoline dull
2004 Aug 24Raskolnikov Spotless, Adrift Upon OceansJesuitical was his way
1998 Jun 1Raskolnikov's FallenIf night should fall before the deed is done
2003 Nov 6Rather A Pain For The FairyA piece of verse should pierce the soul
2006 Jul 29Ravioli RamblingsThough Cecil balked at Puffy's plan
2004 Aug 25Reaper Without EnvyKaolin
2003 Oct 11Rearward Facing Gum Machines Realise Their Cosmic PurposeAn overpriced player called Rio
1997 Oct 11Reasonable Crimes Of TarpaulinTribal animosity
2004 Feb 4Rebel Angels, Mountain DanceLabouring dismally under a sky
2001 Feb 8Recant Nothing, MartyrsFull fathom five the aardvark lies
2007 Jan 15Recipe For A Very Quiet AirplaneAdd a fraction from the jar
2003 Nov 2Recommendation To Decline Molloy's MeringuesA pound of grease is just the stuff
2000 Oct 25Recriminations Against The Hideous NymphetIn olden days, a glimpse of Hockney
2003 Sep 24Recruitment Drive By The Bogus Snobbery GuardiansHow to swell our number, how increase our ranks?
***2003 Nov 14Recycling GenesisIn the beginning Bob created the woman and the beer
2003 Sep 19Redemption of the RadishesBlossoms the color of bruises
2004 Nov 18Rediscovered UnchangedChoice apples, red or lilac, I now eat
2003 Aug 17Redneck DesignsSouthern Astrological Signs
1998 Apr 3Reduplications overThis confirms
2003 Nov 24Reeling From The Effects Of BeerNinety-nine bottles of beer on the wall
2002 May 13Reflections Behind Closed MindsThe art of interactive verse
2004 Mar 23Refusenik Attitudes Long Considered PasséIs that your usual tone of voice?
1997 Apr 6Regarding Mr SlickChiropracters, anarchists, and sheep
2003 Sep 20Regardless of Their AppearanceThe haiku beckons
2003 Oct 22Regional Railway SensibilitiesMostly air, my lost parade
2003 Jan 9Regurgitate AfreshI ring alarms with my Nan
2003 Oct 17Reinstate War FunYou've seen but a few of my numerous failings
2003 Aug 5Relativity In Guise Of The Moving MoonA small chunky moon drifts or perhaps
2003 Oct 14Relentless KnishesThere was an old lady from Wales
2004 Mar 16Relying On Our Native DiscretionUncle Stalin's on the floor
2005 Jul 20Remedial By AssociationSufferers of synarthrodiae
1999 Jun 17Remember My Helicopter?Never in the history of this our Mother Earth
2003 Jan 29Remembrance of Things PasteurisedThe year was but a few weeks old
1999 Sep 7Renaissance Dental Imperfections GalleryAll right he said, I think I will
2002 Jun 17Repeatedly FocalOld Uncle Tom made a nuclear bomb
2003 Aug 15Replacement Of My Jaundiced PetticoatAnyone asking about apples
1997 Nov 29Requisite TragedyChristopher Robin was captured by those
2002 Oct 22Rescued From My DefectsThere upon the ceiling, in a pattern rich and rare,
2004 Sep 21Reunions That Plato ForgotSelected for his miseries
2003 Jun 24Reveal the Masonic PrudesI heard him curse, I heard him groan
2003 Aug 19Revelations UndergoneShaman footfall
2003 Aug 18RevengeTo those of you who through the years
2002 Mar 20Revenge of the Defecating CutleryCuttlebone, my next of kin
2004 Jan 15Reversed In The Wash Of FortuneCorporation. There we go
2003 Sep 9Revisionist ShenanigansIn my cardboard cardigan
2003 Aug 18RhymeIs the meaning of poetry lost in the ages?
2003 Aug 4Rhyme in PerversityForgive me if I sound perverse
2003 Aug 26Rich Tarts' ApplauseWhen I was young, I was terribly poor
2005 Sep 4Ridicule Enough For CherubimStrong dominion, over whelks,
2003 Oct 10Right Nestled Securely Among WrongOur old friend, haiku
2004 Mar 30Rites For Responsible RaisinsMy cummerbund was missing
2004 Aug 17Robbers Never Stopped Us Before LunchIt started at quarter to one
2003 Oct 23Robert Faked Tough ChoicesThere was an old coot from Zimbabwe
2003 Jun 23Rock HusksVowels with a vengeance invigorate vows
1999 Apr 24Romeo's Disagreeable Collapsible Peregrinations'Festival of shouting!', so barked the trusty swain
1998 Sep 4Romeo's Last Reward (Exodus)The note bore the crest of nobility,
2003 Sep 3Roomy LifeHe spent his life in deep despair and gloom
2005 Nov 14Rorschach FondlingWith sorghum, millet, rice and oats
2002 Jul 30Rotting Icebergs, Sketched by ProustTo tear the grimy Gospel
***2000 Apr 10Round/ArabesqueDo not cry, my darling, do not cry
***2004 May 25Rubbish-tip TopThe moving pencil writes and, having writ, it breaks
2003 Jul 25Rubicund Mummeriesmummeries cast brightly upon lavender sidewalks
2003 Dec 8Rude FeminismCarol took my G.I. Joe and hitted him with a stick
2003 Nov 15Ruined DreamscapesI had an eerie dream last week
2004 Oct 4Ruinously EnoughAn omission, in the dyke,
2003 Jan 17Rumour PillsLicensed to kill, my dear
2004 Jan 25Rural ConsternationMy sister's just ripped a tractor in two
2004 Aug 11Rustic TangentThe taxidermist's holiday
2006 Jun 16Sacks Of MoonshineOut here in the wasteland
2003 Aug 11Sadly Going Between SeasonsThe empty swing still made arcs
1997 Jun 7Saffron, SaffronI've seen the skull beneath the scone
2004 Sep 3Sages Of Most Definite HopefulnessBehold!
2004 Jul 9Sailor Marinated In NovemberPleiades in yonder sky
1997 Mar 11Saint Nincompoop's AplombI remember, I remember when verses used to scan
2003 Aug 4SamWill Kansas Sam be upset with us when he gets back?
2003 Jan 27Samantha's Sinister Hockey TourMy hermitage, lodged safely on the crag
2003 Jul 18Sanctum InviolateDamned hypocrisy! In truth I hate them all
***2004 Sep 16Satanists With No Desire For Pontifical StripesI bought a thing on ebay
2005 Jun 13Saul Bellow Cloudringed By NymphsIn his Jeans®, stood Jasper Johns
2002 Mar 3Sausage Pouting PicturedEchinacea, oil of rum, it's all the same to us!
1998 Jun 8Sausages in StrangenessA man in blackface wandered into the hall
2004 Apr 29Sausages Stitched LengthwaysThe rats climbed on the rising ship
2004 Aug 19Save Our Dickensian SurrogatesScuttling from clime to clime
2001 Oct 10Saved By The Old Handbags AgainArchitecture! Drifting slow
2003 Dec 5Saying Much, While Keeping SilentHe sponsored a Gonk
2003 Jul 9Scapegoat RanchersWhy isn't tomorrow
2002 Jul 26ScarcelyThe glaciers of Egypt
2002 Apr 2Schrödinger BlueGusts and mists are just the stuff of dreams...
2003 Aug 16Scone ClichésIt's always darkest just before it gets lighter
1998 Jun 23Scouting for MiceStupidity, my carapace
2003 Jul 19Scrapple Lovin'My headcheese does stink
1999 Dec 14Screaming by RoteA random collection of words
2003 Oct 22Screaming for Revenge in the AfterlifeSomething there is that doesn't love a fish
2003 Aug 21Scurvy and VarletsI challenge you now with my swordTo the death! (well I'm really quite bored)
1999 Mar 10Seal CobblersNow, children, gather round, and I will tell you of Old Tom
2001 Aug 10Seaside Hallucination (Felixstowe Docks)The shores of sand stood up and waved
2002 Nov 14Seasons IntemperateIf ever I should leave you, it might as well be now
2003 Jun 23Secret Habitude with MenShe frolicks gaily, like a goat
2003 Oct 29Secretly, in AberdeenA day in the life of...
2004 Jan 16Sector Vector EjectorIn this one thing all others meet
2004 Jul 7Sediment Flying In From The AirfieldTen more miles and we'll be home
2003 Jul 24Seduction Are UsIt is the faintest of sounds
1999 Jan 26SeedsThe seeds of gourds shook,shook,shook!
2004 Jun 21Seegarten Tour For WitsIf it's standing-room only
2006 Mar 29Seeing As We Amuse Your GardenOh raucous bleating
2003 Aug 7Seek the Shade, the SilenceIn a garden of unrestful silence
1997 Jan 22Seemly OnionsA beast with two backs
2005 Oct 25Seldom So FrequentlyGone before its time
2003 Aug 14Semantics AloneAt 4 o'clock on Sunday, with nothing much to do
2004 May 21Semaphore Statements Issued In UrduLet's keep this one simple
2003 Sep 18Semi FrenzyThe smell of camphor; dust motes in the sun;
2004 Jan 29Semicolon FailingsThe scarlet letter, none too soon
2007 Jan 5Semolina and its Would-Be DictionaryWhen my friend, Jarvis, called me 'queer'
2005 Apr 12Send Major WordsworthSaid I to Gus Grissom
1999 Jan 25Sensible NosesA small crimson telephone quivers
2003 Jul 21Separation AthleticMy love is sailing to Toledo
2003 Nov 11SeptuagenariansMuch to my dismay, I turned seventy today
2003 Sep 8Sequoia's LawyersThe sycamore's riposte
***2004 May 21Seven Seasons In RedWas it for this that I sold all my children?
2004 Mar 22Several Chemistry SetsBromide in the afternoon
2003 Oct 1Several Nirvana YearsThis metropolis, this wasteland, these wand'ring souls
2003 Nov 11Several Sporting Opportunities For NorwichWhat makes a lively lunchtime
2002 Nov 19Shake My GarnishLet us go then, you and I,
1998 Oct 3Shakespeare's apparent homily diverts the Thames ferry-menLay thee at my rump, thou contumelious sot
1996 Dec 10Shakespearean TemptationFourteen tubes of toothpaste mark my grave
2003 Oct 15Shaking Like Evaporating MilkmaidsDon't think me ungrateful, but
2003 Nov 7Shaking Moon TeabagThere was a spoonbiller so svelte
2003 Aug 19Shameless? Us?The incredulous bunch, the lot of them all
2002 Sep 23Sharing Lulu's BreakfastGuile ... beyond its main intent,
2001 Dec 13She boilsIn its own bottle
2004 Apr 20She Never Even Saw His Noble BonfireWithout ever eating
2003 Aug 4She Never Surrenders Without A...She is a lady in her heart
2001 Aug 9She Performed BadlyYoung Margaret was a silly girl
2000 May 24She Wasn't Waving But His Trousers WereShe was poor but she was honest
2003 Jul 19She-devils UnrulyHow are you doing, Mr. Slurb?
2004 Sep 17She-men And Domestic AppliancesIf silence is golden, why won't you be quiet?
2003 Feb 5Sheepish AmbitionIf the thought of hope is not enough
2004 May 10Shelley: Drowning Was EnoughThe weight of any bantam
1998 Sep 30Shirley's Dancing Socks (or Ellen's)Socks! My red socks,
2002 Dec 11Shirley, My Wife for a DaySome caged bird squawks
2004 Jan 16Shivering With SharksWhen the mercury plunges to ungodly lows
2006 Mar 8Shogun MarmaladeSveldt in someone's turban
2006 Jun 15Show Me How Verdi Murdered Houdinihis pendulum might make you sneeze
2006 Sep 7Showmen, Their Regrettable LegendTonsils made of plastic
2002 Nov 27ShrivenMost cats repent of all their sins
2001 Jan 21Shutters Fold Tightly Again6 x 6 - from wall to wall
2000 Mar 31Sickening Ogresses Devour OctametersTwice, beneath a battered moon
2004 Dec 15Sidcup Half-rememberedIt's not the custom, nowadays
2002 Sep 10Side-Salad MechanismsAs the world wheels it way around the sky
2003 Aug 20Sigh and SuicideIt's time for a limerick now
2005 Feb 22Sigh No More, LadiesThe Dutch maintain that any eye
2002 Nov 14Sign RiseToffee dipped in chocolate, by the wastrel's hand,
2003 Sep 22Signs Of SorrowsI am sowing hope
2002 Feb 4Silently FabulousGlutinous grist is my dish of the day,
2003 Jul 18Silicon DreamsMy computer's on the blink
2003 Aug 29Silly ClothesMy boots they are not filigree'd
2006 May 31Simulacra Of The Smaller Variety Found In BrightonWhen they talk about Eau de Cologne
2004 Oct 5Since We Are Seldom DecodedCaught in cobwebs, smothered by your love
2002 Nov 22Sing for Switzerland, Salesperson!Blue Degrees or Royal Arch, in time,
2004 Jun 1Sing Soprano Like They're SniffingA venerated halibut consecrated mass
2004 Jun 23Singing For Our Tea In CA whipping-boy
2003 Jul 18Singing the Family SongSimon says, "Slow down, you're movin' too fast"
2006 Feb 16Sirloin Of ThanetGive this custard just one stir
2003 Sep 6Sister Sarah and the Beef PanicWhatcha gonna do when the money runs out?
2003 Dec 3Situtationist FuneralPallbearers of uneven height
2005 Feb 1Sixty-five DegreesIf you squeegee my windshield, I'll scour your pot
2003 Aug 5SkinDoes your skin keep you warm in the night?
2005 Feb 9Skin For Us Those Infidel ShareholdersAn agéd man in green I saw
2001 Dec 7Skywards in Epping's Impenetrable Parkland'I hear you have a speaker-phone'
2000 Sep 11Slander Me!I'm the child of a Red Road skyscraper.
2003 Jul 24Sleep Will Not Be HeardI really need to get some sleep
2003 Oct 16Sleeping Is IgnoranceWhile trudging through the swamp let us endeavor
2007 Mar 28Sleeping is no PhenomenonTinctures of old lead
2001 Nov 12Slice My Sausage Thinly, SamanthaWhen I was young and fancy free
2006 Feb 22Slighted By AngelsBandsaw. Egret. Alpenstock.
2000 Apr 27Slithy Again'Twas brillig and the coach and four
2003 Dec 12Smells Like ParfumCéline, we'll make a fortune if you'll sweat into this vat
2003 Oct 19Smiles Bestow BlessingsLike a snake, your smile stretches
2003 Jul 24Smog OnionsThe smog comes on little rat feet
2004 Aug 6Smudge On A TrumpetI'm not even thinking
2003 Sep 5SneezingArrrrghhh!!!!
2003 Jul 18Snow Slithers UpThe night was dark and stormy
2004 Jan 12Snow WheelsTo those who'd venture off the brink, atop a fold-up scooter,
2007 Apr 13Snow Without DistinctionFrom the swirling coffee-grounds
2003 Nov 20So Let's Not EatThe fridge is lurking in a corner - tempting me to sin
1996 Dec 15Soar, churlish repetiteur!Day breaks like a condor's egg
2003 Aug 25Sobering LaptopT'was but a night on the dell
2006 Jul 6Socialists Challenging A ShutdownA dinghy's captain, fearing wreck
2004 Sep 23Society UmbrellasYour frothy latte burns my tongue
2003 Nov 29Sold For LeatherIt's time to shampoo my peruke
2003 Nov 22Solicitude Is For Featherweight FoolsPlease, my dear, take off your coat
2003 Sep 24Some Poet UnknownMay we address you in verse?
2003 Dec 12Somebody Is RottingIt seemed (to
2004 Mar 30Somehow Somewhere Leads NowhereWould you like to wax my floor?
2003 Dec 23Someone Who For Once Is Not Averse To Changing LanesBespectacled, mustachioed--a man nondescript
2003 Dec 29Something Beyond HymenopteraThe version I favour
2003 Jul 29Something CountsZero was an astronaut
2003 Sep 3Something Sinful For BasildonFinally, the croissant burns
2003 Dec 4Sometimes Almost RoundishPasquale's famously roundish tartan muffled
2004 Feb 19Sometimes Enough Makes SenseThe trampled multitude are free -
2003 Oct 17Songs of Prestigious Bill Giblets, the Whistling TailorI had my shoes shined in Chicago once
2003 Sep 4Sonia Wasn't LostSonia is my name, flirting is my game
***2000 Feb 14SonnetIf the prophets who foretell my life
2000 Feb 15SonnetThis flower that we planted long ago
2001 Jun 3Sonnets Lately DespatchedWhen to the summons of a baker's wife
2004 Apr 11Soprano And UnderSurrendering to something
2003 Dec 14Sorry ExcusesCold, you say?
2004 Feb 5Sorry Lament For Gilded WalletsWhen I consider what my wife has spent
2003 Nov 16Sorry, SausalitoSausalito
2003 Sep 18Sound-Effects for Hitchcock's RailwayThese neatherds know a trick or two
2003 Aug 25Sounds Like the Vampire AbroadThe beating of a distant drum
1998 Jan 20Soup Training - Who Cares?Happy New Year to the burghers of Strood!
2003 Jul 17SoupspoonThree smooth stones near water's edge, gray as everyday
1997 Jun 14South Margin Closed, AlwaysEvery thing hath a beginning
2003 Jul 31Sow SucccessI'm pregnant and I don't know why
2000 Nov 8Spanner HatredNow the fat is in the fire
2000 Jun 14Sparklingly Devoid Of InterestWhat is a thruttock? questioned Sam
2000 Nov 3Spartan Opinions Devour Our SiblingsA pestilence, a nuisance, a wretched waste of time!
2003 Aug 21Spies Seeking Heat in ArabiaClose to the railway, hidden by bushes
1999 Feb 11Spin FriarThe Lady's not for burning
2003 Aug 8Spin Skipper, My AssThere once was a hack called Andrew Gilligan
2003 Jun 5Spin-doctors ConfusedThere's too little gristle and not enough fat
2003 Dec 27Splat Went The Fig Custard FruitcakesKaboom and kerplunk, vavoom and achoo
2003 Nov 1Spooks Like UsOn Halloween lock all your doors
2004 Apr 20Spoon ReceiptSuch is the demon's lot
2003 Jul 23SpoonbillrocyTwas jillig and the smirky twerps
2003 Sep 3Spooning the Kielbasa Worse Than MeWhy must you eat the kielbasa?
2003 Nov 7Spoons Succumb To FawkesA stack of broken furniture is set ablaze tonight
2003 Sep 11Spotted CrunchI suggested a title word and the word was this
1998 Dec 16Spray-on Orkney SweaterIn the winter's brutal smile
2003 Oct 7Spread Your Ears Skiffle JunkiesCoughs and sneezes
2007 Jan 11Spurned To GloryLet us now praise famous mounds
1999 Feb 13Squeamish, Mother?Toothpaste is a substance that I readily ingest
2003 Jan 10Squeeze the Glands Beyond Table MannersThere's nothing so original
2000 Nov 7Squeezing Another's PocketThere's no adventure that's too fanciful
2007 Feb 12Squid DivinityProem, poem, words of praise -
2002 Jun 28Squirrel-bitten, the Similes DecayMy love is like a rushing stream, of vigour full and free,
***1999 Dec 1Stacy's Fading CardiganThe autumn leaves
2004 Jul 9Staff Barbecue For Hygienic ElvesPleonastic bunkers that the empire built
***1998 Nov 21Stale Toffees Know NothingHis feet are larger than the sea
2001 Dec 12Stanley Knife, Solid FleshAlone
2001 Dec 30Stapling Matilda (Augustinian Ballade)Poet slain with paper knife
2003 Jul 26Starfish FootwearIf starfish wore shoes
2003 Sep 27Start The Timeclock EarlierFriday evening's nearly here
2005 Jul 12Starting Northwards, In No Uncertain ProtocolA Singer of Rats was elected
2004 Oct 11State-side TransmissionsThese distinctions, in the dark,
2005 Jan 15Stealth For Newfound CheesesBroad pretensions, on the board-walk,
2006 Jun 21Steam CalendarSt. Swithin's Day? Is that in May?
2003 Aug 17Steel Safari of Red RiversSaid the zebra to the lion, "Why in heaven are you cryin'?"
2004 Jun 16Stewed Sea-weed, Nothing MorePip, as a boy, the marshes trod
2005 Feb 21Still, Inkpots Leave StainsWill you be f***ing p***ed if I use asterisks?
2003 Aug 4StinkyStinkbombs here and stinkbombs there
2003 Jul 23Stinky Feet(haiku) I think your feet stink
2002 Jul 26Stolen From Steel Factory SirensThe skies were heavy as an ounce of osmium,
2001 Dec 10Stolen Kissograms in KetchupSuch is cockaleekie,
2000 Mar 15Stolen: Orville, My Disgusting DonkeyQuandary, a quandary,
2003 Aug 20StopA poem sat, neglected, unloved
2003 Dec 6Stop Playing Tiddlywinks When I'm WatchingOn the plains of Andalucia, I met a honking horse
2003 Aug 6Store Your SmilesThe store was stocked with many things
2000 Nov 25Stories, Confabulations and TearsBright she was
2003 Aug 29Storm the Language Barricade!Latin died and Gaelic's not so well
2003 Oct 2Straight Forwardtiny
2003 Sep 19Strange Bits Of FilthKansas Sam's brain overheated
2003 Aug 5Strange StretchedLife passes by at a thousand miles an hour
2001 May 24Stravinksy in Sidcup: Untimely MinuetIf saints are souls with greater spirit
2000 Dec 9Stroll Across The PierWhen Sullivan was just a lad, his father went to see
2004 Sep 16Stuff Your Turkey And Grab A Second Chance For RedemptionI see you bought a pair of saddle shoes
2000 Aug 3Stuffed PetsFill up my brazen pockets with the water of the Loire
2002 Aug 16Stupid PolarThe rain it raineth every day
2004 Jun 25Subliminal Telemetry WastedA muse might amuse us
2004 Mar 23Subtle With Hotdogs'Here are the gum-boots you ordered, madam!'
1999 Dec 24Subtle, Said the MaggotsSpent moons bestrew th'empyrean
2005 Sep 20Subway Tools AgainLucy Skeaping, queen of myst'ry,
2003 Dec 21Subzero IgloosA frozen smile has crossed her sullen face
2003 May 15Succulent RetchingComplacent as the Minotaur
2006 Jan 8Such Conditions As Warrant Swift Kickings By MagistratesYour claws, My Dear, are half your charm
2006 Jul 28Such Gravitas Is WastedAgain, at the cathedral
2000 Jan 15Such Lucky WickednessFortune fattens the brave
2003 Nov 7Suck The WonderI wonder did you dance a Latin dance?
2000 Apr 4Suction By Toothsome LipBy dressing up in surgeon's robes
1999 Nov 18SudsThe main thing to remember about hunting with a fish
2000 Feb 7Sugar Hates Recollections'Handle not the lesser fruit!', so spake the chieftain bold,
1999 Mar 6Sugared Death WatchingA simple thought occured today, entirely on its' own
2004 Aug 25Sugary Benisons During WalpurgisnachtIn conclusion, blessed child,
2001 Jan 11Sunday, We ConfessA monstrous sneeze assails the ears
2000 Dec 22Sundial ShinesHow about this new departure:
2003 Dec 13Sundry Things Spread ThinlyOnce a brave Sultana
2003 Aug 22Superhighway Of DiscontentCyberspace is crumbling
2000 May 11Surely it behoves us to grant...In Istanbul
2002 Nov 6Surlaw Sha'n't Contribute Veterinary VouchersPerhaps I'm not so odd
1997 Jul 30Surplus PenguinsBurn my Waiting-List
2004 May 9Surprise DentistryAt a quarter past one on the fifteenth of May
2001 Jul 27Surprise EndingA lamb-chop once asked me
2004 Mar 1Surprise Me LessThe trunk in the attic held something amazing
2004 Jul 27Swedish Substitute For Previously Contaminated DessertSpeciously, you are so fine!
2003 Sep 3Sweet Global SoupAcross the time-zones, rhymesters meet
2002 Nov 29Swimming for PilgrimsWhat cloud through yonder window frowns?
2003 Nov 19Swimming Upstream For Several RhymesQuietly humming his favourite tune,
***1997 Dec 28Swimming While DrownedWho were the Bewlay Sisters
2003 Jun 16Swinging the TarzanThey trained me, from mine early years
1997 Mar 2Swooping Ono DelightThis is an ode to all things past,
2004 Aug 11Syllabub ProverbsThe lumps one sometimes finds in cream
2001 Jan 1Symphony Buttocks With Apricot OrchestraToast Christmas dog
2003 Aug 18Synthetic Harmony, Synthetic ReflectionsAnother new poem, now what will it be?
2005 Feb 3Systemic GoudaStale cheese croutons in my jar
2004 Jan 14Tabletop HeirsI've never hit a man I didn't like
2001 May 9Tadpoles of DoomRemember me when I am dead,
2003 Nov 24Tale Of Municipal RibaldryWhat strange goings-on have there been in this town
1999 Jan 11Tales for the Dogmatical NursemaidThe unicorn, though custom deems it myth,
2004 Mar 31Tales Of Someone Taller Than ExpectedTell me, O Wanderer, whom do you seek?
2004 Jan 12Talisman TesticleYou can't take it with you - or so I've been told
2004 Jul 21Taller Despite AppearancesThe short-cuts that Yevgeny likes
2005 Jul 30Tantric DiagramsThe empty vest had seen some times
1997 Apr 29Tapioca MouthwashOutrage at the orthodox
1999 Aug 30Tarantula Flakes Ripped my EarlobeWhat is the point if one lacks the finish ?
2004 Feb 21Tardy Wishes For Sweethearts And CriticsYour valentine was late arriving, the message rather sappy
2003 Aug 19Tarragon PigletsHeaven-sent sixpence, platypus pie
2005 Jul 25Tartlets In CustardyBlesséd fragrance, of the Nile,
2003 Aug 12Taxes, AlwaysTaxes, levies, tithes, and tariffs
2003 Jul 30Tea Calms, Warmth InvadesMy tea warms my hands
2003 Nov 11Tea With CartoonsBetween the kettle and the cot
2004 Jul 12Tea-room TrumperyCatachresis in the crypt
2005 May 17Tears Before TonsilsLethal injection, on the tide,
2002 Oct 22Telephone in a Wishing WellI woke up this morning as blue as your eyes
2001 Nov 1Television Penis DisenfranchisementBorn with magic pubic hair
2003 Jun 22Telling Tales of Mother's BullseyeYou shouldn't keep an apple
2000 Dec 16Tempestuous Trousers of ThracePut yourself in your neighbour's shoes
1999 Feb 3Tenacious LoipA harsh law, or an honest law?
2002 Dec 9Tendencies (Lapsed)Who pollutes the Muses
2003 Mar 28Tendentious ReassurancesAnother thousand syllables
2004 Jul 16Tennis Balls Striking Us ForciblyI never will get over
2001 Jun 19Tennyson's Elbow TransplantI glanced upon your book last night -
2002 Apr 19Tennyson's Untreated Butane Vat Goes WhooshCome into the garden, John, for the dark bat night has teeth
2000 Oct 16Tents Erected in Plymouth Sound'Give me the buzz!' I shrieked in blunt Welsh
1997 Mar 2Territorial Seas RevisitedNo, Man IS an island
2003 Jun 21Test Our Mutual Felicity with UnguentsHis brain slightly mangled from mid-term exams
2002 Jun 11Testimonial for Pier Café RaidersLong, long ago, in old Tashkent
2006 Jun 11Testimonial Of UnrestA song for hake, an anthem, ho!
2003 Sep 24Texted EvolutionWtih frsit and lsat ltteer in palce, it's siad any wrod can be raed
2007 Mar 17That Final CatheterWhy not howl at Saturn?
2003 Oct 23That LaterLong and short: Venus emits gas at sunrise
2003 Aug 20That Memory of No-OneMy eyes have grown too tired for seeing
2004 Jan 2That Otherwise Fruitful HumanityWhere has haiku gone?
2003 Sep 23That Superficial SniperHe snaps his fingers with such authority
2000 Jun 6That's That Over WithIn the beginning was the Herd:
2002 May 16That's the Ticket!A Hindu Deity is often blessed
2003 Jul 19Thaw(haiku) Little lips and toes
1998 May 2The "Don't Bother Me" ParadoxShe came at dawn and slit my throat
2003 Nov 10The Abandoned Soup MolestorsThe soup is rather thick today
2003 Jul 18The Ageless Golden FleeceMy buddy, Moe, is getting old
***1997 Dec 9The Alchemist's CrusadeIf all the world were turpentine
2003 Nov 23The Allure Is Fortunately PassingWhen I was only seventeen, I fell in love with a Gypsy queen
2005 Feb 22The Alphabet Artfully Reconstructed From BedspringsAwake! Before the porridge starts to burn!
2003 Aug 11The Alphabet Tastes Best ColdAngry aged alsations
2003 Nov 17The Anagrams Of Our Jumbled SelvesCompose a line: especial moon
2003 Nov 22The Ancient Dreams Of KenAgainst a sky of brooding green
2003 Oct 14The Apologetic PolkaEscape these shores I must, and head for foreign soil
2002 May 20The Apostle Paul Ate Our Show DogsI gorge a slow caramel,
2004 Nov 17The Approach Of Suicidal RobotsThe telecon went on and on
2003 Sep 26The Authors of Unsettled RemainsOn Spoonbill we all write in verse
2003 Oct 2The Backwards TimeMyself when young did eagerly frequent
***1999 Mar 20The Ballad of Archibald SidewaysThe Ballad of Archibald Sideways
2000 Dec 18The Ballad of the Blocked ToiletsShe wandered through the garden fence
2003 Aug 5The Best GuestsWith operatic splendour did the door-bell sweetly chime
1997 Dec 21The Bethlehem MagnetometerWhen skies are grey, the darkest thought
2004 Feb 10The Better To Infiltrate Someone's AffectionsI never saw you in a dream
2004 Feb 29The Birdbath EmbargoHere in Munich's age-old centre
2003 Jul 26The Bitter End (Alas I Died Homeless)Alas! Oy vey! My tires are flat
2006 Sep 8The Blanched Almonds of HobokenThe pool beneath the breakfast hall
2002 Jan 3The Blood Line of Blandishment CastleThe Welder was welding as never before
2003 Sep 5The Bob Job MurdersI once had an uncle named Bob
2004 Jun 27The Braunschmidt TransponderPalimpsest of things divine
2003 Aug 29The Burlington Commuter BluesThe wrong kind of sun, the wrong kind of snow
2000 Apr 4The Cakes, The KnifeArabella Spommit was a temptress, all allure;
2000 Apr 17The Callously-Burnt MarathonLike this sample of elation
2006 Jun 29The Caretaker Who Cried WolfWhen once I bumped a smallish man
2003 Nov 16The Cauldron That Foils Such Weaklings As UsI see your hoof prints on the stairs
2006 Sep 26The Cauliflower NuisanceDemanding menace with a payment,
1997 Feb 8The Cherry ChallengeWoodworm! Spare that tray
2005 Jan 27The Christmas MilkmenAnd here are the pictures
2003 Sep 9The Chrysostom CathedralChrysostom ... wasn't he the saint
2003 Sep 20The Circling Saucers Of SiriusMy little pal never leaves me
2002 Apr 18The Circumference SpoonJack of the desperate moments
2003 Sep 5The Circus Elephant BluesMy tutu's not starched and my toe shoes are scuffed
2004 Jan 21The Comma Which CausesLet's desist, this time, from writing trash,
2003 Sep 26The Copy-Cat StutterThe miscreant potato
2004 Jan 22The Cork CoffinsThis message to the nearly dead
2000 Jan 10The Cracked OmnipotenceTrim
2003 Oct 26The Cronyism of SongbirdsSmells like you're frying bologna
2005 Jan 11The Crooner Under CoverWay down upon the Swanee River
2004 Apr 15The Danish WordThe lonely Swedish man
2006 Mar 14The Death Wish ListWhen Doomsday comes, where will you be?
2004 Aug 31The Deepest, Darkest Regions Inside My ColonWhenever I go for a smoke
2004 Jul 2The Denouement Of VermicelliThe blank screen gazes remorselessly back
2004 Jan 21The Dimmer-Switch DiseaseJeeze, I can't find my knees
2000 Mar 11The Dismembered ThumbsBefore taking part in this scandalous hoax
2002 Mar 5The Dockland ProxyThe caramel wafer was tempting and thin:
2003 Apr 30The Doctrine of GigglingI've long held a theory that Seuss ain't no doc
2003 Oct 9The Dreaded Chair GangThe sly London chair gang is at it again
2001 Oct 7The Duplicitous Dumpling'Cusp' she spelt
1997 May 28The Eagle FallenOctopus, the raven-haired
2003 Sep 19The Effervescent DigestIf I ever went to Athens
2003 Oct 1The Elemental BlimeyA wistful moment
2003 Aug 26The Embroidered GorgonzolaTeapots singing in the rain
2003 Aug 5The End of a Shrewd HeroineThere once was a cold winter knight
2001 Jan 12The EnslavedI just can't help thinking of you
1999 Dec 26The Equilibrium RanklesLet's not add another word
1999 Aug 20The Etiquette of Hogwash CountryOnce upon a golden morn
2004 Jan 19The Everlasting PetsMy cat is too fat
2003 Sep 10The Exorcism of All LimericksThere was an old hag from New York
2007 Jan 22The Fifth Vatican InnuendoOh Wally! Won't you start your car,
2005 Oct 13The Final AcornFrom Sparta to Spain
2002 May 13The Firmament ThroughoutThe south of France is not a place
2003 Sep 30The First Cyborg WhoreRosie was a robot made of steel
2003 Oct 2The Flawed, But Somehow Delightful VacationLet us retire to France
2003 Nov 24The Food Of MinotaursI hear that you like pepperoni
2004 Jun 29The Fourth Alibi From The LeftOh blessed fragment of the foam
2004 Jul 6The Fragile SteelSo easy to upset her
2003 Nov 7The Frenchified ArrogantWhen pigs grow wings and cows speak French
2003 Oct 23The Frequency for Repaginated LadiesPersephone once said to me
2005 Feb 16The Frictionless Vol-au-ventThis is now
2003 Nov 23The Frozen Meow"I must remove that oil stain" muttered the piebald rat
1996 Dec 24The Furnishing Witches, or Lucy's Festive WagerWit of pig and limb of bat
2004 Jan 17The Georgian SilhouettesDo not single out the fat for taking too much space
2004 Jan 8The Giant Eyes Of FriendshipDon't take offence at what I say,
2003 Sep 26The Global Hegemony of You and YoursUne nuit foncée et orageuse
2003 Aug 29The Gnomes Who RollOnce upon a time, in a country faraway
2003 Nov 18The Gods Of My Great GrandfatherBegin again: restart anew
2002 Jan 28The Gorse SandwichGloag by name, Gloag by nature;
2003 Sep 24The Gospel of Even NumbersMy only brush with India
2006 Feb 11The Great CriticsE wrote slowly, R wrote fast
2003 Aug 25The Great FussI was fishing one day on the pier
2004 Feb 18The Great RoarThe lion's the king of the beasts
2003 Dec 7The Great White Blancmange Of GodClutched against her breast
2003 Oct 22The Halibut Swears To AttackMajestic as a pikestaff was old Jim,
2005 Jan 18The Hegemony Which Everybody ScornsOne before the turning
1999 Feb 8The Helicopter's PlenitudeTriceratops, my maiden aunt
1999 Nov 23The Herrings' Adieu (Striding Akimbo)Mortar, crust of lies
2003 Oct 12The High WhatI want to do to you, what the spring does to the trees
2003 Sep 19The Hoity-Toity EnvelopesThere was a young painter from Maine
2003 Sep 5The Holiest GlueReligions I am Considering Joining
1997 Dec 17The Hopeless Love ClientsOne Phoenix, hankering for love
2003 Jul 22The Hopscotches are GrowlingThe Creature wouldn't seem so bad if only he spoke clearly
2003 Aug 11The Horizons of RenewalWe have waited for a new beginning
2004 Dec 9The Hurricane That Tore Our Beloved Condominium From Its Very FoundationBehind the bandstand, when we dared
2003 Nov 18The Ill-drained ThreesomeIn the evening came the cycles
1997 May 12The Implacable SyphonThe shadow cabinet-maker
2003 Aug 27The Innocent Murder of FireI see the walking dead, the fire in their eyes
2003 Sep 25The Intent Of NosesAttend the tale of Jack the Lad
2005 Nov 23The Interplanetary Concavity Is How DeepGood Men, our good ship's run aground
2004 Oct 14The Jurisprudence Of Aquatic Creaturesthe egret watched the passing ship
2004 Jun 25The Kiss CabinThis mouth of salt
***1999 Oct 16The Knight who Rode a Goat to BarcelonaBefore the porcupine descends
1998 Nov 26The Labyrinthine CityCanterbury? No, it does
2002 Aug 5The Lament of my Square Informal TusksThe sergeant sighed as his steely gaze
2004 Aug 27The Least Suspicious ConcertinaA drooping, stealthful melody
1999 Apr 5The Leather Ambulance CrumblesBy dint of subtle mime
2006 May 31The Legend Of The SphereI'll tell you the tale of a boy from the East
2006 Aug 15The Lesson Of Days Before TuesdayThere's a red house over yonder
***1999 Feb 9The Lewd Mouths SquealCarnivores, despite the laws
1996 Dec 27The Lilliputan Comb'"Inertia"? What a charming name!'
2003 Jul 24The Long ThinDispense with long narration
2006 Jun 20The Lost BanterThou, pollen, art my nemesis
2005 Nov 16The Lost Macduff Reforms In ElyHis cranium, by some accounts
2003 Jul 18The Lycanthropes Are Eternally Grateful For Your Cooperation In These Matters OfPreposterous! She cried
2003 Nov 6The Makeup TrowelNever have I seen a more delightful face than yours
2000 Jan 7The Margarine Heart-ThrobThis divan whereupon I lie
2002 Apr 11The Maritime SuctionOn this desolate beach, a lost trinket
***2002 Jul 24The Mark of Uncertainty (Improbable Thumbprint)If you can hold a tune, when all around
2003 Sep 24The Meagre Friend of JugsNewbie, newbisti, newbit
2004 Dec 10The Mean Spirit Inside My FrogToasting bread is rarely easy
2003 Aug 23The Meatloaf SerenadeWith faltering steps Alonso reached the summit
2003 Nov 12The Metallic AllegoryGolden apples in a silver bowl
***2000 Feb 13The Minotaur's Preserved TearsFrugal the frog
2003 Jun 23The MistakeI heard him curse, I heard him groan
1998 Feb 9The Moon Promises My Friend an ApricotBind me to a broken bench
2003 Sep 16The Moon So Subtly FlyingOnce I flew to the moon, my wings dripped gold and blue
2003 Nov 12The Moon That Howled, "Donald!"The moon shone bright on that surly night
2004 Sep 18The Morsel Of ReasonRare confection - of delight!
2003 Nov 18The Most Rewarding Kind Of ExercisePut it off until tomorrow
2003 Dec 19The Mundane Factory BluesNumber ninety-seven was a worker at the plant
1997 Mar 15The Mushroom AntipopeHis terror of fruit was a virtue
1998 Jun 7The mystified Walrus constructionUnpredictable grammar,
2007 Feb 26The Nephews of LeonardI'd heard of Silas Marner
2004 Nov 16The Newest HelmetYou can't complain
2003 Sep 2The Night Match (Unseen Sisters)Simple sisters in the sunlight
2004 Feb 8The Oast-House SymposiumIt moves an inch a minute
2002 Jan 15The Oboe OmelettesIn the mountains outside Swindon
2002 Aug 21The Obverse EquivalentThe dark cathedral shivers
2003 Jun 19The Ocelot TiradeRespectable he's surely not
1997 Oct 28The One Incorruptible Servomechanism (The Princes' Mile)Fancy Wills and Harry,
2003 Nov 23The Ontological Rabbit-hutchComparisons are odious, it has been said,
2004 Aug 20The Operatic LifeI had a fish named Rusty
2003 Aug 15The OverThey say the power has just gone out
2001 Aug 9The Oyster IntervalIn the palace of my mind, a lonely spirit walks.
2003 Aug 26The Page is a CubeLike a russian doll, or perhaps an onion
1997 Sep 18The Pan Holds Mixed CroutonsThe doctrine of a shining spoon
2004 Jul 8The Parliamentary Parsley SupplierPeel an onion? - for a jape?
2003 Jun 24The Pastry CupsHow noble is the nobleman
2003 Oct 17The Pennyweight SauceA pennyweight of muskets scattered on the dock
2003 Jul 18The Perpetual Unloved TurtlesThe Hamptons are green this time of year.
2003 Aug 26The Popemobile In EscrowI have it in mind to purchase a pie
2003 Sep 12The Premise for My Jellybean GuidelinesSleep eludes me now
2003 Oct 1The Pretentious Structures For Tasting My OeuvreAt Halifax, the Muses gather round
2003 Sep 29The Progenitors Served ThemWhen our pets outlive their use
2003 Nov 29The Proper ToesA man with a prong on his nose
2006 Mar 9The Protective Turnip, Terrified Of Nightmares, Is Already Failing Under My TutelageI had a date with a girl named Fred
2003 Aug 3The Providence NetworksThistly waysides line the primrose path of dalliance
2000 May 22The Puissance In American AdverbsThe cake of opportunity must be eaten whilst it's fresh
2003 Sep 25The Queen Of All ChagrinOne bright September morning, the sky a crystal blue
***1997 Feb 13The QuestionIn front of a crowd of reliable hens
2003 Aug 5The Quirky Quiver (Haiku)Snow falls, cold winds blow
2005 Sep 8The Railway Couplet DetectedFrom the bottom of my foot
2002 Jan 9The Reborn Tuna Despair for Mayonnaise'Twas on a moonsoaked midnight
2003 Aug 18The RevolutionThe desert sands are sleeping tonight
2004 Jul 7The Right Lunar Terrace ConceptThese pronouncements, from the moon, were made in dead of night:
2004 Jan 24The Rite For Pipkin BreezesIf I could dance like Fred Austere
2005 Jul 5The Sanskrit Kirk RailingsJust a taste of sunshine
2005 Aug 12The Shark-infested HandbagBetrayed by movements in the dark
2003 Dec 29The Shown Tear Of A CloudbusterI'd rest, if I could, but a holiday's on
2003 Jul 21The Snoring SombrerosI've never known a munchkin like you, Nadine.
2004 Sep 8The Snowman Assassinated By Fibreglass MittensA limerick written by me
2005 Aug 8The Stranger ButlerThe end is the beginning, subtly changed
2000 Dec 5The Strangler Ripped Asunder, AsunderPerhaps a Lithuanian
2002 Nov 12The Submarine HorizonsA biscuit and a cup of tea
2000 Feb 3The Sun WolfIn the tallest tree
2003 Sep 24The Sun-Drenched ArcticNot my muscle!
2000 Feb 2The Superlunary HairdryerMy skeleton, in bony dreams
2006 Sep 6The Surplus Blondes In SwindonThis poem is dedicated to the memory of Marmaduke Apsley
1998 Feb 15The swarthy Wellington-bootWhen nights draw in, and pubs resound with tales of Arthur's deeds
2004 Jul 2The Tale Of Squabbling ArchangelsAt first, it seemed an ordinary day
2005 Oct 23The Tartan Cow TrapThere was a young man from Nantucket
2004 Sep 1The Things That Are Caramelized By MoonlightImagine there were jungles on the moon
2003 Aug 26The Thong Is What PosesUnderneath a mountain, in a dark secluded cave
***1998 Jan 4The Throat EffectGorgonzola partridge
2006 Jun 9The Thursday MatineeNo lack of contentious divisions
2003 Sep 25The Tidal Sound of Deflated SoulsThe river was breaking its bank
2000 Jun 7The Tomato Points WestI like carrots in the spring-time
2000 Mar 18The Tribunal of ParadoxesYour words will be remembered through the years
2003 Sep 18The Trouser Leg of HellI have measured out my life with tablespoons
2001 Feb 2The Truth Beyond GingerWhipping in ocean tides and winds of the Sicak peninsula
2003 Nov 12The Ultimate Sob StoryThe squash, I fear, is overcooked
1997 Jan 24The Uneasiness Of MotivesThey also serve who wait there to return
2004 Jul 2The Universe Eyed From The Back RowLeonardo da Vinci
2004 Jan 7The UnkemptHer face was blanched, her eyes aglow; the sky was gauzy, rent
1999 May 7The Unseen ChillThe 'Spoonbill Chill' hung over the land
2003 Nov 3The Unwanted HaikuI hate raking leaves
2004 May 18The Very OuchPut me through the paper shredder
2002 Oct 4The Victorian PhilistinesThe entire world is as a foreign place
2003 Nov 18The Virginal Chorus Sings AlleluiaHer clavicle was something to behold
2003 Sep 19The Walks of Soul SistersI have seen this place before
2001 Oct 5The Warped Toboggan (Auden Medal Awarded Posthumouly)In the burrows of the Nightmare
2006 May 15The Weather Of Mine HeartCatch 22
2000 Jan 14The Whatsit, EvermoreTime stands still; the bullet hangs in the air
2003 Sep 23The Wickedness of LuxorThere once was an arrogant Pharaoh
2000 Feb 19The Yellow Singing TurncoatsInflamed by passion and a touch of flu
2003 Jul 26The Yellow SofaTommy, where is my yellow scarf?
2004 Jul 14The Zimmer-frame SocietyEmblematic? Regal? Or a waste of space,
2003 Oct 25Theatre of HeadsThe film was droll, though there were dull stretches
2006 Jan 12Their Original Desk-top MicrophonesIn my ending is my start
***1998 Aug 7Theory Comes LaterOne: a sponge, of medium girth
***2003 Jun 21Theory of Everything on TapLucinda' big sister chowed down on plutonium
1997 Dec 19Therapeutic HeresiesIn the field, no break of day
1999 Mar 12Therapists KillHenrietta ate a cake
2001 Aug 16There goes another racing certaintyThis door is alarmed
2004 Sep 2There Once Lived Some Rather Odd BabiesIn a poisoned gondola
2003 Oct 24Therefore I Can Be Repeatedly WoggledI seldom spurl the gaffled zern
2005 Sep 18These Are My DiverseThe stickleback: how, in its prime
2002 Jul 18These are VagariesOh, why solicit further scorn
1999 Jan 22These Fiscal CousinsQuarters
1998 Dec 7These honeycombed facesMarmaduke was searching for the never-ending flute
2004 Jan 28Thesis For A Standard TextSaid the shaman to the showman
2003 Aug 17They AbruptlyJonathan and Mary
2004 Aug 26They AstrayOn coming home at last
2003 Sep 6They Came ThirdDyspeptic Malthusians are roaming about
2006 Jan 14They May Well Abandon ShipKansas Sam, Beefy, Will H, Karin, Grayman et al.
2003 Jul 30They MultiplyYou've learned to tie your shoelaces
2007 Mar 19They Taught Pointless RulesOnto Oban, with a snail,
2000 Nov 25They Vanish Soon EnoughPigmies and penguins like to dance
2003 Oct 16They Who Remove Buttons From Unsuspecting HarlotsLen reported Clara to the fashion commissar
2004 Nov 29Things Are Annoying EverywhereJust take a breath - we'll sort this out
2003 Dec 3Things Like Cigars"It's coming...like Christmas" they said
2003 Jul 19Things Of The Wild UnknownThe haughty hippotamus spake unto the King:
2003 Aug 7Things Seven Of Pairs Socks Cannot ProvideUNDERPANTS AND BLUCHERS
1999 Dec 14Thinking AllowedI think that I shall never see
2007 Jan 16This Famous Story of SpellingWhere do they go when they're ended
1996 Jun 1This Gastronomical HeadboardI have it in mind to purchase a pie
2003 Jun 18This Goaded PostureYou write sixteen lines, and what do you get?
2004 Dec 21This Is My Third ThumbPlease release me. Let me go
2003 Nov 10This Lame War Mixes Our CementIf I understand you right,
2002 Oct 3This Lunch-Box of FateWhen toast-eating poets have eaten their fill
1999 Apr 7This Pinteresque PortionWeasels ripped my heart out
2002 Oct 28This Way, Lord ByronIt's a long haul to Christmas, a long time to toil
2004 Jun 25Thistle Bow And SawThis poem will be highbrow and clean as a whistle
2003 Jul 17Thoreau ToejamDo mugwumps ever feel the ache
2004 Feb 10Those Poor Breakdancing TripletsThe birth canal has many locks
2003 May 16Those Who Can't DefySo many works, untitled and unsung
2004 Aug 16Those Whose Every Movement CountsI chanced upon a postcard
2000 Nov 19Though Bereft of BlossomColours anniversary
2003 Sep 21Though Tamborines are ComfortingI may have to saddle a horse
2003 Nov 29Thought Of The Mayoral FoolFurtively, a polar bear
1998 Feb 10Thoughts of Poseidon's DaughterEdgily, along the pier
2004 Dec 1Thoughts Of The Tedious Old GraybeardsThis bathing cap, whose time-eroded pleats
2007 Apr 13Three Blonde MiceOff to other hemispheres
2000 May 10Three Dodgy Hamsters, Always Gardening!Tie me to the undergrowth with a length of twine!
2002 Jan 8Three-thousand Tall Blonde PastriesA box of lead, filled up with stones,
2004 Aug 18Through Hooded DreamsShoot off her skin
2003 Sep 16Through the Days of SmoulderingI can barely remember the time
1999 Jan 10Thumbscrews This TimeWhen your boots are filled with brandy
2002 Mar 15Thus Spake the Dingo BakerA thimble, filled with tepid brine
2004 May 8Thwarted By OccamDon't invade us till the dawn,
2003 Jul 17TickAwake! for midnight at the witching hour
2006 Jun 23Tights For A Prophylactic RailroadI shall not fail to summon you
2003 Nov 12Till Eulenspiegel For AmateursThere never has been a good time
2003 Sep 3Tim the Godfearing ScientistThere once was a boffin called Tim
2003 Jul 17Time and Chance Combine in a Shocking Display of CrudityA masterpiece will now unfold
2003 Jul 8Time and Four Fantastic SpoonsThe Raiders of Gor had slavegirls galore and kept them all in chains
2003 Aug 7Time and the WalrusThe moon was shining on the grass
2003 Aug 29Time CalendricDoes anyone look forward to September?
2003 Sep 24Time is Our SinecureWithin this life awakening
2001 Apr 18Time ItselfWe'll try once more before the crash
2003 Sep 17Time or PorcelainI frequently sit on the dunny
2003 Sep 30Times Square DancePiercing sunset with her hand
2004 Jul 7Tin-openers Practising What?Meander into Shropshire, in the old MG,
2003 Jun 21Tinkle Tempest SoldierThe archive of memory refused to stir
2003 Jun 16Tiny ProblemsLike hoarfrost on the juniper
2003 Aug 5Tipi, LivingSam lived in a jerrybuilt sheet-metal tipi.
2006 Feb 14Tithes Before FlamingosIf heebie has jeebies and hocus has pocus
2003 Aug 6Titillate but Don't TouchVersification is such titillation
2003 Jul 19TITLESGOHEREFrancine, are you here?
2000 Dec 25Titograd Cathedral, Fatuous In DefeatWaltzing through the alley-way
2003 Oct 29Tmesis HellI like to spoon-bloody-bill,
2005 Nov 15To Any Passing CriticIn opting for a blacker grey
2003 Jul 17To BirdsThe geese were flying high, the ducks
2003 Sep 18To Brother DominoThe money ran out, and I had to leave
1999 Nov 9To Bypass Cartesian NotationLot Seventeen: two lightweight combs
2006 Mar 29To Dissuade Potential ConsumersYou claim that you've heard it before
2006 Mar 10To Haunt Each Dervish DailyI like the cut of your jib and the fact that you always vote lib
2004 Mar 30To Heroic BakeryCrumpets, muffins and baguettes
2000 Jun 13To Hypnotise Badgers Bereft Of DiscretionAcross the hills a cry rang out:
2004 Mar 2To Strive For Dizzying PerfectionTo get into the Hall of Fame
2005 Aug 31To Study All Known ColoniesPleonasms get me down
2000 Apr 10To The GoatherdsWhen asked to choose an Antipope
2004 Aug 5To The Nth DecreeThese brief lines
2004 Mar 16To Your Abiding ToadstoolsA granite sheet does not get crumpled,
2003 Aug 19Today We Are In The MistsIt started out as molecules, swimming in the primal soup
2004 May 25Today's Not LikelyPardon my haste - I really must dash
2003 Sep 21Toes of ParaffinCamille, thou most elegant doorstop
2006 Feb 1Tombola ParkingWhen at night I go to sleep
1997 Jan 12Tomorrow Hardly TryingAbove the burning snow
2003 Jul 23Tonight delights us lovingly, but ...The lamps are lit, the table set, the goose is in the oven
2003 Oct 2Too Soon To ReconnoitreFrozen embryos
2003 Aug 11Too WorseIt was much softer yesterday
2001 Jun 29Tooth Drill In Sandwich TownWhen rank delusion soils the mind
2003 Nov 20ToothyAfter searching high and low, I finally found
2003 Aug 24Topological JamI bought a jar of marmalade, paid quite a little sum
2006 Jun 24Torment Jemima For BotheringMy neighbours, then, the nomads
2005 Sep 14Tossed From Hand To ElbowHer incursions, from the North,
2000 Jul 10Totally Dissimilar Sausages (With Mustard)As I was walking all alone
2004 Dec 10Towards Our Preordained TenementsAs with so many medicinal jokes
2002 Oct 4Towards the Sloping PlanetTo say that he was fat would be
1997 Apr 17Toxic Fishpudding BluesBlue notes pour from the sax in the corner
2004 Jan 30Traditionally Devoted To Artificial PunctuationsHere in Freud's kettle
2006 Jan 11Trampling Your Toes OnMine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord
1997 Apr 26Trans-Atlantic Plagiarism, And The Combustible AlibiTwo doggerels, whelped in one litter
2003 Sep 30Transcribed by Strangers that FloatKeep all new songs as softly sweet as mine
2002 Aug 8Transplant for Triplets (Under Local Anaesthetic)The funny thing is, remarked Smith
2005 Jan 24Trap For Attractive BabesCould you possibly close your sweet mouth as you chew?
2004 Aug 30Travelers That FloatA flibbertigibbet you are, aha!
2003 Jul 26Travelling with SomeoneAnonymously the poems flow
2003 Oct 1Tree UrchinUnder the shedding nose-nut tree
2003 Nov 7Trepidation Is Sometimes AllI find myself washed once more, upon a friendly shore
2003 Sep 25Tribute of the Rather WetI once knew a lady, Francine
2003 Aug 19Tricky Fellow Am IMultiple line submissions
2004 May 10Trios YetNo I never joined in
1999 Jan 7Trip, 15th August 1812The sun had scarcely risen when we started down the lane
2005 Dec 7Troubles Because Of BosomsPuissant were her thighs that night
2002 Oct 10Trouser LeopardFrowsy Frederick did foretell fate,
2003 Jun 17Trout Pox Toast FarmingNow is the moment! Grasp the nettle!
2001 Oct 4Truculent VirtueHere I am and here I'm staying!
2003 Aug 18True Stories but Grossly TruncatedThere once was a man who was purple (world's hardest limerick coming up...)
2003 Sep 5Truly, I Have Subverted YouI can't help but note that your navel is inverted
2000 Jan 6Try Sucking Your Ear Under WaterWhen lightning strikes at midnight
2003 Sep 22Trysting Without ThomasinaIn my borrowed jacket
2003 Oct 23Tsarist Biscuits, Long AgoBorneo in a biscuit-tin
2004 Jan 13Tsunamis Get The SurfersWell! That relief was pretty short
2004 Jan 14Tugged UpAll is quiet; my morning cup of tea is steaming in my hands
2003 Sep 24Tumble Driers of YesteryearWise men have been fooled
2001 May 1Tumbling Kills. Water Falls.Carrie was an acrobat who fell upon her head
2003 Dec 15Tumbling Over The SweetsYour babka, I hear, is delicious. Your cheesecake is second to none.
2002 Jan 22Tundra NightmaresWoolly mammoth, now unravelled
2003 Nov 20Tuppence For The BatteryMarie looked, but saw herself no more,
2000 Jan 22Turbulence in the BelfryRespiration - who's to blame?
2003 Jun 18Turned on by GhostwritersA flock of hungry magpies came
2002 May 27TV Chasm and Clitoral YawningMight I dream once more? Of russet dawns and clouds?
2001 Dec 10Twenty-Three Costermonger High-RoadTwo-ring circus, one horse town
2003 Dec 11Twilight Of A Flaming PieSitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun
2003 Nov 20Twister TokensKen Dodd's dad's dog's dead
2006 Jun 25Two Grebes AdriftYou shall not fail to summon me
2004 Feb 5Two Hands Forwards, Two Peas BackwardsOnce upon a noontime cheery, as I daydreamed hale and hearty,
1998 Feb 10Type-cast TreacheryHow undone as would be seen to show
2002 Jan 15Typist's LamentBloody machine! Why won't it behave?
2003 Sep 9U-Boat BlessingsTrilingualism, once a curse,
2003 Sep 2Ugly SecretsNosy spoonbillers
2003 Nov 24Ultimate DetergentMust you hone your scimitar?
2003 Jul 29Unbidden Answer to Cellular MessageThe telephone is ringing, dear
2004 Feb 15Unblinking AgainAtop my desk, her portrait stared
2003 Jul 20Uncertain(haiku) He spoke haltingly
2007 Jan 22Unchained MaladyInto emporia crammed with grime,
1999 Apr 13Uncivil ArcadeGushing geysers greet the dwan with foam and spume and spray
1999 Apr 15Uncle Gomez's Dinosaur EggsAcres of acrid slime do not make a garden
***2000 Mar 31Uncle Helium Meets His MakerHe was born at a quarter to three
1996 Sep 5Undeniably AwashZernebock howls.
2000 May 29Under the AdriaticIn the darkness of the night
1999 Nov 30Under the auspices of the Mesopotamian tube-station in EppingIn a distant land called Pernia there ruled a mighty Peach
2004 Aug 10Undercover Pastries Lost In SpaceIn every other window
2002 Oct 15Underneath SeattleBazooka? Not in my bit of jungle!
2000 Jun 25Underneath The Forest WallCalypso, on her vaulting-horse
2003 Nov 25Underwater CloudsAborted in its prime
2003 Jul 18UnderwearShe doesn't like my underwear
2000 Nov 23Undo My StartPainting the Register Office
2003 Aug 31Undressing SwineI really must take a shower
1999 Jan 13Unending MitigationRemind me to unwind the clock
2003 Jun 19Uneven RecipeA rushing tide, a rushing tide
1998 Oct 5Unfamiliar Hair-brushes GurgleClothing for the absent mind
2000 Jan 21Unfastening Tycho's Forbidden BraOne has to keep one's end up, after all:
2003 Aug 22Ungentle UrgingsThe rarely recognised conversation
2001 Jan 24Unhappy StampedeNow, here's a story
2003 Jul 20Unhealthy Backlash ClichesI fear my favorite pollywog has indigestion
2007 Jan 29Uniformly BunyanFutility is much admired, by those outside this burgh,
2000 May 3Universal Generalisations Are TiresomeThe chief delight of Roland Rat
2003 Nov 28Universally HorsewhippedVenus and Serena
2001 Nov 16Unknown in Civilised CombatForests crash about my ears
2003 Jan 9Unknown Railway Station BluesPimrod was a snappy lad,
2007 Mar 26Unless Cruel Servitude BeckonsThis lizard, crabbed and taut,
2000 May 16Unless They Get MistressesSweet nymph, though thou art ever im my dreams
2003 Nov 28Unless You're The Household PetAbrasively, your parrot squawks
2002 Jul 24Unlikely Bovine DreamsI sent a message - to an elk?
2005 Oct 16Unlikely Caretaker In KansasWhen Pinter won the Nobel Prize
2003 Sep 24Unlikely Gumdrops from SavannahThere once was a moose from Ontario
2001 May 30Unlikely Spectacles Watch On The Firm'Pine kernels, artichokes, tuna, beef and cheese'
2004 Sep 15Unnecessary Puns As She Grasped Another CupcakeHer eyes are like a cup of tea
2001 Dec 11Unnecessary TitsIn Narnia, the earthworms say,
1999 Jul 5Unpleasant LacunaTo line our wombs with chemicals
1997 May 21Unrealistic CoconutsMerry munchkins mangle macaroons on Mondays
2003 Apr 22Unsaid, UnsaidThe red poem remains unread
2000 Jun 23Unseen Behind Ourselves AgainAway on the heather'd down
2004 Apr 28Unsettled DirectionsFrom the Baltic, travel North
2003 Jul 17UnshornUbiquity is the folly of unshorn llamas
2003 Oct 15Unsightly CheesologyI am filled with remorse, and the reasons are three:
2002 Feb 6Unspeakable Extracts of LouiseRegicide is just killing the King,
2004 Oct 26Unsubtle Songs And Cowboy GemstonesWhen packing bags, it's always best to try
2003 Jul 18UntitledWhy must you tinkle in your pants?
2003 Jul 19UntitledDyspeptic diehards turn me on
2003 Jul 18UntitledHow softly do the dryads hump
2003 Sep 1UntitledThe proof of the rock
2003 Jul 20Untitled(limerick) I knew an old gal from Quebec
2003 Jul 18UntitledBrothels on the hill, tra la
2003 Jul 19UntitledTen pennies, three shillings and a paper clip
2003 Jul 19UntitledFree verse is my favorite form and so I say to you, "Garbanzo"
2003 Jul 19UntitledThese lovely fruit loops in my lap, these hairpins on my dog
2003 Aug 17UntitledCry wolf
2003 Jul 18UntitledHow speckled my rotisserie
2003 Jul 19Untitled(haiku) When once I stood upon
2003 Jul 18UntitledI wish it were true that piggies flew
2003 Jul 18UntitledRemove your babuskha, mister
2003 Jul 19UntitledHeebie jeebies, toil and trouble
2003 Jul 19UntitledCorky has a brand new wife
2003 Jul 19UntitledMy luv is like a red red rose
2003 Aug 13UntitledThere is a secret hidden in the code...
2003 Jul 18UntitledChildren put on your thinking caps
2003 Jul 19UntitledThis is in free verse and I mean to state that always the cambembert is stale
2003 Jul 18UntitledWhat are these glass shards upon the floor?
2003 Jul 19UntitledFrancine can you fix the executioner line to fit the meter?
2003 Aug 15Untitled, Entitled, RetitledUntitled
2003 Jul 23Untold Grinkles do the ZinkWhen grinkles with the morgles bink
1998 Feb 18Unwholesome LodgingsThe opera-house, from half-past one
2004 Jun 24Unworthy Of ScornThis invention makes me sick!
1999 Apr 24Unwound wherries aloftCalesthenic interprobes are launched into the Sun
2005 Jan 9Up In Canada Antlered Creatures Are EverywherePerhaps, your new line will go here.
1997 Mar 23Upon Losing Worlds Of AzureA summer's day, there comes an errant knight
2002 Mar 6Uppity EvidenceNo more peaches! No more cream! I'm off to sail the seas!
2003 Oct 21Upside-Down Cat BluesSometimes I feel I'm going insane
2004 May 17Upstream CandidateHe was singing in Dutch
2004 Apr 20Upstream Into CamberwellSo clumsy, so clumsy
2002 Nov 28Urging My Example SlowlyShe placed the diamond on her toe,
2004 Jan 21Ut Nicotinum Ad Adorum NescientumThe rattle of toys being hurled out of prams
2003 Nov 12Vacancy Is All The RageThis mournful empty space
2001 Jun 27Vacant possession of Chichester Cathedral (Song Cycles)You bled the life from out of his home!
2003 Aug 6Vacation for GingersnapsI took a trip to Ioway
2003 Jul 30Vaccuum Devices Have Undiscovered PotentialI often think that nothing grows so red as a rose where some once Caesar bled.
2000 Mar 31Vacuity's Gin Rots One's Pudenda'Just the place for a Snark!', the Boatman cried
2000 Jun 20Vacuum Cleaners Constructed Entirely Out Of Anabaptist DogmaA rabid armadillo with a beanbag on its head
2003 Nov 10Vanishing Dustbins In DagenhamDisappear into the mist!
2003 Jul 20Vegetables, FranklyYou have disrupted my routine, Mrs. Flugle
2002 Dec 12Venezuelans and Their Hated SistersChristmas gloom is coming soon
2003 Sep 3Verse JusticeAck! My poetic license has been revoked!
1999 Jan 25Very East NinevehBy dint of subtle mime
2001 Aug 17Very FigurativeAdd your own line to the poem
2001 Oct 2Very Old HighlandersAngels in the centrifuge
2005 Apr 21Vestments In Velvet Of MidnightOnly a quarter
2003 Oct 22Vice and ChipsThe world, a fuzzball, a ball of yarn
2006 May 1Vienna In PencilFleeting vision, yesternight,
2001 Oct 7Vindaloo (Abbreviated)I sent my luv a cllphn txt
2004 Nov 29Visions Of Shouting GreengrocersLast night I had the strangest dream
2003 Aug 3Visiting the MortalsIn San Francisco, on the trams
2003 Nov 16Visitors Not DerailedIf it seems too difficult
2004 Mar 23Vladimir's Looted Me CarrotSilently clutching his kite,
2003 Aug 8Vogon Blood MusicOh fratulous wrontings, enfrog me
2003 Jul 17Vogons In LoveSmudge me, I am yours
2003 Jul 24Voices Brokenthe tiny white wheelbarrow, overturned,
2006 Jul 18Void Of Open FineryBeringed, beribboned, clad in silks
2003 Aug 12Void White TruthIt is the blackest of blacks
1996 Jul 1Voluntary PithBarquentine of Arkansas, the dismal oaf here,
2003 Nov 29Voluptuary MeterDusty streets and peeling paint
2005 Oct 31Vongole Al Limone Con FunghiClams are not my favoured dish
1999 May 14Vulva buoyGive me a coin and pass by
2007 Feb 18Vulva Pinxit HincWounded and silently brooding
2003 Dec 11Wahhh! Sob Sniff!Not every poem can please each aesthete
2000 May 15Wake! Capitulate!I had a small Etruscan
1999 Jan 26Walk, don't sniffle and you won't get itWhen I was walking this I saw:
2006 Mar 25Wallpaper For BeaversI found your umbrella
2004 Feb 11Wandering Socks Found WantonWhen JB Priestley, in his bath
2003 Dec 10Wanton Destruction Is AssuredGot any new poems to wreck?
1999 May 26Warriors from EternityI wandered lonely as a nerd
2003 Jul 18Was the...?Every hepcat under heaven
2001 Aug 7Washed and Dried in Time'A ton of prunes, a pickled egg, two muskets and a globe?'
2003 Aug 21Washing Fish In My UnderwearSo when are ya gonna make up yer mind?
2004 May 17Wasted NeedleworkHarrumph, I say
2003 Sep 24Water FingersThe Irish invented the limerick
2004 Dec 11Watery Flapjacks, Damn It!Adam and Eve had reason to grieve
2000 Aug 13Wattle Orb Brie (Summer)Whatever happened to summer?
2000 Apr 12Waves, Water UnderIf you were an ape, what kind would you be?
2003 Nov 5We Are More Free In PlayI'd like to haiku
1998 Aug 12We Build, The Planes ComeUnbroken, unending, the wine-darkened sea
2006 Feb 23We Can All Escape From This HotelClutching and screaming they summoned you hither
2000 Jun 13We Falter, Our Falling Too FacileWhose is the hand that eats my head?
2004 May 21We Flee Toward The Far JourneyIt is time, I think we'd all agree,
2004 Jul 6We Never Boycott OversightsGot a nice new jersey
2004 Aug 27We Penguins Have Closed Supper Clubs ForeverI'm an escapee from sanity
2004 May 18We Sold Our Restaurants In CyprusUpanishads and Vedic verse
2005 Apr 14We Wish You Joy Of HaggisBefore I close this inquest
2003 Sep 19Weary With Strangely Sprung HappinessWe tried our darnedests to succeed
2004 Jul 13Weather-vane WarningBehind the grizzled pine
2000 Jan 29Weathered Wedding: The Empyrean DustIt wasn't my intention to rebuild the world at large
2003 Sep 2Webfooted Drive Through TownOn the night I was headed for townI went out and waved a cab down
2004 Jan 17Weekend Sorrows Melt In AleHappy birthday, Kimberley, let's head off to the bar
2003 Nov 7Weird GardenMisanthropic canteloupes are plotting in the dark
***2005 Jan 11Welcome To DarciDelightful news! An heiress to the line
2004 Aug 27Welcome To The Never-ending SchoolComrade railcar
2004 Jan 26Well-wisher's BrideThe grandpaternity suit
2003 Aug 31Wellington Shining ThroughTelescoping microscopes and shoehorning hornpipes
2005 Jan 20Welsh DittyThere is a tavern in the town
2004 Nov 25Wenceslas Is Square Enough For MostA revolution, velvet-lined,
2002 Nov 27Wenches, Rogues, WrestlersNot spacious, like a blunderbus
2004 Aug 27Westwards In Search Of Undiscovered PastriesDespite his utter shabbiness
1999 Jun 11Wetness, Damp Socks, and PrawnsAlthough our raft is still marooned
2004 Jan 14Wetnurse BurdensI was hired to breastfeed his pups
2003 Aug 21Whackers Are SlackersHotchie-totchie, Liberace
2003 Jul 17Whackerwocky'Twas zillig and the mangrove whips
2003 Jul 19WhackyLapwings on my shoulders, nickels in my purse
2003 Jul 23Whales are Silent WarriorsLittle children, gather 'round and I will tell a tale
2005 Nov 22What A Nefarious Newcomer Might Not Instantly Perceive As Worthwhile Is Often ValuelessDrinking round the clock
2003 Jan 22What Are Flemish Trousers?Astride the edge of any knife
2003 Aug 5What Boils Soot?Whatever shall we do with your Aunt Sadie?
2003 Nov 26What Concerned Us As Free ThinkersTell me the secret
1998 Feb 24WHat Further Unsightly Turbulence Awaits Below?Carmelites! Before we know
1997 Sep 15What if the Princess Can Seem Sentient Without Dissembling?Cardboard
2003 Sep 30What Is Best For EachNine yards matter, when in zoos or farms an unclear sign
1997 Jul 27What is Golden?The curlew trolls to Nell of darkling hay
2003 Aug 22What is Rope?When you look around and realise that naught is what it seems
2006 May 25What Loving EuthanasiaClunk! Whrrrrrrr. Zzzzng.
2003 Nov 7What The Great AreA corset for the cranium
2003 Aug 19What's The Point Of Intermittency?Hello, Beefy, howya doin'?
2003 Aug 8Whatever I May Need in Make BelieveI may be gone a little while
2003 Nov 13Whatever Is WhenWlatsome words were whispered
2003 Dec 9Whatever Is Your PleasureAcross the rolling Irish hills, he rode for Dublin-town
2007 Feb 8Whatsoever It Findeth North of DunfermlineFor the Law was given through Moses
2002 Oct 3Wheezing MatildaWhen I was old, and on my tongue
2003 Aug 18WhenHere stands a giant
2003 Aug 29When a Door is DrunkA healthy meal of beans is the way to start
2003 Jul 28When Ambrosia of the Peppermint...Moonbeams and fairy dust, stardust and ambosia
2005 Sep 9When Caesar FoamedWe danced, in nothing but a hat
2003 Apr 9When Did Gingersnaps Vanish From Human Knowledge?I took a penguin on the tram
2003 Nov 19When Einstein Saw MadonnaElusively, they flit away
2000 Sep 11When Everest Falls SickIf ever there were time for writing poetry, 'tis now
2005 Dec 1When Everything PresupposesI am the Centaur and the sword
2001 Dec 13When hamsters stammerEnough of all this sniping, at the wizards great!
2003 Oct 25When I Glorify the BikeI ride my bike around the house
2003 Dec 12When I SplashSometimes I like to run around in just my underoos
2000 Jun 9When It's WhenAn addictive personality
2007 Feb 28When Leaves TurnSurely she was never real
2006 May 12When London RoseCould it be summer's here?
2003 Aug 3When Mice LustSpeaking of teeth and mice
2004 Oct 14When Nagging Seem Treasonous"Love me or leave me," my girlfriend remarked
2003 Aug 19When Sheep MooWhen spoonbilling, always say "boo!"
2000 Nov 2When Shoes Falter'Bring me a fish with a pear in its mouth!'
1997 May 4When Spoons CollideThe outskirts of Odessa
2005 Jun 3When Talents Droop As FeathersOne day, I hope to play the concertina.
2004 Sep 9When The Final Scone Hovers Above Our Fish-pondPredictably enough
2002 Dec 6When the Spanish AttackWho dares cross the line?
2003 Nov 12When The Wings Are Spread Like MustardIs Haiku passe?
2003 Nov 17When Things DeceiveChamonix, beside the name
2006 Jan 5When This Ends We Shall, TooI sprawl, I sprawl
2000 May 1When We Got Bob Plastered...Now I am old, and in men's eyes I see
***1999 Jan 18When We Reconsider All Our FootstepsMy grandmother told me on one grand occasion
1999 Jan 20When We Were ProteinsIn the warm air
2002 Mar 5When You Dangle Your Sister in AlabasterI wandered lonely, as a clod
2004 Feb 24Whence Cometh Our Whelp With Its Peculiar Outlook?It's not just the hole in the dyke
2001 May 30Whenever Angels Return to HampshireComing back from London Zoo
2002 Apr 28Whenever Sacrifice DemandsSuch anger; incoherent rage
2002 Sep 25Whenever Scant Plenitudes ProvideHe so rotten, she so vain
2005 Jan 28Where Angels Spoonfeed Tiny TotsThis small sachet - take a sniff! -
2002 Dec 27Where are Nelson's Aubergines?I put my trousers in the press
2003 Aug 17Where Computations Love Cabbage SoupAn inauspicious bread-line debut
2003 Sep 17Where Eagles DribblePrivet skirts the aerodrome
2006 Mar 15Where Is It Going To End?My old conveyor belt
2005 Mar 10Wherever Tuesday BluesLittle Jack Horner sat in a corner
1998 Mar 8Whether Lewinsky Swore (Wittgenstein's Homily)The unblessed stranger twisted forth,
2003 Jul 17Whether the DweebsOne summer afternoon, the snow was all around
2002 Jul 24While All Those Has-Beens DanceA brass ring through the eye-lid
2001 Aug 31While Columbus Never BotheredIt's now been raining hereabouts for more than half a year
1999 May 23While I'm Devoid of SyntaxSlowly, slowly crept the maddened fox
2005 Apr 25While Letting Agencies Do Their DamnedestWe pick on them because we know
2004 Aug 25While Parachutes Descend Upon Unsuspecting ParsonsTo build a good business you must
1997 Jan 26Whipped Blood Pudding RegretsI never met a sailor who could sing
***1998 Mar 20Whiskers of AnonymityKeep your vigil - face the facts
2005 Sep 8WhistlesRussell Hoban, king of rhyme,
2002 Jul 10Whistling TortoisesA frond of bracken in the hair
2006 May 11White Hotels, Lakes Ablaze, And Blossoms All FallingMade deaf by the sound of the sea
***1997 Sep 26Who Causes Jetsam?Gulls feed the sky
2004 Apr 14Who Dares GrinsBefore expiring, Genghis said:
1999 Mar 28Who Desecrates the Vector?Make a portrait of King George upon the very sod
2004 Feb 24Who Drank My Sorbet?Blend one part soot and two parts salt
2003 Aug 2Who Hasn't Written Doggerel?!Blank verse is but pretentious prose - discuss
2004 Jul 5Who Knows More Than Folk?To yield without coercion
2005 Nov 10Who Named The CornucopianHere comes Cross-Eyed Sam
1998 Aug 1Who Once was Orson's VampireJudge this breakfast lightly
2006 Feb 10Who Prefers Bedsocks?The little prophets of an idol-king
2007 Feb 14Who Shall Own Nerina PallotNerina Pallot® sings divinely
2001 Oct 5Who to Blame?Would you like to be a Womble?
2003 Sep 22Who Will Have The Lady Over?The sun was not shining the day
***2001 Nov 21Who Will Seldom Live Unseen?Invitation, contradiction, punctuation, wedded bliss
2002 Jan 28Who Wobbles Behind the Arras?Champagne was flowing down the stairs, perhaps.
2003 Nov 28Who Would Right Their Wrongs?Our curls may give a false impression
2003 Aug 26Who's To Absolve the Jersey Stitch?There was a young nun from Hoboken
1997 Aug 18Whoever timely looksI've eaten all the Urals
2004 Jan 20Whom To Enchant?Be glad that Wall Street's closed today
2000 Apr 3Whose Other Stomach?Underneath my Mother Tongue
2000 Oct 3Whose Shift Avoids Whose Pellicule?The grumpy armadillo sat in front of his computer
2003 Aug 20Why Are Doughtnuts Delicious?From my window, I can see
2003 Aug 30Why Death IsTwice I read your will
2003 Aug 7Why do the Spanish Never Use Toasters?I've never met a man I didn't like.
2003 Oct 31Why Do The Unusual? Why Not!Why must you paint your toenails ruby red?
1997 Jun 28Why Force Can Rescue FollyFeeling queasy, turning green
2003 Aug 25Why Forgive?Forgive me if I salivate when Pavlov rings his bell
2003 Aug 25Why is Rain?The rain fell only between the hours of 6 and 7
2003 Sep 23Why Listen?If wishes were horses
2002 Oct 4Why not experience leprosy first-hand?There is deep water everywhere
2003 Dec 30Why Not? Your Knots Do!"Compliments of the season" annoys me beyond reason
2005 Aug 23Why We Ought Not To Bellow Faintly Throughout Our DinnerBetrayed by movements in the dark
2003 Aug 2Why Won't Secrets Reinvigorate our Parakeet?Why won't you tell me
2003 Aug 1Why you never dared tell the Pope about Mother HubbardWhy do you chide me when you could ride me?
2003 Jul 18WienerpomeOur story was unfinished! We had not reached the end
2003 Jul 27Wiggles in SpainThe bubble bath! The bubble bath! I float in pink champagne.
2003 Sep 28Wiggling On SteroidsWhen playing a game of poker with some dogs
2003 Jul 26Will Oceans Devour the Unforeseen Goats?The rains had not come that year
2003 Aug 28Will Scarlett Ruffled Your WhiskersTry not to get your knickers in a knot
2003 Dec 29Windy City IciclesA man must walk down twenty roads
2006 Jan 2Winged Things That Reek Of MyrrhIn dreams of dimes and happenstance
2003 Dec 8Wings Of Men Who WaitThe early morning moon is pale as a chalk daub
2003 Nov 29Wink!I think it's time for a limerick
2006 Feb 28Wise Virgins Stitched In GorgonzolaVanishing by windmills,
2003 Aug 29WishI wish I were a platypus
2003 Jul 27Wish To Be"It wasn't meant to be," the woman sobbed.
2003 Jan 10With Alewife Entwined'My suspenders came from France...', the naughty minx confessed,
2004 Jan 16With Our Dentures Firmly Detached For Whitsuntide'Mr Spaceman, can't I travel,
2003 Aug 23With Suzanne in SwazilandI never thought of leaving home until I met Suzanne
2000 Jan 27Within No Feasible HemisphereWhy, when death inheres within the very egg
2004 Jan 4Without Looking Twice"Wherefore honkest thou," said I, "although in neighing guise?"
1998 Mar 31Witness My Self-important BitumenWhen syrup happens to congeal
2005 Aug 23Wittgenstein TherapyTake parnsip from the heap
2001 Nov 8Wittgenstein's Spare PumaNascent longing, unrecognized, but pure:
1999 Apr 23Wizened Thoughts for Yesterdays' LeakTesseracts were falling as if falling were the rage
2003 Apr 1Woeful EnigmaMy notion of 'A Life of Woe'
2004 Jan 27Womenfolk Taken AbackWhen shifting the permanent way
2004 Jan 26Won't You, Suzanne?I read the rules with some concern
2003 Sep 5Wonders Nobody KnowsDouble-u double-u double-u dot
2001 Feb 22Wood Knot RictusRevival of my former fame
2002 May 20Wood-daemon, Guide Me South!The bittern is a curious bird, according to the sage
2003 Nov 24WoodfiredPizzas spin lazily in the inky depths of space
2003 Jul 19WoofI submit that we are not alone
2003 Aug 21Wooing under the CloudsIneluctably, you woo me. The clouds
2003 Aug 19Words GaloreWords to Live By
2003 Nov 25Words That Fail MOTsPreserve us from another bout
***2004 Jun 1Wordsworth's IntentionOn viewing Chloe's coccyx
2003 Jul 24Work and Homework, my work, i hate my work
***2000 Oct 3World One HundredIf a man shall lack a shoe
2003 Oct 24Worm Turning CircleNobody loses all the time
1999 Dec 24Worse Shame Than Coal-Shovelling TendenciesUncertain and yet, somehow, sure
2003 Nov 16Worse Than Any TitansThe next time you think that
2004 Feb 5Wresting Joy From Daily PicklesA pickle I wanted, and yet that darn lid
2003 Jan 4Xenophobic PoppingBisexual biplanes bifurcating
2003 Sep 5Yammering AgendaMy political agenda:
2004 Jan 14Yeah, Wow, Gollly, Gee, Gasp, Yep, Indeedy, ShucksCome on baby, let's
2004 Sep 6Yeats Upon A ToadstoolParsimony of the heavens
1996 Dec 8Yellow Paris HagsSt Vitus, in his winter robe
2003 Sep 24Yellow Pasty CavalcadeI've heard that folks that are from the U.K.
2006 May 15Yes, Cheese Is EdibleI'm glad to see your back
1997 Oct 7Yes, LongerNow the tyrant knows the truth
2005 Oct 30Yes, Seamstresses, Invisible Stockings For Marriage VowsSo much nicer now
2003 Nov 16Yes, The Very Air Isn't Breatheable Over Our SideI see your shadow on the wall
2003 Jul 18Yesterday Doesn't Go Like ThisYesterday, all my poetry rhymed beautiflay
2003 Oct 15Yesteryear ForgottenBarmy rain lady, why stand in the rain?
2003 Nov 10Yet Never OpensPerfectly embedded in a blue-tooth net
2003 Nov 1Yo-Ho-Ho, Piratical BarnaclesAvast me hearties! Haul away!
2006 Mar 7Yorick And FriendsThe azimuth is past
2003 Aug 17You Are Choking Me With Gloves OnYou are the very air I breathe, my sustenance
2003 Jul 26You can't Have SushiHave you ever dated Lucy?
2003 Aug 3You Cannot Steal DiamonsI cannot help but feel that if only I had
***1999 Dec 24You'll be a Laughing-stock TomorrowAt this festive, glowing season
1997 Aug 29Your Gerbils, My HotelierBefore I sensed this vacuum
2003 Nov 27Your Own Secret BodyA mesomorph, a mesomorph
2003 Aug 28Your PrizeThere is often told a legend of a treasure
1997 Mar 10Your Strict Horses Inhibit My Double RepetitionIt was something to do with marmalade
2004 Nov 16Your Stupid Obsession With Unworldly People-CarriersShe whitewashed me into the corner
2000 Apr 12Your UndoingBy portents, like the sun's eclipse
2006 Sep 1Your Villain In This StyleA superhero needs a cape
2003 Aug 29Yurt OptometristPerpetuating structures: these
1998 Mar 16Z's Bequest (The Gamut)'A' was an Arctic Abacus
2004 May 11Zarathustra Lurking In The Out-trayColossal, in a home-made hat
1999 Jan 22Zen CatfoodCalm throat fortune
2003 Jan 30Zen RootsBalanced calm across the bay
2004 Jul 13Zeppelin Without PageSaid Benk, the lusty bear,
2005 Jan 9Zeppo LamentingEmily and Sally, Kathy and Loureen,
1998 Mar 21Zimmerman's Sour GrapesMy lamp-post charm, my seventh life
1999 May 30Zinc Oxide AlarumWhen Hydrogen confounded Zinc
2004 Nov 4Zoology Students On HolidayMy cat has six claws on her frontmost two paws